miss fortune mystery (ff) - bayou two

by Hiker, Mary

  I remembered the stacks of stuffed gators in Jimmy’s secret room and was overwhelmed. I didn’t know much about heroin, but I’d seen enough news reports to know that if every one of those stuffed animals had a golf ball sized chunk of tar heroin, these guys were involved in high stakes distribution. Well over a million dollars.

  “I don’t think it could get any worse than this,” I mumbled and knew I had to put a stop to this wedding.

  Fortune reached into the center console and gripped her gun. “Oh, it can always get worse.”

  I followed her line of sight and blinked in disbelief.

  Ida Belle and Gertie stood over a man’s body sprawled across the wooden planks of the old fishing dock.

  Chapter 12

  My stomach tightened as we got out of the Jeep and the older ladies waved us over. I was overwhelmed and didn’t notice my dog escape from the vehicle.

  Shiner raced up to the body and dropped the de-stuffed alligator on his face in an effort to play. I was mortified until a big snort came from the corpse and he rolled over.

  “Whoa.” I jumped a good two inches in reaction.

  “Wake up, Jimmy,” Ida Belle said, still standing over him.

  Jimmy opened his eyes and used his hand to block the sun. “What day is it?”

  “Tuesday.” Gertie dug into her bag and handed him a bottle of water. “You’re getting married tomorrow.”

  Jimmy lurched to his feet, going from semi-comatose to wide awake in an instant. “You’ve got that right,” he said, pointing toward a large contraption about two hundred feet away. “Will you help me load that onto my trailer? I’ve got to haul it to my back yard before the marital festivities.”

  “What in the world is it?” Ida Belle asked.

  “Art.” Jimmy scrambled to his feet with pride. “It’s a metal sculpture of my beautiful bride. I’ve worked two days straight with no sleep to get it done.”

  Our small group approached the monstrosity and stood in awe, studying the twisted metal. Surprisingly, it was actually pretty good. I’d never seen someone I know come to life in rusted steel before.

  Finally, Gertie spoke up, “Jimmy, everyone’s been trying to call you.”

  He pulled his phone from his pocket and studied it. “Battery’s dead.”

  Ida Belle’s phone sounded and she read a text out loud. “The casings found from the shooting last night match the ones found at the murder scene.”

  “How does she find this stuff out so fast?” I whispered to Fortune.

  “Murder?” Jimmy’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “Shootings?”

  “The victim’s name is Jackson – don’t know if that’s the first or last name.” Ida Belle glanced up from her phone. “The deputies found some prints on a critical piece of evidence at the Gator Farm.”

  “Gator Farm?” Jimmy’s hand slapped to his forehead. “There was a murder at the Gator Farm?”

  Fortune nodded. “And a separate shooting too.”

  I watched Jimmy carefully and his look of shock and bewildered couldn’t have been rehearsed. At least I didn’t think they could. I continued to scrutinize his every move.

  “The prints are from an unknown individual,” Ida Belle reported. “They don’t match all the prints over at Jimmy’s house, so Jimmy here should be in the clear.”

  I blew out a sigh of relief.

  “Prints?” Jimmy shook his head.

  “Um, your house was broken into,” I broke it to him softly.

  “By several people,” Gertie added.

  Jimmy’s face dropped, even as it turned a deep red. “Who? Why? When?”

  Gertie patted his arm, “We’ll answer all your questions on the way.” She eyed his art up and down. “Now let’s load this up and get to the bachelorette party.”

  Chapter 13

  “Please get me through this night,” I whispered.

  The clock read nine p.m. as I stepped through the door at Francine’s Diner. Cajun music was booming, and the lights were dim as I hurried to the corner table, to meet Fortune and Ida Belle. It looked like the infamous bachelorette party was about to rev up.

  Gertie caught sight of me, picked up her purse from the floor under the DJ booth, and raced through the throng of women toward our table.

  Her shiny bright green mini-skirt with a silver spaceship design flowed as she moved her legs as fast as they could go. She wore some kind of shiny green slippers and moved so quickly that she couldn’t stop and slipped, crashing into our table before landing on her backside, sliding underneath near our feet.

