Beautifully Broken Life

by Catherine Cowles

  I nodded. “Good. What else?”

  Tessa’s eyes roamed the space, stopping on the weight bench itself. “If I took the weights off the end of that bar, I could use that.”

  “Great choice. That’s one that if you surprised your attacker, wouldn’t require you to get as close as the dumbbell.”

  A small smile tipped Tessa’s lips. “What else?”

  I walked her through everything else I could think of. How to break zip tie or duct tape restraints. Getting out of basic holds. Typical safety precautions she could take. While Tessa had been hesitant at first, she was eating it up now.

  We lay sprawled on the mat after I’d taken her through a series of punches and kicks. My arm curved around Tessa as her head rested on my chest. She tilted her face towards mine so that we made eye contact. “I want to learn more. It’s actually kind of fun.”

  I squeezed her side. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it. I’ll call Austin tonight and see if he can put together a training program I can take you through.”

  Tessa kissed the bottom of my chin. “That would be awesome. Thank you so much for doing this.” Her expression turned pensive. “You’re good about challenging me just the right amount.” She let out a frustrated breath. “I know I’m cautious about a lot of things, scared even. It’s smart for me to play some of those things that way, but I don’t want to miss out on my life because I’m scared all the time.”

  My eyes bored into Tessa’s. “You’re not going to miss out on life. You’re doing everything you can to make sure that doesn’t happen. And I’m going to do everything in my power to help you.”

  Tears gathered in the corners of Tessa’s eyes. “It’s been so long since I’ve had someone in my corner.”

  I pushed back the hair that had fallen in her face. “I’m always in your corner.”

  I tapped Austin’s contact in my phone as I pulled away from the Kettle after dropping Tessa off. It had taken everything in me not to ask to stay, but I could tell that she needed some space to process everything that was happening between us. And I needed to call Austin and get some suggestions for how to best help her.

  The phone rang through my SUV’s speakers. It wasn’t long before Austin’s gruff voice answered. “Please tell me you’re calling to say you’re coming back to LA. Ford is getting on my last nerve.”

  I heard another voice from the background. “I heard that, jackass!”

  “I meant for you to!” Austin shouted back.

  I chuckled. “No dice, man. What’d he do now?”

  “He’s flirting with my wife.” Austin’s words came out on a growl.

  My chuckle grew into a laugh. “Oh, man, I miss you guys.” And I did. I had amazing friends in LA. A close-knit bunch that had divided a bit when Taylor moved up to Sutter Lake and I followed. “You guys should come for a visit.”

  Austin grunted. “We will, but I’m leaving Ford here.”

  I grinned at the road. “Whatever you say.”

  The sound of a door opening and closing came over the line. “So, what’s up?”

  I gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. “I need your professional expertise.”

  Austin chuckled. “You thinking about taking up mixed martial arts?”

  I pulled onto the gravel road that led out of town. “No, I think I’ll pass on being beaten to a bloody pulp for a living.”

  “That only happens if you lose. Just don’t lose.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not taking up MMA. I need a self-defense training program for a friend.”

  Austin was silent for a few seconds. “A friend?”

  I cleared my throat. “A girl.”

  “Oh, how the mighty have fallen.” I could hear the smile in Austin’s voice. “What does she need self-defense training for? Anything specific?”

  My jaw clenched. I knew Tessa wouldn’t want me to share details of her past with anyone, but I had to give Austin enough broad strokes so that he could help. “She had an abusive ex. I want her to get some of her power back. I walked her through the basics, and it clicked for her. I thought you might be able to put together some exercises I can take her through and stuff.”

  “Fuck, man. I’m sorry. Guys that pull that shit are the lowest of the low.”

  I forced my hands to release their death grip on the steering wheel as I pulled up to the guest cabin. “Yeah.” I gritted out the word, not trusting myself to say more.

  “I can come up with a plan for her tonight and have it to you by tomorrow. She safe now?”

  I ran a hand through my hair and tugged roughly. “No. But I’m working to make her that way.”

