by Lola Jaye
So why not give it a go? Visualize your dream in your head. Experience how you think you will feel when you finally grab it.
How big is your smile?
Are you excited?
Wouldn’t it be great if it came true?
Visualizing how you would like your life to be is very useful. It has worked for me for many years – especially when I had to eat round at friends’ houses and with family for a week because I had no food in the house. I stayed positive because I was able to visualize a time when things would improve. The hard times felt temporary because I had hope that things would get better. Just as another rejection slip didn’t mean I’d never become a writer.
7. Practice Can Make Perfect
If you’ve been told what great photographs you take, this doesn’t mean you can’t learn to take even better ones. The fastest athlete at the last Olympics wasn’t actually born running that fast! Doing something well needs skill and practice. Remember my darts example in Chapter 1? I suppose what I am trying to say is that your skills and abilities need to grow and get better.
For me, re-writing my manuscripts is one way to make sure I keep improving – even if at times, it can be a drag!
Professional Football Freestyler Paul (Woody) Wood, 25, knows a lot about practice. He had always wanted to be a professional footballer. But unfortunately, after spells with Wimbledon and Watford, his playing career was cut short due to injury. However, this did not deter him in his ambitions, and he was soon set to make it in the field of freestyle football. ‘I train about three or four times a week, practising at my local gym for around three hours at a time. I’m surrounded by mirrors, which help me to see myself at different angles as I try out new tricks with the ball. Practice gives me the best chance to improve what I do.’
Woody is now in the hit freestyle film In the Hands of the Gods and able to travel the world as a professional football freestyler. All the work he has done and continues to do, has been worthwhile.
Constructive Criticism
I know. The word ‘criticism’ sounds really negative. But it can be a very positive thing if we double it up with ‘constructive’.
Constructive criticism is meant to be a good thing, a productive thing. But let’s face it, the thought of any sort of criticism can be a bit scary. Who wants to hear the bad stuff? Especially when it’s about something so deeply personal to you – like your dream. The trick is to take lots of deep breaths while it’s being given. And don’t forget to take a step back for a moment and think about what is being said to you. Hopefully, when you do this, you’ll be able to sift through all the things you didn’t really want to hear and perhaps think to yourself, ‘This person may have a point.’
It’s so important for you to understand where you may be going wrong (if at all) on your journey. Then you can take steps to improve. It’s not about being treated like crap, or being negative…it’s about being on the road to improving yourself and your skills. This can provide you with a fresh view on the dream you’re working on. But:
It has to be genuine constructive criticism and the person giving it must genuinely feel so too.
So how do you go about asking for constructive criticism? Just ask someone in the ‘know’ which areas you could improve on or do better. Try not to ask people who are very close to you as they are more likely to say all the good stuff. And though this is nice to hear it doesn’t allow you to find areas for improvement and growth. So try and find someone who is close to the subject you’re seeking criticism on. If it’s a website for the new business you’re working on, find a web designer online and contact them with a quick email. Or your dream might be to open a bakery. In that case get a friend of a friend to sample one of your delicious creations!
Don’t get me wrong, I knew I had some abilities as a writer, but I worked alone. I didn’t have much feedback, so I sent my manuscript to a ‘book doctor’ – Hilary Johnson. She looks at manuscripts to see if they are good or need improving. After checking it over, she gave me lots of constructive criticism on my writing. Some of it was painful to read, but I knew it was necessary. At the end of it though she did say that she’d been so impressed, she’d passed it onto an agent. That was great! So, again, I chewed my poor nails nervously as I waited for the answer. I was nervous and hopeful. That chance didn’t turn into a Yes for one reason or another. However, even though this was another knock back, Hilary’s constructive criticisms made it a little easier to handle. I was now clear on what I needed to work on.
Review Your Strategy and Progress
If things are a little quiet, you feel, and going a bit stale on the dream front, go back to your strategies and tactics from time to time. You could start by asking yourself, just how much am I progressing? Am I getting any results, however small? Perhaps a different approach is needed. Perhaps you need to ask someone for advice. Actually this is a good place to put in the next bit: don’t be afraid to ASK people for help. If you have taken my advice above, you should be in touch already with someone involved in your dream. Asking for help is not a bad thing (as long as you don’t keep asking!).
Get on with it
As you’ve probably worked out, trying to get published meant being faced with a lot of setbacks. Sometimes it was another agent telling me no or yet another agent telling me…well, NO again. But setbacks are bound to happen along the way. It could be that two days into giving up smoking you find an old ciggie under the sofa and smoke it, or you find out the evening computer course is full after setting your heart on enrolling.
It’s how you deal with each setback that’s important.
I won’t say I dealt with each of my setbacks calmly. Sometimes I would clench my fists and roar out my frustration at not being able to get an agent, or I’d just mope about. But most of the time I just got on with the writing. Having said that, the hardest thing for me was letting go of the second book I’d written in order to start a new one. It was Hilary who said I should just ‘get on with the next book.’ And even though that was the last thing I wanted to do (again) I knew deep down that it was the only way.
