by Lori Wick
"Oh, this feels heavenly," Bobbie exclaimed as the
warmth of the barn enveloped her.
"Let's go up to the loft."
"I really don't think I want to climb that ladder." Bobbie said the words apologetically and Marcail didn't press her. Instead the two flopped into a stall filled with fresh hay. Reclining like princesses, they talked like best friends. They had been in the barn for about 20 minutes when Marcail heard her name being called.
"That's Katie. I've got to see what she wants. Don't go away." Marcail was up and running in the next second, slipping quietly out the barn door that stood ajar.
Bobbie removed her glasses and rubbed her nose. She felt something poking her in the leg and stood to adjust her position. But a moment after she stood she felt her glasses slip from her cold fingers. Not wanting to step on them, Bobbie stood immobile, then knelt carefully and began to feel along the ground.
A well-known feeling of frustration rose within. To be so dependant on a pair of wire rims filled with glass was at times more frustrating than Bobbie felt she could
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endure. But whenever these thoughts came to mind, a Bible verse came with them.
It was 1 Corinthians 10:13, and Bobbie knew it by heart: ',There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."
The temptation, Bobbie knew at the moment, was the fact that she was about to blow her stack. Instead she prayed.
"I need Your help, Lord. I can't see, and that always scares me a little. Please send Marcail or someone out here to help me before I panic." Bobbie carefully sat back down in the hay. She felt around her coat and the hay surrounding her, but stayed where she was. She always caught the worst trouble when she moved.
The barn was feeling quite chilly when Bobble finally
heard someone enter.
"Who's there?"
"Where are your glasses?"
Bobbie sighed at the sound of her brother's voice. "Hi, Troy. They're in front of me somewhere. Be careful where you step."
"I'll light a lantern." It was Jeff's voice but Bobbie didn't greet him. This was the second time she'd had glasses trouble since she got back. Why did Jeff have to witness both episodes? Bobbie found it humiliating.
'That's just your pride, Bobbie, and you know it,' the stranded woman rebuked herself, and waited while the search began. They were of course in plain sight to anyone who could see, and it was only a minute before Jeff said he had found them.
're they broken?"
"I'm afraid so. It's the same place as before, though, and not the glass."
"Dad might have something with him, Bobbie. I'll
take these to the house. Are you okay where you are?" "Sure. Thanks, Troy."
Bobbie wasn't all right where she was. She was cold and feeling a little lost without her sight, but she didn't want Jeff to know that. After listening to footsteps exit ing the barn, Bobbie brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. Her breath came out in a gasp when she heard feet on the floor very near her.
"I'm sorry, Bobbie," Jeff's voice was pained. "I thought you knew I was still here."
"That's okay," Bobbie's voice shook.
Jeff could see that it wasn't okay, but kept the thought to himself. He could only imagine how frightening it would be to be practically blind, albeit temporarily.
"I'll come and sit beside you so you'll know where I am." Bobbie sat very still when Jeff sat down, and nei ther one spoke for a moment.
"I thought we were friends."
"We are," Bobbie answered tentatively, wondering what direction the conversation would take.
"Then why are you embarrassed in front of me about losing your glasses?"
"I was hoping you wouldn't notice."
"I notice a lot of things. Now tell me why."
Bobbie spoke so softly that it was almost a whisper. "You feel unbelievably vulnerable when you can't see, Jeff. To have you come in and me not know it, then stay and not see you, just adds embarrassment to that vul nerability. I suppose it's pride, but it's hard to have you see me in this position."
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"Thank you for telling me," Jeff said simply and put his arm around her. Bobbie laid her head against his shoulder and felt instantly better, but then realized she had a question of her own.
"Jeff, were you upset today when you got into the wagon?"'
Jeff hesitated.
"Just tell me if I'm out of line."
"Sylvia and I had a fight, but I can't really discuss it with you."
"That's understandable. I'll be praying that you can
clear the air soon."
"Thank you."
The conversation moved to other things and Bobbie was a good deal warmer by the time Troy returned. Bill had produced the needed tool to fix the glasses, and when Troy returned them, he said it was time to go. Everyone felt the afternoon was a wonderful success and most parted knowing they would see one another at the barn-building, if not before.
seventee,:,
Bill gave Jeff a choice about where he wanted to spend SaturdayDat the Micklesons' or at the office. Jeff chose to work on the barn, and since it was Bobbie's full day off, both Nate and May were in to help Bill.
All the Bradfords were at the Micklesons' and the day promised to be clear. About 20 men were on the scene to help, and half that amount of women came around 11:00 to prepare lunch. Laughter and hard work were plenti ful, and at the end of the day everyone was tired but feeling the rewards of a job well done. The Micklesons were thrilled with the work and sent everyone off with their repeated thanks.
When Bobbie retired for the night she reached for Cleve's letter. She had already written back to him but was having a hard time placing her feelings. She read the letter again and again in an attempt to know her own heart.
