by Joanne Hill
“And?”
She leant against the counter. “She wants him to know you, and he’s old enough to understand that you are his real father and what that means. But if she waited another few years, he might understand it on a whole different level.”
He shook his head. “You've lost me.”
“In another few years, when he's a teenager, it might be too late. He’d be at the age where he'd resent her for keeping it a secret, and he'd resent you for only taking an interest in him at such a late age. He'd look back at these years and think where the heck were you?”
“And you think a one month visit will prevent it?”
“It's a start and it has to begin somewhere. Maybe Val will bring him over regularly, maybe you'll go to Canada to visit. You'll be able to keep in regular contact over the net and Skype. He'll send photos.”
It made some sense to him. “Is that the wisdom of motherhood?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Women's magazines.”
“Well, it sounds plausible. You’re probably right. There is nothing to worry about.” He picked up the tickets. “I thought this might take his mind off Val, as well.”
“I'm positive he'll love it. He can help me keep an eye on the twins.”
Jack put the tickets back down. “He can be a kid and enjoy the show. I'll help watch the twins.”
Her jaw dropped. “You’re going to the Pet show?”
“Did you think I just meant you and the kids?”
“Actually, yes.”
“Then,” he murmured, again annoyed that she'd discounted him so quickly, “you're wrong. Now I’m a father, I think it’s about time I got a handle on all this stuff.”
CHAPTER NINE
“I was under the impression,” Jack muttered, as the woman behind him bashed a bag into his legs, “that Emily said because the tickets had been ordered online, we wouldn’t have to queue.”
“That,” Robyn said, pointing to the huge, slow queue to their right, “is the queue to get in if you didn’t pre-book.” Robyn held James with one hand, Ruby with the other, and a backpack filled with snacks and drinks. He’d been surprised she’d brought that, and hadn’t realized it, until Ruby had said she was thirsty and Robyn had produced a bottle of drink for her. He’d been about to say why bother when there were stalls-a-plenty selling everything from hotdogs to lamb curry to vegetarian wraps. He’d stopped himself in time. She was on a budget and the food and drinks here probably cost a fortune. She was used to doing this.
“Anyhow, this queue is for Muppet. Everyone wants to see him.”
All he'd heard about in the car on the way to the show grounds was the kids talking about Muppet. “Who is this Muppet again?”
She looked at him as if he were a complete imbecile. “Muppet,” she explained, “is a sheep whose owner hadn’t been able to catch for years. He was finally captured six months ago. He lived on a South Island High Country farm and he escaped shearing for three years. When they found him, his wool was so thick they weighed it and it set a new world record.”
“I heard about Muppet in Canada,” Eric put in. “He was on CNN. We even did a project on him at school.”
Jack gestured ahead. “Then Muppet it is.”
“You can get your photo taken with him,” Eric said.
Jack nodded. “Sounds good. We can send one home to your mom.”
“Can we get a photo, Mom?” James put in. He was jumping on the spot to try and see over the head of the six foot guy in front of him.
“And me, too,” Ruby said. “Me and Muppet.”
Robyn hesitated. “Well...”
“Course you can,” Jack cut in. He saw the flush over her face, realized once again it had come down to money. “I brought you here, so it’s my treat.” He glanced at Robyn. “If that’s all right with your mother.”
“Please Mom,” James said.
“Please, Mom,” Ruby echoed.
“Course, you can.” She glanced up at him then. “I appreciate that.”
It was such a small gesture, and for a moment it made him feel worse, not better. He glanced at Eric, and his mind flicked back to Val. What had she sacrificed to raise Eric all these years?
They were close to going in to see this sheep now, moving slowly across the concrete floor towards the barn door but his mind went back to Val. She’d sacrificed her career for her son. His son, now impatient to see Muppet.
