The Art of Life

by Carter, Sarah

  Jeremy finally opens the door and looks at me. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah,” I squeak. “Just a little jumpy.”

  “Here, I will lock the doors behind me,” he replies. After he does that, Jeremy walks into the kitchen and puts bags on the counter. “So, I got milk and cereal, then some spaghetti stuff for dinner, because I can make that just fine, and some sandwich stuff. I figure tomorrow we can figure out groceries. I don’t know what you eat.”

  I start to ring my hands. “I will eat whatever you buy.”

  Jeremy instantly hangs his head. “Isabelle, I am going to be supporting you, that is fine, but I need to know things, like what you want to eat.”

  “Okay, well, I love salad and fruit. I don’t like frozen veggies very much. I can live off of peanut butter and strawberry jelly. I mean, there isn’t much that I won’t eat. Not a big yogurt fan, but I eat it if there isn’t anything else. I LOVE coffee.”

  “Well, I survive on coffee, so that’s fine. If Cassandra gets you a scarf, can we go grocery shopping tomorrow?”

  Taking a deep breath, I nod. “Yeah.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Not being able to, I frown. “I am afraid of seeing him.”

  “Listen to me,” Jeremy articulates strongly. “If you EVER see him, you need to call the police. If I am with you, you need to tell me. Promise?”

  Looking up at him, I nod. “Yes, promise me you won’t kill him though.”

  “I promise,” he retorts. “Now, the real challenge comes. Are you ready to eat my cooking?”

  That makes me snort. “Yeah, how bad is it?”

  “It’s spaghetti, how badly can I mess that up?” He asks. I raise an eyebrow. “Okay, fine, it will be edible, I promise.”

  Not knowing why, I walk forward and wrap my arms around him. Jeremy doesn’t hesitate at all, and hugs me back. “Thank you for everything,” I whisper.

  “No problem toots,” he replies softly. “So, what were you working on? Something to sidetrack you?”

  I shake my head. “I was drawing Howard.”

  “Let me see,” Jeremy hisses. He lets go of me and walks over to the table. “This is accurate?”

  “I still have work to do on it, but yeah, that’s him.”

  “You need to finish this so I can take it to the police tomorrow,” Jeremy demands.

  Sitting back down at the table, I say, “I will finish it while you cook.”

  “Good,” he growls. “If I ever see him so help me God.”

  “Jeremy, hurting him isn’t going to solve anything,” I whisper gently.

  Jeremy looks down at me. “Isabelle, there are certain things I will listen to you about, this is not one of them.”

  “Okay,” I sigh. “Why don’t you go cook. I am actually hungry.”

  “That’s good.” He bends over and kisses me on the head. “I will go fix dinner then.”

  And he does. I sit and sketch Howard more accurately. When I am finish, I frown. It’s almost a little too accurate. I rip it out of my sketchbook. I want to crumple it up and scream at it, but I know that won’t help. Getting up, I walk over to Jeremy. “Will you do something with this? I don’t want to look at him if I don’t have to.”

  “Yeah,” he replies, taking it from me. “Dinner is done anyway. Why don’t you make a plate and I will go put this somewhere.”

  “Okay, thanks.” I take out two plates, as Jeremy leaves the kitchen. Dinner smells good, so hopefully it doesn’t kill me. That makes me giggle.

  Jeremy comes walking back in and asks, “What are you giggling about?”

  “I was just wondering if we were going to survive this,” I retort, with a smile.

  “Hey now, I have lived this long on my own,” he laughs back. “I am healthy enough.”

  Nudging him with my hip, I say, “Yeah, maybe I will get a killer body likes yours if I eat like you.”

  “That and you will have to go running with me every night.”

  That makes me snort. “Yeah, that’ll happen.”

  “You have to do it, at least one time.”

  I raise my eyebrow. “I will get four blocks and die.”

  “Geesh, you need more stamina than that. We will work on you. Let’s get you started by eating,” Jeremy says, with a smile.

