“You realize I’m pretty grateful too,” I say, the only light in the room coming from the moonlight and the licking red and orange flames of the fire. “Some women wouldn’t be so cool with my past…” I’m momentarily unable to look Kate in the eyes, overcome with shame.
“Garrett?” She’s gliding her fingers across my cheek, and I close my eyes, wishing I didn’t have to say more.
“The stuff Lexi told Beth,” I continue, opening my eyes back up and looking at her. “I hope you won’t hold it against me.”
Her eyes sparkle in the moonlight. “Of course not. Sure, I’m a little jealous, but I know you want to leave all of that behind you.”
“Thank you,” I say, relieved. And buoyed by that relief, I slide a finger down her back. She shivers against my body, and I can’t help myself in saying, “Jealous, huh?”
Her eyes widen, and then she grins, likely just as glad as I am to bring some humor back into our relationship. “Yes, jealous, you jerk!” She laughs too and starts to tickle me. “But I’ll get over it. I know you’ve only got eyes for me.”
“Oh, yeah? Well, I think you’re right, Kate Kessel, and you should probably know that I’m not ticklish, so you can do your best, but you’re not going to get a reaction out of me!”
“We’ll see about that.” She gets this impish grin before she slips down under the covers, trying every inch of me it seems in search of some magical spot.
And I think she might be getting close to something when my phone rings, the sound traveling all the way from the kitchen where I’d left it. After registering the first ring or two, I ignore it in favor of what Kate is trying to do, and I’m enjoying every last second of it, that is until my phone continues going through several more rounds of ringing. I want to ignore that too, but I can’t exactly brush off the heavy knocking that is now coming at my front door.
“Someone’s here,” Kate says, popping back up from the under the comforter.
“Yeah…” I sigh. “I should probably go see what’s going on.” I hop out of bed and pull on my jeans before giving Kate a kiss that I have trouble pulling out of. “I’ll be back up in a few, okay.”
“Okay,” she says, her sweet smile seeming to say she’ll be waiting for me right where I’ve left her.
After padding down the stairs, I grab my phone and glance at it while I’m heading for the front door. The ringing has stopped, but it looks like it’s my mom who’s been calling.
“I’m coming!” I yell at whomever is on the other side of the door, insistently banging on it.
Until I swing the door open, I’ve not worried about why Mom has been calling or who might be banging on the door. I’d thought no further than the idea that there had to be a million innocuous reasons for such insistence because nothing at all was going to ruin this perfect evening with Kate.
But the way my brother-in-law is looking at me on the other side of the threshold tells me I’ve been wrong.
“Hey man, sorry about this,” he says, holding his hand to the top of his head like it might fall off. “Your dad’s at the hospital, and you should probably be there.”
“What?” My heart sinks, and there’s a sudden weakness in my legs, like they could give out at any moment. “What… what happened?”
He sighs deeply. “Another heart attack. Your mom and Skyler are already there, and I’m about to drop the kids off at a friend’s. I’ll wait a few minutes if you want to get dressed, and we can ride over together… they’re in Spokane.”
“Uhh…” I stand frozen, numb, my brain heavy and making me feel like I don’t even know what the hell I’m supposed to do.
Get dressed?
Drive over to Spokane with him?
“We should hurry.” His voice is insistent.
“Yeah… of course.” I turn away from the door but leave it open for Matt, then take a few steps and run into Kate. She’s already dressed and is holding my shirt, socks and shoes in her hands.
“I figured you might need these,” she says, and I think she must know, must have overheard.
“Thanks. Will you come with me? It’s my dad.” I’m already slipping into the shirt she’s given me.
“Of course I will,” she says. “I’m here for you.”
I don’t try to argue about driving myself to Spokane. Once I help Kate into the back cab of Matt’s truck, I slide right next to her. We pick the kids up and drop them off at some friends of Skyler and Matt’s, then head to Spokane in silence, save for the quick call I make to my mom to assure her we’re on our way.
“He needs you all here,” she tells me before hanging up, and I tell her to make sure he knows I love him.
And then, save for Kate’s quiet breathing and the hum of Matt’s truck rolling across pavement, it’s quiet again. When she takes my hand and holds it, I’m grateful.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
KATE
“It’s been a rough week,” I tell Paige, then take another sip of my coffee while it’s still warm.
“This isn’t his first heart attack,” she says from the other end of her couch, using her pregnant belly as an impromptu table for her coffee mug. “The first one happened freshman year at college, right before I was going to break up with Garrett. It stopped me from telling him things were over for a while longer.” She shakes her head. “Not that I did him any favors.”
“Well, I’m not planning on breaking up with him,” I say, somewhat surprised at the ease with which I’m able to discuss my sister’s past relationship with the man I’m in love with.
“No… no you’re not. I can see how much you love one another, and I’m so sorry for that stupid thing about Little Women. I was only concerned.”
“It’s fine, Paige. Really. It’s all forgotten.”
