Anything Less Than Everything

by Adkins, Heather

  Chapter 6

  I purposefully stayed in bed until I was sure my mother had left the house for work. I’d been up most of the night thinking about--no, stewing about--what she’d said the night before, and I was in no mood to talk to her again. But then I looked over at the nightstand, saw my phone, and remembered my conversation with Aaron. Just thinking about it made me smile. Maybe if I just spent every night talking to him on the phone I could avoid all conversations with my parents until I moved out. Passive aggressive? Perhaps. Effective? Definitely. Still, the time I’d spent with him felt like a gift, and I felt the need to reciprocate. But with what? More of my stimulating conversation? Yeah, right.

  “Tell me again why we have to go to the University before lunch?”

  “I never told you the first time,” I answered, pulling into the parking lot of the dorm Aaron told me he was staying in. “Stay here. I’ll be back in two minutes.” The idea had come to me upon seeing an empty Coke can Jill had left on the counter. A quick stop at the grocery was all it took to put the plan in motion. I grabbed the case of Dr. Peppers from the back seat and headed for the entrance, leaving a very confused Marcie behind.

  “Can I help you?” the college student working the front desk asked as I approached.

  “Yes. I was wondering if I could leave these for someone staying here for the ProEdge camp.”

  “Sure. What’s his name?” She grabbed a sticky note to write down the information.

  “Aaron Davidson. He’ll know who it’s from,” I answered.

  “I’ll take care of it,” she said. “Anything else?”

  “Nope, that it’s. Thanks!” I headed out to the car, trying to hide my smile as I slid in next to Marcie.

  “Are you going to tell me what that was about?” she asked, a look of utter confusion on her face.

  “Nothing to tell. I just needed to drop something off for a friend.” She shook her head and rolled her eyes. She knew me well enough to know I wasn’t going to give away any more information.

  We discussed colors and textures over chicken salad croissants and fruit tea. Marcie had a lot of good ideas, and even offered to help me make knockoffs of some of the pricier pieces of art and accessories we saw in the catalogs she brought with her. “You have a list. Now we’ll just buy what you like and make it fit into the areas we’ve identified. You can always take back what doesn’t work,” she pointed out. That made sense to me. I put down the pages of lamp options she’d printed off and returned to my meal. My phone buzzed before I could take the first bite, though. I touched the screen to wake it and saw the waiting message: You are incredible, it said.

  I quickly typed back, I have no idea what you are talking about. ;)

  Ha. You going to be around tonight?

  Should be. Lots of exciting packing to do.

  Can I call you?

  That was a silly question. I texted back that of course he could call me. Hmm, maybe my plan of avoiding my parents by talking to Aaron every night wasn’t so far-fetched after all.

  “Who is that?” Marcie asked. I had almost forgotten she was there.

  “A friend,” I replied. It was the truth, but she looked unconvinced.

  “Does this have anything to do with the Dr. Peppers?”

  “Possibly.” That was mine and Aaron’s joke, and I wasn’t ready to share it with anyone else.

  “Okay, what is going on?” Marcie said in her best teacher voice. Had she been standing up, her hands would no doubt have been on her hips.

  “Nothing,” I said innocently.

  “Yeah, right.” She starting ticking off my offenses on her fingers. “First you take us on some covert operation to deliver Cokes to a college dorm, then you start texting at the table, which you never do, and now you’re smiling like you’re hiding something. So quit hiding and let me in the loop!”

  “I’m not hiding anything.” I wasn’t sure how much to tell her. I didn’t want her jumping to conclusions like my mother did.

  “Will you at least tell me his name?”

  “Why do you assume it’s a guy?” I asked.

  “Oh, please, Brooke. I haven’t seen you smile like that in the whole year I have known you. It has to be a guy.” She had me there. Aaron did have a way of making me smile.

