by Lucia Ashta
Mother told me I could walk with my siblings and Rose all the way until the mountain path met the clearing of the sacred pools. Then I was supposed to turn around. I said I understood, which I did, though I planned to stick around to see what Dean did about Rose. I had no intention of abandoning her to someone else’s judgment.
“I hope Dean will be there,” Rane said.
“He will,” I said, because I just knew. Since revealing myself to the dragon charmer legend, I felt him in a way I never had before. Even if he believed me to be something I wasn’t, he sensed my energy, too. He was aware that I existed in some form, and it appeared that was enough to tie me to him in some way.
Rane arched an eyebrow at me in question, but didn’t ask. We’d been over it before, and soon enough, we’d see whether my feelings that concerned the dragon charmer were accurate or not. The strong purple glow of the Plune Moon continued to illuminate our path. No one should be at the sacred pools yet, not even the most eager of new dragon trainees.
“I think I’m going to miss seeing Rose,” Traya said, speaking the thoughts I’d be having if I weren’t certain that I wasn’t going to let her go. “She’s really grown on me in this short time.” Traya patted Rose’s head.
Already Rose was moving much more easily than she had when I first met her. She was healing faster than a human would, implying that either dragons had advanced healing capacities, or she, the special dragon, did. Either way, I was glad for it. Her tail, which had hung on by a painful looking thread of flesh, had already sutured itself halfway back to her body. Her step was springier than before, and I imagined that once she completed her healing, there wouldn’t be a more pleasant dragon—or animal of any kind—around.
“We don’t have to get rid of her, you know,” I said, realizing it was futile, but saying what was on my heart just the same.
“Of course we do,” Rane said. “You heard Mother.”
“Ma doesn’t understand.”
“There’s a lot Ma doesn’t understand when it comes to you, that doesn’t mean she’s not right when it comes to Rose.”
“You think she’s right?” Even though I was reasonable enough to admit that Mother had a point, it still stung that my brother—my twin—would take her side over mine.
He sighed, and I could tell he knew what I was feeling. “You have to admit she has a valid point, Nir.”
I didn’t have to admit anything.
“You’re already in enough danger without adding Rose to the mix.”
“As are the rest of you, is that what you’re about to say?”
“No, it’s not what I was about to say.” His tone was firm, as if he realized Mother’s earlier words had hurt me. “What I would’ve said, had you given me the chance, is that I don’t want any harm to come to you.”
“Rosie isn’t harmful.”
“I agree. I don’t think she is now.”
“Don’t say it. We’ve already been over this with Ma.”
“We have, and her points are right on. Besides, Dean will take care of Rose. He’s one of the top dragon protectors. He’ll be able to take care of her better than you.”
“No, he won’t. He’s never taken care of a dragon before either, particularly not a special baby one. She came to me because I need to take care of her. Who better to help a reject than me?” I tried to keep the bitterness from my voice, but from the sympathy that colored Traya’s face, I realized I’d failed.
Rane sighed again. The sound was filled to the brim with frustration, but it wasn’t directed at me. He was my twin, and I knew he suffered when I did. Perhaps he got to live a life free of many of my burdens, but he was still connected to me; he wasn’t able to escape them all. “You have to let this go. You just have to. I know it hurts, but you have to find the way.”
It did hurt, and I couldn’t see the way, not when I didn’t want to. Not when I’d been born amid loss. Not when Rose was the most exciting thing to happen to me in a long time.
“Nir,” Rane started. Sometimes I thought he knew me too well. “Promise me.”
“No, I’m not going to. I don’t have to.” I ran a hand along Rose’s spine. She hadn’t left my side since we walked out of the house, even running into my legs and tripping me a few times.
Traya was watching the exchange, but she didn’t say anything. She rarely did, preferring to let the tension blow over instead of interfering. But even if she didn’t speak, she wasn’t missing anything. She was as intelligent as she was kind. She might not share the same connection Rane and I did, but she knew me well enough.