So I took a deep breath and came up with yet another idea for a book, bought a new note-book, started jotting down story ideas and began to write, write and write.
I hadn’t reached my dream yet, but I was still going to have a really good crack at it.
8. Mistakes Are OK Too
No, that’s not a typing error.
Just the word, ‘mistake’, can strike fear into a lot of people’s hearts. And it’s the fear of making mistakes that can prevent you from chasing your dream, or reaching for a new goal, or anything that moves you out of your comfort zone.
What a total waste of your skills and talents!
First off, it’s better to accept that as humans we’re imperfect and basically designed to make mistakes from the moment of birth. Being human, it’s probably likely you’ll not only make a few mistakes in life, but also in what you do as you inch towards your goal. In fact you’ll probably make more than a few! Just like I did when I thought it was OK to spend money I didn’t have on a ‘revolutionary’ piece of software that would help me write my novel while I, erm…spoke into a mouth piece (don’t ask). That was a costly mistake that not only wasted money, but also a lot of my time.
A constant fact of life is that we all make mistakes. What varies is how we each handle them. Some people get angry or upset, while others just shrug their shoulders and say; ‘Mistake? Nah, that wasn’t me!’
Seriously, though, how can you learn without messing up every once in a while? You need to make a mistake in order to learn. It’s as simple as that.
But nobody likes making mistakes. Unless you want to go through life shut away from the world and surviving on fresh air and windy pudding, you are guaranteed to make one every now and then. But it’s not all doom and gloom: If you learn from mistakes, they can move you forward.
Making mistakes can help us:
Look at things differently
and find new ways to fix things
Find a solution to solve another problem we hadn’t even thought of !
Look to a newer way of thinking
Switch directions, pace and ideas so we don’t keep on doing the same wrong thing
Learn about new things
Lots of times, they’re not even mistakes! Your previous actions weren’t achieving what you wanted so you went a different route that didn’t turn out according to plan. That’s not a mistake. We’ll call it exploration and discovery. But if you’re absolutely sure it was a mistake, then OK. But please don’t spend brainpower that could be used to pursue your dream agonizing over a so-called ‘mistake’. Try not to be over-whelmed with guilt and regret.
It’s happened. It is in the past. So accept it (and accept that you can’t change what happened). Recognize that you simply made a mistake. End of. In no way does it make you a failure because you made a mistake. You are human after all!
You and the mistake are not the same thing, so don’t let it become a part of who you are.
Understand Why the Mistake Happened
Mistakes occur for various reasons. To avoid repeating them, you need to understand the reason why they came about in the first place. For example, if the mistake was to say something horrible to someone because you were angry, perhaps it’s good to think about what led you to feel angry in the first place? Perhaps you were tired from cleaning out your new button shop and hadn’t slept in days. If you make mistakes because you are permanently tired, try to get more rest or take time out from the task. Plus, there’s no point in reaching your dream only to be too knackered to go on with it!
Avoid Repeating Mistakes
Although it’s good to avoid feeling guilty about making the mistake, at the same time you should make a pact with yourself to learn from it. If you repeat the same mistakes, it shows you aren’t making progress. It is essential to learn from the mistake so that you can move on.
Move on very quickly so that you can focus on solutions that will move you forward.
Making Mistakes In Front Of Others
Scared of showing yourself up in front of another person? Join the club. But don’t worry if your mistake does happen with an audience. So what if family members know you were taken for a ride the last time you tried to make some money to fund your dream, or you ended up buying the wrong material for your T-shirt sample. It’s unlikely that people really do judge us anywhere near as much as we think they do (or as much as we judge ourselves). They might actually be impressed that you are going for your dreams whilst they’ve sat down just ‘thinking’ about theirs. Plus it does seem a shame to let the fear of what someone else might think stop you from going further with your goal. Sometimes, we’re so used to people putting us down, we almost expect it from everyone. But the truth is, you can never really know what’s going on in someone else’s head. You only really know what’s going on in YOUR mind. And that’s the thing you have control over.
If you go through life afraid to make a mistake, you’ll spend most of your life doing absolutely nothing. Remember, there is no harm in making a mistake, as it can be an essential part of moving forward.
9. Breakthrough Moments
A breakthrough moment or ‘Aha!’ moment is a moment in time that changes everything. Perhaps that sounds a little overdramatic. I think it’s different for everyone and can be huge or quite small – yet equally important. For the man whose dream it is to marry his girlfriend, getting down on one knee is a breakthrough moment. For the woman who’d always dreamed of becoming a pilot, one of her breakthrough moments would be the day she got her pilot’s licence.
Of course you can have more than one breakthrough moment. But whatever they are, they have the power to move you forward and take you closer to that star you are aiming for.
Angela Buttolph is a top style journalist and expert with a high profile in magazines, television and radio. But it wasn’t always like that. ‘My first job was as an admin person at ELLE magazine, even though deep down, I really wanted to write articles. However, my breakthrough moment came one weekend when I wrote a style piece on trench coats and shyly left it on my Editor’s desk on Monday morning. I wasn’t sure if she’d even read it. I remember later that morning, I was in the loo, and suddenly my Editor was banging on the door shouting “get out here, this is brilliant!” – so dramatic and funny; so fashion! The feature was published in the next issue of ELLE magazine; October 1994! And I’ve been writing articles (and a lot more!) ever since!’