This isn’t the first time I’ve been at Paige and Evan’s place this week. Garrett and I have been in Spokane pretty much every day to visit his dad, and my sister and her husband have lent their support, whether coming to the hospital with us or having us to dinner, either here at their house or at Evan and his friend, Reggie’s, restaurant. While the reason for theses visits sucks, the visits themselves have been wonderful, allowing Garrett, Paige and Evan to continue to heal the rift that had torn their friendship apart all those years ago.
“And he knows about the MRKH, right? You told him?”
I nod. This is the first evening Paige and I have actually had to ourselves. Garrett’s dad has improved significantly over the course of the week, and I could tell he may have wanted some alone time with just his immediate family today, so I’d borrowed Garrett’s truck and taken my leave. Garrett had protested, but I made sure he knew I didn’t mind the breather or the time to hang out with Paige alone.
“I’m so glad,” my sister says, letting out a breath that sounds like obvious relief. “He really is a good guy, and a lucky one.”
“I feel pretty lucky myself,” I say. “He’s nothing like Shawn. He treats me like a whole person.”
“You shouldn’t be treated as anything less, Kate. You’re beautiful and smart, and this whole agenesis thing… well, I know it sucks, but it’s probably also made you more caring and empathetic.”
“I wouldn’t mind being a little less of both of those if it meant I could still have kids. Being a martyr doesn’t really interest me.”
“Of course not.” She sighs. “But you and Garrett are smooth sailing from here on out, then… right? I mean, you guys are both dealing with some pretty serious stuff, and you’re still standing.”
“True. Hopefully all the drama in our relationship has been front loaded, but…” I stop myself before I say more, before I mention that small nugget of jealousy I still feel about Garrett’s past.
“But what?” She eyes me carefully. She knows I’m holding back.
I let out a sigh, deciding that Paige might be the only other person I’d actually feel comfortable in telling this to. “But Garrett is six years older than me, which means he has six more years of e
xperience.” I lift my brows.
“Ohhh,” she says knowingly. “The women?”
“You know about them?” When Paige and Garrett broke up, she’d kept an eye on him, mainly through his football career, just as a way to make sure he was doing okay. That’s what she’d told me, and I didn’t have a reason to doubt that.
“He was a college football player and then in the NFL, so yeah, I know. It’s hard not to hear things. But if it makes you feel any better, I can’t imagine his heart was ever in it. I think he was just waiting for the right girl. He was waiting for you.”
I’m lucky enough to know she’s right. It’s hard not to think that very thing when Garrett looks at me like I’m the only person on the planet. It’s a look that would create unbearable jealousy if he offered it to anyone else, but I’m secure in the knowledge it belongs only to me.
“It’s just something I need to get over,” I say, shifting on the couch. “It’s nothing huge, but I think I’d die if we ran into someone he’d slept with. If Lexi knows someone, then—”
“Lexi DeNero?” The look of disgust on my sister’s face would tell a stranger all they’d need to know about her feelings for the woman.
“She stopped by Beth’s when I was there one day.”
“Ugh… the nerve. Don’t you dare let anything Lexi DeNero has to say upset you!”
“But what she said was true… about this woman and her friend and Garrett… well, one of them lives in Kennewick, and what if Lexi and she are close, and she brings her up here for a visit?”
Paige sets her coffee on the end table, reaches her hand out and puts it gently over mine. “Who cares if whatever Lexi said about some woman and Garrett is true? It’s ancient history. And you think Lexi doesn’t have any skeletons in her closet? I don’t talk to Beth nearly as much as I should, but she clued me in on the multitude of problems Lexi has in her own marriage.” Paige pushes her lips out and tilts her head, like whatever she’s heard is pretty juicy.
“Okay… okay!” I laugh, and Paige pulls her hand back. “I don’t want to hear about Lexi’s marriage, but I also won’t let what she said get to me anymore. The women of Garrett’s past are exactly that… in his past.”
“Good girl.” Paige smiles at me as though I’d just won a spelling bee. “Now, why don’t you and Garrett spend the night here for a change instead of driving back and forth from Basin Lake all the time?”
I stretch, take another drink of my coffee and then stand. “It’s a wonderful offer, but I think his dad is supposed to be released tomorrow, and Garrett has a thing about wanting to sleep in his own bed.”
“Well, you’re always welcome… both of you. And I know it’s been a stressful week, but I’m glad for all of this extra time together. We really need to see more of each other.”
“I’m sure we will.” I give her a hug, then walk to the kitchen with her and help her wash up the coffee mugs and a few other things, doing dishes like we used to do when we were growing up together.
“Is Garrett coming here or are you going there?” she asks once the last of the dishes are dried and put away.
“I’ll be going there. Can you tell Evan hello for me?”
“I will,” Paige says, and the two us hug one more time before I’m on my way.
* * *
“He’s going to have to change his diet for real this time,” Garrett tells me on our drive back in his truck to Basin Lake. “No more cheating. No more red meat or high-sodium foods or that deep fried crap he started eating a few months after the last heart attack.”
“Maybe Evan can cook for him,” I say lightheartedly, but it really might not be a bad idea.
“Or Paige.” He chuckles. “But somehow I don’t see my dad giving up all of his meat and potatoes.”