He glanced at Robyn as a thought struck him hard. Was that what had happened to her medical career? She'd had the twins and sacrificed her promising career, the one she'd worked so hard at, to raise them? She was divorced - she'd said something once about having been divorced for a year, and you needed to live apart for two years to apply for a divorce under New Zealand law. The twins were nearly five, so the marriage break up must have happened when they were very young. Like Eric, they'd never known their father.
“Everything all right?” Robyn was watching him closely, curiously. “Not scared of sheep are you?”
He smiled, and then laughed. “Do I look like I’m scared of sheep?”
She shook her head, her gaze not leaving his face. “I don’t think there’s much you’re scared of.” She looked away then, and his heart lurched in his chest.
She was wrong. He was scared of a lot of things. And right at the top of the list was how, in only a week, he was getting so used to her being in his life.
The person behind him jabbed him with the bag again, and he only just refrained from turning around. Knowing his luck, he rued as they took another step closer to the entrance of the Muppet hall, it’d be someone addicted to the gossip pages who had lapped up the whole Charlotte-Brad drama. And that he didn’t need.
He also didn’t need to feel this attraction to Robyn. He glanced at her, holding Ruby's hand in her own, and awareness flashed through him, catching him off guard. Attraction? They were standing in a long queue of irritable parents and overexcited kids, for goodness sake.
She was smart and funny and she was so fiercely protective of those children — the thought leapt into his mind – would she be fiercely protective of him?
He looked over the heads of parents and grandparents and the thousands of animal lovers. Quit thinking like that. Focus on your son. The last thing he needed to do was frighten Robyn into taking flight and leaving him to look after the boy on his own. He needed her to stay the month.
She moved forward. Her blue jeans were slim fitting, her beige jacket loose but when she lifted her arm to brush back her long dark hair, the white t-shit underneath was snug and fitted.
He felt a jab in his back again.
Good job, he muttered to himself.
After they'd marveled at Muppet the sheep, Eric wanted to go and watch the horse jumping but James wanted to check out the barnyard animals.
Jack suggested, “I’ll take Eric to see the horse jumping.”
“Can’t Jack come with me?” James sidled a step away from Robyn towards Jack and fixed him with a pleading look
“It’s okay with me if I see the cows and sheep.” A surprising sense of endearment warmed Jack. He liked the little fella. It was nice that feeling was being returned. “But will you be okay with Eric?”
Robyn nodded. “Sure. We could just meet back here in an hour. That should be plenty of time. What do you think, Ruby? Do you want to watch the horses?”
“I want to see the sheep and the cows and the pigs,” Ruby piped up.
Robyn hesitated. “Maybe I should take them both and you take Eric.”
“I want to go with Jack,” James said.
“I want to go with Jack,” Ruby echoed.
“It’s all right with me.” Jack hoped he sounded confident but inside he wasn’t so sure. Looking after two little kids in a house with the safety and security of their mother close by was one thing. Being on their own in this – he glanced around at the crowds - in this melee, was another. Panic trickled down his spine.
“I don’t know...” Robyn ha
d followed his gaze, like she was reading his mind. “Maybe I should–”
Something – masculine pride, perhaps – raced to the forefront. “Robyn, it’ll be fine.” His stomach lurched a little but he managed a smile. He hoped it looked reassuring. “What do you say, kids? Shall we go and check out the farmyard critters?”
“Yes,” they echoed.
Robyn’s forehead was creased. “Well, take Jack’s hand, Ruby and James. One on each side and don’t leave him.” She leant closer to him. “Make sure they don’t leave you. James has escape artist tendencies. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word restraint.”
“We’ll be fine.” Jack took their little hands in his and for a moment, that sense of panic returned. Their hands were warm and small. So innocent.
“Eric and I better go. The horse jumping has started.” She bent to Ruby and James. “You stay close to Jack, and do everything he says, okay? Promise?”
“Yes, Mom,” they said.
She straightened, glanced at Jack.
I can do this, he said to himself. Of course I can do this.