  27

  Tessa

  Jensen groaned as she stood, stretching her arms over her head. “Thank God, that’s done. You’d think inventory would get easier after a while, but it’s always a bitch.”

  I closed the door to the pantry and gave her a sympathetic smile. “Well, on the bright side, we don’t have to worry about that again for another month.” It was past eight p.m., and we had been at this for hours, only breaking for dinner.

  “True.” We walked down the hall towards the office. “Thanks for always being such a trooper about it.” Jensen set her laptop on the desk. “What have you got going on for the rest of the night?”

  Heat rose to my cheeks. “I think Liam is going to stop by with ice cream.”

  Jensen arched a brow. “Ice cream, huh? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

  My blush deepened. “No! Actual ice cream.” Well, ice cream and maybe some of those toe-curling kisses.

  Jensen chuckled. “Okay, just boring ol’ dessert, then.”

  “Yes, just dessert.” I eyed the computer on her desk. “J, could I borrow your laptop if you’re not using it tonight?” I’d let my search for more information on Bethany fall by the wayside with everything that had been going on, but this flare of a beginning with Liam had me wanting more firepower in my arsenal against Garrett. I wanted to be truly free—once and for all.

  “Of course. You can use it anytime you want. I usually just leave it in the office, so just help yourself.”

  I took the machine she handed me. “Thanks. I’ll have it back by morning.”

  Jensen waved a hand in front of her face. “I don’t even want to see that thing for another month.”

  I laughed as we headed to the back door. “You’re free for a month.”

  “Hallelujah.” She pulled open the back door just as Liam hopped out of his SUV.

  “You ladies done slaving away?”

  My stomach flipped at the grin he sent our way, and my heart rate picked up speed. His hair was a touch darker than normal, still damp from a recent shower most likely, and he wore a flannel shirt that brought out the green in his hazel eyes and hinted at the muscles I knew lay beneath. I swallowed. Hard.

  Jensen returned his grin. “We are free from the hell of inventory. And this one”—she inclined her head towards me—“is all yours.”

  I had the instant urge to study my shoes.

  Liam shut the door to his SUV and headed in our direction. “You’re welcome to join us.” He held up a bag. “I’ve got cookies and cream and cookie dough.”

  Jensen shook her head. “I’ve got to get home and relieve my babysitter.” Her brow furrowed. “Aren’t those basically the same flavor?”

  Liam clutched his chest and let out a mock gasp. “That is sacrilege. These are two totally unique yet equally wonderful forms of ice cream.”

  Jensen rolled her eyes and turned to me. “I’ll leave you to debate ice cream with the cookie monster over there.” She pulled me into a gentle hug, and I didn’t flinch. Jensen had been doing this more and more since our heart-to-heart. For the first time in more than two years, I felt like I had a real friend again.

  I squeezed her back. “Tell Noah I said hi.”

  “Will do.” Jensen headed for her own SUV and took off into the night.

  Liam crossed to me, tugging on the hem o
f my shirt and drawing me to him. My body seemed to tingle at the contact, the pressure of being flush against him. “Hey.” He brushed his lips against mine, and I sank into the kiss. His tongue slid between my lips, teasing, caressing, and then taking. His free hand slipped beneath the fall of my hair, and he tipped my head back, granting him better access.

  Far too soon, he pulled back, gasping. “You pack one hell of a punch.”

  I scowled. “I’m not sure that I want my kisses to punch you.”

  Liam chuckled. “It’s a good thing. Trust me.” He kissed my temple. “Come on, let’s get inside before this ice cream melts.”

  “Can’t have that.”

  Liam held open the door for me. “No, we can’t.”

  We locked the back door and headed up to my apartment. Just as we walked in, Liam’s phone began to ring. He pulled it from his pocket and grimaced, tapping the screen. “Hey, Jim. Hold on a sec.” Liam covered the bottom of his phone and looked at me. “It’s my lawyer. I need to see what he wants.”

