“I think we’ve established there are a lot of things I’d let you do.”
Hayden felt his heart stop again. He had to remind himself to breathe.
Joy, you shouldn’t say things like that to me.
I know we made rules . . . but you make me want to break them all.
“I’ll bring my stuff next time.”
“You need stuff to shower?” Jo teased. “What are you, a girl?”
It was his turn to snap a towel at her ass. “You know damn well I’m not.” He pulled her close and planted a passionate kiss on her lips.
“Stop,” she squealed, squirming away. “We can’t do that here.”
“Why not? We’re alone. We’re in your bathroom. No one’s gonna see us.”
“Hayden . . . Just not here, okay?”
Hayden tried to hide his disappointment. “Okay. I guess I should be heading back to my place to shower with all my stuff, anyway.” He added the last bit playfully to hide his true feelings.
“Wait, I have to chart your vitals before you go.”
Hayden frowned. Their day had been so fun he’d almost forgotten the only reason Joy was actually hanging out with him was because she was working.
Am I just a job to you, Joy?
He followed Joy into the living room. He looked at the couch and cringed at the piles of clothes. He never thought of himself as a neat freak, but Joy was certainly pushing his limits. Hayden opted to sit on a barstool while Jo pulled out her supplies from the only orderly thing in the apartment—her lifeguard bag.
She placed a notebook and blood pressure cuff on the counter. Then she pushed her way between his knees to wrap it around his arm. Having Joy so close was wreaking havoc on his nerves. There was no way she’d ever get an accurate reading standing between his legs. All he could think about was the way her hips felt when they pressed against him. Then all he could think about was how badly he wanted his hands on them and everything else.
Do you have any idea what you do to me, Joy?
Because this really isn’t fair.
She took his blood pressure, removed the cuff and scribbled the reading in the notebook. Hayden glanced over her shoulder. He’d had his blood pressure taken often enough to know that number was high. Not good.
Next she moved to his pulse, pressing her finger to his wrist. Hayden could hear his own pulse loud and clear. It was pounding in his ear like a kick drum. Shit! At this rate he’d be kicked out of ACE today.
That was the last thing Hayden wanted. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this right now.”
“Shhh . . .” Joy hissed. She was all business as she counted his pulse.
She scribbled in the notebook again. Hayden didn’t even need to look to know what she found wasn’t good. She was frowning when she looked at him. The adorable spot between her eyebrows creased with worry. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? Your heart rate and blood pressure are elevated.”
“I’m fine.”
He moved to stand up but Joy put her hand on his chest to stop him.
Hayden froze. Even with the thin material of his rash guard between them, having her hand on his chest made it hard for him to breathe and even harder for him to form clear thoughts. The only thing that whirled around and around in his head was fear.
Do you know, Joy?
Can you feel it?
“Hayden, if I’m pushing you too hard you need to let me know. I don’t want you to have to go home.”
He let her step closer to him, breathing in her sun-kissed scent of coconut sunblock and cherry chapstick. “Me either,” he replied.
She was still frowning when he looked down at her. “Maybe I should take your vitals again.”
“It won’t be any different.”
“Why not?”
“Trust me.”
“But—”
“No questions, Joy.”
She looked hurt, but recovered quickly. “Right. Well, what do ya think, New York? You got surf stoke, or what?”
Hayden chuckled. “I got surf shoulder,” he said, massaging his tight muscles.
Jo’s agile hands instantly explored his shoulders, kneading his aching body. He let an involuntary groan escape his lips. Goddamn, he was putty in her hands.
She moved around to work his shoulders from behind him. He watched her reflection in the glass of her kitchen cabinets. She grinned every time he groaned. He wasn’t going to tell her that kissing in the bathroom would’ve been a hell of a lot less harmless than this massage. He wasn’t an idiot. He didn’t want Joy’s hands to ever stop. But he also couldn’t stop the provocative noises coming from his mouth. Anyone walking by would definitely get the wrong idea.
Hayden clamped his mouth shut, determined to ride out the rest of the massage in silence when he felt Joy’s hands on the zipper of his rash guard. He turned around so fast he startled her.
“Joy, what are you doing?”
“I can’t get to your knots through your rash guard.”
He tried to calm his breathing, but his heart was in his throat.
This rash guard is never coming off, Joy.
I can’t let you see what I am.
Joy reached a tentative hand toward Hayden’s shoulders again. He caught them, gently squeezing her fingers before tucking them back at her sides. “Already trying to get me out of my clothes?” he joked, hoping to cover the way he was beginning to tremble.
“No, I just—”
“I’m joking, Joy. But you’re right. We should stick to the rules while we’re here.”
“Okay.”
“I should go.” Hayden’s heart folded in on itself as he turned and walked briskly toward Joy’s door. There was no hiding the hurt that flashed across her face when he rejected her touch. He knew she was wondering what she did wrong.
You didn’t do anything wrong, Joy.
Just don’t ask for more than I can give.
