When I make a turn and pass by Roosevelt Elementary, I finally hit my brakes, pull over, turn the truck off and take a moment just to breathe. There are kids playing on the playground, laughing and screaming and full of energy. It’s the same playground Evan and I first met Paige on, her first day at school when a pack of girl bullies were giving her a hard time. It’s not so hard to believe Lexi was amongst that group, but it is hard to look back and see Beth as one of those long ago mean girls. Britt Morgan, the meanest of them all, had been put to tears that day when Evan told her off. She’d done the only thing she could think of doing, stomping on his foot and running off, followed closely by her cohort, Trinity Johnson. I’m not sure what ever happened to Trinity—she apparently went to college in Texas and fell off the face of the earth—but I’ve seen Britt at Forester’s. I hate to be unkind to children, but the ugliest brat of a kid had been figuratively tethered to her that day, red faced and screaming for ice cream while Britt walked through the cookie aisle like a zombie before she finally cracked and started screaming back at the kid. I’d laughed that day because I figured she was getting just what she deserved, a kid as bratty as she’d been.
But maybe Britt wanted a kid, and maybe that was just the worst day out of a bunch of other days that were good. Why the hell should a horrible person like her get to go and have a kid while someone like Kate doesn’t even have the option?
And by extension, I won’t have that option either.
I’d taken for granted setting roots back down in Basin Lake would mean I’d send my own kids to this school. I’d have been the dad that would make sure my children didn’t get bullied by any miniaturized versions of Britt or Trinity, and I’d help them with homework and be there for their games, whether it be football or baseball or soccer or whatever. And if they preferred band or art to sports, then I’d be at their concerts or their shows. I’d be anywhere they needed me.
But there wouldn’t be any kids with Kate.
And it makes my heart sink.
* * *
A few days later, and it’s a beautiful, busy day. I’ve talked to the bank and some suppliers, and I’ve got a solid business plan for the farm. I’m going to be growing corn and wheat, alfalfa, potatoes and onions. I’ll be growing those the old-fashioned way while setting aside ten acres to grow only organic produce, adding lettuce, tomatoes, strawberries and a number of other things to the mix. It’ll be small scale, but it’s something I’ll be able to sell at the farmer’s market in Spokane and see how well it does.
“You’ve really outdone yourself, little brother,” Skyler says. She and I have been surveying my land while I’ve given her the rundown on all of my plans. “I have to admit I was a little skeptical about you coming back and doing this after the NFL. Wasn’t sure it would really be your thing.”
“Of course it’s my thing. Why the hell else would I get a tattoo of a stack of wheat on my arm?” I squeeze her close before letting her go again.
“But you have a Viking too,” she reminds me. “And a star… and stars are far away.”
“That’s true, but it’s because of the stars I saw looking up at the sky from here. All I’ve ever really wanted was to come back home and farm.”
“I’m glad the outside world didn’t steal you away from us for too long. How many of our high school friends have left town with promises to come back but never did?”
“Quite a few.”
Getting out of Basin Lake hadn’t really changed me. It just gave me the opportunity to be at both my best—professionally—and at my worst—personally. I’d done things worthy of pride and others worthy of regret. And when I knew it was time to come home, I walked away from that life without any desire to look back. Being back in Basin Lake is about fresh starts. The farm has been one of the biggest moves toward the life I want to live here, but Kate has been the most important.
“I’m good with putting down roots,” I say to Skyler. “And doing that here is what feels right.”
The sun is beginning to set as we walk on, the land around us fallow but easy to picture growing abundantly with crops and full of life.
“And how are you and Kate doing?” she asks, me having given her an easy segue with the talk of putting down roots. “You usually can’t shut up about her, but the last few days… well, you aren’t broken up, are you?”
I sigh. “No… nothing like that. She just asked me to take a few days to think about something that could affect our future, and it’s kind of killing me, the not talking to her and all.”
