A New Leash on Life

by Suzie Carr

  “Correction. Your ankles. Mine were perfectly fine.”

  “That was a fun night.” She turned to me, and back came the smolder in her eyes.

  That night we had sex under the stars of their patio while Sinatra crooned in the background. “Indeed, it was.” I slipped into her spell so easily.

  Chloe must’ve read my signal correctly because she left town right after Fido’s shot, citing something about needing to take care of something important. When I asked her what was so important, she shrugged and said she’d fill me in soon enough.

  ~ ~

  Chloe arrived back in town the same day a family came in and adopted Max, our Rottie. Chloe and I bawled as the family strolled out of the front door, walking their new family member by a shiny leash and collar bedazzled with silver and emerald jewels, handcrafted by his new sister, Desiree. She latched onto his leash and skipped down the front walk with him and he trotted alongside of her like a brother always meant to be by her side. He adored her already, and I just knew before that little girl closed her eyes to sleep that night, Max would be snuggled up to her, happy to be alive and happy to be loved by such a beautiful family.

  No more nights spent alone in his kennel. He trotted with his head high and a happy skip to his step.

  Chloe stepped in and cradled me, and I allowed several months’ worth of anxiety over Max to unleash. She swooned and cuddled me closer. “Come on. Let’s get you a hot cup of tea.”

  I walked with her, sniffing and carrying on like a mother sending her child off to college. “I’m going to miss him,” I said as we got to the pharmacy area and stood beside each other at the counter staring at a box of Advantix Flea and Tick medicine.

  She touched my hand. “That’s what I admire most about you,” she said in a whisper. “I don’t know anyone with as much compassion as you.”

  Exhausted from the emotions, I fell into her comforting embrace. “It’s so hard sometimes.”

  She massaged my shoulders. “You’re awfully cramped.”

  I moaned. Her deep kneading relaxed me.

  She circled behind me, warming my neck with her hot breath. “I can’t promise Melanie’s magic healing power,” she whispered, “but I can promise to try.”

  I melted under her feathery touch. “Melanie wouldn’t approve of that being a chakra point.”

  Chloe closed in tighter, her breath bathing and tickling the side of my neck. “Well, it’s a good thing she’s not here, isn’t it?” Her voice strolled out all flirty and seductive, a sound I welcomed. “You’re starting to relax.”

  I swayed, delirious from her light fragrance. Her seductive touch swept me away again, just as it did years ago. Her delicate touch, her sultry voice, her light-hearted vibe combined to form a spell over me. My toes and legs numbed, and I could barely manage a breath.

  She cradled my shoulders in her strong hands and massaged down my arms, flinging nervous energy off of me like she was clearing rainwater from the hood of a car. My defenses disappeared along with my resolve to stay strong. Then, she circled me towards her, cradled my face in between her two soft hands and stared deeply into my eyes. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  What was I doing? I could hear Josh’s echo of how I needed to be careful. I didn’t care. I wanted to give in to her. I wanted danger. I wanted to stand on that ledge with my feet half-dangling. I wanted to lose focus if only for an hour, staring into her pretty eyes, getting lost in her shiny hair, inhaling her delicate scent. My heart twirled around in a gazillion circles. For just one moment, I wanted to be free.

  I grabbed her hand and led her back past the kennels, past the free roaming cat room where cats were hanging out together on carpeted podiums, past the exam rooms, past the colorful mural of dancing doggies and hopping rabbits and straight towards my office. I turned back to her, a familiar smile spread across her face, danced on her lips, played on her eyes. The spark in her eyes intensified as I lifted my free hand to her soft cheek. I caressed her face, longing for more. She closed her eyes and drew a visible breath. Her chest bellowed in and out, an obvious heartbeat in check. Her eyelids fluttered and her hand trembled in mine. When she opened her eyes, I moved in closer wanting her breath to wash over my face. I closed my eyes now, sealing in this moment when love tickled my core. Her soft skin, her delicate summer scent, her strong fingers caressing mine, a sweet combination that lured me to seek more. Just as she had done to me so many times, I drew her to me this time and kissed her with a new hunger, one that stirred every nerve in my body to full attention. She placed her hand on the back of my head and pressed me harder against her, vying for that control that raised her to a level unparalleled to anyone of her stature, her beauty, her grace. She backed up towards my futon, never taking her lips off of mine, pulling me along with her, past the file cabinet, past the printer, past the floor lamp with an oil ring that smelled of vanilla and clove. Once at the futon, we tore off each other’s shirts, shorts, and bras, hungry to feast, famished from years of starving ourselves from each other.