  Fortune pushed her chair back and looked under the table. “Gertie, do you think it’s a good idea to be sipping the Sinful Ladies cough syrup this early?” The Sinful Ladies Society produced their own brand of “cough syrup” that was ninety-nine percent moonshine, at least.

  Gertie crawled out on all fours and heaved her heavy purse on the table. When she stood, I had to cover my gaping mouth when I saw her lime green bodysuit and matching eye shadow. The neon powder filled the space beyond her eyelids, all the way to her brows.

  Her appearance was so shocking it took a minute for me to hear what she was trying to say over the loud music coming from the DJ booth in front of the diner’s serving counter.

  “I’ve been testing ways to cover up your black eyes,” Gertie said as she struck a pose and held up a make-up palette.

  “You look like you were caught in a crayon factory explosion.” Ida Belle rolled her eyes at Gertie. “The aliens called… they want their skirt back.”

  “It’s an alligator green outfit, in honor of the groom.” Gertie rolled her eyes and turned her back to Ida Belle. “Madison, I bought out the eye shadow products at the general store,” she said, opening her bulging purse as she examined my two black eyes. “Just in case we need to do touch-ups at the wedding.”

  In growing terror, I glanced into the gigantic bag and couldn’t help smiling when I saw the metal frames of three handguns. Well, I smiled until I realized they were peeking out from a stash of over a hundred eye shadow compacts crammed in her pocketbook.

  “Oh, no,” I said, bolting out of my chair, ready to make a run for it. “You’re not painting all that stuff on my face.”

  “Well, not right now,” Gertie said, closing the purse. “It’s for the wedding tomorrow.”

  “She’s really lost it,” Ida Belle said, shaking her head.

  “I’m going to need my own bottle of Sinful Ladies cough syrup.” I put a hand to my forehead, still wondering if Jimmy would get arrested before the wedding even got underway.

  Ida Belle’s phone buzzed with a text.

  “We’ve got to survive the bachelorette party before we worry about the wedding,” she said as she read the text. “Celia’s at it again.”

  I slowly sank into my chair. “What now?”

  Ida Belle squinted in the dark as she read from her phone. “Celia’s on her way over here to get Jayne’s party shut down.”

  “Can she do that?” I asked no one in particular. “We’re in a private establishment.”

  “Technically, she could,” Gertie said as she looked out the glass door. “It’s illegal to have a bachelorette party in Sinful on a Tuesday night.”

  Chapter 14

  “Let’s get this party started!” Gertie shouted into the microphone.

  As the music played and brightly colored lights swirled in the dark, the Sinful Ladies cheered on the DJ as he wheeled an oversized cake out to the middle of the diner, the fake kind of cake that people jump out of. I rubbed my forehead in disbelief.

  My granny led my cousin Jayne out to the middle of the floor. Decked out in a bridal veil and black stretchy pants, Jayne bobbed to the music.

  Granny grabbed the microphone as the music died down. “Jayne, my darling granddaughter, since this is your last night as a single girI, I brought you a very exciting surprise.”

  The crowd cheered with anticipation. I’d heard a rumor that the members of the Sinful Ladies
Society weren’t fans of marriage, but I guess they still didn’t mind a good show.

  “Thank you, Granny, that’s so kind of you.” The microphone picked up Jayne’s whisper in Granny’s ear. “But I don’t want to do anything that would dishonor Jimmy.”

  “That’s so sweet,” Granny said with a wink, then turned to the DJ and yelled, “Hit it!”

  The DJ announced with his rolling style, “Here’s a special present just for Jayne.” And with a flick of the wrist, he cranked up the volume full blast.

  Jayne’s mouth dropped open, and she raised her hands in protest.

  I rubbed my forehead and squeezed my eyes closed, afraid of what would happen next. I was about to peek anyway when Jayne’s sudden squeals of delight rose above the blaring music and piqued my curiosity. With the faint hope that they’d gotten a Carter-look-alike to pop out of the cake, I looked up, and heaven help us all, I wish I hadn’t.

