Beautifully Broken Life

by Catherine Cowles

  My heart thudded against my ribs. “Really? You’d do that?”

  Liam’s thumb swept across my cheek. “I think I’d do just about anything for you.”

  It was me who closed the distance. I couldn’t express what I wanted to any other way than my lips on his. The kiss was tentative at first, almost a little jerky. I was unsure if he might pull away. But the second his lips moved with mine, all of my hesitations vanished.

  Liam tilted my head for better access as his tongue swept inside, dancing with mine. He groaned. The kiss went on forever and yet was over far too soon. Liam pulled back with a muttered curse. “I have to stop now. I mean, fuck, I don’t want to stop, but I don’t think this is the time or the place.”

  Sheer panic at someone seeing us and at us taking this any further had my mind racing. And that same anxiety had my next words tumbling out before I could stop them. “I don’t know if I’m any good at sex.”

  Liam’s eyes widened, and then he burst out laughing. “What are you talking about?”

  I smacked him lightly on the chest. “It’s not funny.”

  Liam grinned down at me. “It’s a little funny. Why in the world would you say that?”

  I looked down, toying with the edge of my shirt. “I just... I’ve never really had good sex. I’ve only been with one person.” My cheeks heated. “And looking back, it was always about him. What he wanted. What he needed. It was all about power.” I swallowed thickly, embarrassment filling me at the admission.

  Liam placed a finger under my chin, gently lifting so that my gaze met his. “We are going to take this nice and slow. I’ll learn what you like, and I’m pretty damn sure whatever you do to me will drive me out of my skin because I’m basically a walking hard-on whenever you’re around.”

  My hand flew to my mouth as my eyes widened. “I wouldn’t have known.”

  Liam shook his head. “I guess that means you’re not looking at my crotch. I don’t know if I should be flattered or insulted.” I let out a snort of laughter. Liam squeezed me to him. “We’ll find our way, Tessa. Just give us some time.”

  Time was one of the many things I wasn’t sure was on our side.

  24

  Liam

  The light was fading as Tessa and I drove back through Sutter Lake after tending the horses. Tessa’s anxiety seemed to have lessened. Time with the horses always seemed to bring her peace. It was amazing to watch the way they eased each other.

  But an afternoon with Tessa in all the beauty that was the Cole Ranch had done nothing to dull the rage pumping through my veins. Not a damn thing. I clenched the steering wheel harder.

  I would never understand the need to tear someone down to make yourself feel better, whether that be physically or emotionally. And I had no doubt now that Tessa had endured both.

  I took a deep breath, forcing my hands to relax. Tessa did not need my rage right now. I glanced over at her. She stared out the window at the passing stores with a small smile on her lips—those gorgeously kissable lips. Don’t think about that, jackass.

  I cleared my throat. “Why don’t I drop you off, and then I’ll pick us up some dinner from the saloon? Burgers sound good?”

  Tessa turned to meet my gaze. That smile directed at me was like a fist to the gut in the best way possible. “Burgers sound great.”

  I pulled to a stop at the back of the Kettle. Shutting off the SUV, I jumped down to make it to Tessa’s door before she could open it. She grinned at me. “Such a gentleman.”

  I returned the tip of lips. “My mama did her best to raise me right.”

  A slight blush tinged Tessa’s cheeks. “I’d say she did a pretty fantastic job.”

  I guided Tessa towards the door with a hand at the small of her back. “What about your parents? Do they know where you are?” I wanted to take the question back as soon as I asked it.

  Pain filled Tessa’s eyes. “I don’t know where my dad is. My mom died in childbirth. I grew up in the foster care system.”

  My chest seized. This girl had been through far too much. In this moment, I knew I would do anything in my power to make her life easier, to let her know she had people now. She wasn’t alone. I brushed my lips against her temple. “You’re amazing, you know that? So fucking strong.”

  Tessa shuddered against me. “Some days, I don’t feel very strong. Some days, I feel like a coward for running.”

  I squeezed her to me. “You did what you had to do, and it was so damn brave.”

