Only A Memory

by J. Lea

  “See you …” She chuckles as she pulls a cigarette out her purse and lights it. She takes a couple puffs, watching me writhing on the floor before she flicks the cigarette at me. “Or maybe not,” she finishes and the doors slam shut behind her as she exits. The lock clicks right after. Not long after, the fire alarm goes off. People’s screams of panic as they move toward the exit reach me, but I don’t have the strength to call out for help. I’m disoriented from the fall. The fire is getting bigger by the second, spreading toward me, black smoke fills my nostrils. Why won’t the fire sprinklers activate? It’s hot enough in here for them to turn on.

  My heart is thumping in my chest, sweat running down my back, and the furious pounding in my head is making it hard for me to focus on what to do. Trembling, I scramble to my feet, and stumble to the wall, and start looking for a fire extinguisher or something I could use to put out the fire. But I can’t find anything useful. Sweat blurs my vision, the room starts spinning, or maybe it’s just me. I start shaking, bile rising up in my throat as the pain in my head becomes unbearable.

  “Don’t panic, Ev, you don’t have time for it,” I keep telling myself as I stare into the raging flames, but it’s not working. It’s ringing in my ears and pounding in my head. A panic attack is coming like a huge wave, blurring my mind. I start screaming as loudly as my lungs would let me. Dragging myself to the door, I bang on the wood. “Hello! Anyone! Help me!”

  My voice is nothing but whispers at this point as I slide to the floor, darkness taking control.

  “W hat?” I bark into my phone. I can’t find Everly, which is driving me crazy. My phone is constantly buzzing but I didn’t even bother answering, until now. Tina called twice and then Dana. Now Phoenix. “I can’t talk right now.”

  “Make time. I’m on my way to Mi Vida, you should come, too.”

  “Didn’t you say you’ll be gone until after the holidays?” He still has a week of his vacation left.

  “Tina called, she couldn’t get you. Connor, there’s a fire at Mi Vida.” His voice shakes as he breaks the news.

  I stop in my tracks. “What did you just say?” I ask incredulously.

  “Mi Vida’s on fire, I don’t know what happened and the extent of the fire. I’ll be there as soon as possible. Go and check it out.”

  This can’t be happening! I was there not long ago and everything was fine. “I’m on my way.”

  Even though I want to find Everly, I need to see what’s going on at Mi Vida first. Driving there like a maniac, I pray it’s nothing serious. But my hope is crushed the minute I want to drive into the parking lot. It’s full of people, I can’t park anywhere, so I just kill the engine and leave it on the street. There’s a huge fire truck blocking my sight. As soon as I step around it, it’s like my nightmare came to life. A part of Mi Vida is engulfed in raging flames. Firefighters are doing their job, but even if they manage to extinguish it, that part of the club will be ruined. Closing my eyes, I stop thinking about the club and look around myself to look for my employees. Tina stands on the side a few feet away from me, wrapped in a blanket, visibly shaken. I take a relieved breath and run to her.

  “Are you all right?” I give her a hug. “What happened?”

  “Oh, my God, Connor. I’m so happy to see you.” She returns my hug. “I have no idea. The fire alarm suddenly went off. We ushered everybody to the exit and called 911.”

  “Where is everyone? Stacy, Zara, Mark, Tony, Rita?” They are my bartenders and bouncers that were working today.

  “They’re fine. Shaken, but okay.”

  Breathing a sigh of relief, I nod. “What about everyone else?” There were a lot of people inside. I couldn’t forgive myself if someone got hurt.

  She nods. “Yeah. I didn’t see anyone inside, and I was the last one to run out, beside Tony.”

  “Good. That’s good.” Nervously, I tap my foot on the ground as I watch the firefighters control the fire. I want to help them but I know I’ll only be in the way so I force myself to remain in place.

  “We found someone!” My head jerks up. Two firefighters run through the front door, carrying someone. I can’t see well through the crowd but judging by the long hair spilling around the face it’s a woman. “She’s unconscious!”

  Tina and I share a look of dread. “Didn’t you say the place was empty?”

