Katie's Journey to Love

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Katie pulled up beside the barn and climbed down from the buggy. The door slammed at the house, and Mamm came across the lawn at a fast walk. Katie studied her face for a moment before beginning to unhitch. Mamm didn’t look troubled, so everything must be okay. No doubt she was coming out to welcome her home. Perhaps she was trying to make further amends for that kafuffle this morning.

  “Hi,” Mamm greeted Katie when she arrived. “How did your day go?” She undid the harness tug on one side of the buggy.

  “Okay, I guess.” Katie led Sparky forward as Mamm held the shafts up to keep them from banging to the ground. Should she share her experience with Ben? Katie hesitated. Hadn’t Mamm once compared her crush on Ben with her experiences with Daniel Kauffman? And Mamm had told her that Ben Stoll was much like Daniel Kauffman. But she didn’t believe that entirely. Mamm must be mistaken. No one was like Ben Stoll!

  “I’m so very sorry about this morning,” Mamm was saying when Katie tuned back in. She led Sparky towards the barn.

  “You don’t have to be!” Katie called. “And you’ve already spoken to me this morning about the matter, so we’re good.”

  Mamm went on like she hadn’t heard. “Mabel and I spoke, and we should all have a long talk together tonight. I’m sure we can arrive at some plan on how to live together in peace.”

  “I have no quarrel with Mabel,” Katie said, pulling off Sparky’s harness once they were inside the barn.

  “You can’t just ignore her.” Mamm stood in front of Katie. “She’s part of the family now.”

  “I’m not ignoring Mabel.” Katie didn’t look up. “I was quite nice to her this morning.”

  “Katie.” Mamm took her hand. “I know this is hard on everyone right now, but we have to work through it. I know Da Hah will help us. Look at what He’s already done! You know how impossible this all seemed only a short time ago.”

  Katie met Mamm’s gaze. “I’ll continue to be nice to Mabel, even when she turns her nose up at me. And even when you send me out on the porch so you can be alone with her. Is that gut enough?” The words came out a little sharper than she’d intended.

  Mamm squeezed Katie’s hand. “You’re being asked to adjust so fast to this new situation, I know. I never thought things would be like this…and so soon.”

  “Perhaps it’s gut for me, Mamm.” Katie paused. “Let me tell you about the most wonderful thing that happened today.”

  Mamm held Katie at arm’s length, her face uncertain. “What happened? Don’t tell me Esther’s talked you into going back to a youth gathering? You know Jesse and I don’t approve.”

  “She didn’t talk me into anything,” Katie said. “But I’m still going to the Mennonite youth gatherings. Don’t act so surprised, Mamm. I want to keep up my friendships with Margaret and Sharon. I don’t have friends like them in the Amish youth group.”

  “Oh, Katie…” Mamm’s face had fallen. “And you thought this would be gut news for me?”

  Katie shook her head. “That news was something else. I talked with Ben Stoll after work, Mamm. Can you believe that? And he said a few words to me. I think he might like me once he really notices me.”

  Mamm groaned. “Oh, Katie. You’re not over Ben? I thought that was done with a long time ago. Didn’t I warn you about him?”

  Katie nodded. “You did. But Ben is different than Daniel Kauffman, Mamm. No one is the same.”

  Mamm’s hand trembled on Katie’s shoulder. “That’s what you think, Katie. Ben Stoll is nothing but trouble. I spent too many years running after a boy, hanging on to every smile he gave me, listening to every word he said, when there wasn’t one ounce of love in his heart for me. I should know, Katie. I was loved by your daett and now by Jesse. Their love is much more wunderbah than anything I ever imagined with Daniel Kauffman.”

  Katie looked away. “You could be right, I suppose. But you were wrong about Jesse, weren’t you? You thought at first it wasn’t Da Hah’s will that you marry him. Now look at what you have. What if Da Hah has something like that in store for Ben and me?”

  Mamm groaned as shadows crossed her face. “You take too much on yourself, Katie. You have a decent daett now, one who has great wisdom. I wish you would ask him about that boy. My guess is Jesse will tell you the same things I’m telling you. I don’t trust Ben, Katie. You know I don’t.”

