The Trouble with Polly Brown

by Tricia Bennett

  “Oh, dear Stanley, bless his little cotton socks,” Polly deeply sighed.

  “Cor, the old boy’s finally popped his clogs,” Molly Sutcliffe’s unashamedly loud voice boomed down the line of seated pupils.

  “Shh. All of you do as you’re told and be quiet!” one of the many English teachers sternly ordered.

  “As a school we wish to honor this gentle and meek man to whom we are deeply indebted for his many years of service to this wonderful school. Stanley Horlicks could accurately be termed an ‘old-school’ gentleman. From the simplest of acts, such as opening doors for young ladies and teachers to pass through, this magnanimous-hearted man showed consideration for others in everything he did and said. Although I have to say that as a rule of thumb he was not a man given to many words, he still managed to encourage teachers and pupils alike,” said the headmaster, his voice faltering as he struggled to remain solemn and thereby unaffected.

  Polly, who for once in her life was drinking in every word the headmaster uttered, began to furiously nod her head in agreement. She then turned to the girl on her left and whispered with a sigh, “Oh, if only everyone knew just how happy he is now, they would never be this sad.”

  “Shh, maggot face, or you’ll get us both in trouble,” the very irate fellow pupil with the ginger hair rather nastily snapped back.

  Polly sniffed as under her breath she muttered, “Eleanor Boodle-butt, you needn’t be so jolly rude!” She then huffily folded her arms, at the same time moving farther back on her seat as she redirected her full attention to the headmaster’s touching and very endearing speech regarding dear Stanley.

  “I have to say that one of Stanley’s many talents was that he could rather cleverly spot an illegally disposed-of lump of chewing gum stuck under a table from as far away as twenty or even thirty meters for that matter.”

  Embarrassed titters followed by smatterings of laughter quickly broke out around the hall as countless pupils privately conceded to being among those guilty of such a deplorable act of gross misconduct. Polly noticed that Mr. Batty paused to draw breath while shrewdly observing his pupils to make quick mental notes of those laughing the loudest, as these were obviously the worst offenders. For the first time in history he now knew each and every culprit by name!

  Clearing his throat once again, he then continued to proceed. “As Stanley went about his daily cleaning tasks, this man was meticulous in all he did. He never looked upon his job as though it were something beneath him. On the contrary, he did everything to the best of his ability, yes, with excellence and pride, and all this despite his poor health. Sadly, I never had the time to get to know Stanley properly, as my job dictates that I must get forty-eight hours out of each twenty-four-hour day, but while sifting through the school archives I discovered a few very interesting facts concerning our now dearly departed school caretaker.

  “Stanley served his country well by enlisting into the military when World War II broke out. This exemplary and very brave young man went on many harrowing missions but was eventually forced to leave the services after sustaining terrible leg injuries whilst in the trenches in France. Stanley was hospitalized in a military facility for almost a year as he struggled to learn to walk again.

  “With his shining military career over, he was forced to take what might seem to man y as a very low and menial job, for it was at this stage of his life that he became this school’s most cheerful cleaner. But Stanley’s story does not end there, for the school records show that a number of years later saw our great and mighty country battling with some of the most severe and terrible storms she had ever witnessed. These ferocious storms destroyed whole villages and caused serious flooding and inestimable damage throughout our great land. Sadly, many great landmarks were lost forever, and countless families were not only uprooted but also lost everything, including beloved members of their families. Amidst all this confusion and crisis, dear Stanley, on discovering that the school’s roof had been ripped off and other parts of the building had been severely damaged, willingly chose to set up home in one of the school outhouses and refused to leave the site until the school had been completely renovated and restored to its original glory. To this day his little stove, tin kettle, and tea-filled caddy remain in the outhouse as a visual reminder of this humble man’s life.

  “Yes, my friends, this is a story of a remarkable and very noble gentleman who never felt the need to blow his own trumpet but spent his entire life putting others first. I hasten to add that we could all do well to learn something from this quiet-spirited, unassuming man. And so I for one fully intend to be at his funeral, if only to let his family know what a special and outstanding person Stanley Albert Horlicks truly was. This earth will never quite be the same without him, so may he rest in pieces….er, I mean in peace.”