  I set Jensen’s laptop on my bed and gave Trouble, who was curled up on my blanket, a scratch under his chin. “Of course. Want me to put the ice cream in the freezer?”

  “Nope, I’ve got it.” Liam gave me a quick kiss and headed for the kitchen, stowing the ice cream in the freezer. “I’m back. What’s up?”

  Liam and his lawyer started to get into some heavy legal issues from what I could tell from the side of the conversation I could hear, and it sounded like it might take a while. I sat down on my bed and opened the laptop.

  Clicking on the internet browser, I started sifting through search results. There were hundreds, maybe thousands, and I soon lost myself in the other woman’s story. Her triumphs and her heartbreaking end.

  Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I read an interview with her parents. They begged for information. When the subject of Garrett Abrams came up, they were careful not to open themselves up to what might later be called slander, but they clearly weren’t convinced that Garrett had nothing to do with their daughter’s disappearance.

  “What’s the story with this girl? Who is she to you?”

  I jumped at the sound of Liam’s voice and slammed the laptop closed. I hadn’t even heard him come up behind me. “It’s nothing.”

  Liam’s expression shuttered. “Don’t lie to me.”

  “I’m not.” I tucked the computer under my crossed legs.

  “It makes it even worse to double down on the lie. I’m not an idiot. You’re looking into this girl’s disappearance for a reason. I thought we were past you lying to cover things up.”

  My spine straightened. “It’s none of your business.”

  Liam ran a hand through his hair, tugging on the ends. “At least I know that’s what you really think.” He began to pace the small apartment space. “I keep thinking you’ve let me in, but you haven’t. Only little pieces that you’re either forced into sharing or things you think are safe enough to share. What is it going to take for you to trust me?”

  The anger that had begun to bubble to the surface at Liam’s accusation deflated. “You’re right. It was a lie. I’m sorry. It’s habit more than anything. I just… You don’t know how hard this is for me.” I met his gaze, pleading for him to understand. “I’ve trusted you with more than I ever thought I’d be able to. It’s going to take time for me to get used to lowering my walls. I’ve worked so hard to reinforce them, making them as strong as possible so that no one could ever hurt me again. I’m going to have to get used to letting people past them. But you have to let me go at my own pace.”

  The tightness in Liam’s frame seemed to ease, and he crossed to the bed, sitting and wrapping an arm around me. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He kissed my temple. “I was already frustrated from talking to my lawyer, and I just want to make things easier for you, share your burdens. But you need to do that when you’re comfortable, not because I badgered you into it.”

  I twisted around on the bed, framing Liam’s face with my hands, his scruff tickling my fingers. “You do both of those things. You ease me. You give me hope for a future I thought might be lost to me.”

  Liam bent, brushing his lips across mine. “I’m glad.”

  I burrowed into Liam’s chest, soaking up his warmth. I wanted to stay here forever. The yawn overtook me, and my mouth stretched against Liam’s pec. He chuckled. “You’ve had a long day. Why don’t we call it a night? We can do ice cream another night.”

  I straightened, my palms growing damp. “Want to stay? We could, um, cuddle.” My face heated as I realized how totally dorky that sounded.

  Liam cupped my cheek. “I’d love that. Are you sure?”

  I bit my lip and nodded.

  Liam gave me a mischievous grin. “Good, because I’ve been dying to see those unicorn pajamas again.”

  I awoke to heat everywhere. Liam’s large frame curved around me in what felt like the world’s coziest cocoon. I hadn’t been sure I’d be able to fall asleep, but approximately thirty seconds after my head hit the pillow, I was out.

  I stretched. Trouble meowed in protest and jumped off the bed—he’d mastered that, cast and all.

  Liam mumbled against my neck, the action sending a pleasant shiver down my spine. “Sleep well?”

  “I slept great.” I burrowed back against him, wanting more of his warmth. I came up against something long and hard. It pulsed against my backside. I froze.

  Liam chuckled. “He’s just saying good morning, don’t be alarmed.”

  I bit my lip to stifle a giggle. “Does he, uh, always do that?”

