by Lacey London
Feeling a little annoyed that he has proved me wrong, I chew away happily and feel myself start to relax. My teeth sink into the soft seeded bun and I swoon at the taste. Remembering that this is probably the last time we will be by ourselves before we are joined by the in-laws tomorrow, I make a promise to myself to enjoy every second. Because if my time with Oliver’s parents has taught me anything, it’s that a Janie tornado can cause a lot more destruction than a little heavy rain…
Wherever you go,
no matter what the weather,
always bring your own sunshine.
Chapter 6
Unpacking my precious new purchases, I spend a moment admiring each piece before carefully hanging them in the wardrobe. I take a step forward and run my fingers along the rows of fabric, smiling as my hands land on a beautiful maxi dress. Maybe this whole lost suitcase fiasco won’t turn out to be such a bad thing after all. I can’t remember the last time I did this much shopping. With a final glance at my new attire, I quickly tear up the worryingly long receipt and discard it in the bin.
After our all American lunch earlier, we spent the rest of the day lounging around the hotel pool. I say lounging, but what I really mean is avoiding getting dunked by the hundreds of crazy kids that were playing a rather adventurous version of whack-a-mole. On the plus side, once the storm had passed the sun shone stronger and brighter than it did before, resulting in us rescuing a day that could otherwise have been ruined. Noah had fun splashing around in the children’s area with Oliver whilst I escaped for a quick, but much needed glass of red. Now that Noah is asleep, we are taking advantage of it being just the two of us and enjoying an ice cold beer in the hotel room.
‘So, what are your feelings towards Florida now?’ Stretching out on the bed, Oliver hands me my drink and motions for me to sit down.
I take a sip and curl up on the bed opposite him. ‘It’s growing on me...’ His face falls and I suddenly feel a little bad for teasing him. ‘I’m kidding! I love it! I absolutely love it. I promise.’
‘Really?’ He looks up hopefully and pulls my legs into his lap.
‘Really!’ Clinking my bottle against his, I let out a yawn and run my toes over the soft sheets. ‘When do your parents get here again?’
‘Tomorrow morning.’ Oliver confirms, taking a gulp of his beer. ‘They’re going to meet us down at breakfast as their flight gets in super early.’
‘Great.’ I reply, mindlessly peeling the label off my bottle. ‘Have you spoken to them at all since we got here?’
Shaking his head, he flicks on the television and starts scrolling through the channels. ‘I have not. I did try and call my dad a few times, but it just rang out.’
He shrugs his shoulders and strips off his t-shirt before climbing under the covers. Finishing my drink, I place the empty bottle on the dressing table and sit up straight.
‘What’s the plan for tomorrow?’ I ask, twisting my hair up out of my face and applying a thick layer of my newly purchased moisturiser.
‘Tomorrow is Rapture Realm.’ Stuffing a pillow behind his back, he lets out a groan and frowns.
‘Back hurting again?’
Nodding in response, he squirms around for a moment before finding a comfortable spot.
‘Are you sure Rapture Realm is a good idea? You don’t want to be going on rollercoasters and throwing your back out… again.’ Giving him a stern stare, I reach into my handbag and toss him some painkillers.
Even though his back has plagued him for months, Oliver refuses to acknowledge that he is getting older. He might still have a full head of chocolate hair and be looking hotter than ever, but whether he likes it or not, things are starting to creak. Popping my head into Noah’s bed, I adjust his covers and plant a kiss on his head. After all his fun in the paddling pool earlier, Noah declared that he loved Orlando, much to his dad’s delight and proceeded to eat the world’s biggest ice cream before falling into a food coma beside his dinosaur.