  We eat and talk. About everything but what happened, which honestly, is good. I don’t know if I can think about it and not be sick. After we are done eating, I clean the kitchen with Jeremy. He is very comical and it makes me laugh.

  Later, I curl up on the couch underneath a blanket and watch TV with him. He picks my legs up and drapes them over his lap. That little bit of contact is very comforting. We watch two movies and the news, which I find very boring, but Jeremy says, it’s good to know what’s going on in the world. Finally, it’s late and I yawn.

  “Tired?” Jeremy asks.

  “You know, I shouldn’t be. I slept so much this afternoon,” I reply, looking at him.

  He rubs my leg and counters, “You have been through a lot. You should rest.”

  “Okay,” I sigh, getting up. “I am going to brush my teeth.”

  “Yeah, you should,” he laughs. I bend over and punch him the arm. He just chuckles, “Go, get ready for bed.”

  I do. When I get out, Jeremy is putting a blanket on the couch. “You know I feel bad you have to sleep on the couch.”

  “Hey, this is a big couch. I can lie fully out. It’s like a twin bed. I am all good,” he replies.

  “Alright, good night then,” I sigh.

  Giving me that killer smile of his, Jeremy says, “Good night toots.”

  It feels good to crawl into bed. I don’t know why I am so tired. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I am out.

  Suddenly, I feel hands around my neck and I try to tear them off. I try to scream, but I can’t. I am living it all over again. This time, it is worse. I try and try to get away, try to scream, but I fail. Finally, I shoot up in bed, grabbing at my throat.

  There is nothing there and I can barely catch my breath. Turning I see that it is 1:00 a.m. My heart is going a million miles an hour and I am terrified. I bring my knees up to my chest and clench them there. Time goes by, but the fear doesn’t subside.

  I sit there for a while, before I finally get up. Against my better judgment, I go out into the living room. I make sure I am really quiet. Jeremy is asleep on his back, with his arm over his head. He looks so peaceful. I just stand there for a while, looking at him. Taking a deep breath, I know I shouldn’t wake him. So, I turn to go back to the bedroom.

  Before I can go anywhere, I feel my pants tugged on. I turn to see Jeremy squinting at me. “What’s up?” He yawns. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” I mumble.

  “That is not very convincing.”

  Wrapping my arms around myself, I just quietly say, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

  “It’s fine. What’s wrong?” He asks. I shrug. Jeremy rolls over on his side. “Nightmares?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper.

  To my surprise, he scoots back on the couch and lifts the blanket up. “Come, sleep.”

  “What!?” I snap.

  “It’s called sleep. I want to do it. So, come on.”

  Shaking my head vigorously, I say, “I can’t sleep next to you.”

  With a groan, Jeremy growls, “Isabelle, just lie down. I promise, it will keep the nightmares away. I am not going to feel you up or anything, completely a comfort thing. Come on.”

  Very nervous, I sit down on the couch next to him. Jeremy wraps his arm around and pulls me down. Draping the blanket over us, he pulls me tight against him. I lie there for a while, with my eyes wide open.

  A few seconds later, I feel him laugh against my head. “You feel like you are going to jump up any second.”

  I roll over so I am facing him. “This is really NEW territory for me.”

  “Am I not comforting?” He breathes against me. That sends my nerves on fire.

  “N
o, you are. You are the only thing that makes me feel safe.”

  Nestling me up against him, Jeremy says, “Then go to sleep hon. I am right here if you need me.”

  “Okay,” I barely whisper. I am so close to him that I breathe his scent in. It makes me close my eyes. He smells so good. It’s then that I realize how comfortable this is. I lay my head by his chest and drift off to sleep.

  Chapter 13

  The next morning, I am woken up by lips kissing my forehead. I open one eye and look at Jeremy. “Hi.”

  “Hello sunshine,” he whispers, with a smile. “Did you sleep well?”

  I nod and lay my head back down by his chest. “You are very lulling.”

  “Well, thank you,” he laughs. “Do you want to sleep more, because I have been laying here for a while, and need to use the bathroom?”

  “Oh my gosh,” I exclaim, sitting up. “I am sorry!”

