If Only

by Daya Daniels

  “I have to go.” I whispered into the collar of his shirt. “You will find a pretty girl, Christian. You always do.” I said to him, cupping his stubble-covered cheek with my hand.

  He sighed. “The only meaningful gift I ever could’ve given you Scar, I hopefully already have.” He whispered.

  I stood to leave and headed for the door, taking a last glance at Christian. He smiled and gave me a small wave. I took a deep breath and expelled what used to be my entire life and headed out the door.

  I didn’t have Christian anymore. Christian didn’t have me. Jacqueline didn’t have Christian or a baby anymore. It seemed we all lost something precious – nobody won.

  Scarlett

  “It’s coming.” I said as Mia squeezed my hand, allowing the strong contractions to pass through.

  I thought all the bones in my hand would break.

  Mia decided at the last minute against the home birth. She wanted to have the baby in the hospital. I wasn’t against it. It was her body-her choice. She’d be the one having to endure the pain.

  We were in a large birthing room at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. It was just after three o’clock in the afternoon on a weekend. I drank endless cups of coffee, which didn’t help my nerves at all. Mia was sweating and terrified. My heart broke as the tears ran down her face. She’d been having powerful contractions for the last two hours and still hadn’t dilated enough to push.

  “Mia, this is the last chance to get the epidural okay.” Dr. Stuart said calmly.

  I looked her over.

  Mia shook her head no.

  “Mia.” I scolded.

  “I don’t want this baby to come out drugged up.”

  “The pain may get worse Mia and you’re not dilated enough to push yet.” Dr. Stuart said.

  “I understand.” She said breathlessly, writhing from another contraction.

  Dr. Stuart pat her on the leg, looking her chart over. “It shouldn’t be too long.”

  I gave Dr. Stuart a nervous smile and he nodded. I held Mia’s hand, helping her to focus on her breaths. This was terrifying and exciting all at the same time. We would be having a baby!

  It was September 11th. Mia was a little wary that she was giving birth on this notorious date that represented tragedy and heartbreak for so many people and families but there wasn’t much we could do about it.

  Mia turned her face into the pillow, gritting her teeth.

  “It will be okay.” I whispered to her and she squeezed my hand tighter.

  “I know it will.” She muttered, while tears fell from her eyes.

  I ran a hand over her face and told her how brave she was and what a great mother she’d be.

  Soon, she was asleep.

  Mia

  “Mia.” A soft voice said, waking me out of my sleep.

  I opened my eyes to gaze into Scarlett’s beautiful blue ones and smiled.

  She smiled back at me and touched my face. “It’s time to push.” Scarlett said quietly.

  Dr. Stuart stood. “Mia, this baby is ready.”

  I nodded. The nurse moved about the room, readying things for the baby’s arrival. Scarlett looked just as excited as I was. She held my hand and did a mock breath, encouraging me to focus on my breathing. Scarlett looked at the monitor.

  “There’s another contraction coming.” She said.

  Dr. Stuart nodded. “Mia, we want you to push in one, two, three. Push.”

  I took a deep breath and bared down for as long as I could. Scarlett took a peek and smiled with tears in her eyes.

  “Mia, that’s fantastic. We can see the head.” Dr. Stuart said calmly.

  I squeezed Scarlett’s hand and when the next contraction came. I pushed again two more times and screamed when the shoulders passed. Copious tears ran down my face and I was trembling from the agony. I never thought the sound of someone crying could be so promising and heartbreaking all at the same time. The baby was out.

  “Everything is fine.” Dr. Stuart said checking the baby over.

  Scarlett was crying I think more than me.

  I sat forward, wanting to see the baby.

  “It’s a girl.” Scarlett said.

  “A girl.” I said chuckling.

  I flopped against the bed, feeling exhausted. The nurse cleaned the baby off and placed her in my arms. I finally believed in love at first sight.

  Dr. Stuart patted my leg as he watched us. “Congratulations, Mia. What’s her name?”

  I looked at Scarlett and smiled. “Her name will be Emma. Emma Rose Fisher.”

  Scarlett laughed and then cupped her hands to her face and cried some more. I touched her shoulder.

  “I love you, Mia.” Scarlett said kissing my lips.

  “I love you too.” I whispered.

  EPILOGUE

  Two Years Later

  Scarlett

  “Mommy.” Emma said giving me a pretty, pink flower.

  We played in Millennium Park, watching the kites float in the breeze and birds in the sky on a perfect Autumn afternoon.

  Emma was two now.

  She hopped up again, running to chase a butterfly. Her little legs moved as fast as they could but she missed and sobbed. I laughed and threw my arms out for her to come back to me.

  I stayed home with her from the time she was born up until now. I still offered doula assistance for a very short list of clients but family was my priority right now.

  Mia went back to work quickly after giving birth. I knew she was under a lot of pressure. She made senior partner a year ago, despite having Emma. She was now practically running the company, just under her the two founding partners, Schultz and Berg. Mia was amazing both at home and at work.

  We married a year ago, right here in Chicago in a small ceremony at The Ivy Room on East Ohio Street.

  I proposed to Mia on her birthday. She accepted and we both placed four carat eternity rings on each other’s ring fingers.

  I met her parents shortly after Emma was born and introduced Mia to my mother. Beatrice wasn’t happy but when was she ever? She loved Emma to bits though, so we saw her more often than I ever anticipated that we would.

  Christian and I’s divorce went smoothly. I was given thirty million. It wasn’t until we were even divorced that I found out how much he was even worth. I might as well have had my head buried in the sand during our entire marriage.

