Hopeful Leigh (Literal Leigh Romance Diaries Book 3)

by Melanie James

  Elspeth had her spell book open on a large flat rock. Bruce held up a glowing ball of moss that Elspeth had transformed into a handy witch’s lantern. “Well, it seems that I should find what I need here. I’ve gotten in the habit of always picking up the commonly used potion ingredients if I spot them, even when I was a wolf.” She brought a pile of small dried ingredients out from the shelter and started mixing them into the water as the cauldron was heated by the fire. The sight of her stirring the stewing mixture with a branch, made her look like the ideal Halloween witch.

  “Now, I need all of you to look around. Find sticks that could be used as magic wands. One for each of you.” It didn’t take long for us to find enough. When we brought them back, Elspeth instructed us to each dip the end of our new wands into the steaming cauldron. “There, now you are all armed and ready.”

  “Really? This?” Lindsey held her little wand up.

  “Oh yes. That. Just point it off into the hillside and then snap your wrist. You’ll see.”

  Lindsey did exactly as she was told. An arc of electricity shot out from the wand like a neon green lightning bolt. “Wow, now that’s what I call potent magic.”

  “We’ll need these if we’re going to take on an army of vampire zombies controlled by a psychopathic witch.” Randy said as he looked over his wand. He copied what Lindsey did and was pleased with himself at being able to command such power. We all tried it. I have to admit that it was fun, I just wished it would have been under better circumstances.

  “Now, we move out and take this witch on. There is a small island just off the shore from the castle. Once I transport us there, remember to stick together. I don’t know what these monsters will look like, but don’t be frightened by their appearance. They aren’t human, don’t hesitate to zap those bastards straight to hell. I’ll handle Emily.”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  A Witch Session

  We appeared on the shore of the island. It seemed more like a large column of granite that had been shoved up skyward through the water. We walked along the narrow shoreline until we saw the entrance to a cave. Elspeth threw a glowing orb of magic moss into the large opening. From the shimmering glow, we could see the streaked walls of the cavernous space. None of us noticed any sign of movement.

  “All right, everyone. Safe to say, this place is empty. Let’s go.” Randy’s voice trembled.

  “Bullshit. She’s here. I can smell her.” Elspeth had a serious amount of adrenaline pumping through her body, and she was ready to kick some witch ass. She walked towards the glowing ball that was beginning to dim. Bruce handed her another mossy globe, and it lit up as she heaved it into the darkness that we hadn’t been able to see. We all walked into the cavern.

  I could hear a voice behind me, just outside the entrance. When I turned to look, it was Randy. He had finally gotten a signal. I could only assume that he was informing Marie and Esmeralda of what had happened.

  In front of us was a deep shaft. The light from Elspeth’s lanterns only showed us the gaping opening of the hole, and not the extent to the depth. Hunter tossed a rock down into it, in an attempt to find out how far down it went. We listened carefully, but couldn’t hear anything. It seemed like a full minute had passed before we heard the faint echoing sound of the stone hitting water somewhere in the dark depths of the abyss.

  “Deep. Isn’t it?” An unfamiliar female voice reverberated throughout the large empty space. On the other side of the chasm was Emily. She looked anything but frightening. Unless of course you find those people that wander into Wal-Mart in pajama jeans and tube-tops frightening. I prefer to just call them crazy. Nobody answered Emily.

  Kelly started laughing as Emily stomped her feet and demanded an answer. Kelly finally gave Emily her moment of an expected dramatic reply. “No shit. It’s deep.”

  Elspeth pushed forward and pointed her wand at Emily. “So, this is your home? Your fleapit? Got tired of squatting in my castle? Now tell me, what the hell is this all about?”

  “Revenge. Revenge against a certain witch. I’ve decided to take my revenge on all witches.”

  Emily had me confused. I had to clear this up. “Um excuse me, Emily. But, you’re a witch, so wouldn’t you also be taking revenge on yourself? Really, that makes no sense. If you—”

  “Silence! In the pit at your feet, there is a creature so bloodthirsty, so terrifying that you’ll beg for your lives when I set it free. And by the way, it is immune to your magic wands.”