  The sound of sniffling and snuffling could clearly be heard all around the hall as teachers and pupils brought out a tissue or two to wipe away a tear or blow a troubled nose as it finally dawned on all present that dear, dependable Stanley really wasn’t ever coming back.

  “Stanley leaves behind a widow, Edith, five children, and I believe some twenty-six grandchildren in all. It was Stanley’s express wish that instead of flowers, all donations should go to charities that help servicemen. Personally speaking, I cannot think of a more worthy cause than to honor those men and women here and abroad who risk their lives daily in order to protect us and in doing so keep our world both safe and prosperous. We will therefore be looking to give a handsome donation to such a truly worthy cause.

  “Finally, I have been in touch with Father Constantinople, and he has yet to confirm the date and time of Stanley’s funeral, details of which will be posted as soon as possible on the school notice board situated in the foyer. May I use this occasion to remind all pupils present that, as the funeral will be taking place during school hours, if any among you wish to attend, then I most certainly will require a written letter of permission from your respective parents. Do I make myself clear?”

  “Yes, sir,” was the quick response from all the pupils seated in the auditorium.

  Mr. Batty took a deep breath and jangled a bunch of keys that were deep in his trouser pocket. To Polly it looked like he was privately congratulating himself on a speech well given. He was about to turn away from the podium when he suddenly turned back around as though he had absentmindedly left out something important that he needed to say. “However, before I dismiss you all from this assembly, I do have one final request. As Stanley’s departure has been so sudden and unexpected, we have not had the time or the wherewithal to find a suitable replacement to take up the position of cleaner. So until such times as we do, I would like to humbly suggest that previously guilty parties should resist all further carnal and most inconsiderate acts of dispensing their lumps of chewing gum under the furniture. Instead, it would be much appreciated if you would be more thoughtful and opt to discard this undeniably revolting stuff in the bins provided. Thank you. You are all dismissed. Now please exit the hall in a quiet and orderly fashion.”

  Polly stood up to leave the hall and was very happy to suddenly catch sight of her younger brother James as he too stood in line waiting his turn to leave the hall and get to his classes. Once again she broke the school code of conduct, which was never to leave your class line, but Polly, being Polly, seemed always to be more moved by the emotion of the moment in preference to the cold, harsh rules of school officialdom.

  She thought nothing of the consequences as she broke with school code to leave her class line and race over to speak to him.

  “Psst, James. Let’s meet up at lunch break,” she gently whispered. James pulled a face as if to say he did not fully believe she would do as she said.

  “Promise?” he mumbled loudly.

  “Yes, I promise,” she replied, giving him a meaningful look, as she was most eager to get his full consent.

  “Well, that would be nice. I’ll save you a seat,” he said, still holding back
as he forced a half-hearted smile.

  Polly grabbed hold of his arm and responded by giving him a full smile. “See you at lunch break,” she said, giving his arm a friendly tug.

  “OK, Polly. See you at lunchtime, and try hard not to be late.”

  Chapter Four

  ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL

  POLLY RACED BACK to join her line as her class slowly filed out of the hall and headed toward their first class of the day. She remained true to form as she wandered down the long corridors, deep in anxious thought and therefore totally oblivious to anything and everything going on around her.

  However, today of all days was going to change that for good, for suddenly she was rather rudely interrupted by a complete stranger, who not only had the sheer audacity to sidle right up to her but then rather rudely began to interrupt her private and most important chain of thought. “Sorry to be such a nuisance, but please could you point me in the right direction? I am supposed to be joining a physics group, and you seem like a really friendly face.”

  Polly responded by raising a disturbed eyebrow before turning full circle to scrutinize his face in a manner that might suggest he were merely some out-of-focus photograph pinned on a wall.