Leaving him to sleep, I quickly brush my teeth and splash some water on my face. Despite the horrendous downpour earlier, my skin has caught some colour and my cheeks are now a rather embarrassing shade of red. Applying a layer of the after sun that Brittany kindly had sent up to our room, I flick off the light and climb into bed next to Oliver. Realising that he’s already snoring lightly, I snuggle down into my pillow. Our first day in Florida has been somewhat of an adventure in itself and I really can’t wait to see what tomorrow has in store. Here’s hoping that we are in for a smoother ride…
* * *
Peeling open my eyes, I look around the hotel room and try to work out what on earth is causing all the noise. To be woken up this way is wrong on so many levels. A few moments ago I was lost in a heavenly slumber, now I feel like I’ve been tossed off my comfy cloud and thrown into a demolition yard. Pushing myself to my elbows, I rub the sleep out of my eyes and try to bring myself back into the world of the living.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Finally working out that someone is at the door, I stumble out of bed and grab the courtesy dressing gown from the wardrobe.
‘Did you order breakfast to the room last night?’ I grumble to Oliver, who has pulled the sheets up over his head and curled up into a tiny ball.
Taking that as a no, I throw open the door and blink twice in a desperate bid to get my tired eyes to focus.
‘Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!’ The Texan drawl that pierces my ears causes my head to throb instantly.
‘Janie?’ I whisper, flicking on the light and stubbing my toe in the process. Oww!
‘Of course it’s Janie!’ Letting out her familiar blood curdling cackle, she plants a hot pink kiss on my cheek before pushing past me into the room. ‘Who else do you know who looks this damn good?’
‘Mom?’ Diving out of bed, Oliver reaches for a t-shirt before greeting his mother with a hug. ‘I thought we were meeting down at breakfast?’
‘Well, I decided to come up here! You got a problem with that?’ Pursing her overly plumped up lips, Janie feigns anger before bursting into laughter.
Oliver catches my eye and I force myself to smile. Wearing a revealing red swimsuit and the world’s smallest denim shorts, she couldn’t look more outrageous if she tried. The bright pink lips and wedges to match are just the icing on an already ridiculously overdressed cake.
‘Yoo-hoo!’ Dumping her leopard print tote bag on the floor, she reaches into Noah’s bed and plonks him on her hip.
Not knowing what is going on, he lets out a grumble before realising that the crazy cradle snatcher is actually his beloved grandma.
‘Look at you!’ She yells, ridiculously loudly considering it is so early. ‘You are getting more and more like your Uncle Ernie every time I see you!’
‘Where’s Dad?’ Oliver asks, pulling back the curtains and flooding the room with light.
‘I tried to call you from the plane.’ Sighing dramatically, she attempts to frown, but the many years of Botox abuse prevent her from doing so. ‘Ernie’s sick, so your father has had to stay behind.’
‘Again?’ I gasp, looking at Oliver and suddenly feeling rather worried.
‘I’m afraid so.’ Janie confirms, raising her tattooed on eyebrows a millimetre higher than they already are.
For those of you who don’t know, this isn’t the first time that Oliver’s dad, Randy, has had to miss out on a holiday to take care of his Uncle Ernie. When Noah was first born, poor old Ernie took a turn for the worse, meaning that Randy didn’t see his first grandchild for the first couple of weeks of his life. That particular bout of illness is actually why Noah ended up having Ernest as his middle name, but that’s a different story entirely.
‘He’s going to be OK though, right?’ Concern etches onto Oliver’s face as he tugs on a pair of shorts.
‘Who?’ Janie spins around and checks out her reflection in the mirror. ‘Ernie? Yeah. Yeah, he’ll be fine.’ Passing Oliver a pair of shorts, she adjusts her swimsuit and pu
ts Noah back into his bed. ‘Let’s get some breakfast. My stomach thinks my throat’s been cut.’
Locking eyes with Oliver, I offer Janie a small smile and make for the bathroom. Sunshine streams in through the window and I breathe a sigh of relief that we aren’t in for another downpour. Listening to Janie coo over Noah, I quickly jump under the shower before changing into one of the pretty sun dresses that we purchased yesterday. A quick layer of sun cream and a change of clothes for Noah later, we find ourselves downstairs in the restaurant.
‘So, Rapture Realm!’ Janie’s eyes sparkle as she takes a bite out of her celery stick. ‘Are you excited, Noah?’