  We landed on the futon couch and tossed aside leashes and collars and dog toys. I caressed her, cradled her to me, and grazed her in kisses, wrapping her in love. I pulled her tight low ponytail out of her hair and let it flow. My fingers laced in her sleek black mane. I twirled it round and round my finger, staring at it, mesmerized by its shine, its vibrancy, its strength. I twirled a piece and slid my finger to its edge, then gently down to her breast. I circled her nipple, aroused by the way it hardened. I reached out for her hair and placed it atop both of her shoulders, cradling her like a stole. “Why don’t you wear your hair down like this anymore?” I whispered into her mouth.

  She kissed me sweetly, her tongue lingering on mine. “If I would’ve known you liked it like that I would’ve worn it this way more often.”

  I couldn’t kiss her hard enough now. I pressed her to me, stroking her back, enjoying the tickle of her bare breasts against mine. I melted into her embrace, savoring her delicate, sweet taste. I couldn’t press against her hard enough. My hunger for her overpowered my ability to control the intensity.

  Chloe commanded the scene, rolling me over on my back and grazing my skin with her lips, soft caresses planted carefully and gingerly from my neck to my shoulder to the curve of my breast. She swooned her way down my cleavage and onto my belly button, circling it with a reverence she’d yet to show me. I moaned, unable to keep the pleasure to myself. She responded with a stronger grip on my hips and a firmer, more seductive kiss traveling down past my bikini line and into a place of extreme highs. I clung to her thick hair, twirling it and stroking it between my fingers as she planted her tongue, her love, in me, taking me to new heights, new pleasures, new ecstasy.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chloe

  We had dozed off for an hour after making love. When I woke up, Olivia’s arm was draped around me, her leg entwined in mine. I kissed her hand, and she stirred, moaned, and pressed closer into me. I pulled her arms tighter around me, not wanting this moment to get away from us. I wished I could’ve sealed us into a cocoon, not permitting the rest of the world and all of its hurtful truths from entering. Josh popped into my mind. Then Ayla. Then I saw Olivia taking her love back from me. I clung tighter.

  “You’re trembling,” Olivia said, brushing wisps of my hair away from my neck. “Are you cold?” She caressed my neck with her warm lips, cuddling up closer to me.

  “I’m not cold,” I said. “Just really happy right now.” I turned and faced her, brought her hand up to my lips and kissed it, staring deep into her loving eyes. If only I could keep this love intact.

  She kissed me. We lingered on our lips, each teasing the other with a flick of our tongues. She giggled and I squeezed her. She giggled more, and I tickled her belly. She kicked and wriggled out of my arms. I didn’t stop. I pressed on with my tickles to her flat tummy. She responded with a bold grip of my wrists and a wrestling stronghold with her legs. Paralyzed beneath her now, I convulsed into laught
er, squirming, kicking, and pushing against her grip.

  We giggled and lost ourselves in each other all over again.

  A few hours had passed since we had first sealed off from the rest of the shelter. We emerged back out to the kennel area, a bit disheveled. Trevor took one look at us and a lopsided grin propped up on his face. Natalie couldn’t meet our eye. She danced around the obvious with a pressing request to work with a new collie who had just arrived and needed some guidance on how to sit and stay when one of us entered her kennel. Olivia turned right back into serious mode, fully taking back command of her shelter and any suspicion that she had just let her hair down and gone a little wild for once.

  When Olivia walked away from Trevor and me, he winked at me and turned red. I punched his arm and told him to get his head out of the gutter.

