by Hannah Jayne
I was pacing outside the ladies’ room when Will came up to me, smiling broadly. “That was brilliant, love, really.”
“Did you see the computer screen?”
“Three thirty-seven. Thanks for getting security off my back, too.”
“Next time, let me do the talking.”
We took the stairs and I was huffing by the time we reached the third floor. I assumed it was the altitude and helped myself to a chocolate off the maid’s cart as we counted off the rooms.
“Here we are, room 337,” Will said.
“Okay.”
We stood and stared at each other. “Okay, what?” Will asked.
“Knock.”
Will rapped on the door and we stood, waiting, silent.
Nothing happened. I pressed my ear to the door.
“Do you hear anything?” Will asked.
I shook my head. “Well, that was a big waste.”
“Not at all.” Will threw on that charming, sheepish grin, which he did so well, and strolled down to the maid who was locking up room 341.
“Hi there. My wife and I are here on our second honeymoon”—he looked over his shoulder at me and I gaped, wondering how he could muster a bashful blush on command—“and we seemed to have locked ourselves out of our room. It’s our first time here, and we’re just so excited to see the city.”
The woman looked around Will at me and I nodded quickly, feeling my ponytail bobbing.
“We’re from the UK,” Will continued.
“Yes, yes,” I said, coming closer to Will and pouring on my Madonna/Gwyneth faux English accent. “I thought I had the key in the boot, but the hubby here thinks we left it in the room when we went out for a pint.”
Will looked at me. “Cut it out,” he whispered.
“Blimey,” I continued, slapping a palm to my forehead. “I’d forget me head if it weren’t attached to me shoulders, that I would.”
The maid said nothing, but slipped her keycard into the lock. The little green light flashed and Will pushed open the door, smiling gratefully. “Thank you.”
“Pip-pip,” I called, waving.
Will pushed me into Harley’s room and slammed the door behind us. “‘Pip-pip’?” he mocked. “‘Blimey’? Where the hell did you get your English?”
I put my hands on my hips. “I was playing along, asshat. And now I’m wondering why.”
“What do you mean?”
I flicked on the light and Harley’s hotel room looked like every other hotel room in the Mark Hopkins hotel—elegant, lushly appointed, without a blood-written message alerting us to the room owner’s murderous desires.
“We’re here in Harley’s room. You know who’s not here? Harley. He’s probably out killing Nina as we speak.”
“This was your idea, love.”
I slumped on the bed. “I guess I didn’t really consider what would happen if we didn’t find Harley.”
“What were you planning if we would have found him?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Citizen’s arrest. Mythical ass kicking. Maybe get him vanquished by those sisters on Charmed?”
Will sat down next to me and slung an arm over my shoulders; then handed me his cell phone. “There’s only one way to find out if Nina is safe tonight.”
I took the phone and dialed Nina’s, counting the rings.
“Wait a second,” Will said, ears pricking. “Listen.”
I pulled the phone from my ear and cocked my head. “Nina’s phone is ringing in stereo.”
“Wait a second,” I heard, “it’s my roommate.”
Will and I looked at each other. Nina’s voice was muffled, slightly. “Let me just turn this off,” Nina said.
The dial tone droned in my ear. “She just turned me off!”
Before I could continue my tirade, Will grabbed me by the wrist and hurled me to the floor.
“What—”
He clamped a hand over my mouth—hard—and slid with me under the bed. It was then I heard the lock jiggle and Nina’s voice came closer.
“They’re here!” I hissed in Will’s ear.
“Way to get in the game,” Will whispered back.
I watched Nina’s elegant heels walk across the surprisingly plush carpet; then I watched Harley’s polished wingtips follow. There was some murmured conversation; by the cadence and tone Harley and Nina were exchanging some grossly sexual banter. I looked at Will; my lip curled into a disgusted snarl. He waggled his eyebrows at me. If the intent was to be suggestive, it missed the mark and lodged securely in “ew.”
My ear pricked when I heard Nina’s voice drop into her singsong, sexy, sweet sound—the one usually reserved for big fangs and large favors. I pressed my forefinger in front of my lips, should Will decide to talk.
