Divinely Living (Surviving Series)

by Courtney Cross

  “I will let you go long enough to swim to the shore but on one condition,” he bargained. That seriously pissed me off.

  “You are in no position to impose conditions on me, Jonah,” I spat out. “The fact you believe you have the right to only confirms what I already know about you.”

  “Oh and what’s that?” he asked with a questioning rise of his dark brow.

  “That you really are a total asshole.” His answering chuckle and slight shake of his head did nothing to alleviate my frustrated state.

  “God I have so missed you and your terms of endearment Miss Matthews.”

  “I don’t want you to miss me,” I lied, badly. My insecure side hoped he felt the void of living without me as painful to live with as I did. “I just want you to let me go, now.”

  “Promise you will give me time to explain and I will let you go. There are things I know that you need to be aware of Ava. One hour, that’s all I’m asking for.”

  Drawn to the sincerity buried in his darkened eyes, I decided to go against my better judgement and deal. My skin was crimpling due to the amount of time spent in the cool water and with the searing heat of Jonah’s flesh against mine I was unable to think straight. Nodding my head in agreement after weighing up my options, one hour of my time or drowning, I breathed in relief as Jonah relinquished his hold and did as I asked and let me go. Setting off for the shore, my body cooled with the withdrawal of his body. Swimming with purpose, the shore came nearer and so did Jonah’s big reveal and the secrets he had kept from me for far too long. I only hoped that I really did want to hear them.

  Chapter Two

  I smiled at the handsome French waiter I had been appointed for the duration of my stay. Pierre was a perk of the quiet, secluded hotel I had inhabited for the last four days and his undivided attention was a given At a price of course, an extravagantly high price that not only gave me my personal attendant but seclusion and privacy that was worth every last penny. Placing an ice cold orange juice in my hand, Pierre’s smile showed he didn’t find me lacking in the ‘attraction’ department, a smile that only brought a grimace to the divine features of the man who sat before me preparing to spill every last gory detail of his betrayal.

  My hot skin tingled under the intense Mediterranean sun, affected also I had no doubt by Jonah’s presence. The solitary gardens to the rear of the hotel offered little protection from the glaring rays but did provide shelter from the small number of guests also residing here. The sweet smell of the pale pink and white rose bushes dotted around the garden perimeter floated in the air, the salty spray of the clear blue sea gave freshness to the atmosphere that pulsated with electrically charged strings of attraction that always hung around the two of us. Smiling widely at Pierre and thanking him for our drinks, I sat further back into the antique white-framed chair and fixated my gaze on Jonah.

  My heart stuttered as my eyes greedily took him in. I missed those beautiful blue eyes, his mussed up chestnut hair and those full, pink lips that melted against my flesh with every touch. The sculptured abs, lean waist and broad shoulders that showcased every sinew of tightly toned muscle he possessed, had my body craving for contact on every level. I sighed deeply with frustrated resignation as I placed my half full glass of juice on the matching antique table. Jonah was everything a woman could ever want, need or desire. For a time he had been mine, all mine. I had attacked his body with a hunger, passion and a thirst I could never quench. He owned me, captivated me, invigorated my blank canvas of an existence and showered it with vibrant, poignant life. Then he had wrenched that all from my grasp, replaced the canvas back to it’s previously, desolate and bare self. But even now, even after every last ounce of pain he had inflicted on me, I still wanted him, still burned for him and still needed him. Only thing is, judging by our last, hurtful, agonising encounter, he most certainly didn’t feel the same way about me.

  Crossing my legs, straightening my spine and resting my now pinking arms on the chair rests, I hardened my stare, bracing myself for the undoubtedly ugly admissions he was about to make. Sat slightly hunched in his chair with his long, lithe legs spread before him, Jonah shifted slightly, a restless gesture that told of his discomfort and trepidation regarding what he was about to reveal.

  “By my time keeping you have fifty minutes, of our agreed hour left, Jonah. Whatever you came here to say, let’s hear it.”

  Regret resounded in his eyes as his gaze locked with mine. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Ava. That was never my intention.”

  “You never gave a shit about my feelings,” I snorted. “I was a goal to you and no more. We both know that.”

