Healers Suck!

by Charles Andrews

  "That's…"

  I braced myself. I got the feeling there were going to be a lot of people telling me I was a fucking idiot for choosing a character that couldn’t go on the attack. After all, what kind of fucking idiot chooses a class that has no way to kill anything? Especially in an MMO where the main reason for existing was going out and killing a bunch of stuff over and over again?

  "Fucking awesome!" she said.

  I tore my attention away from Treanna and her midair acrobatics. Blinked a couple of times. Let what she’d just said process so I could be absolutely certain I was hearing correctly.

  "Pardon me?" I asked.

  It seemed to me that a character who couldn't kill anything was the exact opposite of badass, but if the pretty elf mage, glancing at her it looked like her class was a battlemage of some sort, was going to tell me I was badass then I figured the least I could do was play along and figure out exactly what she meant by that.

  "Well yeah," she said. "You’re like, so unafraid of anything that you played a character that’s basically a walking target! That's pretty fucking awesome if you ask me."

  "I see," I said, not quite sure that I followed her logic train. I was pretty sure there were going to be plenty of people in this game who felt the same way I did about just how not awesome this Psionic Healer was, but whatever.

  I also felt something a little odd passing between me and the girl. As though I could feel her adoration. It was like I could sense her emotions, and I wondered if that had something to do with the Psionics abilities I’d gotten in addition to my Healing. It's not like there was a class trainer I could go to in the middle of the forest to ask about this sort of thing.

  Then something appeared before me and I blinked a couple more times in surprise.

  Social link created!

  Current level: 1

  Benefits: Can better sense what Keli is feeling. 5% bonus to all healing spells used on Keli.

  Okay. Talk about a surprise. A social link? Wasn’t that the kind of thing that usually showed up in Japanese videogames with questionable things going on in them, and not western MMOs? I shook my head.

  "Is something wrong?" Keli asked.

  "Um, I'm not sure?" I said. "Did you just see that?"

  She was still smiling, but she was also obviously oblivious to what’d just popped up in my heads up display. "See what?"

  "Never mind," I said.

  "Smart boy," Treanna said. "The game’s giving you access to something. Might not be a good idea to go spouting off about it to anyone and everyone. At least not before you gain a few more levels in that whole social link thing and she won’t get pissed off that you’re reading her emotions.”

  As I looked at Keli I could see something else on her indicator now. There was a new bar that’d appeared over her. An affinity bar. And right now it looked like I was at about 0 of 100 on the first level of the social link, but I guess that was better than 0 out of 0. I wasn't sure exactly what the hell was going on here, but I was pretty sure that was the game telling me how much Keli liked me.

  Seeing something like that attached to a player character was odd, but I guess it made sense. The game could see into people's heads, and I guess it’d decided to give me a little bit of access to that information it was pulling.

  Talk about an interesting mechanic. It wasn't enslaving people or making them do something they didn’t want to do, it was nice to know Treanna had been listening to me when I made that much clear, but it was giving me a leg up when it came to establishing social bonds.

  I figured I could do some very interesting things with this.

  "Very smart," Treanna said. "I knew there was a reason I decided to give you these abilities!”

  I glanced at her, but kept quiet. I didn't want to have conversations with my AI while Keli couldn't see her. And, to be honest, I was kind of glad she couldn't see me having this conversation with my AI assistant, or whatever the hell she was. Something told me I’d be losing some points in that whole social link thing if she realized I could get a sense for what she was feeling and thinking.

  "So what would you say to doing a little more killing around here?" Keli asked. "I bet we could get pretty far grinding things out with me doing the killing and you doing the whole support class thing. What do you say?"

  I looked around the woods, and then back to her. It was tempting, but at the same time I had the feeling I needed to at least get to town and check things out. Not to mention there was a blinking indicator that told me I’d gained a couple of levels from partying up with her and letting her kill all those boars, and I really needed to talk to a class trainer sooner rather than later.

  "Could I take a rain check on that?" I asked. "Because I really need to get to town and talk to a trainer before I do anything. I just leveled up a few times thanks to you, and I'd like to grab some quests and see if there’s anything new I can use beyond heal, stun, and mez.”

  "Sure thing," Keli said, only sounding a little disappointed. "You go get a few quests, and then send me a message when you're ready, okay? I could use someone like you!"

  "It's a date," I said, and I felt like an idiot even as the words left my mouth, but there was something about the way she looked me up and down that said she didn't mind that phrasing.

  "I'll hold you to that," she said, a slight smile on her lips and a twinkle in her eyes. "Now hurry up! I'm going to kill some more pigs. Got to get my grind on!"

  I wasn't sure if there was a double meaning to that or not, but I decided that I liked it if there was. This was a girl I wouldn’t mind doing a little grinding with, if you catch my meaning.

  I’m not talking about killing monsters in a game over and over in an attempt to gain levels faster than by doing quests. I’m talking about pressing my dick against her ass and seeing where things went from there. Too explicit? Whatever. At the risk of repeating myself: it’d been awhile.

