“I think you are going to need Esmeralda or Marie on this one. You’ve really done it this time, Leigh. I can call them for you, but be prepared. They won’t be very happy about this. You know that, right?”
“I know. I’ll risk that consequence, I just have to fix this. Call me and let me know what they say.”
I returned to the Flailing Farmers of America project going on in the kitchen. “Gertie has her hands full with some wild paranormal beast in Southeast Asia. Randy is going to call on Esmeralda and Marie Laveau. I know they can fix this.”
“Esmeralda and Marie? I hope so. Either way, I’m pretty sure we are going to get totally screwed now.” Lindsey fretted.
“And not in a good way.” Kelly remarked.
Randy called right back, but the news wasn’t good. The witches would come and see what could be done, but it wouldn’t be for another day, or two, maybe a week. “Good news and bad news.”
“Good news, please. Only good news.” Lindsey yelped while the calves nudged her around the room.
“The witches are going to come. The bad news is that it won’t be for a day or two, or a week.”
Lindsey was still being pushed around the kitchen. Her newly remodeled kitchen, that is. Luke and Derek had done such wonderful work to upgrade everything after Gertie had unceremoniously firebombed it with a flaming ball of fat. Now, their craftsmanship was in serious peril.
“You damn calves cannot stay here!” Lindsey yelled at them, and then immediately apologized with soft a petting of their wet muzzles.
Kelly threw her hands up. “Well, what are we going to do with them? I bet they have some sort of ordinance against keeping cows in Arlington Heights. I don’t think you can put them in the yard.”
“We could take them to Gertie’s place, I bet she has room.” I suggested, and then quickly cast doubt on my own idea. “I just don’t know if I could actually transport them down there.”
Lindsey had a moment of genius. She addressed the calves. “You boys are going to spend a little time in the country.” Then Lindsey looked and smiled. “I know what to do. We’ll take them to my parents’ farm, in Wisconsin. It’s only about four hours, maybe five, tops. There, they can get the right formula and they should be pretty content until we get them straightened out.”
“One problem. None of us have a vehicle big enough for one of them, not to mention there are two.” Lindsey had a great idea, but it was impractical. I still didn’t feel confident about using my broom to whisk us all away. It would be anyone’s guess where we’d end up.
“I got this.” Kelly announced as she picked up her phone to make a call. We listened in to Kelly’s side of the conversation. It wasn’t too difficult to piece in what Uncle Carmine was saying.
“Uncle Carmine? It’s Kelly. No, not the stripper from Al’s. Your niece, Kelly! I need a favor. It’s one of those ‘no questions asked’ kind. No, I don’t want to order a hit on anyone. I need a truck, like the kind you guys used to use to haul scrap metal. No, I don’t have to dispose of a body.”
Kelly went on to set up the delivery of a truck to Lindsey’s address, which arrived within a couple of hours. The driver was a short, round man that parked the truck and quickly got into the passenger side of a car that immediately sped away. The truck was larger than a pickup. Kelly described it well. It had a large dump box for the cargo. The sides were tall and the top was open.
“Don’t you think Luke and Derek are going to be uncomfortable in the back of that dump truck?” I worried about them bouncing around on the hot metal.
“Help me get as many blankets and pillows as we can find, from my bedroom and the closet.”
We gathered all we could find and laid them in the back. Then Kelly tilted the bed low enough for the calves to get in. It took quite a bit of pushing, pulling, and cussing, but eventually we succeeded. Once the calves calmed down, we all got in and Kelly took the wheel. Lindsey navigated and I hoped for the best.
Nearly five hours later, we were careening down a narrow blacktop road through the heart of eastern Wisconsin’s dairy country. It was like driving past an endless mural of corn fields, woods, and pastures of peaceful cows. It was damn near hypnotizing. Lindsey broke our trance when she pointed out the white, two story house with a cluster of various outbuildings of her parents’ farm. I’d always been a little curious to see the environment that Lindsey was the product of.
We bumped down the long gravel driveway and parked the truck. We unloaded our precious cargo and then heard the booming voice of Lindsey’s dad.
