by Gigi Aceves
With my hold on Roxy as tight as ever, I close my eyes, savoring every quiet moment, every meaningful touch, every heart stopping kiss. I just want to enjoy everything with her. Trying my hardest to cram everything into borrowed time.
I blink my eyes a couple of times before completely opening them. Looking at my phone, I realize I slept for eight straight hours. The past couple of months are catching up with me, both physically and mentally. At nine o’clock at night, the person who holds my heart is still sound asleep in my arms. I’m almost upset I slept this long, because it’s a waste of time for me. I’d rather continue to watch her intently, admiring her beauty, cherishing our time together, savoring the feel of her skin which I’ve already banked in the deepest recess of my brain long before now. The rise and fall of her chest is a salve to my weary heart.
An hour passes….then another, I’m so enamored….captivated really, by my love’s beauty that I don’t hear Brian come in our room. Although I see him standing at the foot of our bed, I don’t remove my eyes from her, not wanting a single second to go to waste.
“Are you going to stare at her all night, Cody?”
I shrug one shoulder. “All night if I have to. I don’t ever want to let her go, B. I don’t think I’ll survive it.”
Sighing he says, “I don’t want to say I know what you’re feeling, but what I can say is, we’ll do everything we can to make her come out of this unscathed. I promise you that. You hear me?”
“Thanks, B. Thank you.”
“You’d stand in the gap for me if the situation were reversed.” Sighing, he continues, “We do what we can for each other, when we can, how we can.”
After he leaves I manage to convince myself to stop thinking, I close my eyes to get a few minutes of REM sleep. Before I know it, the sun is rising, bringing with it another day of constant worry. I run my hand on her arm, leaving goose bumps in its wake as she burrows herself closer to me. A feeling of contentment washes over me, knowing I still get a reaction out of her that’s only meant for me. I close my eyes as I take a deep breath, willing time to stop while I say a quick prayer. Now, I fully understand what Jake means by ‘only seconds matter’ to him.
Suddenly, I feel a thump, thump on my chest, and a smile as wide as the Pacific Ocean grazes my face. I will never forget this moment. I didn’t realize until now, two words that mean so much can be said without them actually leaving my mouth, and their meaning is just as powerful as if they were spoken. Two thumps from her hand goes straight to my heart. They seep through my skin, go through my body, and explode inside of me, and leaving a feeling of euphoria encompassing all of me.
“Again, love….again,” I request without hesitation.
Without hesitation, she does it again,
And again….
And again….
Until my shirt is wet with her tears, and a lone tear escapes my eye.
There’s no need for a declaration of undying love between us. The feel of her skin against mine is enough. The matching beat of our hearts is sufficient. While the intensity of the unknown is pressing its way into every corner of my mind, occupying everything good in my heart, the dominance of our love for each other pushes it back.
Silence….nothing, but silence….
Not a sound escapes her mouth, not even a little shake rumbles through her chest…my love is crying silently, and the ache in my heart deepens. It’s so deep it’s all I can do to feel it…to allow the tumultuous waves of emotions to agonizingly flow through me. Even the death of my parents, a death no one wants to have their loved ones suffer, doesn’t even match the pain I’m feeling, right now. Their death brought so much pain, it reached my heart….it did. However, it didn’t shatter it or slaughter my soul. This pain is unlike any other I’ve experience. It’s precise in its infliction; my heart is dying a very slow torturous death.
Roxy wiggles her way out of my embrace, and abruptly, turns around. My guess is she’s hiding her face from me. Doesn’t she know there’s nothing about her that escapes me...
Nothing.
“You want breakfast, love?” I ask.
Walking around the bed toward her, I kneel down and link her hands with mine. She won’t meet my eyes, and hers seem to be focused on our hands linked together. I squeeze them, trying my hardest for her to look at me.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
She shakes her head as I watch her lips tremble, but with one quick deep breath the trembling stops. Her eyes slowly meets mine. My very strong girl tries her best to shelter me from seeing her break down. Doesn’t she know, I know her too well…
Too well…I can feel her every hurt.