  His features tightened. “You were, are and always will be everything to me. That is the truth.”

  “Truth,” my voice heightened. “What the hell do you know about the damn truth? All you know is lies and deceit.”

  He shook his head, his damp hair falling across his smooth, flawless forehead. “I know I love you. I know you’re the most important thing in my life. That is the truth whether you choose to believe it or not.”

  He looked at me again, his eyes warm and pleading. It was then I noticed the slight lines indenting the skin around them, the tiredness they showed. My heart momentarily hurt for him, joining him in pain. Whether the words he spoke were truthful or not, his hurt was evident. Hurt that mirrored my own. Shaking those thoughts from my mind, thoughts that had no business softening my resolve, I ran a hand through my wet hair and turned away from him slightly. “You’ve still got the smooth talk down to a fine art, Jonah, I’ll give you that much.”

  Moving forward in his chair, he rested his two strong arms on the table and leaned in closer. My eyes closed as his masculine scent over powered me. Flashbacks of the smell of his skin sweat ridden and naked while fucking me into oblivion raised my already awakened arousal. Squirming in my chair with an uncomfortable throb developing between my thighs I knew I had to steer this rapidly declining conversation onto its intended path before my barriers crumbled and fell, laying me bare to him yet again. “Why are you here Jonah? That’s all I agreed to listen to. In fact, how did you even know where to find me?”

  “Where you’re concerned, sweetheart, I’ll always find you. I have my sources.”

  “You do know that stalking is illegal,” I threw back. “Or I could have your ass hauled for harassment.”

  Chuckling slightly he leaned into the chair back and crossed his arms. “I have missed your cutting wit Miss Matthews.”

  My irritation began to burn as hot as my skin. We were getting nowhere, skating around the obvious. Each second spent in his company chipped away at my hardened soul and locked down feelings, where Jonah was concerned. They had to remain intact, my self preservation demanded it. “Either get to the point of why you’re here Jonah or just go. I’ve already given you more of my time than you deserve.”

  Briefly closing his eyes and swallowing deeply, his face smoothed out into resignation. As if pained to say the words he exhaled a long breath before speaking.

  “Firstly, I need to address the issue of Darcy.”

  My teeth gritted so hard, my jaw hurt, as unwanted memories of the blonde vision, banding a diamond rock in my face and enlightening me on her betrothal to the man who I believed loved me, resounded in my head.

  “It’s not what you think, Ava. It never was. You saw what my Uncle and Darcy wanted you to see. You promised to hear me out regardless of what you saw or heard. You broke that promise and condemned me without question. You hurt me too.”

  “What did you expect?” I questioned with a tilt of my head. “How would you have felt if roles were reversed?”

  “I would have trusted in YOU. I would have given YOU the chance to explain to me. I could never walk away from you, ever. If you cheated on me, I’d bear it; just too at least have you partly in my life. I meant it when I said you are it for me Ava, there will never be anyone else. Where you’re concerned I’ll take whatever I’m privileged enough to get.”<
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  “Jesus, Jonah,” I whispered as the pain in my chest intensified. The sincerity of his voice and determination in those damn blue pools for eyes told me every word he spoke was heart felt. I did promise to listen, to believe in us, whether I heard or saw things I liked or not. That promise flew clear out of the window when confronted by Jonah and the woman I believed to be his fiancée, I judged him without allowing him the chance to explain. Confusion clouded my train of thought as doubt crept in. “She was wearing your ring, she knew I was raped.”

  His jaw tightened as he ran long fingers through his hair. “The ring wasn’t mine. Darcy’s parents are old friends of Benjamin’s. We knew each other as children and grew up in the same social circles. We had an on off thing for a while, nothing heavy and certainly no monogamous attachments. We fucked when she was in London and nothing more. If she ever built it into something relationship based then that was her own doing and not mine. When I confronted Benjamin and told him his deal was off the table, that I wasn’t willing to do his fucking dirty work, Darcy was staying with him for a week or two while on business. They concocted that little scene you witnessed between them as payback. Benjamin was seriously pissed at my backing out and Darcy believed there was a future for the two of us. I haven’t so much as masturbated once since we met and fucking another woman is out of the question. What you saw was revenge, pure and simple.”