“We’ll meet back here in hour,” he said.
She nodded. “Have fun.”
To his surprise, Jack did have fun. The five minutes wait in the queue to get into the pavilion with the animals had been worth it. Twenty minutes later, he was still enjoying the joy on the kid’s faces as they smiled and laughed and watched the farmyard animals with awe.
He’d never seen anything like their joy. And had never felt anything like his own joy at watching them.
A woman alongside jostled him and he looked around to see her try and push her own child nearer the front.
Protective instinct overcame Jack and he edged a little closer. Her kid whined that he couldn’t see.
Tough, he thought. The woman edged closer. The way she was going, Ruby and James were going to lose their spot.
Robyn did not let me look after her kids for me to lose their spot, he reminded himself. He moved closer to them, leaning so his legs anchored them and he put his arms around them.
They were small and warm and smelt of orange juice and candy floss and the fruity shampoo Robyn bought for them.
Ruby pointed to the lambs.
“I’m gonna ask Mom if we can get a lamb,” she told James.
“We don’t live on a farm.” James was thoughtful. “Maybe we can ask Mom if we can live on a farm.”
Ruby gasped. “Then we'd have room for two lambs.”
She turned to look up at Jack, smiling, and for that fraction, there was a flash of a look about her that reminded Jack of how he used to think of Robyn as a school girl. Her face had been rounder, and her body a little tubbier than it was now. There’d been an aura of innocence about her. He frowned. Now he thought about it, there’d been something about Robyn Taylor that had caught his attention a few times.
And then there was her father, who had even come round to his house to see him when he’d been staying away from school in his final year.
Even now, it was hard to shake the embarrassment when his mother, dressed in clothes that hadn’t been washed, had answered the door and called out to him that there was some man there to see him.
He’d never felt shame at the state of the house, of the mess, of the cheap liquor bottles piled up on the porch, of the rancid smell of cigarettes in ashtrays that rarely got cleared. But right then, he had.
In public he’d given all the indications of disrespect to Mr Taylor, but deep down it was a different story. Deep down he wished his own father could have been more like Mr Taylor.
“The piggy said oink,” Ruby giggled.
“The cow did a poo,” James told her and they both laughed.
Ruby said, “I need to go the toilet.”
“I need to go too,” James agreed.
Jack straightened. “I’ll take you both. I saw a toilet block on the way in. We can go there. Are you sure you’ve seen enough of the farm animals? We won’t be able to see them again if we go out because there are more people here now.” He’d heard a man on the side say he’d waited nearly half an hour to get in and the queue was growing by the minute.
“I’m busting,” Ruby announced. She began to jiggle.
“Okay, we’re off. Hold my hand and we’ll get you to those toilets.”
He held their hands for dear life as they threaded their way through crowds of people and got outside. Don’t lose James, don’t lose James, Robyn’s voice echoed in his head.
He blinked in the bright light, and led them down to the toilet block.
One side announced Men. The other, Ladies.
“Umm.” He glanced at them both. “Are you old enough to go to the toilet on your own?”
“I’m four,” James said. He jiggled.
A man went into the men’s toilet and cast James a cursory look. Uneasiness went up Jack’s spine. “I’ll come with you, James,” he told him. “You shouldn’t go into a toilet on your own.”
“I’m not going into the boy’s toilet,” Ruby said, “and I need to go now. I’m going to the girls’ toilet.”
“But you can’t go in on your own,” he said. She was jiggling now, pleading, and Jack cursed his generosity in buying them those orange drinks.
“You can’t come into the girls’ toilet with me,” Ruby said.
“Okay.” He figured Ruby would be safer on her own in the Ladies than James would in the Men’s.
“I’ll take James and you go into the girls.” On the off-chance, he glanced around to see if there was a woman he could ask to keep an eye on her. Was that how you did things? Ask a complete stranger to keep an eye on the child? Hell, he wasn’t about to trust a stranger with Ruby.
