"Love you too."
"Garret," my dad says.
I turn and see him standing behind me with my mom. "You can go home now. Your mother and I will deal with this."
I get up and go over to them. "I'm not leaving. Not after what happened." I glance toward Lilly's room. "You guys have to tell her. There's no other way to explain what she saw."
"Yes," my dad says. "We had already planned to tell her. Just not yet. We were hoping we could wait, but that's no longer an option."
We hear a door open and turn and see Lilly coming down the hall. She stops when she reaches the kitchen, her eyes on us. "Why is everyone staring at me?"
I hadn't realized we were until she said that.
My dad clears his throat. "I need to speak with you."
"Dad," I say. "Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?"
He sighs. "Fine. Let's go in my office."
My mom heads to the kitchen. "Let's get something to drink," I hear her say to Lilly. She'll keep her occupied while my dad and I talk.
We go in his office and close the door.
"Let me do it," I say.
"Do what?"
"Let me tell her. It'll be better coming from me than from you."
"No." He sits down behind his desk. "This is my responsibility. She needs to hear it from me."
"Dad, I'm telling you, it'll be easier for her to accept coming from me. I'm speaking from experience here."
He leans forward, his arms resting on his desk. "What do you mean?"
I sit in the chair across from him. "Remember when you told me? We were in the car, driving to the meeting. You couldn't even look at me when you told me. I assumed that's why you did it in the car, so you could keep your eyes on the road."
"That's not how I wanted to tell you. They gave me no time. They ordered me to appear at that meeting and said I had to bring you. I had no choice but to tell you on the way there."
"Even if we hadn't been in the car, I still don't think you could've looked at me when you told me." I pause. "You were ashamed. Ashamed to be part of it. Ashamed of what you'd done. Ashamed that you'd brought me into it. And because of that, I felt ashamed of you too. But it was wrong for me to feel that way. Because that's not who you are. You never wanted to be part of this. You never wanted to do those things. Lilly needs to know that."
"And I will tell her that."
"Dad, I know you feel better about things now than when I was her age. I know you don't blame yourself as much, but it still comes across like you do. The guilt, the shame. It's still there, and I don't want Lilly to see it. I don't want her thinking for a second that any of that is true. All those years I saw you struggle with this, I struggled too. I thought that if you felt that guilty and that ashamed of what you'd done, then maybe a part of you had gone along with it and not questioned it. But that wasn't it. You only acted that way because you're not like the rest of them. You can't hurt an innocent person and not be affected by it, not have it eat away at you, question your humanity. The rest of them? They don't even care. Some of them even like it."
"They're not all like that. William's not."
"My point is, you can't hide how you feel about this. If you tell Lilly, you'll have that same guilty look on your face and I don't want her to see it. She thinks you're the greatest dad ever and there's no reason that should change. Looking back, I wish someone else had told me about you. I wish they'd explained to me how hard it was for you to get through each day. You never showed me that side of yourself. I only saw the guilt, the anger, and it made me think less of you, until I finally understood. That's why I need to be the one to tell her. I need her to know what I know. That you're not a bad person because of this, and that you're still a great dad. That'll never change."
He smiles slightly. "How did I end up with such a good son?"
I smile back. "You raised me."
"I give your mother the credit for how you turned out."
"But all those years she was gone, it was just you and me. You weren't a bad father, Dad. You weren't the greatest back then, but you tried. You did your best given what you were going through. And look how great Lilly turned out."
"You sure you want to be the one to tell her? I don't know how she's going to react."
"She's not a kid anymore. She'll understand."
He nods. "Then go ahead. I'll talk to her when you're done."
I glance back at the door, making sure it's closed. "About what happened earlier...Reed's father really hired that guy?"
"It was his assignment. Phillip told him to do it but we both know whose idea it was."
"Katherine's."
"She blackmailed Phillip to do it. She hates Rachel and wanted to get rid of her."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm not sure yet. I need to call William."
"Do it right now. I want to hear what he has to say."
"Garret, I don't want you involved in this."
"I already am involved in it and I...I need to know if I got myself in trouble by pretending to be a member. I'm kind of freaking out about that."
He doesn't reassure me they'll leave me alone, which freaks me out even more.
My dad calls William and puts him on speaker.
William skips the hello and says, "I heard we lost a freelancer. Is that why you're calling?"
"I'm afraid so. The man tried to kill Rachel."
"Pearce, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. When I heard it was a freelancer in California I immediately thought of you but was hoping it didn't actually involve you. Do you know who gave him the order?"
"Dean Ashford."
"That was his assignment?"
"Yes. I met with him this morning. He told me Phillip ordered him to do it. Katherine put Phillip up to it but he's just as guilty as her for following through on it."
"Dean told you all this?"
"Only the part about Phillip. He didn't mention Katherine's involvement. She'll deny having anything to do with it, but just the other day she admitted she was planning something so I'm certain this was her idea. I'll deal with her later. For now, we need to deal with Phillip."