  I needed to get to town and get my bearings in this game fast, and then I was definitely going to drop her a line!

  Keli dropped the party leaving me all alone, but a moment later a flashing indicator appeared in the corner asking me to add her to my friends list. I did that, stared at her for one final moment in that very distracting robe that was almost lingerie, and then turned and made my way towards the smoke that was still rising over the trees in the distance.

  Wondering the entire time if I was making a mistake by not sticking around.

  9

  Town

  "This place smells," I said.

  "I don't know why you're surprised," Treanna said.

  "I guess I'm just not used to places having an unpleasant aroma like this," I said.

  The unpleasant smell was a huge difference between this world and life at the Academy. At the Academy there was hyper reality all around. They wouldn't want any of the people going to school there getting their sensibilities in a twist, and so there were pleasant smells pumped through the place. One of the advantages of living in an environment that was totally enclosed and regularly scrubbed by massive air filters to keep everything nice and clean.

  "Well this is a world where animals are used for a lot of labor, and their shit is everywhere. Welcome to the smells straight out of humanity’s past.”

  "Well yeah," I said. "It's just that I've never seen a game before where the animals actually shit on everything. Seems like the kind of smell they’d maybe want to dial down on the old balance between realism and making a game world people want to hang out in.”

  “Maybe they didn’t care,” she said with a shrug.

  As though to underline the change between the old game worlds I'd experienced and this brave new one where smell was a sense that could be pinged, a creature that looked sort of like a feathered velociraptor walking past let out a strange growl, its tail vibrated and twitched, and then a moment later something big and smelly came out of its back end

  "Disgusting," I said.

  "But real," Treanna said. "That's wha
t the name of the game is."

  Players and nonplayer characters milled about the place, though it was pretty easy to tell who was a player and who was an NPC even without doing an inspection. Something I could do, I might add, by simply looking at someone and thinking about inspecting them, which was convenient.

  The players dressed in outfits that were far more flashy than anything the NPCs wore. Sure the NPCs were attractive enough. They had that Hollywood casting office idea of what a medieval peasant looked like, which wasn't very grimy at all, but still.

  It surprised me that they would go for attractive NPCs like that when they were more than willing to add nasty smells to the place. It was like there was too much and too little realism at the same time.

  Not that I was complaining too much about the eye candy.

  “Oh fine,” Treanna said with a growl and a roll of her eyes. “You can turn the smells off by thinking about it.”

  “I can?” I said.

  I tried it out. Thought about the smells going away, and sure enough a moment later they were gone.

  “Damn,” I said. “That was convenient. Would’ve been nice of you to tell me about it a little earlier though.”

  “And miss the way you were reacting?” she asked with a giggle. “No thank you!”

  I thought about flipping her off but decided against it. She was my only lifeline in this game so far, after all. I figured it was probably best not to piss off the AI that was taking me on this magical mystery tour of the game world.

  Looking around at other player characters and the way they wrinkled their noses it was clear most of them didn’t have an AI to tell them they could turn off the smells and they hadn’t bothered to read their game manual either.

  “So you're here in town,” Treanna said. "You ditched that elf mage hottie who was totally willing to bone you in the middle of the woods for this. You'd get a social link rank up for that, I bet!"

  "You really think so?" I asked, and then realized I was an idiot for asking even as the words left my mouth.

  "Who knows?" Treanna said. "Like I said. I wouldn't mind having her as my player, if you catch my drift."

  "Whatever," I said. "I need to find a trainer. After that I’ll get in touch with the pretty elf mage and you can stare at her all you want.”

  I wouldn’t mind staring at her a little more either. Yeah, talk about incentive to make my time in town go as quickly as possible!

  I looked at the glowing icon that showed I'd leveled up. It was pulsing as though taunting me. Telling me I needed to get to a trainer and get some new abilities. Assuming there was even a trainer around here who could give me new abilities.

  There was something about my weird specialization that had me wondering whether or not I’d be able to find anything useful here in a town that looked like it was out in the boonies of the game world.

  "Well then let's get a move on," Treanna said. “The sooner you get done here the sooner we can go back to staring at that elf mage!”

  "I don't suppose you could give me an idea of where that trainer is?" I asked.

  "I can't play the game for you hot stuff," she said.

  "I was worried you’d say something like that," I muttered.

  Oh well. If I needed to find a trainer then I might as well ask for directions. So I walked up to an NPC. A pretty girl standing in front of a shop that looked like it sold food. She looked me over and smiled.

  For a peasant NPC in a game she was looking pretty good. Then again I was in a state where just about anything female with curves in the right places would be looking good. Still, she had that sort of “Hollywood homely” thing going for her, which meant she’d be a 10 anywhere but the Greater Los Angeles Entertainment Megalopolis.

  "How can I help you sir?" she said, biting her lip.

  Damn. Was I going to get that reaction from every woman in this game? I mean I knew I was no slouch with the character I’d created, but this was starting to stretch credibility just a bit. Or maybe it was just that I was noticing women who were interested in me more because of the current state of my libido.