  Jeremy rolls himself so he is propped up over me. “Lie down, relax, you can sleep longer.”

  “No,” I murmur. Having him so close on top of me is making my chest tighten. He looks down at me with a look that I haven’t quite seen before. We kind of stare at each other for a few seconds, before I mention, “Weren’t you going to the bathroom?”

  “Yeah,” he replies, getting off the couch. Part of me feels sad that he just got up. Why do I feel that way? Probably because he is the only thing comforting me right now. Yeah, that’s it. I watch him saunter into the bathroom. I catch myself checking him out and I quickly shake my head.

  To distract myself I get up to make coffee. I find it in the cupboard. My mind is still waking up when Jeremy comes into the kitchen. “I like my coffee strong,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. I kind of spin out of them. “What’s wrong?” Jeremy gasps.

  “Nothing,” I whisper. “I just. I am not used to having someone show me so much affection.”

  Leaning against the counter, Jeremy asks, “Am I being too affectionate with you?”

  “I don’t know, are you?”

  “Personally, I say, no, but it’s about your comfort level, not mine,” Jeremy retorts.

  My eyes look at the floor. “What if,” I start and then pause. “What if you get a girlfriend? Then suddenly this all would be grossly inappropriate and I will be alone again.”

  “What if you get a boyfriend before I get a girlfriend? Then the guy will try to punch me, and I will lay him out, and then you will be mad at me, which will make me sad.”

  “That was the world’s longest sentence.”

  “No, see if you get a boyfriend, then I am sad. I think that is what it means,” Jeremy states with a smile. “I won’t have anyone to be affectionate with then. Plus, think about it, what is the likelihood that I am going to find a serious girlfriend anytime soon? I mean, you will probably get a boyfriend way before I ever get serious.”

  Crossing my arms, I say, “Who in the hell am I going out with?”

  “EERRRRIIIIICCCC,” Jeremy drawls out sarcastically.

  With a scoff, I reply, “Yeah right.”

  “I told you I am going to get you a date with him,” Jeremy states with a weird look on his face. “If that is still what you want.”

  My response should be yes, right? “Yeah,” I reply slowly.

  “Have you changed your mind?” Jeremy asks, raising an eyebrow.

  “No,” I reply, shaking my head. “No, I would still go out with him.”

  There is a really brief awkward silence. Why is there an awkward silence? I look up at Jeremy and he quickly looks away. “Then it is a plan. You will go on a date with Eric.”

  “Before I ever go on a date, I need to get over things. You being affectionate makes me feel better. I feel safe with you.”

  “And you are safe with me,” Jeremy replies softly. He stands up in front of me and places his hands on the sides of my face. “I will always protect you from every big, bad, ugly thing in this world.”

  That makes me smirk. “You can’t protect me from everything. One day my heart will get broken, and you can’t protect me from that.”

  “Why would your heart be broken?” Jeremy asks.

  “Isn’t that part of life? You fall in love, it doesn’t work, your heart gets broken?”

  With a slightly appalled look, Jeremy snaps, “That is a horrible view on life.”

  “I have never had a firsthand view at love, at all, not even a little bit!” I exclaim. “All I have ever known is what you see on TV, in movies and in books. It’s always someone falls in love, it’s great, crap happens and it ends, OR it’s so horribly ridiculous, because love stories don’t end that way”

  “Isabelle,” Jeremy softly says, tracing his thumb over my lips.

  “Shut up. Love isn’t bad. Love is a good thing and it can mean to world to you. Don’t be afraid of it.”

  Taking a deep breath, I look up at him. “Have you ever been in love?”

  Jeremy frowns and lets go of me. “I have loved someone beyond words.”

  “And obviously you aren’t with her anymore, so there! It always ends badly!”

  “I loved her and it ended badly, so badly that I left my life!” Jeremy yells. That shuts me up quickly. He reaches up and grips my arms. “Isabelle, I do not regret loving her, not even a little bit.”

  I am quiet. “I am afraid of love. My mom is supposed to love me and she treats me like….well like she does, and I don’t have friends. I have no one, no one to show me love.”