She and Rane would both be suspecting that I wasn’t going to turn Rose over to Dean as I’d implied I would.
Rane said, “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
“Oh, so you can promise me that?”
“Aye.” I had no intention of making things hard on anyone. But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t fight for what was important. That was one thing I’d always do, no matter who wished the contrary.
The four of us walked along in silence until we neared the bottom of the trail. While the purple glow of the moon set some of the Ooba people on edge, it energized me. I admitted that its glow was eerie, but beneath it I could more easily sense those feelings that had no name, those sensations that pointed me in one direction over another, that told me to keep going or to stop. There was no better time to visit the sacred pools, which were extraordinary in their own right, and if Mother weren’t so paranoid about me being out of the house at nighttime, I’d roam under the moon every night.
“The purple glow makes her look redder,” Traya said about Rose.
“It does,” I said, enjoying everything about my dragon friend. During the day, her developing scales were the color of the Auxle Sun, a burnt orange. Now, like a chameleon, she was the color of blood.
Rane’s hand on my arm, his touch gentler than usual, brought me to a stop. “It’s time,” he said.
I could make out the clearing, which housed the sacred pools. “Not yet. We’re not at the pools.”
Rane smiled sadly. “If Dean is there as you think he is, he’ll hear you if you get any closer.”
“But....” I let the complaint die on my lips. There was nothing useful I could say to delay any longer. I’d hoped for an idea to prevent this, but I’d arrived at none. I had to say goodbye to my only friend, most likely forever. Once Rane and Traya handed Rose over to Dean, the tribe would go crazy over her. They wouldn’t let her out of their sight. Which meant my time with her was at an end.
I’d believed it wouldn’t come to this, and yet it had. I hadn’t found a single way to stop it. I was a fool for believing I could do anything to help Rosie. I can’t even help myself. I was stuck in the current of my messed-up life. It carried me along with its usual abandon, and I had no choice but to go along with the ride, and hope I didn’t get beaten up too badly along the way.
Even though Rose was the injured one, I felt bruised and battered. My heart ached as I crouched to say goodbye to Rose and get it over with before I started crying. Once the tears started, they might never stop, and that was one thing I wouldn’t allow. If I let myself fall apart, I might never put myself together again.
Life seemed intent on giving me more challenges than was reasonable.
I swallowed, and my throat hurt. “I’m sorry, Rosie. I’ve failed you.”
“You didn’t fail her,” Traya said as she drew to my side.
Not even Traya’s soothing words could reach me. This was between Rose and me. No one else would understand. No one ever understood me, not really. Only a fellow freak could appreciate what it was like to be me.
I kissed the smooth scales between the dragon’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ll never forget you, Rosie. And if there’s ever anything I can do for you, I’ll find the way. I promise you that. You might be out of my care, but you’ll never be out of my thoughts. I’ll always think of you, and I’ll always be there
for you.” Somehow.
Rose’s red face and sad dragon smile blurred through my tears. “I’m sorry, girl, I really am.” I kissed her again, swiped at my nose with my hand, and stepped back roughly.
“Aw Nir,” Traya started, bringing a hand to my shaking shoulder, but I cut her off. “Go,” I said, and with that one word I felt myself break into a million little pieces. I stepped away from Traya’s comforting touch. When no one moved, I said, “Go now, dammit.”
Rane nodded. “Come on, Rose. Let’s go, girl.”
Rose looked at me, at Rane, and then at me again.
“Go with him, Rosie. I can’t go with you.” I tried to say more, but the words caught in my throat. So I pointed the direction away from me with my arm. “Go, girl.”
But Rose only moved closer to me.
Rane gave me a look, then walked over to me. He bent over the dragon. “You need to come with Traya and me,” he said with a firm look that said he meant business. It worked with the oxen, but not with dragons, apparently—at least not with my little dragon friend. Rose sat on top of my feet.