  ~ ~

  Later that night, back when the shelter cleared out and Olivia sat in her office at her computer, I snuck in and locked the door. I scooted up around behind her and placed my arms around her neck, dangling my hands at her breasts. “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Look at how adorable Jacqueline is. She rides a motorcycle. Melanie would totally love riding along with Penny in her sidecar.”

  I kissed her neck, hungry for more of her. “You are stalking her.”

  She craned her neck into me, causing my lips to press even harder against her skin. She smelled like Dove soap. “Melanie’s the one who keeps asking me to dig up more.”

  I traveled my lips down her neck onto her collarbone. “Why doesn’t Melanie just stalk her, then?”

  “Melanie doesn’t own a computer. She doesn’t have an email address. She only knows what Facebook is now because I showed her Jacqueline’s pictures. I think she’s in love.”

  “Come here.” I pulled her away from the computer and back over to her futon again. She stole position with me and pushed me down on it.

  She straddled me, pressing my arms down with her delicate hands. I wriggled under her, and couldn’t budge.

  “You are a class-A control freak,” I said to her.

  Olivia giggled, flipped her head backwards and then landed on my lips.

  “That’s sexy,” I told her.

  She commanded control of me for the next hour, weaving her tongue back and forth across my skin as if creating an invisible shield that only she could penetrate. She circled my body, inside and out, sending warm tingles and surges of pleasure through me, making me her prisoner. I surrendered to her control over me, allowing her to bring me back and forth to that point where pleasure and hunger met and formed pure energy, perpetual fire, steamy bliss where all one could do was fold in on herself and cave in to the moment.

  ~ ~

  When I arrived back home, Aunt Marie was preparing fried rice and shrimp for dinner. I sat on the stool and confessed my afternoon to her. She arched an eye, tossed some soy sauce in the fried rice mixture and said, “You need to tell her.”

  “I’ll tell her in time.” Pleasure still swam through me, tickling me between my legs, around my nipples, and deep down in the farthest reaches of my tummy.

  “The longer you wait, the more shocked she’ll be when you tell her.” She stirred the fried rice. It sizzled in the skillet and smelled like heaven. “She’s not going to trust you if you continue to toy with her.”

  “It’s been thirteen years. What’s another couple of days or weeks?” How would I come out and say I not only cheated on you and got pregnant, but your brother is the father?

  She cracked an egg over the rice just the way we all loved it. “Ayla,” she called out. “Come and get it while it’s hot.”

  Aunt Marie wiped the counter with the dirty dishrag. I hated when she did this. “That is full of germs.”

  She rolled her eyes all knowing. “I’ve been doing this for years. Have you died, yet?”

  Ayla appeared wearing her pink and gray sweatshirt and blue jeans. She looked adorable. “Can I go back and see General?”

  I couldn’t look my teenage girl in the eye. I had just made love to her aunt, to her father’s sister, sister of the man who disowned her, sister of the man she desperately wanted to meet.

  “We’ll go soon.” I smoothed her wild hair. “I figured we could eat dinner together tonight and maybe watch a movie.” I bowed down to scoop up a spoonful of rice.

  “But Scott’s taking us to the basketball game, remember?”

  Scott. I still hadn’t told her I’d broken it off with him the past weekend after Olivia and I bathed Bumblelina. “I won’t be going.”

  “Mom. You’re never around to do anything anymore.”

  Aunt Marie peeked up at me as she shoveled a spoonful of rice in her mouth. She cocked her head as if to say my little girl had a point.

  “I’ve just been really busy.”

  Ayla rolled her eyes. “I know you broke up with him.”

  “Did he tell you?” I asked, mortified that a grown man would do that.

  “Alexia told me. She heard him crying. Well, she said sobbing. So she asked him what happened and he told her.”

  “Sobbing?” This annoyed me more than saddened me.

  “Yes.” She squared off with me, standing not more than a foot from me. “He loved you.”

  We both stood, arms folded across our chests, battling her desire for a father figure in her life. Hurt brimmed my little girl’s eyes.

  “I wasn’t in love with him.”

  “I know,” she said, softening.

  “You know?” I smoothed her hair again, exercising my maternal right.

  “You like Dr. Olivia.”

  “No, I don’t.” I was ten-years-old again, brushing away rumors that I liked Amanda Hodkins.