His hand reached the door and regret seized him. No, he couldn’t leave like this. Hadn’t he just said that he was done not going after what he wanted? Joy was it. He’d never really known what he wanted until the day she walked into his life and kissed him within an inch of his life. Something within him had shifted that day. Something had changed for the better. And he wasn’t willing to let it go.
Hayden turned around, closing the distance he’d created in a few swift steps. He pulled Joy into his arms. He crushed her against him to quiet the trembling in his limbs. It felt like heaven to have her in his embrace. He gently kissed her forehead. With his mouth still against her skin he whispered. “I’m sorry. I just . . . I want to take things slow. And the way I feel about you . . .” He exhaled deeply. “It makes it hard.”
Joy clung tighter to him and he breathed her in, soaking up every ounce of relief holding her brought him.
“Promise me you won’t change your mind about us the minute I walk out that door?” he whispered.
“I won’t.”
Hayden smiled into her hair and placed one last kiss there before forcing himself to leave before he lost what little resolve he had left.
Joy
Bliss stole over Jo’s heart as she tried to fall asleep. Each time she closed her eyes her mind snapped back to Hayden.
Hayden kissing her.
Hayden holding her.
Hayden asking her not to change her mind.
Thoughts of him filled her with giddiness. The feeling washed over her starting at her toes, rising like helium, filling her up until she felt she might float away. Giddiness was a foreign feeling. It was something she hadn’t experienced in years. Something she hadn’t experienced since Max.
She pushed the thought away. She didn’t want Max to take the giddiness away.
I’m sorry, Max.
I love you.
I’ll always love you.
But I need to hold onto this feeling . . . at least for a little while.
Piper crept closer, settling her chin on Jo’s belly. She’d let her in the bed again
tonight. She knew she was creating a monster by letting Piper sleep with her two nights in a row, but Jo had broken so many rules today that she couldn’t seem to stop.
It felt good—freeing even—to for once, do whatever the hell she wanted. And right now, she wanted to snuggle her dog and hold onto the memory of the first good day she’d had in a very long time.
28
Joy
3 years ago . . .
“Max, be serious. We can’t get a dog,” Jo said.
“Why not? I mean look at her,” he crooned, clearly already in love with the little black and white ball of fur wiggling in his lap.
The puppy was stretching on her hind legs to lick Max’s chin, while Jo sat next to him, stroking her soft fur. Jo’s heart melted seeing Max cuddle the adorable puppy.
“You already love us, don’t you, Piper?” Max whispered.
Jo laughed. “Well, you are pretty easy to love.”
He grinned and held the puppy up to his face. “Please, Jo, won’t you adopt me and take me home? I want you to be my mama.”
Something in Jo’s heart cracked and longing poured out. It had always been hard for her to believe someone could love her when her own mother couldn’t. But for the first time, Jo was realizing that didn’t mean she couldn’t find it within herself to give that kind of unconditional love.
She’d already found that kind of love with Max, and now staring at the hopeful blue eyes of the little black and white puppy, Jo felt she still had more love to give. She reached forward to straighten the pink collar, her fingers lingering on the red metal heart with the name Piper stamped into it. “Jack will kill me if I bring a puppy home.”
Max grinned, already knowing she would cave. “He won’t even notice. Plus, she’ll be our dog. She can spend half the time at my house and half at yours.”
“You want to get her together?”
“Hell yeah!”
“Max, dogs are a big responsibility.” A big step.
“So, she’ll be good practice for all the kids we’re gonna have.”
Jo’s heart nearly fell into her stomach. “Max, don’t joke about that,” she whisper-hissed.
He winked. “Who says I’m joking?”
And for the first time in her life, Jo felt her love roar louder than her fear.
* * *
Dear diary,
Remember that boy, the one who stole my heart?
Today we got a dog.
She’s ours, together, and I never want to let her go.
She’s one more heart to hold onto.
One more amazing thing he’s brought into my life.
I never knew how much love a single heart could hold.
But this boy, he’s teaching me.
He gave me his heart.
He put it right in my hands and asked me never to let go.
I’ve never been so happy.
I’ve never been so scared.
Holding a heart is terrifying.
A heart is irreplaceable.
You only have the one to give.
What if I ruin his heart?
What if he ruins mine?
29
Joy
Jo woke with a start, her vivid dreams clinging to her like a blanket of sorrow. She wanted to believe all these sudden dreams about Max were a coincidence. She wanted to believe they had nothing to do with Hayden. But Jo hadn’t dreamt of Max like this in years. But night after night, he visited her dreams. Little snippets of conversations and memories, so clear and haunting Jo felt like she could reach out and touch them.
Last night, she’d dreamt about the day they got Piper and the first time she realized she was falling in love with Max. Why now? Why was her heart dredging up all these feeling for him now? After all this time?
Hayden.
The answer formed in her mind, clear as day, but Jo wasn’t willing to acknowledge it. It was only a coincidence that Hayden had shown up the same time the dreams started. It was only a coincidence that Jo’s heart felt like it had woken from a slumber that first night she kissed him. It was only a coincidence that he was the last thing she thought of when she went to sleep and the first when she woke.
It was only a coincidence.