  “I am new to this school, and as of yet I have no timetable on which to rely, so I’m entirely at your mercy,” he said with pleading eyes as he pulled a soppy face that would suggest he was as helpless and defenseless as a week-old puppy dog.

  Well, if he thought the “I’m really helpless trick” would work on Polly, he was sadly very mistaken, for she still failed to communicate as much as a friendly vibe or utterance as rather rudely she continued to stare right through him.

  “Hello, anyone there? I’d be extremely grateful and indebted to you if you would do all within your power to help me.” The polite and friendly voice continued on, a keen sense of urgency now betraying more than a hint of exasperation.

  Still Polly managed to have a blank expression written all over her face as she stood right in front of him to take a long, hard look at his features. He was tall, a bit of a beanpole really. His hair was jet black and slightly unruly, and Polly was convinced that if Mr. Batty saw that it went way past his shirt collar, well, he would be in serious trouble, and at the very least he would be ordered to cut off the ponytail or face the consequences! Otherwise, he was indeed a very presentable specimen, for she observed that his jacket was pristine clean, his trouser seams immaculately pressed, his shoes brushed to a shine, and as for his tie, well, that too was as perfectly straight as his beautiful ultra-white teeth!

  Polly was certain that he was at least a few years older, and so if she was heading for twelve, well then he must be fourteen coming on fifteen. His eyes were a pleasant muddy brown, and his nose was inoffensively chiseled. To add to the dramatic impact, his lips held a slight pout that had Polly musing he must surely play some form of wind instrument. Add to all this the ruddiest cheeks she had ever seen outside of the winter months, and it all went to make up an unusual but strangely handsome boy. Yes, he must have aristocracy hidden somewhere in his ancestral line, Polly bemusedly thought as pictures of famous composers such as Mozart and Brahms with their weird hairdos and long, hooked noses erratically flashed through her mind.

  “Sorry, what were you asking?” she queried as she now appeared to directly, if not a little condescendingly, look him in the eye. His face changed, as if he instantly wished he’d stopped someone else—in fact anyone else—who was walking down the corridor, instead of her.

  “Science block. Any idea?” he dared to once again ask, all the while pulling a playful long face.

  Still Polly was slow to answer as she struggled to come out of her constant daydreaming, which over the years she had expertly honed to an art form.

  “Umm, physics…Now, let me see. Is it down the left-hand corridor or the right?”

  “Sorry, I should have introduced myself. My name is Will; full title, William Ogilvy Montgomery, at your service. And if you’d be so terribly kind as to help me out, well, then, I promise to return the favor,” he said as he anxiously placed a hand on her arm in his very admirable attempt to keep her full attention. “I’m excellent at helping out with mathematics and/or French homework, and even though my history has in the past been described as both evasive and boorish, I will willingly offer any help that is required. So tell me, what’s your name?”

  “Oh, I’m Polly, Polly Brown to be precise.”

  “Well, nice to meet you Polly. I do hope we can be friends,” he said in a voice much too cheerful for her liking. He then proceeded to further shock her by keenly holding out his hand in what was presumably intended to be a kind and friendly gesture. A shocked and confused Polly stared down at his outstretched hand as she battled to find the right words.

  “Oh, um…Yes, well I guess we could be friends,” was her sickeningly slow response, as it slowly began to dawn on her that someone was trying heroically hard to be nice to her and, better still, might actually want to become her friend. Polly finally jumped to attention and timidly placed her hand out to shake his. “Thank you, er…er…”

  “Will, William Montgomery,” he quickly interjected as he continued to help her out.

  “Er, yes. Will. That would be really nice,” she said, giving a gentle smile as she finally dared to limply shake his hand.

  Will smiled back, but mainly, it appeared, from relief. “Well, Polly, as my mind-reading skills have yet to be honed to perfection, I do still need your expert help in pointing me in the right direction,” he said, giving a light laugh.

  “Oops, sorry,” she spluttered, suddenly feeling shy and a bit of an idiot. Finally she became helpful enough to direct him toward the science block. “Go through the double doors, and then turn left. Don’t stop until you reach the end of that corridor. At the end of the corridor you need to take a sharp right into a link corridor, and then halfway down that corridor you will see a rather battered-looking blue door that leads into the science block.”