I halfheartedly tried to push her off me. “You have to go, Rosie girl. You have to leave me.” I swiped at my running nose.
Traya bent over Rose too. She cooed, “Come on, sweet girl. You can do it. No one’s going to hurt you.” She scratched behind floppy ears that looked more like a dog’s than a dragon’s.
“Up you go,” Rane said, signaling an upward direction with his arms.
Rose brought her head to her paws and got comfortable. Her body heat seeped through my boots.
Rane huffed. “Nir, you have to help us, or we’re going to have to pull her up.”
“We can’t pull a dragon up, Rane,” Traya, the voice of reason, said. “She might be little, but she’s still a dragon. The only way we’re going to get her to go with us is if she wants to.”
I sniffled. Rose was making it clear. She was exactly where she wanted to be. With me.
“Help us,” Rane said to me.
But I didn’t want to. I hadn’t wanted to do this from the start. “She’s still healing, and she’s only a baby. It’s too soon.”
“Do you want to be the one to tell Ma why we came back home with a dragon? Do you want to explain why she’s going to have to stress out about having enough food for all of us?”
“The Dragon Force will provide for you and Traya.”
Rane hadn’t thought of that, I could tell. “Yeah, but it’ll still stress her out. She’s already nearly sick with worry half the time.”
It was my turn to sigh. I was being forced to choose between my love for my mother and my dragon friend. Why was life so insanely difficult?
“Rosie,” I cooed, imitating the soothing sounds of Traya’s voice. “You need to go. It’s best.” But whom was it best for? Not for her, and not for me. For Mother, I reminded myself firmly. “Come on, Rosie.” But the dragon pretended like she wasn’t even hearing us.
“Fine,” Rane said. “You don’t want to do it, then I’ll have to.” The statement was a bit unfair since I was trying, even though I could’ve tried harder.
He wrapped strong hands around her shoulders, careful of the wound along her neck, and pulled. Rose was smaller than most dragons by a long shot, but she still didn’t budge. Rane heaved harder with the same result. “Are you kidding me?” he asked no one in particular.
“You’ll have to come with us,” Traya told me, and I was surprised our sister caved so quickly. She wouldn’t want to upset me, but she’d be more worried about our mother. Our father and brother’s deaths had been harder on her than on anyone else.
“What do you mean, she’ll have to come with us?” Rane asked. “Anira can’t come with us.”
“Do you see another option?”
Rane looked at me and at Rose.
“Exactly,” Traya said. “There’s no other way.”
“And what happens when we hand Rose over to Dean, and Rose doesn’t want to leave Anira’s side then either?”
“We’ll just have to hope that doesn’t happen. Dean is a dragon charmer of legend, after all. He has a way with dragons that we don’t. He’ll know how to get her to go with him.”
“I guess.” But Rane didn’t sound convinced.
“We can’t return home with Rose.”
“No, we can’t, but we can’t put Anira at risk either.”
“She’ll hide like she always does, won’t you?” Traya asked me.
“Aye, I’ll hide, just like I always do.” An odd mixture of bitterness and enthusiasm colored my voice. This wasn’t the ideal situation I envisioned, but Traya and Rane didn’t know about Dean’s dragon spirit. I had no idea how this might turn out, but Dean might surprise me. It was better than accepting I’d never see Rose again. This might be no more than a delay tactic, but it was something. “I won’t let Dean see me, I promise.”
“You with your ready promises now,” Rane said, “but Dean can’t see you, so that promise doesn’t count.”
“Whatever, I’ll hide, I’ll be as inconspicuous as possible. I’ll move in the shadows, as always. Whatever’s best for Rosie.”
“Whatever is best for you, you mean.”
That comment stunned me. “Are you for real right now? What’s best for me? What’s best for me?” I was already emotional, and my twin just implied that I was taking advantage of the situation to make life good for me. I hadn’t made a single thing good for me at the expense of my family in my entire life. “Here, let me help you deliver the only cool thing that’s ever happened to me to the Dragon Force, which you get to join, by the way. I don’t, of course, but hey, that’s what’s best for me, right?”