At least that’s what she desperately wanted to believe. The trouble was . . . Jo didn’t believe in coincidence. She was a firm believer in fate and everything happening for a reason—even if she didn’t like the reasons.
Hayden
Hayden was awake and ready before Joy texted him. He felt like a kid on Christmas morning. He didn’t know what Joy had planned for today, but he didn’t really care. Anything they did would be great. Even if it was nothing more than sitting in her messy apartment.
He was so eager to see her that he practically sprinted to her place. He hesitated before knocking on the door. A tiny seed of doubt had suddenly blossomed in his chest and he worried which Joy would greet him. The carefree girl on the surfboard who gave in to her desires or the one who worried constantly, always looking over her shoulder like the world was out to steal her happiness?
Regardless, Hayden would be grateful for either version. His heart thumped impatiently in his chest. Had flesh and bone not been locking it in place, Hayden had no doubt his heart would’ve pounded down the door already. He raised his hand and knocked as he waited on pins and needles.
A moment later, Joy greeted him with a smile that instantly made him want to break every rule they’d made.
“Morning,” she said, brightly.
“Good morning, Joy.” I think I could get used to saying that to you, Joy.
“How do you feel about hiking?”
“Are you coming hiking?”
“Yes.”
“Then I love hiking.”
She laughed. “Easy, New York. Your flirt is showing.”
“You make it hard to keep locked up. Especially when you answer the door in that.” Hayden’s eyes roved over the skimpy blue bikini Joy was wearing. He wondered how he’d even been able to form words with her standing in front of him dressed in so little.
“Rule,” Joy hissed, snapping him out of his dirty daydreams.
“Right.”
“Come in while I finish getting ready.”
Hayden followed Joy into her place and found an uncluttered spot on the sofa to sit. Piper trotted over and put her head in his lap. He scratched the dog behind the ears as he watched Joy flit about the place like a mini cyclone. Somehow, she was managing to make the mess worse, but instead of repulsing him, it only endeared her further in his heart.
Hayden was doing his best to hide what Joy did to him. He wished he could just tell her everything—lay it all out on the table. He wanted to hand her his heart on a platter so she could see the effect she had on him. But that would be breaking the rules. So he did what he always did. He hid what he was really feeling from the person who probably needed to know it the most. He bottled up his emotions. He locked his limbs. He did everything in his power to stop envisioning the things he really wanted to do right now—which was cross the room, take Joy in his arms, press his lips against hers and never let her go.
* * *
“Are we almost there?” Hayden asked when they turned onto yet another bumpy dirt road. They’d been driving for much longer than he thought possible on such a small island.
“About another twenty minutes.”
Hayden grimaced.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think Piper has to pee.”
Joy snorted as she looked over at him. Piper was happily sitting in his lap, her paws on the open window, tongue lolling about.
“Piper looks pretty content to me.”
“Okay, I’m the one who has to pee. Pull this hunk of junk over or this is gonna get awkward real fast.”
Joy giggled, but obliged and Hayden was out the door before the van came to a complete stop. In his haste to get to Joy’s this morning he’d left without visiting the bathroom. Then at her place, he’d been too
mesmerized to remember he had to go. But the bumpy ride and large dog on his bladder reminded him quickly.
He had hoped he would make it, since begging Joy to pull over so he could relieve himself wasn’t the slickest move in the book, but in another twenty minutes he would’ve had a much bigger problem.
Relieved and collected, Hayden returned to the van. Joy was smirking at him from the driver’s seat. He glanced at their secluded surroundings. They were in the middle of nowhere, deep in the Hawaiian jungle. A smile slid onto his face as he calculated there would be no rules for Joy to hide behind if he walked around to her window and kissed her.
So that’s exactly what he did.
The moment their lips connected, need swept through Hayden and he knew he couldn’t have resisted a moment longer. She was like aloe to a burn, water to a fire, air underwater. He was overwhelmed with misery when she pulled away. He needed her kiss. He would always want more. And with a surge of panic he realized perhaps this had been a mistake, because five weeks with this girl would never be enough. With Joy, even an eternity would fall short.
“Hayden?” she asked, noticing his anguish. “Are you okay?”
He pulled himself together and nodded. “I’ve just been waiting to do that since the moment I left you last night.”
She grinned in that impossible way of hers which trapped her kissable bottom lip beneath her teeth. Hayden’s thumb shot out to save it. “Easy with my lips, Joy.”
His heart stuttered. You said that out loud, dumbass.
Don’t get careless, Hayden.
You’ll scare her away if you let her see too much.
But Joy didn’t seem to notice. She was too busy climbing through her window and into Hayden’s arms. He gladly caught her, crushing her lips to his the moment she offered. He hoisted her tiny frame up higher and her legs wrapped around his waist with surprising strength. Hayden backed her up against the van, letting the full force of his passion press her against the warm orange metal.
They kissed savagely, only breaking enough to gasp for air. Hayden sucked her beautiful bottom lip into his mouth, teasing it with his teeth this time. It elicited a gasp of pleasure from Joy that nearly caused an embarrassing situation in Hayden’s shorts for the second time today.
The Summer Boyfriend Page 13