  Tessa ducked her head as she fumbled for the keys in her bag. “Thank you.”

  I took them from her and unlocked the door. “I’ll walk you up.” It was going to be a battle for me to leave Tessa alone for even a second. I knew I’d have to at some point, but I could also take a few extra precautions.

  Tessa tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You don’t have to. I’m fine.”

  I edged closer, kissing her temple again. It was fast becoming an addiction. Just that brush of lips against innocent skin, that hint of lavender as I inhaled, it eased me somehow. “You’re gonna have to put up with me being overprotective after what you told me today.” Tessa stiffened in my arms. I gave her a squeeze. “Please, I’m trying to hold it together. Just give me this.”

  Tessa relaxed the slightest bit in my arms, her head falling to rest against my chest. “I’m sorry I burdened you with all this.”

  I tugged gently on Tessa’s braid, tipping her face up so she met my gaze. “Never apologize for sharing yourself with me. Hard things you’ve been through, amazing things you’ve experienced…I want to know everything. I want it all. Every last piece of you.”

  Tessa stretched up on her toes, brushing her lips against mine. “I’ll work on it.”

  A grin stretched across my face. “Let’s start with the important stuff. What kind of cheese on your cheeseburger?”

  The most gorgeous smile split her lips. “Sharp cheddar.”

  I let my head fall back. “Thank, God.” Tessa giggled. I tipped my head back down. “French fries or onion rings?”

  “French fries.”

  I shook my head. “You’re losing me there…”

  Tessa pushed at my chest. “I think you’ll survive. But you’ve forgotten the most important question of all.”

  My eyebrow arched. “Oh, yeah? And what’s that?”

  She grinned. “Flavor of milkshake.”

  I stepped back, my hand clutching my chest as I let out a gasp. “How could I forget?”

  “For a self-proclaimed dessert connoisseur, I’m pretty appalled.”

  I reached out for the edge of Tessa’s shirt, pulling her to me. “Okay, Miss Milkshake, what’s your flavor pick?”

  Tessa looked up at me, her eyes dancing. “Oreo cookie malt, of course.”

  My mouth fell open. “That’s my favorite, too.”

  She brushed her lips against mine. “I guess that means I can keep you around.”

  I pulled my ballcap down as I leaned against the bar, waiting for our food. My low profile had just become that much more important. I pulled my phone from my back pocket. I shot off a text to Austin and Ford in LA, asking how things were going for them.

  I kept scrolling through various icons before pulling up one of my social media accounts. My label kept them active for me, but I did my best to respond to fans whenever I could. I looked through comments on a photo of one of my live shows last year, replying to every few messages.

  My thumb froze over a comment. “Why don’t you ever respond anymore? I guess I’m just going to have to come and find you.” People were freaking crazy sometimes. I took in the user name. KSpeak. It had to be the same girl. Her motionless body on blood-soaked sheets flashed in my mind. Fuck.

  I motioned to the bartender. “I gotta make a call. I’ll be right back.”

  He jerked up his chin at me. “Sure thing.”

  I made my way through the restaurant and to the back alley, scrolling as I went. The username appeared again. And again. I exit
ed the app and thumbed through my recent contacts. I hit the LA area code.

  A gravelly voice answered. “Detective Ruiz.”

  My hand tightened around the phone. “Hi, Detective. It’s Liam Fairchild.”

  “Hello, Mr. Fairchild. What can I do for you?”

  I was probably making too much of this. My nerves were on edge after everything that Tessa had shared with me today. “I think I might be making too much of something.”

  A door snicking closed sounded across the line. “Always better to err on the side of caution. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

  I pulled a guitar pick out of my pocket and began flipping it back and forth between my fingers. “I got a slightly weird comment on a social media post, and I think it might be Kimberly Speakman.”

  “Can you text me a link to the post?”

  “Sure. Hold on.” I minimized the phone call, pulling up my social account and sending the link off to Detective Ruiz. I put the phone back to my ear just as a ding sounded.