  She nods gingerly, her eyes wide in horror. “I checked, Connor, I swear. Tony did, too. I didn’t see anyone inside,” she assures me, gripping me hard.

  I run a hand through my hair nervously, fidgeting. “Move aside!” I bark as I push through the crowd to get closer. They have the woman by the ambulance on a stretcher, her face covered with the oxygen mask. My gaze drops to the arm hanging from the side, and my breath catches. There are bracelets on her wrist, very familiar bracelets. No, I shake my head. It’s just a coincidence. All women wear bracelets like these, it’s not her, it can’t be her.

  A chill surges through me as I’m getting closer, recognizing the long, blonde hair. “No!” Bumping into people and stepping on their toes, my head is spinning. It’s not her, I keep telling myself. I barely make my way through to the ambulance.

  “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” one of the paramedics calls out in surprise when I stumble into him, trying to get a closer look at the woman, ignoring him.

  Please, don’t let it be her. Please, don’t let it be her.

  “Oh, my God!” I clasp a hand over my gaping mouth as I take in her lifeless body. She doesn’t look like she’s breathing at all, her entire body is covered with ashes. “No! Everly!” My body starts to shake.

  A firefighter stops me, holding me tight, not letting me get closer even though I keep trying to push him away. “Do you know her?”

  “Yes. She’s my girlfriend. Everly Johnson.” She shouldn’t have been inside. She should’ve been safe. Wherever, just not here. The paramedics load her into the ambulance. I need to be with her. I need to go with her. “Let me ride with her,” I plead, “please.” My voice breaks. I need to make sure she’s going to be all right. I can’t lose her. I just can’t.

  “I’ll ask one of my men to drive you there. Can you call someone and let them know where to meet you?”

  I nod helplessly, not able to say more because of the lump in my throat.

  “Dolores!” I exclaim when my mother-in-law rushes in the waiting room. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d stay with Ava.” I’m surprised to see her, but incredibly grateful to have her by my side. I need someone here to keep me busy, otherwise I’ll lose my mind. I called Phoenix to let him know what happened and asked him to come to the hospital. He said he was close by.

  “The neighbor’s daughter volunteered to watch her. I couldn’t just stay home and wait. I was going crazy. How is she?” Her voice is laden with concern while she keeps fidgeting with the straps on her purse.

  “I don’t know, I just got here. Jesus, Dolores,” my voice is thick with emotions. “Everly …” Rubbing my jaw, I sigh. “I didn’t know she was in the club. I thought ...”

  “Shh, it’s okay.” Usually her words calm me, but I have a bad feeling this time, so I just clutch to her tightly and hope for a miracle. “You couldn’t have known. Did you two get into a fight or something? I knew something was wrong the minute you stormed into the house.”

  “Yeah.” My eyes well. “I’m such an idiot. Dana came on to me, and Everly saw us.”

  Dolores gapes.

  “Nothing happened!” I’m quick to assure her. I explain what happened, from when Everly walked in on us to when I saw her lying on the stretcher. “And now we’re here. She needs to be okay. I need to tell her how sorry I am, I need to hold her in my arms again and hug her and kiss her. I’m going to lose my mind if …” I can’t even finish the sentence. And I need to tell her I love her. I never told her that. But I do. I love her with all my heart.

  “Everly’s going to be okay, you’ll see.”

  “I have a bad feeling.” I
hunch my shoulders. “You didn’t see her. She looked so frail, so pale.” So lifeless. I can’t go through this again.

  “Are you Connor Meadows?” Dolores and I turn around in surprise to see three uniformed men standing in front of us.

  “Yes.” I blink. “Can I help you?”

  “We have a few questions concerning the fire in your club. Do you mind?” He gestures next to our seats, asking silently if they can sit.

  Nodding, I pull myself together, taking a deep breath. “How can I help you?” Dolores doesn’t let go of my hand through the entire questioning.

  They introduce, two of them are cops and the other is the fire marshal. After telling me the fire was deliberately set, they start questioning me about the club ownership and the insurance policy Phoenix and I took out for the club. After a couple of minutes, my patience starts to ease off.