She shrugs her shoulders and says, “Nothing’s wrong. I think, I over slept or something.”
Roxy gifts me with her irresistible smile as she yanks me toward her, earning a squeal of discomfort coming from her. She immediately lets go of my hand and moves her right forearm close to her face.
“What the heck?” She exclaims.
“What?”
She puts her arm directly in front of my face and points at it, as she squints her eyes.
“I feel sore right here,” she says.
“Hmm, you’ve slept and stayed in that position the whole day, of course, you’ll feel sore. Plus, during our past couple of sexual exercises I’ve been rough on you. You want it rough sometimes, baby. You want some sexual healing, love?” I stop and look at her closely. “Maybe, next time, you’ll listen to me when I want to go slow.”
I know, my love is smart enough to know there’s meaning behind what I just said. We both stare at each other. An unspoken…unfinished conversation between us seems to happen more often these days. Unfortunately for me, it always stays that way.
Unfinished….
Unresolved….
An ear splitting scream which sounds like Trish echoes in the distance and stomping feet from the stairs shakes the floor. Brian swings open the door, and without uttering a single word, I jump into action. I put on my jeans, boots, shirt, shoulder holster in no time, then I give Roxy an order before I leave the room.
“Get dressed, Roxy. Stay put; I’ll come get you.”
I see LT running the next flight of stairs toward Trish and Jake’s room. As soon as Brian and I enter the room, I see Trish crying with her arms around her stomach on their bed, while Jake hovers over her barking orders to Summer.
“Babe, please I need to move you,” Jake pleads to an inconsolable Trish.
Trish just shakes her head, and a groan of frustration leaves Jake’s mouth.
“Eyes on me, Trish. No one exists right now, only you, me, and the babies.” Trish slowly lifts her eyes up, meeting Jake’s. “Good. Keep your eyes on me, baby. You have to let me carry you, okay? I promise, it won’t hurt them. Come on, Silver Girl; do this for me. Fear doesn’t exist here, remember?”
As we await any sort of movement from Trish, Jake barks another set of orders without looking at us, his eyes solely on Trish.
“Brian, get the car ready. Cody, hold open the door and clear everything for me, I’m passing through the deck. LT?”
“I’m right here, Jake. Tell me what you need, and it’s done.”
“The backpack right there by the door, make sure I have an extra clip in there. Call my dad tell him what’s going on. We’ll execute plan B, route one. Move.”
At Jake’s command, it’s a whirlwind of action in the room. LT tosses the backpack to Brian, then he secures it on Summer’s back. Before leaving, LT gives me a nod, silently letting me know he’s getting Roxy and Tami. I hold the emergency door open as Brian exits, followed by Summer carrying a duffle bag, then Jake carrying Trish, and that’s when I see a spot of blood on the bed. I close my eyes and breathe through my nose, exhaling through my mouth, clearing my mind. This day is already starting to resemble a day from hell.
I lock the door and follow Jake, running ahead of him to clear his path. As we enter the garage, the cars are already running and everyone’s in
position. Plan B is a switch-a-fucking-roo. Brian is driving LT’s vehicle, while LT drives Jake’s vehicle. Once we get to the second light, one will go straight the other will turn left. Route one is the fastest route, and will only take fifteen minutes tops if everything goes well. I jump in front and turn around to see how Trish is doing. Jake has Trish on his lap, his lips rest against her forehead, his hand protectively anchored on Trish’s round belly as she grips his shirt. Summer sits next to Jake and watches Trish closely. Then, my eyes land on Roxy, sitting in the back with her eyes closed, her brow scrunched up as she continues to torture her bottom lip.
“Turning left,” LT’s voice comes through the radio.
“Copy that,” Brian answers.
LT sounds off again, “Passing first choke point….”
We’re holding our breaths, waiting for LT’s report. A minute….
Then two….
Then three…
“Clear,” LT’s confident voice rings solid.
This seems to be the longest fifteen minutes in the history of time, and while we wait, Trish’s whimpers are the only sound in the car, making it hard to forget the seriousness of this situation.