Happily chewing at his bacon, Noah resorts to a swift nod of the head before returning his attention to his food. I have to hand it to the hotel, they really have put on an impressive breakfast buffet. Everything you could possibly wish for is laid out in the canteen. From tempting pastries to a full cooked breakfast, you could put on weight just looking at the calorific dishes. Even Janie, the pickiest of eaters, managed to fill her plate with treats. Well, if you class celery, carrots and grapes as treats.
‘Before I forget, I just want to say thank you so much for this. It’s really kind and generous of you and Randy to fly us all out here.’ I smile gratefully and give her arm a little squeeze.
Her cheeks colour up and she bats away my gratitude. Not wanting to embarrass her, I decide to drop the subject and return to my breakfast. Taking a bite out of my omelette, I reach for my napkin and wipe a blob of ketchup from Noah’s chin.
‘Have you done something to your hair?’ Janie asks, gulping down the remnants of her Bloody Mary and running her fingers through my curls.
‘I guess I had a trim a couple of weeks ago.’ I sip my coffee and squint my eyes at her suspiciously. ‘Why?’
‘It looks… good.’ Motioning for the waiter to bring her another cocktail, Janie sits back in her seat and applies yet another layer of lipstick. ‘Makes your face look thinner.’
‘Thanks... I think.’
In the many years that Oliver and I have been together, that is probably the first compliment my mother-in-law has ever given me. Glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, I can’t help but think she’s up to something. For someone who usually growls and snarls their way through the day, Janie seems particularly merry considering that she is minus her husband.
‘I bet Dad was pretty beat up about not coming up here?’ Oliver throws down his napkin, indicating that he is finished with his meal.
‘Rollercoasters aren’t really his thing.’ Brushing off his question, Janie thanks the waitress as another glass is put down on the table in front of her. ‘Do you guys not want a proper drink?’
‘It’s 9am and besides, I’m driving!’ Oliver laughs and shakes his head at his audacious mother.
‘Clara?’ Turning her focus to me, she adjusts her blonde beehive and points to the cocktail menu.
‘I don’t think alcohol and theme parks really mix...’
Scrunching up her nose, she twirls her straw around the glass and looks down at my stomach. ‘You haven’t got another bun in the oven, have ya?’
‘Mom!’ Oliver yells, dropping a handful of notes down and motioning for her to drink up.
‘Is that a yes?’ Obviously not wanting to drop the subject so easily, she prods at my stomach and winks. ‘Hey, Noah. Do you want a little brother or sister?’
‘No!’ Noah and I yell in unison.
Laughing like a wild hyena, she throws her head back and gulps down her drink.
‘I’m kidding, let’s go.’
If you don’t have anything nice to say,
you must be my mother-in-law.
Chapter 7
The journey to the theme park is somewhat uneventful. Between Janie showing off the results of her recent face lift and Oliver reeling off what rollercoasters we are going to hit up first, I don’t really manage to get a word in. Taking the opportunity to soak up my surroundings, I watch the world whizz past the windows and get lost in the blurred array of colours. Happily playing with his dinosaur, Noah doesn’t make a sound for the entire drive.
‘Alright!’ Oliver cheers as he pulls on the handbrake. ‘Who’s ready to have some fun?’
Clutching a map of the theme park to his chest, his eyes glint as he looks out at the rollercoaster in the distance. Something tells me that it’s not going to be Noah who gets the most out of today. Shaking my head at him, we pile out of the car and load up Noah’s pram with all the essentials. This must be the biggest car park that I have ever seen. How they expect you to remember where you have parked, I have no idea.
‘OK, so we are in Parking Zone 14.’ Oliver declares, strapping Noah into his pram and heading for the entrance.
As we join the hordes of other revellers, I reach into the pram for the sun lotion and quickly apply a thick layer to Noah’s face. After covering both myself and Oliver, I attempt to pass the cream to Janie.
‘Get that thing away from me!’ Looking at the bottle as though it is crawling with spiders, she shudders and totters on ahead.
To be honest, her already walnut skin is probably damaged beyond repair anyway. The many years of soaking up the rays have resulted in Janie having skin like a brown leather shammy, not that she seems to mind. In fact, I would even go as far as to say that she’s rather proud of her radioactive skin colour.