“Make sure you wash your hands and come straight back out here,” he told her. “I’ll be waiting right here for you, okay Ruby?”
“Okay.” She took off through the door, Jack watched a few older, grandmotherly types go in, and he darted into the men's side with James.
“I’m okay,” James said.
“I know you are, mate.” He kept an eye on him for a moment then said, “I’ll be outside. Be as quick as you can.”
What else did you say? “And, umm...yell if anyone...” Anyone what? He lowered his voice. “Hurts you,” he told James quietly. The last thing he wanted was for any of the men there to think he was accusing them.
Another man was there, keeping an eye on a son taking ages. He nodded at Jack, and Jack nodded back. Clearly he'd passed muster as the father. That was good.
He could do this. Heck, he was doing this.
He stepped outside, and positioned himself so he could see both doors.
A few long minutes later, James walked out. He held his hands up. “I washed them,” he said. “But the soap isn’t as nice as the stuff at your house. Your stuff smells like vanilla milkshake.”
“Good.” He was probably lucky there was any soap left judging by the crowds. He focused on the women’s entrance. “Now we just have to wait for Ruby.”
“Girls take ages,” James sighed.
Jack grimaced in empathy. “Don’t I know it.” He kept his gaze focused on the door for Ruby. She was wearing her denim jacket and pink spotted skirt. And a Care Bear baseball cap. Ruby had spent a lot of the trip to the show grounds telling him the names of the Care Bears. Share Bear, Love-A-Lot Bear...He was under no illusions. There'd be Care Bear nightmares tonight.
“Shall we go and find Mom?” James said.
Jack consulted his watch. “We’ve got quarter of an hour before we have to meet back at that stand.”
More women came out, and his gaze zeroed in on a woman with a grey and blue striped shirt. She’d gone in about the same time as Ruby – he was sure of it.
Another lady came out, and he did a double take. He'd been standing here waiting for Ruby when she'd walked past to go in. He’d never seen so many facial piercings on a woman that old. What on earth was Ruby doing in there?
A teenage girl came out, and
Jack caught her gaze. “Excuse me, is there a queue in there? I’m waiting for someone.”
She shook her head. “Not really. It’s the toilets over the other side of the pavilion that’s got the queues.”
He thanked her, but his uneasiness grew. More people went in, more came out. They were moving fast.
His stomach lurched. “Ruby should be finished by now,” he said, half under his breath.
A lady came out with a girl Ruby’s age and Jack knew, with a sickening jolt, that she had definitely gone in long after Ruby.
Panic rose sharply in his chest. “James, can you go in and see if you can find Ruby?”
James screwed his face up. “I can’t go in there. I’m a boy.”
“Just step in and call out Ruby, see if she answers.”
He took James hand and went over to the entrance. On second thought, this was the sort of the thing that could harm a boy for life. Just because his own parents had left him responsible for his siblings, didn’t mean he had to start with James.
“Ruby, are you in there?” he called out.
There was a scream, and a hushed, “There’s a man in here,” and he promptly backed out.
A woman around his age came out and Jack said, “Excuse me, I’m looking for my...my...” What the heck did he say? If he just said “little girl”, he wouldn’t blame the woman for calling the police. He swallowed. “My daughter. She’s four years old, looks like him.” He gestured to James. “And she’s wearing a blue denim jacket and a pink skirt. Her name is Ruby. Did you see her?”
The woman glanced at James, then back up at Jack. Her eyes flashed with admiration. He’d seen that look a lot in the hour he’d been with Ruby and James. “I’ll just go and look.”
She went back in, and came out ten seconds later, shaking her head. “No, she’s not in there. I called but there was no one with that name.”
“Maybe she’s still on the toilet and didn't hear,” James suggested.
Jack glanced at his watch. They’d been waiting well over five minutes. This was ridiculous. It made no sense. Panic pitched impossibly harder in his chest.