"Do you have any evidence?"
"I don't need evidence. I know he did it. Dean confirmed it. That's all the proof you need."
"I'm sorry, Pearce, but it's not enough. The rules have changed. The past few years, we've had too many members making up stories about each other to the point that we can no longer rely on what people say. We need concrete evidence, like an order telling him to do it or a recording of Phillip ordering Dean to do it."
My dad drops his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're telling me Phillip won't be punished for this?"
"I'm afraid not."
My dad slams his fist on the table. "When did all these damn rules change and why was I never told?"
"You wanted to be kept out of it. You specifically asked me to keep that side of my life private."
He sighs. "Would Phillip be punished for telling Katherine things about the organization? Or is that no longer a crime? She is still his sister-in-law so technically they're family."
"But she's not his wife, so yes, he could be punished. Why do you ask?"
"I have a recording of Katherine admitting that Phillip was helping her get Lilly into the organization via Reed and his father. She shared some things that Phillip told her. Things she shouldn't have known."
"He'll get a verbal reprimand for it, but that's it. As you said, she's his sister-in-law and it's not as though she wasn't aware of us and our secrets. Her father used to tell her things all the time."
"I can't just let him get away with this."
"Pearce, I know you're angry but don't do anything foolish. If you do, you'll put your whole family at risk."
My dad's eyes go to mine. "I understand."
"Knowing Phillip, he'll get himself in trouble some other way and end up being caught. And then we'll punish him."
"Thank you for your time, William. I'll ta
lk to you soon."
"Wait. Pearce?"
"Yes. What is it?"
"I hate to ask you this, but is there any way you could help out with the company again? I'm still not feeling well and—"
"William, I'm terribly sorry. I didn't even ask how you're doing. I was so caught up in my own issues that I wasn't even thinking. So your health hasn't improved?"
"No. It's the same, maybe even a little worse. I have meetings next week with the board members and I don't think I'll be able to attend."
"Let me talk to Rachel and get things settled here. I'll call you back as to when I can be there."
"Thank you."
"I hope you feel better," I say.
"Is that Garret?" he asks, his tone lighter.
"Yes. Sorry, I should've told you I was listening in."
"How are Jade and the kids?"
"Good. They're at home. Your mom is there too."
"Well, give them all a hug for me."
"I will. I'll have Jade give you a call."
"Please do. I'd love to hear from her."
"Oh, before you go, I had a question."
"Go ahead."
"I called the clean-up guys and I um...I used my member number."
"I see," he says, sounding concerned.
"He didn't have a choice," my dad says. "He couldn't reach me on the phone and it had to be dealt with before someone saw it."
"Yes, fine. I'll take care of it."
The way he says it makes me think he'll be putting himself at risk by doing whatever he has to do to cover up what I did. But like my dad said, I had to do it. I couldn't just leave the body there.
We say our goodbyes, then I get up to leave. "I'll go talk to Lilly."
"Tell your mother I need to speak with her."
I go find Lilly and my mom. They're on the patio, quietly talking.
"Dad wants to talk to you in his office," I say to my mom.
"Okay." She gets up and leaves.
"Can we talk?" I say to Lilly.
"Go ahead." She kicks the chair out next to hers.
"Let's go to your room."
"Why can't we talk here?"
"Because I don't want anyone hearing us."
She gets up and follows me to her room. I shut the door, then go sit on her bed, shoving her pillows back and leaning against the headboard. "Have a seat." I point to the spot in front of me.
"What is this about?" she asks as she sits, crossing her legs in front of her.
"It's about what happened today. And why it happened."
"Are you going to tell me the truth or some made-up story?"
"The truth. I know you're angry that we haven't told you this before now but you should know that I didn't know either until I was your age. And even then, Dad didn't want to tell me. He was forced to. Just like I'm forced to tell you this now. This isn't something I wanted you to know, but now it's too late."
"Why wouldn't you want me to know?"
"Because knowing this will change you, at least I think it will. It did for me. It changed how I saw the world. It changed how I thought about things, my beliefs, how I interacted with people. It changed my whole life. I love my life and my family and I'm definitely happy, but I'd be a lot happier if I didn't know this existed and wasn't part of it. What I'm trying to say is that it's not like we hid this from you because we thought you were too young or too immature. We hid it because it takes away a piece of you that you can't get back. Like what you saw today? You can't unsee it. It'll always be there, buried in your mind somewhere. A memory you can't forget."
"You're scaring me, Garret."
"It IS scary. What I'm about to tell you is scary. And real. And something you can never tell anyone else."
"Okay. Just tell me."
"Dad belongs to a group called the organization. That's their generic name. I can't tell you the real name."
"What kind of group?"
"It's a secret society. Do you know what those are?"
"Not really."
"It's a group that's closed off to outsiders. It's very exclusive. Groups like this have been around forever, all over the world, and they all have different purposes, but what they have in common is that they're top secret and limited to a small number of members. This group that Dad is part of, the organization, started hundreds of years ago and our ancestors were some of the founding members."