  He offered me alimony to which I declined and a portion of his company. It was his father’s company that Christian had successfully expanded. I didn’t want Christian to suffer any more than he already had for his foolish decisions by taking the rest of what belonged to him. He’d already lost so much and I knew he still loved me.

  I had enough money. Mia paid me every month for staying home so that was my income along with the money I made on the side.

  Mia was adamant that being a stay at home mother was a job in itself. She was uncompromising about the fact that I should be paid for it. I reluctantly agreed. I didn’t have a choice.

  Connor was a wonderful godparent and he remained Mia’s BFF and a good friend of our family. He helped with anything and everything imaginable, from walking Butterscotch to moving furniture and even babysitting. Connor was amazing.

  Rae and Frenchie married eight months ago. We saw them often and Frenchie was now pregnant with their first child that was due soon.

  My sister Shannon moved back to Chicago and was writing for the Chicago Tribune. It was nice to have her so close and Shannon got along well with Mia. My brother Patrick and his wife recently gave birth to a little girl named April. She was almost six months old now.

  Justin graduated two years ago, and was completing his medical residency right here in Chicago at Loyola University Medical Center. He had a girlfriend his own age now but told me that he never had time for her, because of the insane hours he worked. He finally had money and an apartment of his own. It was his ultimate wish apparently, to finally move out of his parent’s house and buy a queen-sized bed.r />
  We all had such unassuming dreams.

  Christian had a girlfriend every now and again. I made him promise he would marry again. Christian only sighed each time I brought it up. He said he would if he found the right woman but that it wasn’t in his immediate plans.

  We had more contact that I ever imagined we would have to, even after being divorced. I saw him during nearly every special occasion – Christmas, Easter and on the weekends.

  Emma placed a kiss on my cheek and plopped down in my lap, pulling some grass out of the ground.

  She had Mia’s big brown eyes and a head full of dark curly hair.

  “Pretty.” Emma said, looking at the green handful of twigs in her tiny hand.

  I laughed.

  “Yes, pretty.” I said kissing her on the forehead.

  This is how we spent our afternoons. After lunch, Emma would read and help me to cook dinner. Then we would take Butterscotch out for a walk in the park and play for a little while. The three of us would meet Mia at five to feed the ducks. We’d grab tea or coffee from Starbuck’s and then make the short walk home.

  I was thirty-eight when Caleb was born. Despite my age, it was an easy pregnancy. I gave birth to a healthy little boy, that weighed six pounds nine ounces.

  Emma placed a soft kiss on Caleb’s cheek as he slept in his pumpkin seat, next to us. Caleb looked like Christian but he had my blue eyes.

  The light breeze blowing across the park ruffled the blue blanket that rested over his tiny body. Emma fixed it back and smiled at me. She was a doting big sister.

  I found out I was pregnant a week after Emma was born.

  Mia was convinced that Christian wanted this baby badly, to keep me in his life, never wanting to truly let me go. I couldn’t argue with her. She was probably right but none of Christian’s tactics could overshadow the love that Mia and I had for this unborn child.

  I was told by Dr. Stuart that there was a 1% chance of getting pregnant while on birth control but somehow, I still did.

  Mia always knew how much it meant to me to have children. Even though we already had Emma, another baby was an untimely but welcome surprise. Now, we had two.

  Christian was a good dad, despite not wanting the job for so many years. When Caleb was born, he was over the moon. He wrote me a letter after I finally decided to tell him that I was pregnant. In it, Christian wrote that even though he couldn’t make me happy, he hoped that giving me this piece of him would make up for everything else that had gone wrong just a little. I guess delayed gratification is still gratification, as they say.

  I loved Mia. She truly was my best friend. She went back to her pre-pregnancy body quickly after giving birth and so did I. We traveled often and finally visited Australia four months ago. It was an amazing trip. Now, we were scheduled to leave for Tokyo in a week. I would finally get to see it.

  We did everything together as a family but still made time for ourselves.

  Mia really was the only person I’d ever known, that accepted and respected me just the way I was. It was the one thing we had in common. We loved each other exactly as we both were, imperfect, human and just enough.

  It was such a simple, secure, uncomplicated life.

  It was all I ever wanted.

  -THE END-

  Thank you for reading!

  If you would consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads, it would be greatly appreciated.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  I love life, love, red roses, the scent of vanilla and lip gloss. I enjoy reading and writing and anything that allows me to curl up with a glass of wine.

  I live on a small subtropical island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean with my husband and two children, who are all truly gifts. Las Vegas, Nevada, is my mecca and where I spend most of my time when I am not on one of the beautiful beaches in Bermuda, where I call home.

  I’m a hopeless romantic. Love is what keeps the world spinning, and I believe all stories deserve a good plot and happy ending.

  Finders Keepers Series

  Part I

  Part II

  Stand Alone Novels

  An Education in Calcutta

  The Space Between Rachel and Evie

  Color-blind

  Once Upon a Time

  In the Eyes of Adeline

  In Loving Memory of Isobel

  Murphy’s Bedfellow

  Stripped {A Novella}

  Midnight Special

  Words Left Unspoken {A Novella}

  For Her {A Novelette}

  Mouthful {A Novella}

  Young Adult Novels

  Meridian Moon Series {Introducing Willow}

  Sylvia’s List

  Non-Fiction

  It Could Be Arranged

  Coming Soon!

  Stand Alone Novels

  Crocodile Tears

  Letters to Olivier

  I Hate You/I Love You

  Playmate

  Blue

  Series

  Inferno Series – Part I

  Finders Keepers III

  Find her on Instagram @ authordayadaniels

  Email: dayadaniels@yahoo.com