Dear Robbie,
How is work going? It's in my heart to say, 'I hope it's going well,' but you know I wouldn't mean it. Please
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come back. I know you said it would be October at the earliest but I still don't understand why. Your dowry doesn't matter to me. I've said this to you in person, but you don't believe me. I'm trying to be understanding about how long you've been away from your family, but my worry that you'll find someone else when you're there and never come back to Jenner and to me, is always on my mind.
I told myself not to mention any of this, but as you can s e, that s all Ive done. I was in to see Jasper yesterday. He looks well, but the office wasn't the same without you. Church feels just as lonely without you at my side. Please write to me.
I've got a surprise for you--I'm coming to Santa Rosa for a visit. I'll have to let you know the date and how long my stay will be. Maybe your boss would let you have a few days off.
Please write me as soon as you receive this.
Yours alone, Cleve
Still fully dressed, Bobbie sat on the edge of her bed for a long time. She wasn't even excited about Cleve coming to see her. Why was that? They were very close and she always enjoyed his company. In fact she always felt won derful when they were together, and Bobble knew why: Cleve thought she was beautiful.
Bobbie knew very well she wasn't, but that was the way every girl wanted her spouse to feel. And he wanted to marry her. Bobbie had only been on one date and that had been the ill-fated one with Jeff. She had never dated in Jenner; in fact, she and Cleve never dated. At first he came to the office to see her and then he would call around in the evenings at her aunt and uncle's home. He
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never tried to get her alone or make any advances toward her. Bobbie had been completely nonplussed when he had proposed one night three months ago, while Jasper and Joanne had been busy in the kitchen.
"What did you say to me?" Bobbie had ask
ed. "I said, Robbie, will you marry me?" "Are you serious, Cleve?" "Never more so."
"But we've never even talked about this."
"So let's talk now," Cleve said as he took her hand, touching her for the first time. Bobbie had been too stunned to speak. It was a wonderful thing to know that someone desired her for a wife, and it was simply lovely to have Cleve holding her hand so tenderly within his own, but it certainly wasn't as simple as he made it sound.
They had talked about little else in the weeks to follow, or rather Cleve had talked and Bobbie had listened. He had every imaginable argument as to why they should be married. The only thing he never mentioned was love. Bobbie said as much one night.
"I've never tried to analyze it before, Robbie, but I do know that I feel something for you that I've never felt for anyone before. I'm not at all worried that we're not gazing into each other's eyes like lovesick teenagers. Our marriage would be built on commitment and trust. And love, if not now, would come in time."
Cleve had kissed her then, the only time. Bobbie had been a little dazed after the kiss and even more so when he told her she was beautiful. She was also more con fused than ever.
Bobbie's reverie was interrupted by a knock on her bedroom door.
"Come in."
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"It's me, Bobbie."
"Hi, Mom."
"I saw the light under your door. Everything okay?"
"Not really, but I wouldn't know how to tell you what's wrong."
"Cleve?"
"Cleve." Bobbie answered, glad that her mother under stood. "Do you know, Mom, that when he kissed me I thought I would melt? Does that make me kind of... promiscuous?"
"No," her mother said tenderly and felt tears sting her eyes.
"I also like it when he holds my hand."
"I'm sure you do. I would say that's pretty normal. Did
Cleve kiss you often?"
"Just once."
"But wonderful kisses or not, you're not sure you want a lifetime of that?"
"Right. I mean, marriage is more than intimacy, isn't it? And I want to be sure that we can live as man and wife in every room of the house for the next 40 years. No regrets, do you know what I mean?"
"I know exactly what you mean," Maryanne an swered calmly, but her heart was crying out to God. "Oh please, Lord, give her a godly man who will cherish her as I've been cherished by Jake.'
"You better get some rest," Maryanne said after a moment of quiet.
"He's coming to visit."
"So you said. Now maybe that will settle the whole thing. He'll come and your father and I will loathe him on our first meeting and that will be the end of that."
Bobbie laughed. "I'm afraid it's not that easy. You'll probably think he's the greatest."
"Well, he does have one thing going for him--he's in love with my daughter." Maryanne stopped with her hand on the door. "Bobbie, what does that look mean?" 'ctually, I can't really say that we are in love."
"Do you mean that Cleve has never told you he loves you?"
"No, he hasn't. We've talked about it, and I'm not sure I love him either, but Cleve believes our marriage will be built on other things, and that love will come later."
Maryanne appeared pensive. Alarmed better described her mood, but she didn't want her daughter to know how dismayed she was.
"Bobble, answer one question for me: Are you afraid that if you don't marry Cleve, you never will be mar ried?"
"Not afraid, just aware. I'm not the sort of girl men notice. Since I grew up here, I doubt that there's a love match for me in this town, but the thought doesn't devastate me. I promise I will not accept Cleve because I feel he is my only hope."
Bobble could see she had put her mother at ease. What Bobbie didn't know was that Maryanne cried herself to sleep that night. She couldn't even tell Jake what was wrong. He didn't press her, knowing that when she could talk, she would. As it turned out, they were both awake in the middle of the night and talked then.
It was wonderful for husband and wife to share how they felt. And Jake had to admit that some of his joy over knowing that his precious Bobbie had found someone special had diminished slightly. They talked until nearly dawn and once again overslept for church.