  “Give me a second.”

  “Of course.” I paced the narrow width of the alley as I waited, listening only to the muffled sound of music from the restaurant, and Ruiz clicking his keyboard.

  The sounds of typing stopped. “I think we might have a problem.”

  My gut tightened. “What?”

  “The account does appear to belong to Ms. Speakman, and she’s commented on your page eight hundred and sixty-two times in the past two days alone.”

  I swallowed. “She’s obviously sick. I just don’t want her to hurt herself again. Can’t they bring her in for another hold?”

  “I’ll get in touch with her doctor and see what we can do. In the meantime, I want you to be cautious. You never know how people who become this singularly focused will react.”

  Ruiz had no idea how cautious I was going to be, but it wasn’t because of some obsessed fan. “Trust me, I’m cautious. But I really don’t think it’s me you need to be worried about. It’s this woman.”

  Detective Ruiz cleared his throat. “We’ll be careful all the way around. How about that?”

  I adjusted my ballcap. “That’s fair.”

  “I’ll keep you up-to-date with my progress.”

  I headed back towards the door. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

  “Talk soon.”

  “Have a good night.” I hit end on my screen and pulled open the door. This was the last thing I needed to deal with. I roughly shoved the phone into my pocket. I just needed to take precautions. No photos with fans. Avoid going out as much as possible. It wasn’t forever. It was just for now.

  I grabbed my food from the bartender with a muttered thanks and walked back to the Kettle. Tessa had let me borrow her keys, so I was able to let myself in through the back door. My boots stomped up the wooden stairs. I knocked on the door to Tessa’s apartment, not wanting to let myself in.

  “Just a second.” The door swung open, and there stood Tessa in nothing but a towel.

  My Adam’s apple bobbed as my throat went dry. Long, lean legs peeked out from terrycloth that was too short and too long all at the same time. Her skin was creamy white, and my hands itched to see if it was as smooth as it looked. My gaze traveled up Tessa’s body to where she held the top of the towel together at her breasts. Creamy swells. Shit. I blinked furiously, trying to break my gaze.

  Tessa cleared her throat, and I finally focused on her face, her cheeks pink. “Sorry, I needed a quick shower. I smelled like horses.”

  I nodded, the movement jerky. What was I, fifteen again? “I got our food.” I held up the bag in my hand.

  “Thank you for doing that. I’m just going to get changed real quick.”

  I stayed rooted to my spot. “Of course.”

  Tessa turned and picked up a pile of clothes from her bed. The towel rode up higher on her thighs. I looked at the ceiling. “There are drinks in the fridge if you want to grab something,” she called as she headed for the bathroom.

  “Thanks.” I closed and locked the door and then headed for the kitchen. “You’ve got to get a grip, man,” I muttered to myself. I pulled plates from the cabinets, distributing the burgers and fries on each one and placing them on the table. I set the milkshakes down next. Opening the fridge, I grabbed myself a Coke.

  I felt pinpricks in my leg, and my gaze shot down to see a tiny, orange furball climbing up my jeans, cast and all. “Trouble. Why aren’t I surprised?” I pulled the kitten off my pants and held him to my chest. He swatted at my face, apparently upset that I’d ruined his fun climbing game. “You have a whole climbing tree that cost about three hundred dollars. Why don’t you use that?” Another swat.

  The sound of the bathroom door opening reached my ears, and Tessa rounded the corner wearing a pair of yoga pants that hugged every curve and a tee that hung off one shoulder. Her hair was twisted up in a towel. She had no idea how gorgeous she was.

  Tessa took in the Coke in one hand and the kitten in my other. “Sorry I don’t have beer or anything.” She reached out, taking Trouble from me. “Come here, baby,” she cooed. Of course, the cat curled up in her arms and started purring, no clawed swats at all.

  I shook my head and looked at the can I was holding. “This is perfect.” The last thing I needed was alcohol. I needed all the restraint I could muster around this woman. “What can I get you?”

  “I’ll take one of those.” Tessa inclined her head towards my Coke.