  She scoffed and hightailed out of the kitchen. “Whatever, then.”

  “Hang on,” I screamed out. “You can’t talk to me like that, young lady.”

  “Whatever.” she screamed back at me and stormed off.

  Fifteen minutes later, with me fuming in the kitchen with Aunt Marie, Scott beeped his car horn and Ayla ran out of the front door without saying goodbye.

  I ran after her, opened the front door and screamed out to her like a raving lunatic mother. “Ayla, I want you home by eight o’clock sharp.”

  Ayla turned to me before getting into the backseat of Scott’s SUV and waved at me like we’d just shared a nice ice cream cone before she bolted out of the house. “Sure thing, Mom. See you at eight.” She hopped in and closed the door and smiled at me like a good daughter should.

  Scott waved.

  I waved back.

  I turned to go back in the house and Aunt Marie shrugged and flashed me a knowing smirk.

  “Too much?” I asked her.

  “Overload.” Aunt Marie twisted her mouth in pain. “Screaming is bad enough to do in front of your recent ex. Not so cool in front of your daughter’s friends. She’s not one who likes to be embarrassed.”

  I exhaled and dropped my shoulders in defeat. Aunt Marie swooped in and led me back into the kitchen. “I am totally in love with Olivia and she’s going to hate me when she finds out about Josh. I am screwed.” I tapped the counter with my fist. “What am I going to do?”

  “You’re going to start by having a mango martini with your favorite aunt, followed up by a good game of Rummy.”

  A competitive card game, alcohol, and fruit answered to everything and anything stress related with Aunt Marie. “Why do you put up with me?”

  She squeezed me. “Because I love you, kiddo.”

  “I can’t lose Olivia again.”

  “I didn’t know you had her again.”

  I smiled and flushed.

  “Did you fuck her?”

  I laughed at my aunt’s boldness. “I didn’t fuck her. I made love to her.”

  “You don’t miss having a guy’s, you know…”

  “Penis?”

  “I hate that word. It’s so clinical,” she said.

  “Dick?”

  “Worse. That sound
s dirty.”

  I chuckled at my aunt’s innocence.

  “Vagina has a much better ring to it,” she said. “I need to think up a good name for a man’s thing.”

  “Or how about we just don’t talk about a man’s thing. Unless of course there’s a man with a thing who we need to be talking about?” My aunt would never disengage from her independent life. She loved reading books on her Kindle, watching Dr. Oz, polishing her cherry wood furniture and eating Doritos while playing a challenging game of Spider Solitaire.

  “You’re right. No need to name it.” She bent down and took out the blender from underneath the counter. “Can you pass me the mangos in the basket?”

  So ended one of the strangest, most awkward conversations I’d yet to have with my dear Auntie Marie.

  ~ ~

  I snuck into Ayla’s room later on. She snored gently, covered up with her pink blanket and cuddling up to our two cats, Tom and Jerry. She woke when I sat down. She groaned and stretched. “What are you doing in here?”

  “I missed you, that’s all.”

  She plopped her head back down on her pillow and I rubbed her back until she fell back asleep.

  I couldn’t deal well with people hating me. The look of disgust, the scoffing, the finger-pointing, all knotted up in my stomach and rendered me incapable of sleeping, eating, sometimes even breathing. That’s why I ran away from Olivia thirteen years ago. I couldn’t face hurting her. Back then, I thought, I’d come back when I had adopted out the baby and she’d never even have to know I hurt her. I could chalk up my disappearance to bad choices over an acting career in New York City. Back before I knew how deeply I had gotten into trouble, I thought I could play off my disappearing act like I’d spent countless months touring the city’s bohemian and theatre sections, living recklessly. I could lie and say all of the wild carousing taught me that wanderlust didn’t define life—love did—and then we’d make up for the lost time. But then, I gave birth to Ayla. I saw that beautiful face, those tiny little fingers, and perfect toes, and I couldn’t give her up. I couldn’t lie and say I’d spent the summer traveling through New York to get work as an actress. I couldn’t act for shit, so that lie would never have panned out. I could hardly get an audition, never mind a part.