“Can I ask what it’s about?” She gives me a look that says she really wants to know. And while my family can be nosey and even kind of intrusive, they’ve backed off some after the dinner incident where Kate had to run outside to escape them.
“I don’t know if it’s my right to tell you.”
She scoffs a bit. “Not your right?”
I stop, stuff my hands in my pockets and turn to my sister who stops right along with me. “If I told you, I might be breaking her trust or telling you something she’d say isn’t anyone’s business but our own.” But damn if I don’t want to tell someone, be able to bounce off what I’m really feeling inside and have someone other than myself tell me I’m not crazy.
Like it’s killing her to be left in the dark, she says, “You don’t have to then, but I wouldn’t judge. I actually like Kate, and I can tell how happy she makes you.”
I kick at the dirt beneath my boots and make the decision to tell. “Kate can’t have kids,” I say quickly, not wanting to lose my nerve, “and she wants me to decide whether I can be cool with that or not. It was her idea to give us a few days apart… not mine.” There, it’s out, and I do feel better, will probably feel a lot better depending on what Skyler has to say.
“Oh… ohhhh.” Her eyes widen, and she shakes her head. “She can’t have a child, and here we were all pressuring her at that family dinner! Oh my god… I feel like such a jerk… and I feel sad. The poor thing.”
I’m relieved at her response, that she hasn’t tried to make Kate out as less than. “You couldn’t have known. I didn’t know then either. And honestly, I never once considered the idea of not having kids once I was married. Just seems like the thing you do.”
“But there’s adoption and IVF and surrogacy and all kinds of things.”
“Yeah, but she might not ever want to do that stuff, you know?”
“Have you asked her?”
“I brought up a uterus transplant.” I roll my eyes at myself. “And that didn’t go over so well.”
“Yes, that does sound kind of rash.” She takes hold of my arm and gives it a squeeze. “Look, Matt and I love having Charlotte and Wayne, but if we hadn’t been able to have them as easy as we did, I think we would have looked at other options. You just have to ask yourself if a life with Kate is worth never having children the usual way. You think you’d be okay with that?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.” It comes out quick and certain. “Whatever happens, Kate would be worth it.”
“And you’re sure?”
“Yeah.” I’m struck with emotion that burrows into my gut and seems to climb all the way up to my throat. I have to clear it a few times to keep from crying, to keep my mind focused. “You know, the day she told me, I did have a few moments there where I wasn’t sure, but then I got back to the house, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. She’s been such a big part of my life since I’ve come home, and trying to imagine my house without her ever in it makes me feel more empty than a house without kids.”
She leans on me. “Then what’s stopping you from telling her all of that?”
I shrug. “I don’t know… I guess I’m trying to make sure it looks like I’ve given it enough time, enough thought. I’d wanted to call her that night and tell her it didn’t matter to me, but she seems to need to know I’m without any doubts.”
“Which you obviously are.”
“And you’re cool with it, too?” I know she is, but since
I’d taken it upon myself to unload Kate’s secret on her, I’d like to be sure my sister wouldn’t somehow hold this knowledge against Kate.
“Of course I am. If Kate makes you happy, then that’s all that matters. So stop wasting time. Pull your phone out and call her.”
“Now?”
“Yes, now! I’m going to head on back, but you hang out here for a bit… on your land. Take a moment, and then call her, okay?”
“Okay. I will.”
And after a few minutes of doing exactly what my sister asked of me, I take out my phone and call Kate.
* * *
I’d offered to pick her up, but she’d insisted on driving herself to my house. She probably figured if things didn’t go well, then she could get right into her car and leave. I tried to assure her on the phone that I wanted to be with her no matter what, but she said to wait, to tell her all of that in person.
As soon as she drives up, I don’t hold back. I’m out the front door and meeting her halfway between her car and the wrap-around front porch.
“I missed you.” Eagerly, I scoop her up, hold her tight and kiss her. Seeing her, holding her and meeting her lips confirms for me again that I’m making the right choice, that I need Kate to be a part of my world.