“Listen,” I mouthed.
“Harley, sweetie,” Nina said while I watched her press up onto her tiptoes. “I’m so thirsty.”
Will looked at me. Even under the faint, dusty light of the bed skirt, I could see that he was clearly alarmed. Frankly, so was I.
“Well, maybe we should see what we’ve got in the minibar,” Harley said, his voice deep and sexy.
“Oh, sweetie. You know what I’m really thirsty for?”
I felt a hot wire split down my spine. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My own roommate gone rogue? My heart thumped painfully, and my fingers curled into the carpet. I gripped down to the studs.
“I just have this absolute craving”—Nina’s voice was a slow, seductive drawl—“for a French 75.”
Even from under the bed, the dumb-dog smile was evident on Harley’s face.
“Oh, yeah? What happens in a French 75?”
“It’s a cocktail, silly.”
Harley’s “oh” sounded crushed.
I watched Nina’s pointy-toed shoes move closer to Harley’s shiny ones, and I guessed she was pressing her body up against him in that way she had, snaking her arms around his neck, lips brushing his ear.
“I would do anything for a French 75. Be a dear and get me one.”
Harley broke toward the phone. “Let me call room service.”
“No”—there was an audible pout—“that will take too long. Run downstairs for me, sweetie? I would be so happy.” Harley didn’t answer and Nina drawled on. “And it would give me some time to freshen up.”
Will and I exchanged relieved looks when we heard the quick smack of Harley’s lips on Nina’s; we watched his wingtips hightail it for the door.
“What the hell is wrong with you two?”
“Aghhh!” Will and I both shrieked at the two coal black eyes that glared at us from under the dust ruffle. Will must have tried to make a break for it, because the next thing I heard was the unmistakable thunk of skull on box spring and Will grumbling while his hand massaged his forehead. “Son of a bitch.”
“Both of you perverts, out of there. Now.”
Nina pointed to the ground and Will and I shimmied out from underneath the bed like panicked puppies. If we’d had tails, they would have been firmly planted between our legs.
“What are you guys doing here?” Nina hissed over her shoulder as she crossed the room and threw the lock on the door.
Will leaned into me and barely moved his lips. “Oh God. Does that mean she’s going to kill us now?”
“Maybe,” Nina said, nostrils flaring. She was suddenly—noiselessly—a half inch from Will’s nose.
“Nina,” I said, sighing, “we need to talk to you.”
Nina lodged her hands firmly on her narrow hips. “And you couldn’t use the phone?”
I put a gentle hand on Nina’s cold forearm, then led her to the end of the bed. “Sit down, Neens. This isn’t going to be easy to say.” I licked my lips and looked from Nina to Will, who lowered his eyes solemnly. “Nina, Harley’s going to kill you.”
The edge of Nina’s lip twitched, and then the other one. She blinked, probably a half-dozen times. I watched her form fists, then stretch out her fingers. She wouldn’t lo
ok at me, and I put my hand on her knee.
“Are you okay?”
I felt the tremor roil through her before I heard the sound—a wild, high-pitched gurgle. I looked at Will; his eyes were wide, alarmed.
“Nina?”
She was shaking now; her tiny shoulders spasming; tears streaming down her face.
And then came the laughter.
“This is funny to you?” I gaped.
“No,” she barely managed to gasp out.
“We’re here to save your life!”
“That’s what’s so funny,” Nina gushed, pressing her palms against her mouth.
I stood up and stomped ineffectually. “Shut up! I’ve saved your life before! Why should this be any different?”
Nina doubled over, still engulfed in silent, hilarious spasms. When I looked at Will, he simply shrugged his shoulders; then cracked his own toothpaste-commercial smile.
I shook Nina’s shoulders, forcing her to look up at me. “Look, Nina. I’ve read Harley’s book, and all signs point to him as the Underworld killer. If he knows you’re onto him—or that you’re a vampire—then you’re probably next.”