  “But that’s because of Daniel Kauffman,” Katie said. “Ben isn’t like that.”

  Mamm reached over to take Katie’s hand. “There are a lot of similarities, Katie. I wish you could see them. I also couldn’t get over Daniel—even when he was dating his present frau. I even dreamed he would break up with her—right up to the time of his wedding day when he said his vows with her. And then that awful thing I did right in front of them and the bishop himself. Do you want to be like that, Katie? Do you want that reputation?”

  Katie didn’t say anything. There was nothing she could say. She didn’t wish to argue with Mamm, but her heart wasn’t going to change.

  Mamm looked ready to say more, but she changed the subject instead. “Be that as it may, Katie, what concerns me right now are your Mennonite friends. I so wish you’d never met them.” Mamm’s eyes pleaded with Katie. “I saw Margaret and Susan at the wedding. They are nice enough, but they’re not from our world. Surely you can make new friends among the Amish now that so much has changed for us.”

  Katie shook her head. “Finding friends like Margaret and Susan is quite difficult.”

  Mamm didn’t answer. She stared off into the distance.

  “I’m not joining the Mennonites,” Katie told her.

  “That’s what they all say, Katie.” Mamm looked at her with mournful eyes. “The world has a powerful pull on all of our hearts.”

  Before Katie could answer, Mabel appeared at the barn door. Catching sight of Mamm and Katie, she marched toward them.

  “I couldn’t find you!” Mabel told Mamm, as if she were addressing a small child. “I was wondering where you were.”

  “Mabel,” Mamm said, “I was just out here helping Katie unhitch. Then we started talking.”

  “Well, I wish you would tell me when you leave the house. That’s what Carolyn and I do when we’re working together.”

  This is not your sister. This is your mamm! Katie wanted to holler. But this was something Mamm had best handle.

  “Look,” Mamm told Mabel, “perhaps we can talk about this tonight when your daett can be with us.”

  “I don’t see why Daett has to be involved.” Mabel wasn’t backing down. “It’s just the decent thing to do. You could have let me know instead of just disappearing on me.”

  “Then I will try to be more careful in the future.” Mamm took Mabel’s hand. “Come, let’s all go to the house and get supper ready for the men. Katie and I have been talking longer than we should have, and it’s high time we get started. We can’t have supper late for your daett and brothers.”

  “I never have a late supper,” Mabel said. “I started the potatoes boiling before I came out.”

  Mamm tried to smile over her shoulder at Katie as she motioned for her to follow.

  “What were you and Katie talking about?” Mabel asked as Mamm led the way.

  “Just catching up on Katie’s day.” Mamm gave Mabel a smile, but Mabel didn’t look convinced.

  “Well,” Mabel said, “I’d like to know what it was about. I don’t think families should keep secrets from each other.”

  Mabel was one brash girl, Katie thought. If she were smaller she should be spanked, but at sixteen Mabel was way past that point. And Mabel had been running her daett’s household since her mamm died, apparently quite competently from how things looked around the house. But Mabel’s mind was sure messed up. Thankfully, Mamm was now bringing some much-needed correction from the sounds of it.

  “There are some secrets in every family, Mabel,” Mamm was saying. “That’s just the way things are. Your daett and I have things we talk about, and we don’t tell ever
yone. Your brothers will do the same, as will you and Carolyn in the future. The same thing is true for Katie and me. We have our private matters that concern only the two of us.”

  Mabel turned around to look at Katie but didn’t say anything. The look on her face said enough.

  Chapter Six

  That evening after supper the gas lantern hissed from its spot hanging from the ceiling above the gathered family. Katie leaned back on the couch, listening to Jesse reading from the Scriptures. She could see through the living room door where the stack of dirty dishes was still sitting on the kitchen counter. Jesse had stuck his head into the kitchen some ten minutes ago to announce that it was time for their evening devotions. Mamm had appeared ready to protest the interruption since they always finished the dishes at home right after supper. But there hadn’t been a daett around all those years, especially one with a mind of his own. Mamm had forced a smile and left the dirty dishes.