“I missed you too.” She is smiling and laughing, then pushing on my upper arms until I relax my hold on her and let her cowgirl-booted feet touch solid ground again.
My hands remain on her body, and I don’t know what to say except to keep looking at her, at that adorable nose on her face and a light spray of tiny freckles that crest over it, only seen when her makeup is light or she’s not wearing any at all. And then there are the eyes, so bright and blue… and looking into them, I feel as though I know her thoughts, can see all the way down into the deepest parts of her soul. My friend, Andy, would laugh if he knew how Kate makes me think these things, how she inspires ideas and feelings of love that might be more appropriately placed in the pages of a romance novel than in my own mind.
But I don’t care. I just love Kate and all the thoughts and feelings that come along with her.
“So, you’ve thought about things,” she says, her laughter dying down, the look in her eyes more serious.
“I have.”
“And you’re cool with me? With everything?”
“I’m beyond cool with you. And I didn’t need all of this time to know that.”
She smiles, then exhales, and I can see how tense her body had remained until just now. “I’m glad. And… well, I think it was me who needed the time. I’ll probably need even more time—”
“Away from me?” I frown, not wanting to let her go after I’ve just gotten her back.
“No… not away from you. Just time to feel secure that you won’t leave me, that what you feel today won’t change.”
“It won’t. If I’m sure of anything, it’s that.”
“I’m glad.” She glides her hand across my cheek, and I close my eyes, so grateful for her touch.
I take her hand and hold it tight. “Why don’t we keep this going inside? It’s getting cold out.”
She nods. “I’d like that.”
There are any number of things that she and I could do once I’ve closed the front door behind us. We could talk more about our future and the farm, about design and plumbing and electrical work. We could talk about our family and friends or stuff that’s going on in the world, new music, new books, new whatever. But I don’t want to do any of that. All I want to do is be as close to Kate as it’s possible to be to another human.
When she sets her purse down, I move in, wrapping my arms back around her, pushing my hands around her hips to the beautiful curve of her rear and pulling her close to me. Her smell and her touch get me hard in an instant, and the kiss that comes next electrifies both of us. Her eyes, which had been full of relief and hope just moments ago, are now filled with the same need… the same lust… that I’m sure are mirroring back at her from mine.
My blood pumps so warm and fast toward my groin that I can almost feel it flowing through me as slide my hands under her thighs and pick her up like she weighs nothing. The look she gives me as I carry her is as hungry as my own, and while I’d imagined taking her up the stairs and getting her into my bed, I don’t think I can wait that long and instead change my trajectory to the dining room table.
She looks slightly confused when I set her on the edge of the rich mahogany, a strong and sturdy piece made somewhere in North Carolina. But any doubt she has fades from her eyes when I push up the hem of her dress, then tilt her close to me, lifting and pulling at her panties and dragging them down and along those milky, beautiful thighs. She lifts her long legs for me, and I continue pulling the fabric along her skin. With two gentle tugs, I pull her cowgirl boots off, then continue with her panties, all the way down to her ankles until I’ve pulled them over her smooth heels and am tossing them onto the floor.
I lightly press her legs back down, looking up at her as I lower to my knees. I love that look of surprise I see before I move my concentration to her legs, closing my eyes and kissing them, dragging my lips inch by inch upward until I’m at her uppermost inner thigh and then burying myself in her.
Her moans of pleasure harden me more as I taste her, as I run my tongue along this private beauty of hers, up to the spot that makes her tense, makes her cry out my name. That, more than anything, gets me rock hard and so wanting to be inside this gorgeous girl that I can barely stand it. But my dilemma is that I want just as badly to be down here, my hands running along her outer thighs and around to her ass, her fingers in my hair, holding tight… tighter… then pulling when her body freezes, then contracts and then finally relaxes.