“That’s my girl. Still bringin’ home strays.” Lindsey’s dad had just walked out of the barn. “And, it looks like you picked up a couple of calves too.”
Lindsey ran up to him and had to reach up to give a hug. “Dad, these are my friends from Chicago, Leigh and Kelly.” She looked at us and smiled. “This is my dad, Frank.” Before her dad started to ask about the calves she told a little lie. “These two calves, are—well, you could say we rescued them. Someone was keeping them in the city, but they really need to be on a farm. Would you mind if we take them over to the calf shed?”
Her dad nodded to us. “Nice to meet you young ladies.” He looked over the calves a little. “That’ll be fine. Go ahead. You know what to do with ‘em.”
Lindsey led the way and the three of us managed to herd Luke and Derek into a smaller barn that had several wooden pens with calves in them. “Holy frickin’ cats! What are you people? Cat hoarders, too?” Kelly was stepping over and around half a dozen cats of different colors. I noticed that there was one black cat that reminded me a little of Luna, but with shorter hair. I’ll admit that it gave me a chill when I remembered the other black cat that had attacked her and Brad. We hung on the fence rail and watched the calves check out their surroundings.
“What are they thinking? Any guesses?” I wondered out loud.
“I’m pretty sure that they are plotting our murders.” Kelly said, and she didn’t appear to be joking.
“I think they are just adorable.” Lindsey reached between the fence boards to pet one. “Only, they’re not going to work out as boyfriends in this condition. Hopefully, we can make amends in a couple of weeks.”
“I suppose now we just wait and see if our expert witches show up. Personally, I can’t stick around long though. Hunter’s graduation is only days away, and I have Luna waiting for me at home.”
We didn’t need to wait long. The chattering and laughter of two women filled the air, as our saviors approached the barn. “Here the geniuses are, Marie.” It was Esmeralda.
Marie seemed quite amused by our predicament. “Well, well. It’s a regular meeting of the Mensa group in here.”
Esmeralda whispered to Marie. “What the hell is Mensa?”
Marie wasn’t at all quiet. “It’s a group for people with extremely high IQ’s. Don’t worry, you won’t ever have to join.”
“Thank God! You’re here. You have to help us. We don’t know what to do.” Lindsey was visibly relieved.
“I really don’t know what the problem is. I think it was a great idea to change your boyfriends into calves. Wouldn’t you agree Esmeralda?”
“Sure do. This is truly genius, ladies. I’ve heard of some female spiders that eat their lovers once they’ve mated, but this is inventive. Turning your boyfriends into calves after you get tired of them. Then you can enjoy some veal cutlets. Love it.”
“Seriously? Enough with this already. We have to change them back somehow. Is there anything you can do?” I asked. I knew that these witches were having a few laughs at our expense, but none of us were in the mood for a comedy act.
“Relax. They can be changed back, but it isn’t instant. It will take some time.”
“How long? What are we talking here? A few hours? A day?” Kelly inquired.
Marie spoke with an air of caution. “Two weeks. That’s the next full moon. You can’t rush this sort of thing. Mistakes could be made.”
“Mistak
es?” I asked.
Marie was digging through her shoulder bag while she answered. “Sure. Haven’t you heard of the Minotaur? Now that was an amateur job there.”
“A real half-assed job. Literally.” Esmeralda quipped.
“Esmeralda and I already have something figured out.” Marie found what she had been looking for in her tote and then handed Lindsey a small, brown, glass bottle. “Make them drink some of this potion. Split it between the two calves on midnight of the next full moon. It’s a sure fix. You’ll have your boys back. And next time, ladies, try thinking things through before you start throwing spells on your lovers. It’s either that, or don’t get too attached to any of them.”
“I didn’t think that I could physically change anyone into another creature, through my magic desk. Isn’t that Gertie’s specialty?”
“Well, there’s always a first. Maybe the desk can do more than you think. Besides, there have been others in the past, with Gertie’s powers. So, perhaps it is possible that both of you can shift people to animals. One more thing Leigh, I heard you’re going camping.”
“Yep! Hunter is taking me camping in Minnesota.”
Marie mumbled as she pawed around her bag for something else. “Minne-Goddamn-sota.”
“What?”