  “Okay, he.” I paused before going on. Why was I hiding Aaron from everyone? A friendship was nothing to hide. And so I told her. About meeting him at my grandmother’s house. About seeing Spencer on the lake. About the talk in the garden. When I got to the part about the almost kiss, I stopped. Other than that brief flash when Aaron called, I hadn’t even thought about it since that night. Strange. You’d think that would be all I’d thought about, but it just didn’t seem all that relevant. Now that it had entered my mind, though, I let my thoughts linger there. I supposed it was a product of the intensity of the conversation, of sharing so much with each other. That our emotional closeness kind of called for a physical closeness. I was certain no one would buy that, not that I was planning to tell anyone, anyway. I shook the thought from my mind and took a deep breath, waiting for Marcie to respond.

  “I cannot believe you didn’t tell me any of this.” She almost sounded offended.

  “Well, it’s not exactly fun to talk about. It’s embarrassing, actually.”

  “Why?” she asked, shocked. “You were an incredible girlfriend to him, and he threw you to the side. Men!” she finished, throwing her hands into the air.

  I laughed a little at her outburst. “Seriously, Brooke,” she continued. “I’m your friend. I understand why you wanted to be alone right after the...after, but I want to know what’s going on in your life. Good and bad.”

  “Okay,” I said. “I promise to keep you in the loop.”

  “Good. So, this new guy.”

  “Aaron,” I said.

  “Aaron,” she repeated. “What’s the deal with him?”

  “Nothing.” She rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. “I’m not being evasive,” I said. “He’s a friend, and that’s all.”

  “For now,” she said.

  “No, not for now. That’s just what he is, and I’m perfectly happy with that. Really,” I added as she started to roll her eyes again. “Besides, he lives 500 miles away.”

  “But if he didn’t?” I sighed, seeing there was no way out from her suspicions.

  “He would still be just a friend. Guys and girls are allowed friendships, right?”

  “Of course,” she answered. “It’s just that usually ‘just friends’ is a decision made by only one of the people involved. I just don’t want to see you hurt again.”

  Why did people assume a friendship had to be hiding more? Did I like Aaron? Of course, but not like that.

  “As long as you’re happy, I don’t care what he is,” she said, softening.

  “I’m getting there,” I said with a smile. “Now, are we going to be sappy all day, or are we going to shop? I’m anxious to move in.”

  “Let’s go!” she said, gathering her purse and idea bag.

  Chapter 7

  Five hours and $2,500 later, I had an apartment full of furniture. Well, sort of. Most everything had been purchased, and bag after bag filled the living room, but the big pieces weren’t being delivered until the next day. But this would be my last night in my parents’ house, and I could not be happier.

  Mom cried quietly as I started taking heavy boxes down to the garage so I could load up my car the next morning. She must have thought I wasn’t serious about moving. But I was. I wasn’t all that mad at her anymore, though. I’d never told her what really happened and had not shared my feelings when she suggested a reconciliation between Spencer and me. For those reasons, I was really as much at fault as she. Nevertheless, I was ecstatic to be starting over with a clean slate.

  I was sitting on the couch, Diet Coke in hand, watching some silly sitcom when my phone rang. I glanced at the screen, then jumped up and headed to my room. I heard my mom say something about my being on the p
hone all night as I pressed send and answered.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey yourself.” Aaron’s voice was an instant day maker.

  “How’s the hamstring?” I asked.

  “Better. I might have worked it a little too hard today, though. It’s sore, but nothing like yesterday,” he replied. It was his turn to ask a question, but he remained silent on the other end of the line. He was waiting for me to say something. Baiting me.

  “So…what’s up?”

  “Not much,” he said, a little too innocently. That was obviously the question he’d wanted me to ask. “Just hanging out, enjoying some delicious Dr. Pepper.”

  “I thought you were on a Dr. Pepper-free campus?”

  “I am,” he replied. “But the Soda Fairy stopped by while I was at practice and dropped some off.”

  “Hmm. That was nice.”

  “It was the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a very long time. Seriously. Way better than flowers.”