  “You can’t be afraid of falling in love or being loved by someone. Love can change your world.”

  “So,” I whisper. “You don’t regret loving her.”

  Shaking his head, Jeremy replies, “No, not at all.” He looks at me and intakes a breath quickly. “I can’t talk about her Isabelle. I am sorry. I just can’t.”

  “It’s okay,” I whisper. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I will never expect that.”

  “I know and when you fall in love, you will love with a fiery passion,” Jeremy states solidly. “You will love and be loved.”

  My head hangs down. “I sure hope so.”

  Jeremy puts his finger under my chin and lifts my head up. “You will have someone love you. I promise you that, and if he breaks your heart, I will kill him.”

  That makes me burst out laughing. “Are you going to be standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me at the end of dates?”

  “Hell yeah,” Jeremy exclaims. “Sheesh, I am going to be watching your dates like a hawk.”

  “Wow, that won’t be uncomfortable AT ALL!”

  He grabs me in a hug and says, “I have to watch out for you. It could be worse. Kent, Josh and I could all be standing at the bottom of the steps waiting for you.”

  “I will never have a second date,” I giggle into his chest.

  “Yeah, well, your date just can’t be intimidated easily. I mean, you probably will be living with me. That’s intimidating, in and of itself.”

  I snort. “Are you going to be guy repellent?”

  “Noooo, okay yeah, probably.”

  “What if I wanted to bring a guy home?” I ask.

  Shoving me back, Jeremy snaps, “Who you planning to sleep with!?”

  “No one! Gosh, I meant bring home, like to hang out. Do you really think I would have a sex with a guy in your apartment? More so, would I even have sex with a guy?”

  The look that Jeremy gives me is a serious one. “I would hope you would tell me if you were planning to do that. We would have to have a serious conversation about birth control.”

  “OH MY GOD!” I yell. “Why would I EVER have that conversation with you!?”

  “Well then, promise me you will talk to Cassandra about it,” Jeremy urges.

  Shaking my head, I gasp. “I don’t plan on having sex for a long, long time. I mean, I haven’t even had a boyfriend. Why in the world are we even having this conversation!?”

  “You brought it up.”

  “I did not! I sai
d I wanted to bring a guy home….TO HANG OUT! Anyway, should we have a sign or something if you are bringing some chick home? I mean, if you get a girlfriend that is going to be REALLY awkward.”

  Jeremy just laughs. “Okay, I am not even going there.”

  “I need coffee,” I growl, shoving him back. “This is way too much to handle before caffeine.”

  He grabs me from behind and pulls me against him. “I think I am going to thoroughly enjoy having you here.”

  “Let go of me before someone gets hurt!” I laugh. “I need coffee.”

  We have coffee and cereal at the table. I almost forget why I am there. I make fun of him for drinking his coffee with about five pounds of sugar in it. “It’s good.”

  “It doesn’t even taste like coffee!” I exclaim.

  Jeremy picks up a piece of cereal and throws it at me. I grab my coffee cup and hold it back. “Don’t start, or I will douse you with this.”

  “That is hot coffee!”

  “Fine,” I say, setting my coffee down. “I am going to put my bowl in the sink.”

  Rolling his eyes, Jeremy exasperates, “Fine. You are such a mood killer.”

  I make my way into the kitchen. When I look behind me, Jeremy is obviously not paying attention, so I grab the cereal box. Putting my hand inside, I take a piece of cereal. “Hey Jeremy,” I yell. When he turns around, I throw the cereal at him and hit him scare in the face. That makes me burst into hysterics. “I can’t believe I hit you!”

  Getting a sudden devilish look on his face, Jeremy says, “You are in so much trouble!”

  “No!” I scream, putting my hands out. “What are you going to do!?”

  He gets up from the table and just smiles at me. I stand there staring at him. Suddenly, he leaps for me. I quickly spin out of the way and tear off into the living room. He is right behind me. I put the coffee table between us and laugh. “Come here Isabelle,” he sneers.

  “No!” I giggle. “I don’t know what you are going to do!”