“Oh nothing. Here, take this along with you. I thought that you could use this other potion I came across.” She handed me a small glass vial. “It’s only for emergencies. When you get to that point—and you know that point will come—when you are hopelessly lost in the woods, and about to be eaten by bears, just crack it on the ground by your feet and it will take you where you need to be, instantly. Not where you want to go, but where you need to go. You’ll need it.”
“What makes you think I’ll need it? Anyway, if it actually should come down to that, and it won’t, I have my broom.”
“Uh, yeah. The broom. Well, I understand your ability to travel is about on par with Gertie’s. Did you enjoy Denver, by the way?”
“Marie. Enough already with your lack of confidence in me.”
“Look at you. You’re not exactly Sacajawea. You’ll be lucky if you don’t get eaten by a damn bear, Goldilocks. I like you, and I’d hate to lose a young witch. Just take it with you. We’ll check in on you and your calves in a couple of weeks. Ciao!”
Lindsey quietly said, “Ciao” and made a small wave of her hand.
There was a loud pop, two puffs of black smoke and the frantic scattering of frightened cats. Curiously, all but one lone black cat. Esmeralda and Marie had vanished.
“You see what I mean? There’s not a single person that thinks I’m even fit to go camping. Bears, schmears. Let’s just go home.”
Chapter Seventeen
The Graduate
Hunter’s graduation day, the day that I had been waiting for had finally arrived. I was up early, and excited to see Hunter. I was also happy that he was about to realize his goal, but mostly, I was just excited to get my hands on him. Even though I had laid out everything I was going to wear the night before, I found myself second guessing everything. After cycling through my wardrobe, I called Kelly and Lindsey for their opinions in the matter. That only led to more confusion and I settled back on the dress and shoes that I had originally picked out. In reality, unless you show up dressed in a giant banana costume, most guys wouldn’t even care what outfit you picked out. Even for an occasion like this. I think that is how it should be. If a guy should state his opinion on the matter, and assert his choice, then my response would be “Then you wear it.” Just because I wasted hours on the decision, doesn’t mean I forfeit my choice to anyone.
Kelly and Lindsey followed me down to Navy Pier. The city held graduation at the Ballroom. Hunter had told me that this new program probably wouldn’t have all of the fanfare of a full-blown academy graduation ceremony. I am pretty sure he underestimated how Chicago likes to put on a good show. I presented the invitations that Hunter had sent me, and we entered the building. I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen that many police officers in one place, at least since the great gorilla escape in Grant Park. Not only were there plenty of police, but many of the city leaders were there.
I was very disappointed that Gertie and Randy hadn’t showed up. “Kelly. Where the hell is your damn brother? Gertie, I can understand. You know Gertie. But Randy is being a jerk, I’m sure of it.”
“Are you kidding? Randy hasn’t been on time for anything in his life. I told my mom she should have put him on some medication or something.”
“Did you hear that?” Lindsey asked. “I swear I heard a cat meowing.”
“Auditory hallucinations. Quite common for schizophrenics like you.” Kelly snarked.
We found our assigned seats and settled in. The ceremony was longer than I thought and to be honest, I had no interest in the speeches. Even if I did want to follow along, my friends were a constant distraction. Kelly and Lindsey were nudging, chattering and gawking at a row of freshly minted male police officers. They acted like they were anticipating a strip show to kick off at any moment. I was focused on Hunter, who looked so handsome and sexy, I was beside myself with desire. Yes, it was completely disrespectful behavior for us—disrespectful but quite fun.
The ceremony was completed and we offered our more than generous applause. Kelly added to it with some whistles and hoots. That turned a few heads. I was just waiting for the new officers to be released from the formation so I could reunite with Hunter. Lindsey nudged me. “Psst. Leigh. Look, over there.” She nodded towards a dimly lit, roped off area that was close by us. “Look, see the guy in the gray suit?” I squinted and I could see a few men in suits but I couldn’t make out too many of their features.
“I think so. Why?”
“That’s the mayor!”
“Really?”
“Of course it is. Anyone can recognize friggin’ Rahm.” Lindsey stated firmly.