  Just then Randy walked into the cave. He was returning the phone to his pocket and still looking down. “Good news. I got a signal and got ahold of them. They’ll be along shortly.” He looked up and saw us facing Emily across the open pit. “Where in God’s name do you get such horrid clothes?” He said to Emily.

  “Shut up fool! Dragon! Come forth and feed! Spare the blonde one!” The ground trembled as the head and neck of a huge green dragon came out of the hole and looked at us. We tried our wands, but Emily was right. The bolts of lightning didn’t seem to faze the creature at all.

  “That’s the one Gertie created.” Then Randy laughed. “I’ve got this.” He walked up to the dragon and put his hand under, what I suppose would be, its chin. The dragon’s head was as large as Randy’s entire body so it made Randy look incredibly brave to put his hands on the beast. He started scratching the dragon. The dragon closed its eyes and slowly turned its head from side to side. Randy also scratched the frilly webbed growths that must have been the ears. We could hear it whining in pleasure at the touch. One of its back legs thumped against the wall of the pit as it reflexively responded to the scratching.

  “You see? This thing’s a big baby. They don’t listen well, and she always has a hard time getting them to do what she wants, but Gertie always makes her dragons to be like big puppies. You just have to treat them like that’s what they are and you’ll be fine.”

  Now Emily was furious, and she made a sound that was reminiscent of a toddler throwing a tantrum. She stomped her feet in a fit of anger. “What are you doing to my dragon? Leave it alone!”

  To our surprise, Esmeralda showed up. She walked up to the dragon and gave it a pet. “Dragon schmagon. Scary dragons are so cliché, even for you Emily.”

  “Esmeralda? Is that you?” Emily had a bewildered look on her face.

  “In the flesh.” Esmeralda leaned over and looked down the dragon’s pit. “Eww, just look at this big, nasty, gaping hole in front of me. Now I know what your gynecologist must have to witness.”

  “Esmeralda. Always the quintessential bitch.”

  Esmeralda patted the dragon and it went back down into the pit. “Now, listen here you scabby old cun—”

  Lindsey cut off her rant. “Uh, uh, uh, Esmeralda. We don’t use the C word, now pick another word and carry on with your trash talking.”

  “Fine.” Esmeralda huffed. “Let’s just cut to the chase.” Esmeralda turned around and addressed us. “As soon as Randy told me that it was Emily behind all of this, I knew what it was about. Emily and I have a little history, you could say.”

  Emily yelled back. “You could say. This year, it will really be history. Esmeralda has intentionally ‘misplaced’ my invitation to the Witch’s Gala in Salem for thirty three years in a row. And it’s all because of something that happened decades ago. Well, I am going to be there, with my army of the undead and my dragon. When I get done laying waste to Salem, nobody will have to worry about waiting, wondering, worrying, and crying about where their invitation is. Ever again!”

  “You showed up at the 1981 Witch’s Gala with one of my ex’s. How should I have responded?”

  We gasped at this news. “Yep, that’s a major breach of etiquette.” Kelly commented.

  “With one of your ex’s?” Emily looked at the rest of us. “Listen ladies, if we had to eliminate all of Esmeralda’s ex’s from the dating pool, there’d only be Randy left. She’s a one woman, traveling brothel.”

  “And you’re a one woman happ
y hour, witch. Get ready, because I’m gonna’ freeze you up! You pissed off the wrong witch—”

  Elspeth took her wand and fired a huge bolt of lightning against the ceiling of the cave. It ricocheted off the walls until it shot out the opening to the cave. “Enough! This is what this is all about? You’re acting like a couple of schoolgirls. Both of you are wrong. This ends now. Emily, release your hold on the castle. Gertie will take care of the dragon. Esmeralda, you need to apologize and you will provide Emily with an invitation for this year’s Gala. Now, where are these zompires?”

  “Um, that’s the thing. Once I discovered them, I never could seem to control them. They came out of that pit. I really needed that magic desk power in order to control them, since that’s how someone created them. I knew it was one of Gertie’s pals the instant that Randy there said ‘Hey that looks just like Leigh’s magic desk’ so all I needed to do was round up the whole group and sort out which one was Leigh.”

