A Small Silence
Page 25
As he changed his gaze from her chest, their eyes met again; this time they locked for much longer. As he looked into her eyes, he saw all those days she had spent with him in the room flash before his eyes—the sighs, her exhalations, her shuffles; and without being too conscious of it, he stretched out his hands to feel her. His hands floated in the air without touching anything until his consciousness again reminded him that he was on one of the many number-named streets in the estate he lived in. Though he was not close enough to elicit the kind of reaction that his body might intuitively have wished to express, despite the distance between them, he felt a bubbling inside him, and finally developed the courage to walk up to her. He walked towards her without thinking. His strides were wide as he moved towards her, and he analysed the things he would say to her. He debated with himself how the conversation he would have with her would go. Do you know Desire? No, I’ll rather say, ‘You must be Desire’. That’s more assuring.
He stopped thinking. He had absentmindedly crossed over and was now standing in front of her. He felt her eyes on him. He exhaled and it sounded like a murmur, but no word escaped his lips. Instead, he remained in place, gesticulating with his hands, moving his lips and clearing his voice again and again until it became sore; finally he muttered, ‘Desire,’ before he moved away and watched from a distance, as she sized him up, from his bushy head to his dust-polished sandals, before she hurried away from him.
Prof remembered that he did not tumble the lock when he left earlier. He looked on in the direction of the departing girl thinking, only imagination can destroy its own creation. He took a deep breath and considered going home to lift the curtains of his house, so that the lame lights of the moon could walk in.
Acknowledgements
I started writing this novel because a friend offered me a place to relieve my burdens. A space to listen to silence and speak into the dark without fear. I’m grateful to you Albert Obi, wherever you may be, for trusting my ears to listen to you, and for inviting my silence into your house. Your invitation to “talk” opened my imagination to abandon my trauma and seek shadows that tell stories. I am indeed grateful.
For Aduke: the one I prayed for.
For Papa V and Mama V—my shoulders. Father and Mother.
For Show, Verie, Showski—brothers, friends, army and cheerleaders. Blood.
For Tayo, friend and sister. Fellow traveller.
Odia, friend, kindred spirit. Support.
For Bibi, whose words echo in my ears when I am almost lost in transit.
And to my editor, Layla, for accepting this story as ours, and leading it to a place it can breathe.
My journey couldn’t have begun without the support I received from others. I am a body of gratitude to many people whose kindness has helped me find my way in difficult times. Hence, I am grateful to everyone who has shown me support, including you reading this book, for investing your time and money on me.
I speak into the world; I’m grateful.
We keep moving!
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Transforming a manuscript into the book you are now reading is a team effort. Cassava Republic Press would like to thank everyone who helped in the production of A Small Silence:
Editorial Design & Production
Layla Mohamed Michael Salu
Bibi Bakare-Yusuf Tobi Ajiboye
Katlego Tapala
Temitayo Olofinlua
Sales & Marketing Publicity
Emma Shercliff Halima Shode
Kofo Okunola
Copyright
First published in 2019 by Cassava Republic Press
Abuja – London
Copyright ©Jumoke Verissimo 2019
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transported in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher of this book.
The moral right of Jumoke Verissimo to be identified as the Author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
While some events in Nigeria have influenced this story, this story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of Nigeria and British Library.
The poem ‘Not My Business’ has been reproduced with permission from the poet Niyi Osundare.
UK ISBN: 978–1–911115–79–3
Nigerian ISBN: 978–978–975–034–4
eISBN: 978–1–911115–80–9
Cover & Art Direction by Michael Salu
Book design by Tobi Ajiboye
Printed and bound in Great Britain by Bell & Bain Ltd., Glasgow
Distributed in Nigeria by Yellow Danfo
Distributed in the UK by Central Books Ltd.
Distributed in the US by Consortium Books
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Jumoke Verissimo, A Small Silence