“Seven minutes out, Jake. How’s she doing?” Brian asks.
Jake answers with a gravely tone, “Just get me there, B. I can’t lose anyone…not a single one.”
“Not losing anyone, buddy. We always pull through, Jake,” Brian says, calming Jake…calming us.
A sound of lips smacking skin echoes in the silence, then Jake speaks, “We’re almost there, babe. Open your eyes, sweetheart. Right here, focus on me. Don’t cry, I can feel one of them moving, right now.”
“Am I still bleeding? Jake, please tell me,” Trish asks, fear lacing her voice.
With a tight voice Jake answers, “I don’t know, babe. Let’s not focus on that, okay.”
“Jake, get ready to roll; we’re here,” I instruct him.
As soon as the car stops, I get out, scan my surroundings, then I open Jake’s door. He comes out with Trish in his arms, as Brian throws the key to the valet. Jake rushes inside with Summer and Roxy on his heels, Brian and I right behind them. A gurney is waiting for us, and Jake carefully lies Trish on it, as two nurses roll her down the hallway to what I assume is the labor and delivery department. It takes all of twenty minutes to have Trish in a room being fussed over by two nurses, which relaxes Jake, considerably.
LT finally shows up with Tami, and she goes directly inside the room without talking to anyone. The girls are all inside with Jake, while we stay here in the hallway, standing guard and planning how to handle today’s events. Wanting to end the emotional and stressful situation we find ourselves in, my sense of humor needs to come into play, but I have nothing. I’m emotionally spent, myself. Seeing Jake like this does something to me, because I know I’m about to experience the same thing…the same desperation that seems to flow through him is finding its way to me. At this moment, though, he needs our strength.
The clicking of heels against the floor causes us to turn around. Approaching us is Trish’s doctor, and Jake goes in with her as Summer steps out a few minutes later, a somber look on her face.
LT, Brian, and I push off the wall we’re leaning on as soon as Summer closes the door. LT beats me to interrogating her.
“What’s going on in there?”
“The doc’s just starting the basic checkup procedure. I’m sure, she’ll order a sonogram to check on the babies.”
“How’s Jake?” I ask, tension lacing my voice.
Summer shrugs her shoulders. “Jake is Jake. I guess, if he didn’t act like a caveman, I’d be even more surprised.”
Just then, the doctor walks out, with a purpose toward the nurse’s station. The tension in the hallway reaches an all-time high, and worry for our friends resembles a time bomb waiting to explode. The solid core we’ve established amongst us is unbreakable, much like Jake and Trish’s relationship. The love those two have for each other is a source of inspiration, not only to me, but to every single one of us.
After the good old doctor gives instructions to the petite nurse behind the counter, she walks back with the same urgency in her gait which spikes up the unsettling feeling inside me. I don’t normally pray, but I find myself saying one right now. Praying seems to help. I know I won’t get an answer, right away. For some odd reason, after emptying all the worry in my heart and mind I feel a little lighter….a little less anxious….a peace that shouldn’t even flow through me does, for a short time. Until I find myself purging once again.
That’s when we hear Tami’s voice say….
“Jake, stop,” Tami says, as she embraces him.
“Why can’t it be just me, T? Why them?” Jake asks, hoping Tami has the answers.
Watching Jake’s anguish over Trish and the babies is heart breaking. If there’s a couple who can survive anything, it would be them. Their bond is like no other. While I feel blessed to have that same love with Cody, it’s my hope our relationship will be blessed with a longer time span...forever in my book sounds good. My thoughts are interrupted by Trish calming Jake.
“Babe, you said, there’s no fear here, right?”
Jake leans his forehead against her belly. “I know, babe. Piece of cake.”
Trish smiles and says, “Piece of pie.”
“There you have it, a pie fest brought to you by the pie couple. Keep it up, and Marie Callender’s or any bakery within a five mile radius will be in business,” I retort back as a means to lighten the somber mood in the room.