“Nir….”
“Go to hell, Rane.” When I addressed Rose, I toned it down. “Come on, pretty girl, I’ll take you to Dean myself.” The dragon rose right away and walked next to me as I resumed the walk toward the sacred pools. “Because that’s what’s best for me,” I said over my shoulder. This time, I didn’t bother to hide my bitterness.
“Nir,” Rane pleaded, but I didn’t even slow my step.
I had a point to prove, even if I didn’t really understand what it was to begin with. More importantly, I had a baby dragon to help. I didn’t question my intuition, nor did I question the path that opened up before me. I might be invisible, but I was far from stupid. I knew that when I didn’t follow the path life laid out for me, things went badly, and fast.
I wasn’t thrilled with the hand life had dealt me so far, but I was all in. And Rose was at my side.
Traya and Rane hurried to catch up.
15
By the time we spotted Dean by the sacred pools, it was clear he’d been watching us long before we saw him. And while we must have been an intriguing sight in the company of a stunted dragonling, he didn’t say a word until we reached him, and even then, he waited for Rane to speak first.
“Pardon us for interrupting you, Dean, but, as you can see, uh, we have a situation.”
Dean looked to Rose, my brother, and then Traya, before sweeping his eyes across the space next to Rose that I occupied. Rane and Traya noticed and their eyes widened in alarm before they managed to subdue their reactions.
“A situation,” Dean said. “I think this is a bit more than a situation.” He advanced on Rose, and she pressed against my legs. A flash of panic crossed Rane’s face before he stashed it away.
I tried to back away from Rose, something I’d done multiple times on the way through the trees to the sacred pools. Just as before, she didn’t allow me to leave; she followed my retreat.
Dean’s sharp eyes didn’t miss a thing. The large trees that surrounded the sacred pools shielded us from the purple of the moon. But I imagined for someone as open-minded as Dean, it might be apparent that Rose was leaning into something—someone.
Dean looked at Rose, then swept his gaze upward to me, then again at Rose. “It’s okay,” he said, extending a cautious hand toward her. His hand was large and callous
ed, but Rose seemed to sense that he meant her no harm. She flinched at first, but not for long. Dean settled onto his knees and placed his hand beneath her nose for her to smell him.
I controlled my breath so it came slowly and evenly, and so softly that not even someone with the acute senses of a lifelong dragon charmer would hear me. I didn’t move, and even though I willed my body to relax, my muscles were clenched. The moment I managed to relax one set of muscles, the next tensed, until I gave up on the futility of the exercise.
If Dean moved unexpectedly, it was entirely possible that his hand would reach beyond the dragon to me. And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it except sweat and try not to panic, something I was barely managing.
But I was doing better than my brother and sister. I experienced another round of guilt when I saw their stricken expressions. They stood behind Dean, rooted to the spot, and I actually feared one of their hearts might stop beating. Rane’s usually caramel-colored skin had drained of its color, and a sheen of sweat beaded along his hairline. Traya looked as if she’d stopped breathing entirely.
I needed Dean to hurry in winning Rose over, but the little dragon wasn’t in the hurrying mood. Dean held his hand out for her, but she took her time, acting the part of the disinterested little dragon before giving him an indifferent sniff.
Dean smiled, and his face looked hundreds of years younger, like he was the adolescent still coming into manhood, not my stricken brother behind him. “That’s it, little one. I won’t hurt you, I promise.”
I couldn’t help but realize that Dean spoke to Rose a bit like I did. I supposed that was a good thing. Maybe he’d take decent care of her, after all. It wouldn’t be me, but it might be okay. My heart sank around my feet. Who was I kidding? Nothing would be all right without Rose in my life.
“She’s hurt,” Dean said for Rane and Traya to hear.
“Yeah, that’s how I, uh, found her. Like that. Hurt.”