  “Thanks again, Polly,” he said, breaking into a very generous smile, a smile, I might add, she truly didn’t deserve.

  “Don’t mention it. Glad to be of some service,” she said, entirely breaking with tradition by feigning a half smile.

  “Well, I hope to catch up with you later,” he said as he hurried off in the direction Polly had shown him. Polly nodded, her smile becoming wider as she watched the crazy new boy unwittingly bump into a large group of pupils, as he wasn’t properly looking where he was going.

  “Maybe we could meet up at lunchtime?” Will shouted back in her direction as he stooped to pick up a pile of his books and papers that now littered the floor of the link corridor. Polly’s face immediately went a significant scarlet in color as she considered his kind proposal to meet up. She therefore waved a quick good-bye and then with much relief turned on her heels to venture down a different corridor, as she had a class that she would be late to if she didn’t hurry up.

  “My goodness, he’s drop dead gorgeous!” she giggled to herself. “This could turn out to be a good day after all,” she declared as with a rarely seen smile on her face she hugged her books tightly to her chest and proceeded to march most determinedly toward the biology classroom.

  Polly entered the noise-filled classroom long before her teacher and so quickly made her way toward an empty desk near the back of the room. Then, dropping her schoolbag down beside the chair, she slumped wearily down into her seat and found the time to ponder just how good a mood her unpredictable teacher would be in on this fine Monday morning. She did not have to wait too long to find out. Mrs. McGillicuddy entered the room in her usual frantic manner and shuffled toward her desk with the purpose of dispensing with her two heavy, stuffed-to-the gunnels carrier bags.

  Polly observed the bags and immediately began to play the game that she always played, which was to attempt to guess quite what was in the overloaded bags and therefore absolutely necessary if her harebrained teacher was to safely m
ake it through another day without any sudden, unexpected catastrophe. “Here we have a pair of matching candelabras recently valued by Sotheby’s to be worth an astounding six thousand pounds. Do we have a buyer? Going…going…gone. Yes, sold to fellow classmate George Edgebaston for a modest forty-six hundred pounds. And what do we have next? Ah, yes, a metal cage. This cage comes complete with drinking receptacle and a seriously rusty hamster wheel that promises to keep the flab off your hamster’s hips and so could easily be considered the ideal home for a mouse, hamster, or pet rat. This prized possession will cost you a mere two shillings and sixpence. So, do we have a taker? Next we have a rather splendid cracked cereal bowl, still encrusted with the remains of this morning’s bran flakes. Oh, dear, what a mistake. For she clearly didn’t mean to bring this in; rather, it was intended for the washing-up bowl!”

  Polly could easily play this stupid game for the whole lesson and often did, as she automatically switched off as her teacher droned on and on about dreary things such as lymphatic systems and epithelial tissue. I mean, what was the purpose of learning all about the functions of the human body, and from such a hysterical woman, when everything else in Polly’s life lay on the floor in tatters.

  Did she need to know what her kidneys did or didn’t do when all she wanted was to survive another day without a beating or further unjust punishments? No, it was settled. Just coping with all the anxiety and torment raging inside her daily was more than enough to keep her totally occupied without being forced to learn hundreds of challenging names of body parts as well as their bodily functions. These tongue-twister names were obviously made up thousands of years ago by a number of very bored professors who could have put their talents to much better use by making up a variety of new board games. Instead of which, all over the globe poor, desperate schoolchildren were gnashing and grinding their teeth as they struggled to get their tongues ’round words that would put most people into an instant coma and were absolutely ghastly, if not impossible, to spell correctly. There were words like subcutaneous, mitochondria, cardiovascular, and other terminology that might as well be Polish or Greek as far as Polly was concerned, for it was all gobbledygook to her. So with Polly’s anxious mind already in overdrive, it was time as usual for it to go into total shutdown.