  I reached into the fridge and pulled out another can.

  Tessa took in the table. “Do we need anything else?”

  I pulled out her chair. “I think we’re good.”

  “Thanks so much for doing this,” Tessa said as she sat, placing Trouble in her lap.

  “No problem.” As soon as I sat, worries began to swirl. I needed Ruiz to come through, to get Kimberly Speakman the help she needed. And I really needed the whole thing not to blow up in the media. Especially now.

  Tessa carefully studied my face. “What’s wrong?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Uncertainty filled Tessa’s expression. “You’re tense all of a sudden.”

  Of course, I was fucking tense. In the last five hours, I’d found out that Tessa was on the run from an abusive ex, had to talk to the police about a potential stalker, and seeing Tessa in a towel had me hard enough to split my zipper. So, yes, I was tense. I blew out a breath. “I just had to deal with some stuff back in LA.”

  Little worry lines appeared in Tessa’s forehead. “Is everything okay?”

  I rolled my shoulders back. “I’m not sure, honestly. It’s a situation with a fan. The cops will figure it out.”

  The worry lines deepened. “Are you in danger?”

  I waved a hand in front of my face. “No, nothing like that. They’re just concerned about her mental health. But a doctor’s involved now. I’m sure everything will be fine.” I hoped that was the truth.

  Tessa reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “Not everything is your responsibility, you know.”

  Damn, this girl could see right through me. Between the Speakman woman attempting suicide and not being able to stop Taylor’s kidnapping, I was carrying around a healthy dose of guilt these days. “Some things aren’t so easy to let go of.”

  Tessa gave my hand a squeeze. “I know.”

  She did know. Better than most. I flipped my palm over so that I could grasp her hand. “You’re pretty wise, you know that?”

  Tessa grinned. “Just call me the wise baker.”

  I chuckled, releasing her hand and picking up my burger. “The wise baker horse-whisperer.”

  “I certainly have a unique cluster of jobs, don’t I?”

  I took a pull from my Coke. “Life could get boring if you didn’t.” I studied Tessa’s face. “Have you ever thought about doing something with your art?”

  Tessa’s gaze dropped to her plate. “I have no real training.” Her eyes lifted back to me, a new light in them that looked
a lot like hope. “But maybe, one day, when I’ve improved my technique. It would be amazing to paint for a living.”

  “You know, true talent doesn’t require formal skill. And you’ve got that. But, if you want, I’m sure you could find some classes around here that specialize in technique.”

  Tessa twirled a French fry in her hand. “I’d like that. But right now, I have other things to focus on.”

  My back teeth ground together. One day, I would make sure Tessa could have all the art classes she wanted. For now, I steered us away from art and back to safer topics like the horses and what recipes she was currently perfecting for the Kettle. Dinner passed way too quickly, and I found myself looking for excuses to stay.

  A tiny meow came from under the table. I’d forgotten all about Trouble. His head poked up, and he attempted to snag a French fry. Tessa pulled him back. “No-no, baby. Those aren’t good for you.” She cuddled the kitten to her neck.

  I’d never wanted to be a cat so badly in my fucking life. I cleared my throat. “I guess I should go.”

  Tessa looked up from the kitten. She toyed with Trouble’s collar, suddenly looking unsure. “Maybe you could stay?” Her cheeks heated, but her voice strengthened. “I’d like it if you stayed. I’m not ready for…”

  “I’d love to stay,” I jumped in. Expressions flashed across Tessa’s face that told me she was at war with herself. One part of her wanted me here, the other part was scared to death. “I could sleep on the couch.” I eyed the worn sofa that looked as if it would barely hold me.

  Tessa’s shoulders relaxed. “That would be perfect.”

  “Tessa, all you ever have to do is ask.” Our gazes locked, an unnamed emotion flitting across her eyes.

  “Thank you.” It came out as a whisper. Trouble batted her cheek, breaking the moment. A small smile curved her mouth. “I’m honestly exhausted. I could probably go to sleep right now.”