I put my hand on his shoulder, unsure of the best advice. If there were a definitive way to prevent this from happening again, then I’m sure Garrett’s father would follow whatever protocol he had to. But there aren’t any guarantees I suppose.
“It’s like the second worst scare I’ve had in my life.” Garrett shakes his head in disappointment or disbelief or just in displeasure at what life throws at us. “I know I’m supposed to feel like an adult, but I don’t know what I’d do without my mom or my dad. I mean, seriously, I’m closer to thirty than twenty, and yet I’d probably feel as orphaned as I would if I were ten.”
I slide my hand down his arm and rest it on his thigh. “I understand more than most, you know?” I never really knew my dad—I was just too young when he died. It was harder for my older sisters than it was for me because his absence was a normal part of my life. And yet it didn’t mean there wasn’t still an emptiness there. It was mostly filled with the memories my sisters and mom have shared over the years, but it’s never been filled all the way, and I still miss a man I never really knew.
“Of course… I’m sorry. I never had the honor of meeting your dad, so sometimes I forget. Forgive me?”
“For what?”
“Insensitivity? Complaining about nearly losing my dad when you’ve already lost yours?”
“No… you have a right to complain and to be afraid. You love your dad, and that’s part of why I love you.”
“Thank you, Kate. What would I do without you?” He puts his free hand over mine, then holds tight.
“Let’s not find out,” I whisper.
We don’t say much else for the twenty or so minutes it takes to get back to Basin Lake. Sometimes it’s okay to just be quiet, and I’m glad Garrett isn’t the type that has to fill the void. We head to his house, me staying with him something we both seem to presume will continue unless one of us were to say otherwise. Mom has been understanding of this arrangement, though she does say she misses seeing me every evening. Still, I think she’s glad I’ve finally found someone, even if she’s prone to offer up insights about guarding my heart and the do’s and don’ts of relationships while otherwise allowing me to figure things out on my own.
“Whose car is that?” I ask when Garrett has driven halfway up the gravel drive to his house.
“It’s not yours?”
There’s enough light from the moon and the porch light to see the shape of the car is different from my Volvo, which I can now make out just behind what looks like a small SUV.
“It’s definitely not mine. You’ve got a visitor.”
“Huh.” He doesn’t sound worried, maybe more just curious. “Might be one of the neighbors or a friend of the family wanting to check up on dad. You want to wait in the truck until I make sure?” He parks the truck a little further away from the house than usual and looks over at me.
“I’ll come out with you,” I say, unbuckling my belt and just now noticing a woman on Garrett’s porch.
He comes around to my side of the truck and helps me out—it’s unnecessary, but it’s sweet and seems to make him happy. When he closes the door behind us, we walk together toward the house. As we near the porch, it appears the woman has brought things along with her, boxes, some of them closed, others with what look like clothes or toys spilling out of them.
“Can I help you?” Garrett asks in a stern, yet friendly voice when we get close enough.
“Well, I hope so,” the woman says as she practically skips down the steps of the front porch.
Closer now, I can make out more of her features. She’s blonde, a color that seems to have been achieved mostly by highlights. She’s curvy, a pair of tight jeans accentuating the bottom half of her body while a blouse does the same for the top half. Under the light of the porch, her makeup appears flawless, but even underneath I can tell that she’s beautiful.
“I’ll do whatever I can,” Garrett says.
A small cry, like the mewling of a cat, comes out of nowhere, and I look across the porch, attempting to find its source.
The woman lets out a small laugh. “You don’t recognize me, do you?”
He takes a moment to study her before momentarily looking at me… uncomforta
bly. “Kayla,” he says, swallows hard and crosses his arms over his chest. “What are you doing here?”
The jealousy I don’t want to feel hits me because I’m pretty sure this is one of those women I never wanted to meet, maybe even the one from Kennewick Lexi mentioned, here to try to rekindle something or just stir things up. But before I can get wrapped up in envy, a small figure moves on the porch, the sound I’d heard earlier attached to it, attached to a child.
I walk past Garrett and then the woman named Kayla, go up the stairs and then bend down to meet two frightened brown eyes.
“Hello,” I say softly. “What’s your name?”
The child, a girl who can’t be more than three years old, looks at me shyly.
“Don’t be afraid,” I say. “My name is Kate. What’s yours?”
“Meg,” she says in a tiny voice that fits her.
“She’s yours,” I hear Kayla say to Garrett from behind me, my heart plummeting right along with that knowledge.
“You’re lying,” Garrett says. His voice is angry or scared or both.
“Hardly,” she counters. “Would I drive her all the way from Minneapolis if I was lying?”
“What do you want? Money?”
She laughs. “What I want is for you to take responsibility. I’ve done this alone for three years, and now it’s your turn. Now it’s up to you.”
I’ve heard enough to know what’s going on, and I don’t especially want to hear more. I keep my eyes focused on the sweet little girl in front of me, doubtful she understands much of what Garrett or her mother are saying and glad for the innocence of children and what it can shield them from.
“What’s that box over there?” I ask Meg. It’s one of the boxes I’d first noticed filled with blankets and toys.
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