Nina waggled her fingers at me. “Oooh, ominous! Sophie, Harley is no killer.” She patted my head affectionately. “But I love your paranormal paranoia. It’s sweet. And besides, don’t you think I could handle myself against Harley if ”—she held up a single finger—“it was necessary?”
Will sat down next to Nina on the bed and I wriggled between them.
“Normally, you aren’t the one I worry about in hand-to-fang combat. But Harley knows things, Nina. He knows about silver bullets and banshees and stuff. He’d know how to take down a vampire. He’d know how to take you down,” I implored. All of the angst of the occasion finally came out and walloped me. Suddenly I was hunched in Nina’s lap, crying, her cold fingers tenderly sliding through my hair.
“There, there, Sophie. It’s okay. I’m not dead. No one’s going to kill me.”
“I couldn’t stand it if anyone hurt you!”
“Oh, sweetie ...” Nina pushed me up so I was looking directly at her. She thumbed away the tears that kept spilling down my cheeks. “Will’s going to drive you home. Right Will?”
I could see Nina look over my head, her eyes focused on Will. He must have nodded or done something else in the affirmative because Nina zoned in on me again, cocking her head at a sympathetic angle.
“Nothing is going to happen to me, I promise. I’ll just have one drink with Harley and then I’ll come home directly, okay? We’ll watch some TV, make fun of Vlad’s horrible fashion sense, and maybe post a few fake online profiles on eHarmony. Sound okay?”
I sniffed and nodded, and Will handed me a Kleenex. Nina chucked me softly under the chin, then said, “Now get out of here. I’d rather have Harley think I’m a vampire than the three of us are swingers.”
Nina led us to the door. Before we left, Will turned to her.
“How did you know we were under the bed?” he asked.
Nina pointed to her nose, cocked one annoyed eyebrow. “Now get out.”
“Well, that was pointless,” Will said as we waited for the elevator.
I blew my nose. “Nina might trust Harley, but I still don’t. There is something about him that gives me the heebie-jeebies.”
“Is that the paranormally technical term for Spidey sense?”
The ding from the elevator interrupted my plan to slug Will and we quickly spun to examine the opulent arrangement of orchids on a side table, our backs to the open elevator.
“Was that Harley?” Will murmured.
I chanced a glance over my shoulder and watched Harley sauntering down the hall toward the room we had just exited, balancing a bottle of champagne and a couple of flutes.
We caught Harley’s elevator and I crossed my arms while Will mashed the CLOSE button.
“You still think Harley’s the one, huh?”
“Who else could it be?”
“Nina’s a big girl, love. With, you know, fangs. She can take care of herself.” He slung an arm over my shoulders and pulled me close to him. I breathed in his clean, refreshing scent of bath soap and detergent. I allowed myself to rest my head against his shoulder, to consider the idea that the fate of the Underworld might not be on my shoulders for the next fifteen minutes.
“Fancy a pint?” Will asked when the elevator doors opened on the lobby.
I bit my lip, then smiled. “I fancy something with frosting.”
Will reflected my bright grin back. “I’m not really into all of that kinky stuff, but for you, love, I’m willing to risk the sticky.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
I slept restlessly. ChaCha was walking over me and covering me with hot doggie slobber. My mind alternately raced through every Underworld murderer scenario and images of beautiful red roses bursting into flames. I woke up with a start, and went nose to nose with Nina.
“Augh!” I screamed, and clutched at my chest. “My God, Nina, I told you not to do that.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, smiling sweetly. “I’ll send trumpeters ahead of me next time.”
My heart thundered in my ears. “That would be nice,” I yelled over the beat. “What are you doing in here?”
“I heard you tossing and turning.” She pulled her knees up to her chest, and dug her bare feet underneath my covers. “Want to talk?”
“I thought you were mad at me.”
She shook her head, pushing a lock of silky black hair over her shoulder. “I know you just worry about me.”
I nodded. “Not just you, Neens. This is big. I know I said that before, but I’m scared. This is big and it seems so close.” I looked at her; then I looked back at my bedspread. “And you and Harley are getting so close... .”