Trish mouths ‘thank you’ to me. I’m her go to girl to calm the raging bull in Jake. I understand, too well, why Jake feels this way, because it’s exactly how I feel. Knowing the person I’m so in love with, who I can’t survive without is in peril, it drives me to the point of madness where nothing exists, but fear. It’s a cancer that festers and breathes negativity. It inundates my soul and mind with constant torture.
A nurse pushes a piece of equipment into the room. I’m assuming, it’s the ultrasound machine. Excitement in seeing the babies pulses nonstop in me, and more so for Trish and Jake.
“Alright, let’s see what we have here, shall we? I’m gonna do a pelvic exam, then an ultrasound to put both your minds at ease, especially yours, Jake,” Dr. O’Connor says.
Dr. O’Connor proceeds to do the pelvic exam while Jake and I both hold Trish’s hands. Jake’s pain filled eyes remain glued to the doctor, as Trish’s eyes are closed while her mouth is moving in deep prayer. A single tear falls on my best friend’s face, and at this moment, my heart feels so numb….numb of everything. If I could only take their fear and anxiety away, I would.
I whisper in Trish’s ear, “I love you, Momma Igloo. Stay strong for the kiddos, okay? You know who to pull it from; remember, you were the one who told me I could always lean on HIM. I’m leaning like a gangster; you should, too.”
My little crack earns a smile, on her face. Dr. O’Connor looks at Trish first, then at Jake, stands up, and washes her hands without saying anything. That silent, but full of meaning action, causes me to have goose bumps all over me, while Jake and Trish follow her every movement. She turns around and her serious face says everything….everything we don’t want to hear.
“Trish, we have to do a cervical stitch, because you have a weak cervix. That’s what caused the light bleeding. That’s also why you’re experiencing abdominal cramps. Doing the surgery will prevent the babies from being born way too soon. This is a normal procedure, and yes, there are risks involved. She’s susceptible to infection, it may also cause premature labor, and other things. However, the good outweighs the bad. Also, your BP is slightly elevated, and unfortunately, I can’t give you any meds to counter that. Bed rest and no stress are the only solutions. You’re at twenty weeks, Trish, and I would like you to be at least thirty-one weeks. The steroid shots to help develop their lungs will still be given. Now, Jake, you have to understand, she’s carrying four babies, and as we’v
e discussed, it’s not going to be a walk in the park. I know, you have a million questions, but let’s take one step at a time, okay? Let’s do the surgery, see how she feels, and we’ll go from there. Now, how about we check how the fantastic four are doing?”
As soon as Dr. O’Connor places the wand on Trish, you could almost hear a pin drop in the room. We gravitate toward the monitor, waiting anxiously to see the babies, to witness the lives moving about in Trish’s belly. With a few flicks, there they are. Tears spill out of my eyes, and everyone else’s in the room. Remembering what their parents went through, what Trish had to go through, and still about to go through just proves the unbreakable love that flows between them. It spills over to their babies and to us. These four babies are loved beyond anyone’s imagination. I see the four of them as little eagles rising from the ashes, just as their dad did.
Dr. O’Connor press a few buttons and she asks, “Do you want to know the sexes? They weren’t cooperating the last time, but I can easily tell right now. As we discussed before, the two embryos that were inserted split into two; therefore, you will have two sets of identical twins. Let’s see if they’ll be two sets of boys, or girls, or one set of each.”
Jake answers, “Yeah, we wanna meet our munchkins.”
“Okay, you see baby one, right there, is a boy, and the one on the opposite side, baby two is a boy. They sure are protecting the little ones in the middle.”
“That’s my boys,” Jake softly says with a shaky voice.
Trish’s face is wet with tears, while she grips Jake with one hand, she caresses her tummy with the other.
“Now, baby three, next to baby one is a…..” Dr. O’Connor stops and presses a few buttons. “Okay, baby three is a girl. It’s safe to assume baby four is also a girl. The girls are little compared to the boys, but that’s kind of expected. That’s why I need you on bed rest, Trish. They need you there.”
Jake whispers as he kisses his wife, “Babe, we have two little angels. Don’t worry, Trish; our boys are there. They’ll know what to do.”