  There were plenty of women walking past without giving me the time of day, after all.

  "Go get’er tiger," Treanna said.

  I felt a familiar pulsing. Like what I'd felt earlier with that Keli chick. Only it was stronger with this girl than it’d been with Keli.

  "I was wondering if you could help me?" I said. "I'm looking for the Healer trainer?"

  She looked down the road and then back to me. She smiled and her face lit up.

  "Just down the street. In the temple," she said. "Could I give you something to help you along your way?"

  "Well now," Treanna said. "Isn't this interesting? It seems like the NPC is interested. Maybe you won’t need to find the elf mage after all hot stuff!”

  "Would you be quiet?" I hissed. "This is already hard enough without you buzzing in my ear!”

  Treanna frowned. Crossed her arms. Which had the added effect of making her breasts rise ever so slightly. Which was yet another distraction I really didn't need. Even if it was a hell of a distraction!

  "Fine," she huffed. "See if I help you again!"

  “You mean like all the help you already said you can't give me?" I said with a wink.

  What can I say? It was nice to see her getting hoisted by her own petard. A very nice petard too, I might add, that she was giving me a nice view of as she sniffed and turned away from me.

  On balance, not exactly a terrible thing.

  I turned back to the girl. The pretty NPC. I felt that interest even stronger now. It was more of a sense than anything. Attraction mixed with a little bit of hesitation. Worry at all the craziness that was going on in her world after all of these adventurers appeared, but under that worry there was also a curiosity about those adventurers. A desire to learn more about them. Maybe a bit of hero worship tossed in.

  And all of that was turning on me since I’d talked to her. Interesting.

  I blinked. Turned back to Treanna.

  "Am I getting a sense of what she's feeling?"

  "I wouldn't know," Treanna said with another sniff. "You're the one who said you didn't want my help. If you don't want tooltips then I won't give you tooltips."

  "At least I have a good view while you're not giving me tooltips."

  That was good for her turning around and hitting me with a wink, but then she immediately turned right back around. Clearly I was still in the doghouse, even if that compliment had gotten me somewhere.

  "Are you quite alright sir?" The girl asked, looking between me and the blank air I'd been talking to. At least to her it looked like I was talking to blank air.

  I suppose from the perspective of an NPC who’d lived their entire lives in a world that had only just been created it would seem like a lot of the players were doing crazy things.

  “I’m fine," I said, hitting her with my most winning grin. “But I really could use some help if you have a moment.”

  That felt good. It’d been so long since I'd been able to put the old moves on anyone that they truly were old and dusty moves at this point. Being able to dust them off and try them out, especially on a pretty girl who seemed interested in yours truly rather than taking one look at me and my origins and deciding she didn't want to have anything to do with me, felt good. Really good. I held out an arm and she reached out and took it after a moment’s hesitation.

  "This way, good sir," she said with a blush and a slight giggle.

  I had a pretty girl on my arm and it felt nice. Our walk through the town was… Pleasant. In a way that’s difficult to describe to someone who hasn't been in the exact situation I’d been in for the past couple of years.

  Imagine being completely and totally socially isolated from everyone around you. Imagine everyone looking at you like you were scum. No, less than scum. The rich and powerful at the Academy always looked at me like I was something unpleasant they’d stepped in and now they were going to have to
go back to their dorm room and use their molecular scrubber to wipe the shit off of their boots.

  Imagine that and you’ll get a pretty good idea of what I'd been enduring for the past couple of years. It was difficult, and I guess I hadn't realized just what a mental toll it was taking on me until that moment walking through a town that felt like what I'd grown up in. There was a sky above me. Everything beneath my feet felt real. The road was actual dirt and dust, and not a carefully manicured and manufactured facsimile of real dirt and dust.

  It felt good, and it felt even better having a girl on my arm after so long.

  So good that there was even an embarrassing situation rising between my legs. Not that I was too embarrassed by that, mind you. Not when it’d been so long. Not when it’d been a pretty much constant companion since joining this game.

  I was going to have to find some way to take care of that soon though. Although that had me wondering if having any fun in the game would result in an embarrassing situation staining my pants in the real world.

  "So have you always worked at that shop in the village?" I asked, deciding to make conversation with my new companion.

  "I have for the past few months," she said. "I used to sell whatever father brought in from the farm, but not since…”

  She trailed off, and I got a feeling there was something more than idle conversation going on here. Like maybe there was a quest lurking in this conversation.

  "Since what?" I asked when she didn’t seem to be in the mood to continue with her story.

  She looked at me and frowned.

  “Since the bad times," she said. "Since the farm was burned."

  There was a hint of tears in her eyes, but as she looked at me there was something else there. A sort of hero worship. As though she thought I was going to be able to take care of all of her problems.

  Yup, there was definitely a quest going down here. As I looked at her, so vulnerable and so beautiful, I wanted to put my arms around her and take care of those problems.

  “Y’know I might be able to do something about that…”