  Randy covered his face with his hands. “Okay, I guess I did actually say something like that.”

  “Everyone, to my castle.” In a blast of multicolored smoke we arrived in the large hall of the old castle.

  I called out for Gertie and Brad, anxious to tell them that they were free. There was no response. Hunter noticed something, from a balcony that overlooked the hall. “Smoke!” He ran up to investigate and I was right behind him. We reached a doorway where light smoke permeated the room. Out stepped Gertie, drenched in sweat and wrapped in a sheet. Brad, the smoking hot fireman, had just yanked his pants on. I pushed them back into the room before everyone got a look. “Gertie, everyone is in the dining hall. Quick, get dressed.” I gave her a knowing smile and a wink. I pulled aside a strand of her wet hair from her face. “So, tell me. How was it?”

  “Hot. So very, very hot.” She said and wiped off her forehead and we shared a quick laugh.

  “Now, that’s what we need to be doing! Let’s get going home soon.” Hunter said as he gave me a quick kiss and a firm pat on my rear end.

  Once everyone was assembled in the dining hall, Elspeth returned my broom to me. She now had all of her own supplies back and Bruce was literally pawing at her with excitement. He sniffed the air and growled. Elspeth whispered. “In a bit, in a bit. We’ll get to that as soon as they leave.”

  “I can’t help it. I have their scent. They were in our room, Elspeth. Grrrr.” His long pink tongue lolled out like a Saint Bernard eyeing up a porterhouse steak. He growled in Elspeth’s ear again and then looked at Gertie and Brad. “Did you two try out the swing? Grrr. You’re both welcome to join us tonight.” Elspeth winked at Gertie. Naïve Gertie was about to accept the invitation but Brad quickly declined and saved them from partying with the swinging supernaturals.

  I still had a question. The question that motivated me to get involved in this from the beginning. “Elspeth, tell me about that painting. That is my magic desk, isn’t it? And who is the woman seated at it?”

  “It is your desk. Just about every witch knows about its existence, but I have yet to find one that knows of its origin, or who the woman in the painting is. I think it is the original owner, but I don’t know her name. My guess is that she has long passed away because nobody alive knows her. I could refer you to a good medium. Maybe you would have some luck reaching out to her.”

  “A medium? I don’t know, I don’t think I’m ready to dive into another paranormal adventure right now. Hunter and I are about to leave on a camping trip.”

  Bruce laughed. “Camping? You? My dear, I cannot picture you out in the wild. I’m afraid you’d be nothing more than a tasty hors d’oeuvre for bears.” His tongue slipped out and he sniffed. “Or a wolf.” He winked at me.

  “What was that? Did you just sniff me? And wink at me after calling me a tasty hors d’oeuvre? What is this with everyone thinking I am not a camper?”

  “Listen up everyone, this isn’t quite over yet. Somewhere out there is an army of Leigh’s zompires.”

  “My zompires? Okay, I suppose so.” Damn, she was right. That was all I could say about that.

  “I want everyone to be careful. Leigh, you need to get to your desk immediately and you need to finish writing the demise of these zompires, primum quam primum.” I looked at her quizzically. “As soon as possible. Sorry, Latin. Okay? Now, go!”

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Hopeful Leigh

  The adventure to Scotland was behind us. Now, an adventure that I worried more about, lay ahead. That damn camping trip. Another thing bothered me was that there were still loose ends to tie up. Life is like that, though. You just can’t pick a day and tell yourself that everything up to that point is wrapped up with a nice little bow. I actually considered letting Kelly and Lindsey get more restoration potion from Marie by themselves. I even thought about letting the zompires run amuck in Scotland. I was sure somebody else could find a way to destroy them. I just wanted to be done with the whole mess and pretend I didn’t have to deal with anything. Yet, I had to. Again, life is annoying like that.

  Hunter and I had been brought back to my apartment and I sat at my desk. He was playing with Luna and I suddenly had an idea. Why drag this out? I opened the file for Regurgitant and began to write. In the post-apocalyptic world, just about anything is possible. Could Regurgitant’s two heroes really take on the zompires alone? My guess was that it probably would not be very believable. I couldn’t give those two nuclear weapons or anything. They needed an army of their own—rough riding, gun slinging, tough guys. That was when I hatched my idea to just let the Steel Stetsons duke it out with the Zompires. That is exactly the nearly ridiculous scene I wrote. I didn’t mind that it was a little weird, I just needed to do it for practical magic, not entertainment.