  Jimmy burst out of the cake wearing bright red boxers, a pair of black polished cowboy boots and black cowboy hat, doing his best version of a male revue style dance in front of Jayne. He strutted around like an uncoordinated ninja chicken and blew kisses to his future bride, his overfed belly bouncing up and down as it lopped over the baggy boxers.

  Jayne clearly loved every minute of it.

  “Woohoo. That’s my man!” she yelled, throwing money into the air. “Best. Present. Ever!”

  Jimmy responded to the encouragement, turning around and shaking his rump. He’d grown out his mullet for the wedding, the longer hair in back reaching past his shoulders and swaying with each jerky dance move.

  Jayne cheered even louder, bouncing her head to the beat of the music, kicking off her trademark Crocs, and dancing barefoot with her underdressed Cajun cowboy.

  The Sinful Ladies raised bottles of SLS cough syrup in the air to toast. One thing was for sure, there’d be a whole lot of hangovers in the morning.

  “I thought these women hated the thought of marriage,” I said to Ida Belle.

  “They hate Celia more,” Ida Belle said, lifting her own bottle to her lips. “This marriage will deal a huge blow to Celia and the GWs.”

  “Uh, speaking of Celia…” Fortune pointed to the door.

  We turned in unison to see our arch nemesis standing in the doorway, with young Deputy Breaux and Annie Lou Claiborne in tow.

  Chapter 15

  “I demand that man be arrested for indecent exposure in a public restaurant.”

  Celia stood in the doorway, her face as red as Jimmy’s boxers, and pointed to the man currently doing a lap dance on his future bride. “I could see him gyrating through the windows from all the way out in the street.”

  “You must’ve been looking with binoculars, you pervert.” Gertie looked like a fired up leprechaun as she stomped over to go face-to-face with the party crashers.

  The blood drained from Deputy Breaux’s face as he took in the scene. I figured we looked like twins since the blood had left my face as soon as this whole fiasco started.

  Ida Belle subtly directed the boisterous group to form a dance circle around the happy couple as one of the SLS crew tossed the main attraction a bathrobe. Thank the Lord for that; my corneas might be saved after all. Everyone continued cheering around the pair, keeping them oblivious to the Celia situation.

  Granny waltzed over and rested her hand on Celia’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, ma’am.” Granny’s thumb twitched slightly. “I’ve rented this fine establishment for the evening, and you’re trespassing.”

  Annie Lou adjusted her position, frowning as she watched the couple break out into some kind of disco moves. “I’m a way better dancer then her.”

  “Annie Lou, it’s time to go.” Granny’s thumb moved a little deeper into Celia’s shoulder.

  Celia’s eyes grew wide.

  “Come on, Annie Lou,” the young deputy called from outside, already trying to retreat. I didn’t know if he was more scared to see Jimmy dancing in his drawers or dealing with Celia.

  Gertie held the door open and grinned from ear-to-ear as Granny walked Celia out the door of the diner to the deputy’s car.

  “Where’s Annie Lou?” Fortune called from the doorstep.

  Granny shrugged and closed the car door.

  I stood on the sidewalk watching the deputy’s car pull down the road, wondering why we were letting this wedding go forward. I frowned in frustration, wanting my vacation to get underway.

  Granny paused as she headed back to the party, putting her hand softly on my back as she watched the couple dance through the window. “You know, he called and asked me if he could have Jayne’s hand in marriage before he popped the question,” Granny whispered in my ear. “Respecting future family is the sign of a good man.”

  She gently turned me around, and we watched the couple through the glass.

  “Madison, there’s one thing I’ve learned in life. Don’t stand in the way of other people’s happiness.” Her eyes glowed as Jayne and Jimmy slowed things down, wrapping their arms around each other for a slow dance. “If Jayne’s happy, then I’m happy.” She patted my back, smiled softly and headed into the diner.

  That’s the Granny I was used to. She was soft spoken, kind, full of wisdom, and adored her grandchildren.

  Fortune stood in the doorway with a grin.

  “Okay,” I muttered and grinned back. “I feel like kind of a jerk.”