One of my breakthrough moments was taking the first three chapters of my new novel to the Winchester Writers’ Conference. An X Factor for writers, if you like, that brought writers, agents and publishers together under one roof. Having already sent in some chapters to two agents, I was looking forward to meeting them and getting their opinion on my work. This was my new novel and no one except me had seen it before. Yikes! I couldn’t stop smiling the entire time I was there as I mingled with other people who shared my dream. The first agent I had an appointment with did not seem interested in me at all. The second agent, Simon, was friendly, chatty and positive enough about the book. But he wanted to see more chapters before making a decision about taking me on. Now I had to clean out my ears to make sure I had heard him correctly. Was he really considering taking me on? I couldn’t breathe. This was THE most exciting news ever. I had to stay calm because I still had another agent to see, one who had rejected my earlier manuscript a few years back.
The agent, Judith, didn’t look that excited as I sat before her and started discussing my story.
Minutes felt like hours and she finally looked up.
‘I like it, but…’
‘But?’ I asked.
‘It needs reworking…’
Again, I held my breath and my smile, wanting to scream, ‘YES!’ to everyone and anyone. Two agents had asked me to send them the remaining chapters of my book! Of course I had been here before…so close, but this felt different, it had to be. Only problem was – I still had to write the rest of the novel!
And that was one of my breakthrough moments.
Grabbing that Opportunity
As I said, you can have more than one breakthrough moment. But what you do with that opportunity is just as important, if not more so. For example, you’re wearing one of your own fashionable creations as you walk up the high street when you are stopped by a well-known television presenter and asked, ‘Where can I get that lovely T-shirt?’ I hope you’ll be bold enough to give her a phone number or email – even if you’ve only made a few that you gave away to family and friends. After all, it’s about seizing opportunities. But I know this can be hard. Again, fear and our own insecurities can get in the way as old questions reappear: ‘Am I good enough?’ ‘Can I do this?’ Well, if you’ve got that far, then a few more miles won’t hurt.
Of course, breakthrough moments aren’t always things that land in your lap…sometimes you have to put yourself in the position to be able to receive one. Like I did by booking myself into a place where I knew there’d be lots of publishing people about – therefore it didn’t ‘just happen’. Likewise, if your dream is to work full time for a charity, putting yourself forward for voluntary work a couple of hours a week will put you in a better position to get full time paid work.
Each breakthrough moment will keep moving you forward and closer to that star.
Hopefully, you will have a few breakthrough moments, but when and how you get to the next one depends on how you treat the current one. I spent the days following my breakthrough moment working furiously on the new novel. I had about twenty-five more chapters to write! I took some time off work and said a temporary goodbye to a social life. I finally put the full stop on the last sentence of my 80,000-word novel a few months later. I sent it to both agents and waited.
The first reply finally arrived in the post. It was from Simon, who said a nice enough No. But this was followed by Judith’s whopping great big fat YES!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!
I finally had an agent.
10. Don’t forget to live your life!
It felt absolutely fantastic to finally get an agent.
My daydreams and visualizations were finally coming true. I hoped it would only be a matter of time before a publisher was interested. We worked on getting the manuscript just right for publishers to have a look at. But when they did, I didn’t get the response I had hoped for.
I was still getting rejected. The only difference was that the bad news came through my agent. I was getting closer to my dream, almost touching it, but not close enough. Again, I was advised to get on with the next book, and I followed it. But this time I decided to write in a different style. I’m not sure why I did this. Perhaps I wanted to try something different, or perhaps because of the setbacks my confidence and self-belief were doing a runner on me!
Patience is Necessary
As I was finding out, a dream can take some time to truly blossom. But there are some people who look like they achieved their dreams overnight. I always like the term ‘overnight sensation’ when it’s used to describe a new singer. What we’re not told about are the years of singing in dingy bars, perhaps being booed off stage and having to tour in a clapped-out camper van! People who achieve greatness don’t usually do it overnight. So don’t think it’s going to happen overnight. There’ll be times when absolutely nothing seems to be working. But the trick is to celebrate any small successes you have on the journey to your dream.
Reaching Round and Patting yourself on the Back
I celebrated every time I finished a draft of my manuscript or thought of a new story idea, even when I didn’t have an agent or publisher. It was something I did for ME. I’d cook a special meal or go out with friends as a treat. It was an acknowledgement of achieving something, however small. When you achieve one of your goals, celebrating it can really help to build your self-confidence. This way, each goal you reach will boost you up and help you set even bigger goals for your future. For example, if it’s your goal to lose a stone in weight, each pound lost deserves a pat on the back. If your goal is to stop smoking, every day without a cigarette should be celebrated. Perhaps you can use the money that you would have spent on one pack of cigarettes to buy yourself a little treat. And then allow yourself to think about the next goal.