  “It wasn’t a big deal,” I said. “I just thought it would make you smile.”

  “It did. A lot.” Now I smiled. “I’m having to keep a close watch on them, though,” he continued. “All the guys are trying to steal them.”

  From there we each shared about our day. He described plays and drills that confounded even my pretty high football IQ. I told him about shopping with Marcie, about the many purchases I had made. “So when is it you’re moving?” he asked.

  “Tomorrow. My new bed and mattress are being delivered between twelve and two. I can wait on the other stuff if I need to, but as long as I have a bed, I’m staying the night.”

  “You sound awful anxious to leave,” he observed.

  “You have no idea.”

  “Oh, come on. They can’t be that bad, can they?” I didn’t say anything. “Or maybe they can,” he finished flatly.

  “I love my family. But you saw them at my grandmother’s that night. They are oblivious to everything but themselves. My mother wants me to get back together with Spencer—”

  “She what?” Aaron practically spat the words. “After what he did?”

  “Well, she doesn’t exactly know about what happened on the lake.” I felt embarrassed admitting this.

  “You didn’t tell her?”

  “No. It seemed easier to stay quiet on the subject. Telling her would have meant talking about it for hours. I was not in the mood. I’m still not.”

  “But she wants you to get back together with him?”

  “Yes. And Dad wants to ignore anything even hinting of romance where his daughters are concerned. Jill wants me to move out so she’ll have a new place to make out with Dave,--”

  He cut me off again. “But what do you want, Brooke?” I thought about it for several seconds. It was a difficult question to answer, seeing as how I hadn’t been asked that in who knew how long.

  “I want to be left alone to make my own decisions. And I want to spend the evening talking to you, but about happy things,” I added.

  “I like that answer,” he said. “Especially the second part.”

  “You mean my drama doesn’t scare you?” I asked with a joking voice, but the question was serious. So far our friendship consisted of Aaron picking me up after embarrassing moments and me crying. it had to be getting old.

  Aaron didn’t miss a beat. “I have sisters, Brooke. I’m used to drama. But your drama isn’t self-inflicted, so it’s different.”

  “Different how?” This I was interested to hear.

  “When you bring drama on yourself, you annoy your friends and run them off. When other people force you into their drama, your friends circle around you and help you through it. And, it so happens that I have really long arms, so I can make that circle around you by myself if I have to.”

  I imagined him actually wrapping his arms around me, how strong and safe that would feel. There’s no way I could tell him that, of course, as he might think my feelings for him were more than platonic. I was afraid that if said it my feelings for him might become more than just platonic. “Well, then I’m glad I have you as a friend,” I said instead. “But it stinks that you’re leaving tomorrow. It would have been nice to see you again.”

  “My thoughts exactly,” he said. I smiled, relieved that that hadn’t scared him off. “I wish I had a later flight, then we could have lunch or something, but Nashville to Detroit apparently isn’t a popular route.”

  “Well, maybe next time.” He didn’t respond. We both knew there would be little reason for him to come back to Tennessee any time soon.

  I decided to steer the conversation to safer topics. “So you’re going back to school? Not home?”

  “Nah,” he said. “I’ll go home at least once for a visit before fall camp, but I stay at school for the most part. We can’t practice, but we can use the facilities for working out and stuff.”

  As much time as I’d spent watching football games, I’d never given much thought to what the players did in the offseason to prepare. I imagined Aaron lifting weights, running, watching film. He laughed when I told him that.

  “Well, yeah, I do,” he said, “but there’s lots of video game playing, trips to the lake and work in there, too.” I knew that Aaron worked at a golf course across the street from campus. Basically he rode around in a golf cart fetching beers and whatever else the rich country clubbers wanted. It was hot, he’d said, but the pay was good, and he could play all the golf he wanted for free.

  Our conversation continued, but it was only a matter of time before it returned to his leaving. I wasn’t sure why it mattered; it wasn’t like we’d been hanging out the last few days or anything, but something about him being only a few towns over made our new friendship feel more certain. I was afraid of what would happen once he got back to school and all his friends.