  “You’re a jerk, all right,” a deep angry voice said from the bushes.

  The dark haired man came out from the side of the building, yanked my arm, and pulled me away from the window. His breath smelled like a liquor store dumpster that a pet store had also been using. I nearly gagged at the scent.

  “I already told you once,” the bully growled as he twisted my arm. “Give me my money.”

  “Stop!” I froze in place as the pain shot up to my shoulder. “What money?”

  The man hadn’t seen Fortune in the doorway and wasn’t prepared for what happened next. He wasn’t prepared for Fortune. I wasn’t either.

  A blur flew toward me, and a split second later, the hung-over crook was on the ground with a gun in his face. She took him down so fast I couldn’t even describe what happened.

  “Okay, okay.” Both tears and fear filled his eyes. “Keep the money. Keep the money, for crying out loud.”

  “What money?” Fortune and I said in unison.

  He blinked in confusion, peering at us through bloodshot eyes. “My brother gave you the shipment and ended up dead.”

  “Jackson?” Fortune asked, her eyes narrowing at him.

  “The truck thief?” I added, rubbing my sore arm.

  He looked at me with hatred. “You owe our family the money.”

  His gaze shifted over to Fortune, and he raised his hands to his face. “But, but, just keep it, and we’ll forget this ever happened.”

  “Sounds like you’re more worried about the money than your dead brother.” I frowned.

  Fortune bent in a little closer. “What makes you think he gave the shipment to Madison?”

  His mouth dropped when he realized we really had no idea what he was talking about. “Jackson said he was meeting a chick with messed up dark eyes.”

  Fortune stood, and our mouths dropped open too. There was only one other female running around Sinful with messed up looking eyes.

  I nodded. “Annie Lou Claiborne!”

  Chapter 16

  Gertie sat in the bridesmaids dressing area posting pictures of Annie Lou’s arrest across social media with glee. “I’m attaching the message ‘Look what Celia brought to town.’” She was tapping messages with the speed of a teenager in love.

  “I’m assuming Annie Lou was using this wedding as a cover for her drug caper,” I said, leaning against the wall in Jimmy’s guest bedroom. “The crazy ex act had everyone fooled.”

  “Yeah, and now Celia looks like a fool,” Gertie hooted as she sent out another picture to the world-wide web.

  “I guess Annie
Lou didn’t expect her drug shipment to arrive inside a bunch of stuffed gators.” I patted Shiner on the head as he chewed on what was left of his gator toy. “That bogged her down long enough to get caught.”

  “Carter found the murder weapon in the trunk of Annie Lou’s car,” Gertie said. “And when they fingerprinted her, everything matched. Initial ballistics show that the same gun fired the bullet shot at Madison too”

  “Oh yes, Carter,” I wondered if he and Fortune would ever get married.

  “That was pretty dumb,” I said when I noticed Gertie looking at me through curious eyes, and I pulled myself from Carter induced thoughts of romance. “You’d think a crook would be a little more crooked.”

  Gertie chortled. “Mind if I use that on Facebook?”

  She was already typing it in, so I only smiled.

  She glanced up, and our eyes met, but her thumbs didn’t miss a beat. “There’s just one little issue.”

  My heart dropped, knowing we were about to start another eye shadow debate. It was confirmed when she batted her lashes.

  Jayne walked through the door wearing her bridal veil, carrying her gown in one arm and a jar of pickles in the other. “What issue?”

  It was the first time I’d met up with my cousin since I’d made it to town. “I got into a fight with a door,” I said as I gave her a big bear hug. “Or two.”

  She took a look at my face and giggled. “It’s not so bad.”

  I pulled away suddenly. “Whoops, I hope I’m not squashing the baby.”

  Her eyes grew wide. “What baby?”

  Oh. No.

  “The pickles.” I stammered, pointing at the gigantic jar, making sure my eyes never drifted to her mid-section.

  “The sickness,” Gertie added getting to her feet.

  Jayne broke out in hysterical laughter, bending over to catch her breath. When she finally came up for air, she said. “This is my wedding diet! I lost six pounds this past month by eating a jar of pickles every day to stay full.”