  As for Luke and Derek, they had to wait until the full moon anyway. I sent a request via Luna, to Marie for more potion. Now it was time to talk with Hunter about this whole camping thing.

  I saw Hunter sitting at the kitchen table, reading a newspaper while Luna stared at him. I knew exactly what to do. It was time to use the age old witchcraft that every woman has available. I came up behind him and slipped my arms around to his chest. I just gave him a nibble on the ear, and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. “Hunter, we need to talk.” I whispered in his ear.

  “That’s usually never a good thing.” He said back in a smoky voice.

  “Hmm, I have one wish that I would like granted.” I swept his shirt open and ran my hands over his chest, feeling the well-defined muscles that made him seem so powerful to me. I playfully ran a finger down to the button of his jeans. “I would like it, if we could just spend time together, here. Postpone that camping trip for a later date.” I knew that I was being awful by using sex to get him to change his mind. These were desperate times and desperate measures were needed. “It’s not that I can’t camp, you understand, I just would rather stay here, with you.”

  Next, I pulled the zipper of his jeans down and took out his already throbbing erection. “I’ve got a nice little campground for you to drive your tent stake in, if you just feel the need to. You can even throw your sleeping bag down on it.” Yeah. I said that, all of that. One of those things that seemed both witty and sexy in my head, but came out of my mouth more like one of Brad’s cheesy come-ons, from the night I bewitched him.

  Hunter looked up and smiled. He rose from the chair and picked me up. “Then let’s go camping.” We were both laughing as he carried me to the bed.

  Three days of non-stop lovemaking with Hunter later, we were watching the morning news. Apparently a riot of some kind had broken out in Scotland. Bikers on a rampage had destroyed a building and left it in flames. They were last seen driving south and cheering about their victory over the zompires. Authorities blamed the behavior on the ingestion of hallucinogenic mushrooms. This bike gang was easily identified by the cowboy attire they favored. That same day, I received a call from Lindsey. Apparently, Frank had told her that he planned to make the bull calves into young ste
ers. It wouldn’t have meant anything to me until Lindsey explained that a steer was a castrated bull. Marie happily intervened and managed to find a way to restore Derek and Luke to their former selves before they became eunuchs for Kelly and Lindsey.

  For once, I felt like things were tied up with a nice sappy bow. Hunter would stay with me until he found his own place. As the days go by, I see less sense in that, than anything. I’m hopeful. Hopeful that we can just live together at my place. I’m pretty sure that Luna doesn’t mind having him around either. She acts like she is his cat. He can’t go anywhere without her tagging along or seizing any opportunity to snuggle him. I’d say she has pretty good taste.

  I’m also hopeful this upcoming Halloween will be better than any Halloween I’ve ever had. It will be a time to appreciate my old friends as well as my new witch ones at the Witches Halloween Gala in Salem.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Diary Entry Post Scriptum

  Before fall swooped in with its summer-killing chills, and before everything from coffee to toothpaste instantly transformed to an artificial pumpkin flavor, there was one more thing I had to do. That was to go camping. Yes, the excursion into the bear infested bogs of Minne-God damn-sota. Of course, I had already weaseled my way out of it, but my conscience would not let me rest. I finally relented.

  Hunter found out that he had more time off than he originally thought. It was as if the forces of fate and my conscience were allied against me. Mostly though, I knew that Hunter had said early on, that he wanted me to meet his sister, her husband and their kids. His parents would be there at that time and it would be the perfect opportunity. I winced when I thought about the unspoken insult I must have thrown his way when I backed out of the trip, even though he never said any more about it. I also remembered how many people had doubted my ability to survive a camping trip. Each time someone made a smartass comment to me, I was more determined to prove them wrong. For all my bravado, in the end, I folded like a house of cards. All in all, I felt like I had not only let down Hunter, but myself as well. So after those first few days, I told Hunter that I was ready and willing to go camping.