  Neither of us had said anything for a several moments. I didn’t want the conversation to end, but we both needed to go pack, though for very different reasons.

  “Hey. Brooke,” he said softly, breaking the silence. “I’m really glad Brad asked me to ride down with him.”

  “Me, too. I’m not sure how I would’ve handled this weekend on my own.”

  “You’d have been fine, but I’m glad you didn’t have to be.”

  “Yeah. Will you call me tomorrow to let me know you’ve made it home safely?” I asked.

  “You know I will.”

  My phone beeped then. The battery was dying. “I guess it’s trying to tell me we’ve talked enough for one night,” I said.

  “We’ll just have to save some things for next time.” I smiled. Becoming friends with Aaron was the last thing I expected when I spotted him in my grandmother’s living room, but it was by far the best thing that had ever happened to me there.

  “Sweet dreams, Brooke.” And, as just like before, he hung up before I could reply.

  Chapter 8

  Sorting through the last box took the longest. Unlike the clothes that went immediately into the closet or the knick knacks that mostly went into the trash, the papers and mementos of the final box begged me to look at each piece. They were mostly school things--certificates, “A” papers, college acceptance letters. But there were other things, to: notes from friends that I never threw out, birthday cards. And the list. I stared at it for a second then laughed when I realized what it was. The list. I had not seen or thought about it in years. Five years, actually.

  "What's so funny?" Jill asked. She was sitting in my bedroom, getting ready to go out to dinner with me. Now that I wasn’t living in the same house as she, we found that we actually enjoyed each other’s company, and in the two weeks since I’d moved into my apartment dinners out had become part of our routine.

  "Nothing, just this old list I found."

  "List of what?"

  "Um, nothing important."

  "Well, it must be if you packed it up and moved it over. Lemme see." She grabbed the paper away from me, unfolding it and smoothing the creases. She studi
ed it for a moment before asking, "Are these...?"

  "Qualities I wanted in a guy," I finished for her. "I made it out right before I left for college. It's stupid," I said, trying to grab it back. She moved it out of my reach.

  "#7," she read, "can carry on an intelligent conversation." My face burned with embarrassment.

  "#12, likes kids."

  "Seriously, Jill, it's dumb. Just give it back."

  "#34, gets my sense of humor. Brooke, there are fifty-six items on this list. No guy I ever met even had fifty-six qualities in him, much less these fifty-six."

  "I know; I said it was stupid."

  "It's not stupid," she said, softening, "just unrealistic. I don't want you to set yourself up for disappointment, that's all."

  She handed the list back to me and I folded it into its neat square, the creases finding themselves automatically. I started to place it in the trash, but something inside told me to save it. I tossed it back in the box instead.

  “Are you ready to go?” I asked. “I have to work in the morning, so I don’t want to be out all night.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I promise we’ll be home before nine o’clock, grandma.”

  I threw a pillow at her in reply. “Okay, okay!” she said, surrendering. “Let’s get out of here before you ruin my hair. I can’t have Dave seeing me all messy.”

  I froze. “Dave’s coming with us?” It’s not that I really minded Dave--I actually liked him much better than any other boyfriend of Jill’s--but with him there, I became the fifth wheel. Or third. Whatever.

  “Is that not okay?” she asked, hurt stretching across her face. “He’s not playing ball tonight because of the rain.” What was I supposed to say? We gathered our things and headed in my car to our favorite place, Sam’s.

  We got a table and ordered drinks while we waited for Dave to show. A few minutes later Jill started waving her hands, trying to get his attention. He wound his way over to us, kissed Jill, but didn’t sit down. He looked out at something behind me, and shifted his weight from one foot to another. Something was weird. I turned around to see what was going on. Standing just over my shoulder was a guy I’d never seen. He was just standing there, smiling at me. I looked over at Jill.