  “But she knew I was raped. Apart from Charlotte you are the only person I have ever told about that.” Hot tears stung my eyes. That was the biggest betrayal of all. I had opened myself to Jonah like no other; let the vile truth spill out. To have him then disclose that fact to another, cut me deep.

  “Christ, Ava, do you really think so little of me that you believe I’m capable of something so despicable?” he threw his arms in the air with exasperation, “God, you never really did believe in me or trust me at all did you?”

  My head hung slightly as the tears threatened to fall, “I just....”

  “Darcy was in the house the night we came home from the club and you told me what that bastard did to you. She heard it from your mouth, not mine. I had no idea she was there. Benjamin, who apart from my cleaner, is the only other person that has one, gave her a key. She waited for me in the hope of sex when I returned, then hid upstairs when she saw I wasn’t alone.”

  I lifted my head as realisation hit me. “The female voice I heard that night, the arguing, that was her.”

  He nodded his head, “After you fell asleep, I went upstairs to get a blanket and that’s when I found her there. She had the gall to be fucked off at the fact I brought a woman home with me. As if it was any of her damn business,” he gritted his teeth. “She threatened to come down and confront you, tell you about the so called deal Benjamin told her we were involved in. Let’s just say things got heated and I threw her out. That’s when she decided to team with that heartless fuck and fake the whole engagement shit. There’s certainly truth in ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’.”

  I smiled weakly at his reference. “You should have told me about her when I asked you the next morning. I knew I heard a female’s voice. Why couldn’t you just be honest with me?”

  “And risk losing you?” He shook his head defiantly. “It wasn’t her place to spill my truths, Ava that was for me to do. I intended to that night, but once you told me about Matthews, it suddenly wasn’t the time or the place to do that. You looked so hurt, so fragile when you told me, I just couldn’t add to that.”

  “She’s in love with you.” I replied. That observation was clear.

  “Who gives a fuck?” Jonah spat back with venom. “I’m not hers to love. I’m yours. What she did that morning was unforgivable. She’s out of my life for good now and she knows it.”

  “You can’t blame her for loving you, Jonah. You’re easy to love.”

  “Jesus, not that shit again,” Jonah breathed out while standing in his chair. Looming over me, the sight of his delicious body so close, so warm and virile made me wet between the legs. Leaning back with a sigh, my eyes trailed his prominent abs, his taught pectorals and muscular arms. My mouth watered in reaction to all he embodied, raw, untamed, sexual prowess. Fuck, he was hot. Licking my dry lips, my eyes met his; a smirk now upturned those sumptuous lips. “Enjoying the view sweetheart?”

  My temperature soared a few more degrees as a fine sheen of sweat misted my skin. Awareness bumped across my body and shot white hot heat to my core. The pull was still there, as tangible and binding as it had been from day one. I wanted him to kiss me, taste me, fuck me until the world fell away and all that mattered was the race to orgasm. But reality slammed hard into me. He may have explained Darcy, but his deal to whore himself on his devious Uncle’s behalf still didn’t sit well with me at all. Moving my gaze to the shore line only metres away from where I sat, I calmed my laboured breathing.

  “Your Uncle told you to sleep with me for the inheritance didn’t he?”

  Jonah became uncomfortable instantly, and guilt wracked his beautiful face. Fisting his hands in the pockets of his black swim shorts, his head fell forward in shame. “Not exactly sleep with you, no,” his reply was muffled.

  “Then what did he tell you to do exactly?” I pushed. Shifting forward in my seat, I crossed my now slowly singeing arms across the cool table top and fixed my determined eyes on Jonah’s squirming frame.

  Lifting his head slowly with a defeated shrug of his defined shoulders, his troubled azure eyes barely held my stare, “Do we really need to do this, Ava, please sweetheart; don’t make me take you to places you really don’t want to go to.”

  I lifted a defiant chin and straightened my spine. “You’re damn straight we need to do this. I deserve the truth don’t you think?”