I dwell between her legs for a few moments more, my head hot, this one desire satisfied. But there is a stronger desire that pulls me back to my feet.
Kate’s expression is one of satiation, and it turns me on knowing I’d made her feel that but more turned on when I can see there is still a need in her eyes. I can’t unbutton and unzip myself quickly enough.
“I want to be inside you,” I growl, my need for her so intense that she takes up every last inch of my mind.
“I want you too,” she nearly cries, wrapping her arms around my neck and holding tight as I pull my pants and boxers down just enough to release my erection.
And then I’m free. I spread her thighs, step forward and guide myself up and into her, the first wave of relief so intense that I nearly groan. I grip tight to her ass as I push deeper into her. Her eyes widen, lashes fluttering and moans escaping her lips. I go deeper, every inch of me going further into her bringing along a euphoria that must be better than any drug known to man. Soon, I’m all the way in, anchored and rooted inside of Kate, Kate who is perfect, who feels like my reason for living.
Deep from within, some primordial urge comes up, and as if I’m a beast, I pick her up and carry her to the nearest wall. Our bodies locked together, I repeatedly drive myself into her, kissing and loving and feeling everything. I want to do this for hours, for days, to be inside of Kate and never let her go. And maybe we do go on for hours, every minute of it like heaven until my stamina eventually runs out and I’m unable to hold back any longer. With her legs wrapped tight around me and her fingers gripping at the roots of my hair, I release a torrent of my seed into her, both of us groaning in ecstasy.
I lean my forehead against hers, breathing heavily, relief washing over me. “I love you so damn much, Kate.”
She’s catching her breath too, probably made easier when I relax the death grip I have on her sides. “And I love you, Garrett,” she says in a whisper. “Thank you… thank you for making me feel whole.”
If there had ever been the smallest of doubts in my mind as to whether or not I’d be able to deal with Kate’s infertility, that doubt would now be pulverized. I’ve made her feel whole, never for a moment believing she wasn’t.
“I want to take you upstairs. You can spend the night, can�
�t you?”
“Yes… of course, but let me use your bathroom first? To clean up.”
“Oh… sure.”
Slowly, we unlock our bodies, me lowering her until her feet touch the ground. She is only gone a moment, and I’m already waiting for her outside the bathroom door, going in myself and cleaning up, even if I wouldn’t have minded keeping that part of her on my body. When we’re both done, I take her hand, and we head upstairs to my master bedroom, a room that I consider belonging to her too.
“It’s really cold in here,” Kate says with a small laugh, crossing her arms and rubbing them as if to get rid of the chill.
“We can’t have that.” I step closer, bringing her body right back to mine, giving her my heat and kissing the top of her head. “How about I light a fire? It might not do all that much to warm us up, but it could be nice to look at.”
“Sure,” she says. “Can I help?”
“Maybe just watch and make sure I don’t burn the house down?”
“I can do that.” She eases away from me and sits at the edge of the bed, her now bare feet dangling just above the wood floor.
I’d managed to get the chimneys cleaned, bought kindling and firewood and had already built one of those little teepees in the fireplace with them, so now I just stuff some wadded up paper in and light a match.
“You’re prepared.” Kate says when I turn back to her.
Every time I see her, it’s like she’s more beautiful, if that’s even possible. “I do my best.” I pretty much have to tear my eyes away from her to check that the fire has gotten going. Once it’s in full blaze status, I put the grate over it and head back to the bed. “We should probably get under the covers, don’t you think?”
She stands up and strips down in agreement and is the first to slide under the covers. I anxiously follow her lead, clumsily shedding every stitch of fabric covering me and earning a small, sweet laugh from her. When I climb in, joining her under the covers, I pull her naked body close to mine. I’m hard again, but I do my best to quell that physical reaction. Right now, I just want to look at her, talk to her, feel her and be thankful she’s chosen to be with me.
Unbroken by Love (The Basin Lake Series Book 4) Page 20