  “Why so many questions? You think I’m the one who set the club on fire? That club was my dream.” Taking a breath, my brows draw together. “Why would I do that? Because of insurance money? You’re crazy.” I spring to my feet, fuming with rage. Dolores grips my hand to calm me down.

  “It’s just a part of the procedure, Mr. Meadows. We’re not implying anything, just gathering information. This is a criminal investigation after all, we need all the facts so we can find the culprit. Can you think of anyone who’d be capable of an arson?”

  “I have no idea. You sure someone tried to burn it down? What if there were issues with wiring or something? That would be plausible, wouldn’t it?” Why would someone deliberately set the place on fire? I really don’t get it.

  “The latest evidence suggests that’s not the case.”

  “What evidence?” I snap. If they know anything about this being arson, I sure as hell want to know.

  “Sorry, we can’t disclose any more information at this point.”

  “Because you think it was me?” I snort. “You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s insane.”

  “As he said, the matter is still under investigation. If you have any new information, please contact us.” Stopping me from saying more, the other cop reaches out to shake my hand.

  “Connor.” A few minutes after the investigators leave, Dana rushes toward me, throwing her nasty arms around my shoulders. “I was so worried. Are you all right? I heard what happened. Such tragedy.”

  I clench my teeth, still furious with her. Peeling her off me, I try to stay calm. I don’t know who told her what happened or where to find me, but she’s the last person I want to see at this point.

  “I don’t have time to deal with you now,” I hiss through gritted teeth. Grabbing her by the elbow, I start walking her to the elevator, a clear message that I want her gone. As I walk back to Dolores, she runs after me. “But, Connor, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  “Not now!” I bark.

  “Yes, now!” Her tone matches mine, she sounds impatient. “It’s important. I have something that might interest you.”

  “Why would anything you say interest me at all?”

  “I’m almost certain the fire in Mi Vida wasn’t an accident.” She rummages through the contents of her purse. “Oh, found it.” She takes out her shiny cell.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Well, I listened to Everly’s—”

  “Don’t even fucking say her name!” Pointing a finger at her, I stop her from saying anything else. I’m tired of listening to her excuses.

  “Don’t be a dick. Just listen to me.”

  “Get out!” She’s walking on a tin ice.

  My stern voice makes her jump, but without saying anything else she starts to play some damn recording. First, I try to ignore it, but Everly’s voice is like a patch to my aching heart. I’m assuming she’s talking to Amber. Everly asks her about Christmas and how was the visit with her parents, and then, after a long pause, Everly speaks again.

  “I’m okay, I guess. It’s nice that I’m not alone. Connor and Ava are a good distraction so I don’t think about it too much.”

  My heart breaks when she mentions Ava and me. It makes me wonder if I’ll ever hear her voice again. Then she sighs, as if she were sad.

  “I don’t know. I’ll tell him, just not now. After the holidays, I promise. I actually wanted to do it twice last week but I chickened out. I’m so afraid of his reaction. It’s bad enough I blame myself, but I wouldn’t be able to handle it if he did the same.”

  Blames herself? For what? I assume they aren’t talking about me anymore.

  “More than life itself.” There is so much emotion in her words.

  There is a brief pause before she speaks up.

  “How am I supposed to tell him it’s my fault they’re dead? Tell me! I’ll have that fire on my conscience for the rest of my life.”

  It feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room. What the hell? What is she talking about?

  “So? Do you believe me now?” Dana questions, her eyes are hopeful and softer as she continues, more calmly. “Someone has already died because of her. What if she did it again? What if the fire in Mi Vida was her fault? I kept telling you she wasn’t right for you, and you just wouldn’t listen.”

  “Everly would never do something like that. She knows how much Mi Vida means to me.” I stab a finger at her. There has to be some explanation.

  “Think about it. You’ve heard her.” Dana wiggles her phone in front of my face.

  “Everly didn’t do shit.” We all turn around toward the distant voice. Amber walks up to us, looking pissed as hell, Phoenix right at her heels. What the hell? Where did she come from? Were they together?