  Mabel looked quite smug after watching the exchange between her daett and Mamm. She was no doubt used to the schedule and was glad to see that Mamm had to give in on something so quickly after the wedding.

  Mamm was now sitting on the other couch, a look of contentment on her face. The dirty dishes were apparently forgotten. Little Joel sat on the couch leaning against Mamm. Mamm’s arm was wrapped around his shoulders. Jesse was sitting in his rocking chair, an empty one reserved for Mamm beside him. Jesse had given the empty rocker and Mamm a quick glance before he began reading, but he’d said nothing. Mamm would sit there in time, but tonight she was taking time to bond with Joel.

  Mamm was changing so fast it was breathtaking, Katie thought. All those dark years while she was growing up Mamm had often been moody and troubled. But now a look of happiness had begun to find a home on her face. The change made Mamm look much younger. Even her step, since she’d said yah to Jesse’s marriage request had grown ever lighter. And now Mamm had stood up to Mabel out in the barn tonight. This was a new thing for her entirely. In the weeks before the wedding, Mamm used to shrivel up under the sharp words Mabel had spoken.

  Leroy and Willis sat on chairs across the room near the old stove. Mabel had ensconced herself on a chair close to the living room doorway. There had been an empty place on both couches—one between Katie and Carolyn and the other beside Joel. Mabel though, had taken one look and retreated to the kitchen for another chair. She now sat there as if she planned a quick dash back to the kitchen when her daett finished reading. No doubt she wanted to stay in charge even with Mamm in the house.

  Mamm stroked Joel’s hair, and he smiled up at her. She smiled back, turning her head to listen as Jesse read.

  “Thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.”

  Katie also listened to the familiar story in Genesis of how Abraham sent his servant back to the old country to find a wife for his son Isaac. There the servant had put out a test before the Lord, asking that a suitable young girl would arrive and offer water not just for him but for his camels also. That was quite a task, and not one for the faint of heart, Katie thought. Especially since the water had to be drawn by hand from a deep well. Katie realized she might not have passed the test as Rebecca had. She would have offered water to the man, but to give it to the camels too? That was another matter. But then Katie wasn’t Rebecca either. And she wasn’t going to be asked to wed Abraham’s son, a mighty prince of Israel. Ben Stoll would be a gut enough husband for her.

  Katie stole a quick glance at Mabel. If Mabel knew what she was thinking, there would be no end of scorn from her. But the girl was watching the kitchen doorway, as if she expected her daett to finish at any moment. And sure enough, Jesse closed the Bible.

  “We can finish the story tomorrow night,” he said. “I know everyone is tired after our first day together as a family. I want us all to get a good night’s sleep. We have lots of work to do tomorrow.”

  “Yah,” Mamm agreed, rising. “And there are still the dishes to be done.”

  “They can wait,” Jesse said. “It’s important that we talk and pray with each other a little before we’re totally exhausted from the day.”

  “Oh…” Mamm sat on the couch again.

  Mabel’s smile was smug again, and Katie looked away. She had to find more love in her heart for this girl. It wasn’t right the way she was feeling. Nee, it wasn’t right regardless how Mabel was acting.

  “I hope all of you are treating Emma like the wunderbah woman she is,” Jesse said.

  Mamm flushed, and streaks of red ran up her neck. She looked at the floor.

  Jesse smiled, seeming to enjoy her reaction. “Not too many women would be willing to leave their comfortable life with their only daughter and take on a family of five children, along with a grumpy husband.”

  “That’s not true!” Mamm said with a chuckle.

  Jesse continued. “I see Joel has taken right to Emma like I knew he would. Emma is already more of a blessing to our home than I had dared hope she would be. Da Hah has truly given us a great gift. Just as He led the servant of Abraham to find Rebecca for Isaac, so Da Hah has given us Emma.”

  Mamm’s face was bright-red now, but Jesse was no longer looking at her. Mabel had her gaze turned to the floor and her face was expressionless. No doubt she was thinking of teacher Ruth, and wishing she was sitting on the couch beside Joel instead of Mamm.