  A war raged in his dark irises, his jaw hardened and his lips set in a thin line. “Benjamin wanted me to get close to you, to persuade you to trust and confide in me with all matters regarding to both your monetary inheritance and business dealings. There were no specifications made on how I was supposed to go about doing that.”

  The remorse that tinged his usual soothing accented voice stirred emotions inside me…hatred and love. Hatred for the fact he had agreed to do his Uncle’s vile bidding and love for the fact he blatantly despised himself for doing so. From the brief details of his past he had divulged, Jonah had suffered emotional voids and maternal negligence as much as I had. Seeking approval and acceptance from important figures in your life obviously would be a natural reaction to such factors. I knew in my heart that anything he agreed to undertake at the request of his Uncle, the one man who had provided him with stability and a family attachment of sorts, was done so out of loyalty and a misguided sense of duty. I hated Benjamin ‘asshole’ Jacobson more than a human should right then in that moment.

  “So the connection you told me you felt, the need to have me that you told me you had harboured for over a year, that was all lies?” My voice was no more than a whisper as I held my breath and waited for his reply.

  Chapter Three

  The soft hum of the waves against the shore and the erratic thudding of my battered heart flooded my ears. Hearing the possibility that everything I believed we had shared, everything he made me feel were nothing more than lies conjured up through a sick and twisted deal to get my inheritance would devastate me if proved to be true. There was no denying now, with the man I wanted more than life itself stood precariously close, that Jonah had become a rare, precious entity in my troubled life that I was barely able to live without.

  Firmly fixing a stern, sincere look on his face, he looked me head on and spoke without hesitation. “I agreed to do as Benjamin asked before we met. The moment I saw you, recognised you from the restaurant, all deals were off the table. I admit it was no coincidence that I sat in on the meeting; Benjamin arranged it that way. You grabbed my attention immediately, drew me in just as you had previously. I knew I could never add to the pain in those beautiful eyes of yours.” Bending over me, hi
s warm hand grabbed my chin and lifted my head. “Maybe I did push things with you more than I would with any other client, partly because I needed to keep Benjamin quiet and happy but mostly because you captivated me, Ava.”

  I shook my chin from his grasp and stood quickly. His answer hadn’t been the one I wanted, no, desperately, needed to hear. “So you admit the first meeting at my home was not because you needed me or wanted to be with me. It was because you were keeping your fucking Uncle happy?”

  “You misunderstand me,” he urged as he grabbed both my upper arms. Electric pulses swept my skin, my flesh heated underneath his hands.

  “I misunderstood nothing,” I replied, urgently needing to distance myself from his searing touch, a touch that could scatter my senses and burn through my defence barriers at will.

  “Fuck it, Ava, let me finish before you run the hell off.” His voice was insistent as his grip squeezed the top of my arms tighter.

  “Finish what?” I attempted to wriggle from his hold, but to no avail. “Nothing you’re saying makes any sense.”

  He caught me to him with ferocious force, his hand snaking around my waist tightly and his free hand restraining my arms at the wrist, behind my back as I tried to move away from him. He locked me against him, every solid ridge of muscle taut against my frame. My breath stuttered, blood gushed through my veins and my sex clenched in delicious delight as his semi hard erection pressed against my lower stomach. I opened my mouth to protest, to scream, to shout, hell knows exactly what I wanted to do, but the soft, ardent seal of lips around my mouth muffled the sound. My mouth moulded against his of its own accord, his lust wet and moist on my lips. With a moan, I softened into his body, kissing him back... His tongue plunged into my mouth, tasting my tongue and lips. The groan of pleasure deep in his throat heightened my hunger as his hard body shuddered against mine. God I missed this, I missed him so much. I kissed him back as though I was starved for him. I gave into all the pain, heartache and grief, forgetting everything, but the feel of his mouth warm and hot against mine. I pulled away, lips swollen and my lungs gasping for air. The adoration and stirred hunger were evident in Jonah’s eyes as his chest heaved against mine, equally searching for breath. I could taste him on my lips; smell his masculine flavour radiating from his tanned skin. I’d forgot over the last few weeks just how utterly intoxicating he was. And I was seriously close to succumbing to his draw without having all of my questions answered.