I thought it would be so cool for the three of us to get our pictures taken with the mayor, it would only take a minute and it didn’t appear that Hunter would be freed for a bit. “Kelly. Let’s go get some pics with the mayor. Lindsey spotted him over there behind those ropes.” We eagerly went to see him.
We got to the area where the mayor was located, but when we got there he had apparently moved on. Kelly shouted to some other men. “Hey! Where’s the mayor? Is he still back there somewhere?”
A large man with a large shaved head turned around. “Yes, he is.”
“Can I come behind these ropes?” Kelly dug in her purse for her cell phone while she continued talking. “Just for a few seconds. I want to get a good shot.”
“Excuse me?” The large man with the frighteningly large round head asked.
“Yeah, just one. Maybe two quick shots.” Kelly said as she pulled the cell phone from her purse. Just then the mayor appeared from between the curtains in the background. “Gotcha’ now!” Kelly said and started to bring up the cell phone.
Now the man’s head was glistening in the lights and he yelled “Gun!” He lunged immediately towards Kelly while the other men pulled the mayor away into the shadows. Kelly screamed and turned around, trying to run away from the attack of the bald man. The scene reminded me of one of the documentaries about African animals that you see on TV. Kelly was trying to run on the slick floor—in heels—and she wobbled awkwardly, which made her look like a newborn zebra trying to stand up for the first time. The man fell forward over the ropes and caught Kelly by the hem of her dress. Now Kelly was a baby zebra flopping around on the slick tile floor, in a desperate attempt to escape the embedded claws of the lion. She screamed for help and when she realized that she was already caught, she turned around, swung her oversized, heavy purse, and belted the guy—a plainclothes police officer for sure—right across his bald head.
Lindsey must have thought she was witnessing an attempted abduction. She ran to Kelly’s rescue and stomped on the back of Big Bald Guy’s hand with a sickening smack. The felony counts
were racking up at an impressive pace—even Uncle Carmine would have been impressed. Officers in blue uniforms were already smothering the girls like a big blue human tarp had been draped over them. The whole squirming pile was like a giant blue starfish crushing its dinner. It was time to act. I looked around in my purse and took out the little glass vial that Marie had given to me. “I won’t be needing this anyway.” I waited until I saw one of my friends clearly enough to hand them the vial. Kelly’s head and torso squirmed out from the pile. I put the vial into the palm of her hand. “Kelly! When you get the chance, take Lindsey by the hand and crack this vial under your shoe. It should take you home in a flash.” Before long, the officers led them behind the curtained area.
“Leigh! There you are!” The familiar voice called.
I turned and there he was. “Hunter!” I ran to him and threw my arms around him and I never wanted to let go.
“Well, I’m free. We’re free, Baby. A whole week. We’re going to have great time together.”
“I am so excited! And happy!” I squeezed him as hard as I could.
“Let’s go outside, somewhere away from all these people.” Hunter took my hand and we went outside. He stopped at a more secluded area around the corner of the building. He looked as if he had something to say, but then he kissed me. That same awesome kiss that he had given me by Buckingham Fountain. That kiss that I had been fantasizing about every day—several times a day—ever since. I felt like my brain shut down and all that was left was a warm feeling of—dare I say it—love. That perhaps this was very real. I could feel it. He must love me, and I already knew how I felt about him.
When the kiss ended, I believe he said something about camping. Me on the other hand, I felt intoxicated, and very wet.
“Camping, schmamping. Kiss me again.” And of course, he did.
“About the camping—” Hunter started to say, but I interrupted.
“I know. I have everything ready, but I know you need to find a place in Lincoln Park, too. So, I don’t know how long you want to be gone.” The wheels in my head had already jumped the track and I was flying off the rails of common sense again. “But, when we get back, you know,” I hesitated for a second. My heart was skipping beats as I imagined waking up to Hunter in my bed on a regular basis. “You can stay with me, until you find a place. Temporarily, of course.” Then my brain started yelling at my heart. Oh damn you! Why did you just throw that out there right off the bat, dumbass? He’s going to think you’re absolutely obsessed and possessive. Good going. I bet he flies right out of here.
Hopeful Leigh (Literal Leigh Romance Diaries Book 3) Page 10