  Ruth Troyer might be able to run a household better than Mamm and even bake better pecan pies—like the ones Ruth brought over in her attempt to capture Jesse’s heart—but Mamm had succeeded in capturing his attention where Ruth had failed. Not that Mamm had tried. She was just better at such things than even she knew.

  Jesse interrupted Katie’s thoughts. “So let’s pray and thank Da Hah for our many blessings tonight. And then you women can get back to your dishes.” Jesse got down on his knees.

  They all followed. Katie buried her face in her hands. Jesse hadn’t mentioned a word about the trouble they were having with Mabel, but perhaps he didn’t know. He does care about me, Katie reminded herself. He has welcomed me into his home. He’d made his feelings known before the wedding, and she would always be able to depend on him. Jesse thought Mamm the best thing to happen in his life in a long time. He’d said some man would someday think the same thing about her. Ben Stoll, perhaps, Katie added. If he ever really noticed her.

  “Great Father in heaven,” Jesse was praying, his voice muffled by the rocking chair, “You who made the worlds and all that is in them, hear tonight the feeble sound of our voices. We lift them in thanksgiving to You. How great are the things You have given us. First of all, we give thanks for the gift of Your Son, Jesus Christ, who came down to this earth to walk among us. Your care and compassion for our lost souls is more than we can ever understand. You have shared with us love from Your own heart, and then from each of our hearts to each other. This is a great gift that we can never give sufficient thanks for. You have also given me Emma for my frau and to be a mamm for my children. And You have given me a love to fill the emptiness of my heart. Truly You have said that it is not gut that man should be alone.”

  Jesse continued on, giving thanks for many other blessings Da Hah had given them all. Katie pressed back the tears. She had much to be thankful for in a daett like Jesse, and she would have to try even harder to understand and get along with Mabel. Now if Da Hah would only grant her heart’s desire and bless her with Ben’s affections. But that might never happen, and she had to accept that. How much it would hurt if Ben began seeing another woman! Katie wanted Ben to bring her home from the Sunday night hymn singing someday. She wanted him to ask if he could come back again for another evening after that. And someday she wanted him to ask her if she would be his frau. She wanted it very badly. Katie took a deep breath and calmed herself. She had to get control of her emotions. Apparently Mamm’s warning about Ben being a lot like her Daniel wasn’t that far off target. But she wouldn’t act like Mamm had, Katie declared silently. Even if
Ben never paid her any serious attention, somehow Da Hah would continue to give her grace. He had so far, hadn’t He?

  “Amen,” Jesse said, as if answering her silent question. Katie got to her feet along with the rest. She hid her face for a moment to surreptitiously wipe her eyes. Hopefully Mabel wasn’t looking. A quick glance toward the girl showed she was already disappearing into the kitchen.

  “You can dry the dishes,” Mabel told Katie when she walked into the kitchen. Mabel tossed her a towel. Katie tried to smile, standing off to the side as Mabel took center stage at the sink. Mabel washed with a flourish, the soapsuds soon rising high. Mamm came in and scraped the skillets without saying a word. Carolyn soon appeared and helped Katie dry.

  “So what did you do today?” Carolyn asked, looking up at Katie.

  “She works at Byler’s,” Mabel snapped, as if the place were as offensive as a dirty dish.

  Katie didn’t reply.

  “I would love to work at Byler’s,” Carolyn said, ignoring her sister’s barb. “Daett takes us there once in awhile to shop. It’s a nice place.”

  “Thank you.” Katie smiled. “Maybe I can take you sometime.”

  Carolyn shrugged. “I have school. And I’m only twelve, soon to be thirteen, so I couldn’t help you work.”

  Katie laughed. “You could watch for awhile, though I guess all day would be a bit much.”

  “I would say so.” Mabel grimaced. “I think places like Byler’s are horrible and worldly and not fit for young people to work at.”

  “Mabel.” Mamm spoke up for the first time. “You shouldn’t speak about where Katie works like that.”

  Mabel looked undeterred, sinking the barb in deeper. “Katie’s already running around with the Mennonite young people, isn’t she?”