  “Pretty much.” Liam’s hand moved from my hip and slipped under my pajama top.

  My breathing hitched. “Good to know.”

  “Tessa,” Liam rumbled in my ear.

  “Yes?”

  He ran his nose up and down the shell of my ear. “Can I make you feel good?” My mouth opened and closed, words refusing to come. “Just with my fingers. Nothing else.”

  My lower belly clenched, and I felt dampness between my legs. “Yes.”

  Liam slipped his hand beneath the waistband of my pajamas and groaned. “You’re already wet.”

  “Well, you’ve been pressed up against me and nuzzling my neck so…”

  His finger eased between my folds. Teasing. Exploring. Lazy strokes that had more wetness gathering between my legs. “I love how responsive you are.”

  I hummed, having lost the ability to speak as a single long finger entered me. I let out a moan.

  “Love hearing that.” Liam worked his finger in and out of me in a slow but steady rhythm. My hips began to move against him of their own accord. I needed more friction, a quicker pace, something. “Need more?”

  I nodded, still not quite able to find words. Liam added a second finger. There was a stretch, a hint of pain—it had been so long—but it quickly melted into heat and sensation. My breath stuttered as his thumb circled that bundle of nerves I knew would be my end.

  My entire body tightened as Liam drove me higher, sending sparks throughout my nerve endings. He curved the fingers inside me in a come-hither motion as he pressed down on my clit. Those sparks caught fire. Light danced behind my eyelids, and my walls clamped down on Liam’s fingers.

  I tried to steady my breathing as I came back to myself. Liam slipped his fingers from my body and brought them to his mouth. My breathing stopped altogether.

  “You taste amazing.” He nuzzled my neck. “Thank you for giving me that.”

  I let out a soft laugh. “I’m pretty sure I’m the one who should be thanking you.”

  Liam shook his head. “You gave me another piece of yourself, more trust. I’m never going to take that for granted.”

  I swallowed against the emotion gathering in my throat. “You’re pretty amazing, you know that?”

  Liam chuckled. “Oh, I know.” I groaned. Liam rolled to his back, reaching for his phone on my nightstand. “Shit. I’ve got to get moving. I have to go to Pine R
idge to sign some papers my lawyer sent there, and I wanted to get in and out before a ton of people were around.”

  I shifted to my side. “But what about you? Don’t you want—?” I wasn’t really sure how to finish that question.

  Liam leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine. “That was just for you.”

  I bit my lip and nodded. Lying back against the pillows, I watched as Liam quickly dressed. I was never going to miss the chance to enjoy his body on display. He toed on his boots and slipped his phone into his pocket. “I’ll meet you at the pasture after your shift?”

  “I’ll be there.”

  He paused at the door. “Wish I could stay in bed with you all day.”

  A soft smile stretched my mouth. “Me, too.”

  “One of these days.”

  “One day.” I had more hope than ever that we’d get that day. I’d make it so.

  “Want to follow me down so you can lock up behind me?”

  I shook myself out of the sexual haze I was apparently still in. I never forgot to lock up after people left. I pushed out of bed and slid on my slippers. Following Liam down the stairs, I gave him a quick kiss I wished could’ve been a hell of a lot longer and sent him on his way.

  I checked the clock as I headed back up to my apartment. I didn’t need to start my Kettle shift for an hour and a half. I picked up Jensen’s laptop from my coffee table and powered it on. I opted for one of the social media sites I had fake accounts on, wanting to send a message with a few questions to one of Bethany’s classmates.

  I logged in and clicked on the envelope icon. I had three new messages, but the one that caught my eye had no photo, and the name read, John Doe. My stomach dipped. I clicked on it.

  I’ve heard you’re nosing into something that’s none of your business. You’re not who you really claim. I know who you really are. And you’re about to join Bethany…

  My blood turned to ice. I had to run. Now. I needed to destroy my phone, grab my go-bag, and get on the road as soon as possible. I pushed off the bed, striding towards the bathroom when my steps faltered.