It was unusual that this should happen twice in the same month, but when it did, Maryanne always fixed a special breakfast and then the family had their own Bible
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reading and discussion at the kitchen table. No one was happy to miss services, but they all thoroughly enjoyed these family times in the Word.
After church Jeff commented to his father about not seeing the Bradfords. Bill seemed unconcerned and told Jeff that the Bradfords loved to go camping and possibly left after the work at the Micklesons.
Jeff had never known anyone who went camping as a recreation. He decided he would ask Bobbie about it in the morning.
eighteen
I can't believe your whole family overslept." Bobbie laughed. "It's not the first time."
"My dad thought you might have gone camping." Jeff said this thinking Bobble would laugh at the idea.
"I wish," she said with feeling. "We tried to go my first weekend back but it poured."
"Where do you go? I mean, where do you set up camp?"
"We head east on the Sonoma Road. My dad knows a man who owns a ranch that goes back up into the hills. We camp in a wooded area of his land, near the creek. Some parts are so dense with trees that you stay dry in the rain. But it doesn't work if we leave the house in the rain and all our gear is soaked before we arrive."
Jeff was captivated. "What do you take in the way of gear?"
"Everything you need to survive the weekend--food,
a change of clothes, fishing gear---" "Do you fish?" "Sure."
"Does Gilbert know?"
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"I do now." Gilbert spoke from the doorway. "So when do we leave?"
"Not until I find out more about this camping," Jeff told him.
Bobbie could see that their questions could go on all day, and she knew she had to get some work done. "Why don't we talk at lunch?"
"I think she's trying to tell us to get back to work," Jeff commented.
Jeff and Bobbie tried again at lunchtime to talk, but Rigg came in. The conversation turned to business at the mercantile, and again Jeff's questions to Bobbie were put off.
Bobbie thought nothing of this. In fact she had forgot ten the entire discussion, so she was doubly surprised when Jeff appeared at her side to walk her home.
"You can tell me about your camping on the way." 'afll right," Bobbie agreed after a surprised moment. "What do you usually eat?"
Bobbie was having a hard time understanding why this was so interesting to Jeff, but she was a good sport and answered his queries.
"My morn packs enough food for an army, but we fish and pick berries if the season is right. My dad always makes hot coffee and flapjacks over an open fire in the mornings. In fact there's nothing quite like an outdoor breakfast with a hot cup of coffee in your hand."
Bobbie's voice was so wistful that Jeff found himself wanting to try this camping business. He wondered how Bobbie and her mother managed in their long dresses
but figured that was none of his business.
"Do you sleep on the ground?"
"We might now, I don't know. But when we were little we all laid our bedrolls in the back of the wagon. Don't
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forget, Jeff, I haven't done this in five years." The state ment was completely innocent, but Jeff felt like she had
punched him in the ribs.
"I'm sorry, Bobbie."
"Oh Jeff," Bobble said as she immediately realized her mistake, "I didn't mean it that way!" Bobbie brought them to a halt with a hand on Jeff's arm. She could see he was still hurt.
"It's time we talk, Jeff," Bobbie said quietly. "I know it's suppertime, so if you don't want it to be
now, then we need to plan on another time. You need to understand why I didn't come back for all those years. Otherwise I'm going to have to weigh everything I say to you."
"I think you might be right. Why don't you plan on having supper at my house tomorrow night and we'll go for a walk afterward."
"That sounds fine, and you'd better head back now because it looks like it's going to rain."
They were almost to Bobbie's house as Jeff agreed. Bobbie entered the house to find the family just sitting down. She had forgotten that Troy was having Carla Johnson over for the evening. Stuart, Alice, and the
twins would be joining them later for dessert.
"Hi, everyone. Sorry I'm late."
"That's all right, we haven't really started," Jake assured his daughter.
Bobbie, who had been feeling preoccupied with her discussion with Jeff, found her mind moving to other things during the meal, the foremost of which was Troy's demeanor toward Carla.
Across the table from Bobble, with her parents on either end, they were giving her a perfect view of their interplay. Bobbie felt something catch in her throat time
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and again over the way Troy leaned to hear Carla when she spoke.
Carla was a very sweet girl; Bobbie remembered her well from school. She had beautiful brown hair and it was obvious that Troy was devoted to her. Bobbie thought, with a certain bias, that Carla wouldn't find a man more wonderful than Troy, and if the look in Carla's green eyes was any indication, she felt the same way.
The meal began to drag for Bobbie. It was becoming increasingly hard to watch her brother in the beginning stages of love. Something almost resentful rose up in her over the fact that Cleve had never been as solicitous to her as Troy was being to Carla.
Bobbie immediately confessed the thought. It was unfair of her to judge Cleve in such a way. She knew what he was and it had never bothered her in the past that he didn't make over her all the time.
Even as Bobble told herself this, she knew it wasn't entirely true. She did want someone who would look at her with love-filled eyes and who listened when she spoke because he believed what she had to say was important. But there was something else--something that Bobbie had not wanted to face. Bobbie wanted, no needed, a man who would be a spiritual leader in her home the way her father was. Bobble knew that Cleve did not fit the bill.