Nina slung a frozen arm over my shoulder and pulled me to her. “I told you, Soph, you and I are a package deal. I’m not going to go hightailing it off into the sunset with Harley.”
“Because that would make you burst into flames.”
Nina rolled her eyes. “Even when my novel gets picked up—”
“I’m not worried about you running off on a book tour with Harley, Nina. I’m worried about him being dangerous. His book—”
Nina held up a hand. “Soph, two days ago Dixon and VERM were responsible for all of this. A day before that, it was a fallen angel. Before that, it was random acts of demonic violence.”
“I wasn’t sure then.”
“And you’re still not. You’re looking for someone to fit your theory, and you’re making Harley fit. What about VERM? Their one goal in this afterlife is to restore vampires back to their former glory. Well, that and bring back the ascot.” She grinned. “Two major goals.”
“Nina, you know if you’re accusing VERM, you’re accusing Vlad.”
I could see Nina’s jaw stiffen as she gritted her teeth. “Not exactly. Dixon has his hands in VERM, too. He could be using them—using Vlad even—to do his dirty work. It would make sense, you know—the whole pull to bring the vampire population up by bringing the demon population down.”
“You really think VERM would have people out attacking demons—attacking me?”
Nina crossed her arms in front of her chest. The act wasn’t defiant, so much as challenging. “Do you really think my boyfriend would be out attacking demons—or you?”
I wanted to nod. I wanted to tell her, yes, that was exactly what I thought, but I couldn’t push that tiny, three-letter word past my teeth.
Instead, I looked over Nina’s head, looked at the clock, and said, “We’re going to be late for work.”
I spent the majority of my workday hiding in my office reading an ancient Nancy Drew mystery that I found under my bookcase and drawing a crude flow chart of Harley-as-the-Underworld-killer versus Vlad/ VERM-as-the-Underworld-killer. Neither of them got me anywhere, but no one bothered me, and no one came into my office—especially now that I was not only a breathing pariah, but also a pariah with
nothing but a broken file drawer stuffed with fast-food menus and a very well-organized line of Post-it notes.
I waited for most of the other employees to leave the office before I gathered my shoulder bag and the remains of my lunch and headed down the hallway. Eldridge was shrugging into his jacket and talking on his cell phone—an animated conversation about meeting someone for a Sound of Music sing-along. He missed me in his enthusiasm, and he also missed locking his office door behind him. I took the opportunity—and my renewed girl-power crime-fighter zeal—to sneak into his office. I clicked the door shut behind me, and dropped to my knees in the darkness. I knew better than to turn on a light, so I dug out my cell phone, crawling toward Eldridge’s desk by the pale, silvery cell phone glow. I slipped open his file drawer and pushed aside a stack of glamour magazines, only to find another stack. His calendar was filled with hair appointments and lunch dates—nothing incriminating. My heartbeat sped up when I looked over my shoulder toward Dixon’s office. The lights were out, and the door was cracked open a half inch. I pressed the cell phone out in front of me once more. Proud of my cat burglar prowess, I took a timid step forward—then another. My cell phone and extended arm were past the threshold into Dixon’s office. My heart was thundering in my ears; the blood coursing through my veins in tidal wave–sized torrents.
I crossed the threshold. I was breaking into a vampire’s private office.
I held my breath, willed my heart to slow to a nonfre-netic pace. And when my cell phone rang, I peed my pants. I also dropped my phone. Grabbing it, I shoved it into my pocket as I sped for the door, taking the corner of Eldridge’s desk to my midthigh. It threw me off balance, as did my shoulder bag loaded with a mushy banana, a bottle of water, and the aforementioned Nancy Drew book. We all went down in an inelegant heap on the industrial carpet. My head hit hard. The Nancy Drew book came around to wallop me in the temple, and I clamped my eyes and my teeth, biting down hard on my tongue. Pain seared through my jaw, and light flashed before my eyes.
It took all of a millisecond to realize the flashing light was coming from the fluorescent light above me and that Dixon was staring down at me, brown eyes sharp, lips pressed into something that resembled annoyance.