  “How long have you been standing there?” My question is for both Phoenix and Amber.

  “Long enough to know this bitch is lying.” Amber almost spits at Dana, shaking with fury.

  “You just heard what Everly said,” Dana protests, her chest rising and falling with rapid breaths.

  “Yes, we heard what you”– Amber pokes her shoulder– “wanted us to hear. Everly would never do anything you’re implying, and she most certainly didn’t kill anyone!” Phoenix’s arms wrap around Amber; if he didn’t hold her, Amber would bite Dana’s head off.

  “You’re just saying that to defend your friend. Well, I don’t care, I’m going to take this recording to the police.” Putting the strap of her purse over her shoulder, she gives Amber a nasty look and stomps away.

  “Yeah, fuck off,” Amber yells after her, “no one wants you here anyway!” She wriggles out of Phoenix’s hold. “What a bitch! Her mouth should be washed out with some acid.”

  “Amber, what the hell is going on? And that recording? Was it you on the other side of the line? What fire was she talking about?”

  “Fuck, I begged her to tell you everything.” She sighs. “We were just talking about this today, and she promised she’d tell you after the holidays. She’s no criminal, Connor. Far from it. She’s the victim here who is suffering and grieving. There was no crime. You have to believe me.” Three pairs of eyes stare at her incredulously. Dolores clutches a hand to her chest and sits down. “She would never set the club on fire, she’s terrified of fire. You need to believe me,” Amber pleads.

  “Then why would she say something like that?” Grabbing the fistful of hair, I turn around. I’m so lost right now.

  “Look,” –she rubs my upper arm, her voice soothing– “I’ve already told you too much. Everly should tell you the rest. Please, you just need to trust her.”

  “Fuck, Amber. How can she tell me if she’s fighting for her life? I don’t even know if she’ll make it. Just tell me.” Turning to her, I throw my hands up in frustration. I must look frightening, hovering over her, shaking with anger and fear.

  “Connor” –Phoenix steps between us– “Leave her alone.”

  Grabbing his shoulders, I shake him. “I need answers, for fuck’s sake.” Immediately.

  “You’ll get them,” he assures me in a calm voice. “We
all will. But this is neither the place nor the time.” Nodding, my hands go limp, falling to my side.

  Amber nods and squeezes my hand affectionately. I know she’s worried about her friend, but these secrets are killing me. I shouldn’t have lashed out at her, she was just protecting her friend.

  “What if …” My voice breaks. I can’t even say it out loud. Christ. Taking a deep breath, I voice everyone’s thoughts. “What if she doesn’t make it? I can’t lose her too.” If Everly didn’t misinterpret what she saw in the office, she wouldn’t be here now. No, I shake my head. It’s my fault, not hers. I should have pushed Dana away sooner. If I didn’t let her get so close to me, none of this would’ve happened. Fuck, the guilt is eating me up.

  “Don’t say that. She’s a strong woman. Have some faith,” Amber speaks again.

  Pushing the negative thoughts to the back of my mind, I nod. Yes, she’ll make it.

  When I see a doctor approaching, I almost run to him, my friends on my heels. His face doesn’t give anything away, he just seems tired.

  “How is she?” more than one of us asks.

  “Well, there was carbon monoxide poisoning. She was unconscious when they brought her in, and she sustained a blow to her head, which was probably the reason she passed out. I can’t say how long she’s been exposed to the smoke and carbon monoxide and how severe her injuries are. Not yet, at least. She’s on oxygen for now, and we should know more in a few hours.”

  “She’s terrified of fire.” I explain about the incident with the candles. “Is it possible she passed out from the panic attack and hit her head in the process?”

  “That could be possible.” He nods.

  “Is she …” I clear my throat. “Is she going to be okay?” It’s so hard to say these words out loud because I’m scared of the answer.

  “We don’t know the extent of her injuries yet, so it’s hard for us to speculate at this point. Brain injury can occur even when the skull doesn’t crack.”

  “What does that mean?” I ask, frowning.