Waiting for Oliver to pay for our tickets, I hang back with Janie as a flurry of screaming children brush past our legs. Their excited squeals are contagious as they jump up and down, each one just desperate to get the show on the road. I catch a look of disgust wash across Janie’s face before she corrects it with a thin smile. Biting my lip, I try not to laugh and follow Oliver through the turnstile. Janie’s hatred of other children is something that I’ve never been able to understand. It’s almost unbelievable that she’s so smitten with Noah. A smiley assistant with a cart carrying a million balloons pauses in front of us, just long enough for the bright colours to catch Noah’s eye.
‘Balloon!’ He shouts, holding out his hands and kicking his legs like a hungry piglet.
What is it with him and balloons lately?
‘What colour do you want?’ Oliver asks, holding his map under his chin and digging around for his wallet.
‘Blue!’ He shouts, pointing at a red one and giggling manically.
‘This one?’ Not bothering to correct him, Oliver hands over some coins in exchange for a bright red, star shaped balloon.
Tying it around Noah’s wrist before it can float away, I snap a photo on my phone before we continue walking. Enchanting music floods out of the speakers that are cleverly hidden in the trees, creating an air of mystery to the already mystical forest setting. The huge purple archway overhead is adorned in shooting stars, with giant glitter balls that appear to be floating in the air. Feeling a little overwhelmed, I look around at the insane crowds of people and try to work out where we start.
‘I say we start in the Magic Woodland.’ Oliver muses, stepping to the side to let a young family pass.
‘Sounds good to me.’ I let him lead the way and follow behind with Noah.
Not having been to Florida before, I didn’t really know what to expect from Orlando’s famous amusement parks. I had generated up an image of something resembling Alton Towers, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. From looking at the map, it easily covers four thousand acres and to say that it’s all encompassing is an understatement. Think Lap Land crossed with Las Vegas and you’re halfway there. An actor dressed as a popular cartoon character pads along the pavement, causing the crowds of children to scream with pleasure. Desperately jumping up and down, they form an orderly queue (sort of) and pose for pictures with the famous green feline.
Smiling to myself as a tiny blonde girl throws herself into the cat’s arms and squeezes him tightly, I look into the pram and I’m surprised to see that Noah is looking over at the group longingly.
‘Do you want to have your pho
to taken with the cat?’ I ask, crouching down to his level.
Nodding furiously, he attempts to unbuckle himself and we walk over to join the line of hyper children. Totally engrossed in his map, Oliver doesn’t even notice that we have stopped walking. Letting out a sharp whistle, I wave my arms around to gain his attention and shuffle forward. The sun shines brightly down upon us and I find myself wondering how the staff here walk around in those costumes all day.
‘Do you think they get hot in there?’ I whisper to Janie, who is busy filing her nails beside me. ‘It must be over thirty degrees today.’
‘It’s not as bad as you think…’ Pulling down her sunglasses to get a better look at the fluffy cat, she shrugs her shoulders and returns to her nails.
‘How do you know?’ I ask, getting my camera ready and taking a step forward.
Choosing to completely ignore me, she snatches the map out of Oliver’s hands and gets to work at finding the nearest bar. Realising that it’s our turn I hold Noah’s hand as he totters forward. The cat holds out his arms for a hug and he immediately jumps onto his knee. Watching Noah’s face light up as Oliver snaps away with his camera, I feel my heart swell in my chest.
‘Let’s get one of the entire family.’ An elderly American man holds out his hands for my camera and motions for us to gather around.
Standing next to Oliver, I smooth down my dress and check out my reflection in his sunglasses. Oh, God! This humidity does nothing for my hair. Telling myself that I will Photoshop the pics later, I wrap my arm around Oliver’s waist and smile for the camera. It’s only after I have been blinded by the flash I realise that Janie is draped seductively over the cat’s knee. With her legs in the air and her boobs barely contained within the constraints of her swimsuit, she couldn’t look more scandalous if she tried. Trying not to show how appalled I am, I thank the kind man for taking the photo and move aside. Scrolling through the pictures, I hit delete and slip the camera back into my pocket.