"So wait, are you saying I'm a member?"
"No. Membership is only passed to sons, not daughters."
She rolls her eyes. "Well, that's sexist."
"Believe me. You don't want to be part of this. I didn't either. That's why I got out. But at the time I wasn't given a choice. I was supposed to join when I was 19 but Dad didn't want me to be part of it so he risked his life to get me out of my obligation."
"Why didn't you want to join? What does this group do?"
I spend the next half hour telling her about their purpose and goals and what they're willing to do to achieve those goals, including how they hurt people. I keep it fairly general because she doesn't need to know specifics. Not now. This is a lot to take in and I can tell she's already overwhelmed by what I've told her so far. She's been quietly listening, not even asking any questions.
Next I explain what she saw today and how that man was a freelancer hired to kill Mom. I tell her how the organization now accepts a small number of outsiders and how Reed's dad was chosen for possible membership. I hint at the fact that Katherine was behind it but don't come right out and say it. Lilly's smart enough to figure it out.
When I'm done, I wait for her to say something.
"So Dad's done these things?" Her lip quivers, tears welling up in her eyes.
Shit. I thought I made it clear this wasn't his choice but I guess I didn't do a good enough job. Now she thinks he's a monster, a killer, a criminal.
"It was a long time ago," I tell her. "And he didn't want to. I swear to you he didn't. He only did it because they threatened us. When he was younger and didn't have anyone in his life, then maybe he could've tried to tell them no. But then he married Mom and they were able to use her to keep him in line. They could threaten to hurt her if he didn't do what they said. And then I came along and he had to protect both Mom and me. And then he had you to protect. Lilly, he's worked his whole life to protect us. Every day, he worries about us and tries to keep us safe."
Her tears break free, streaming down her face.
I reach for her hand. "Lilly, please don't think differently about him because of what he's done. He's still our dad. He's still the man who took you to swim practice and went to your meets and taught you to ride a bike and made you an art studio in the back yard."
She nods, sniffling, as more tears fall.
"He's not a bad person. He's not a criminal."
"I know," she whispers.
"Then why are you crying?" I ask softly.
"Because it hurts me." She sniffles. "It hurts me to know Dad had to go through all that. They forced him to do those horrible things and I never knew. I never knew what he was going through."
That's why she's crying? Thank God she's not mad at him. Thank God she understands. I thought she'd be like I was, angry and disgusted with him when I found out what he'd done. I really was ashamed of him back then. But it was only because I didn't understand.
Lilly does understand, and I don't know if it's because of the way I explained it to her or because of her relationship with my dad. Their relationship is much different than mine was with him when I was her age. My dad and I fought constantly, and when we weren't fighting I avoided him or wouldn't talk to him, and he did the same to me. But then he changed and became a better dad and Lilly benefitted from that. During her teen years, they rarely fought and he actually participated in her life and school and all her activities. I wish he'd been that way with me but at least he was with Lilly, and that brought them closer.
"But they don't make him do those things anymore?" she asks, sniffling.
"No, but they could. That's where you come in. If Dean becomes a member, Reed will be a member."
"Wait—what? He doesn't have a choice?"
"Dad said Dean signed a contract for both him and Reed, meaning Reed is automatically a member when his dad joins, whether he wants to be or not."
"And they'll make him do bad things?"
"Yes. And if you marry Reed, you'll become part of it by marriage. You can't do that, Lilly. I know you love Reed but if being with him means joining the organization, you can't do it. It's dangerous. You'll be putting yourself at risk. They say they'll protect you but they lie. You can't trust them. And if you become part of it, Dad will have to go back to being an active member. He'll have to know what's going on there. He won't let you be that close to it without knowing what they're up to at all times. And if Dad's active in it again, there's a chance they could come after me, or my boys when they're older."
"That's why Dad keeps trying to get me away from Reed," she says.
"Yes. It wasn't because he doesn't like Reed. It's because Reed will soon be a member."
"But maybe he won't. Maybe his dad can get out of it."
"His dad is already in it. He signed a contract. He can't get out. And look what they made him do. He's not even a member yet and they made him hire someone to kill Mom. This is what it's like, Lilly. They're constantly threatening you. Making you do horrible things. That will be Reed's life. And yours if you marry him."
She nods, wiping the tears from her eyes.
I slide over and hug her. "I'm sorry it has to be this way. I really am."
There's a knock on the door. It opens and my dad is standing there.
I give him a nod, letting him know I told her.
"Lilly," my dad says, getting her attention. "May I speak with you?"
She jumps off the bed and runs over to him and hugs him. "Dad."
"I'll leave you guys alone," I say as I walk to the door.
Lilly knows. She finally knows. No more whispering behind her back. Watching what we say. That's good, I guess, but I still wish she never had to know.
From just that short conversation, her life is now changed, and it'll never be the same.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Pearce
Lilly and Reed: A Kensington Family Novel Page 23