by Lacey London
‘Which one of these is on the agenda for tomorrow?’ I ask Oliver, who is stripping off his t-shirt and climbing into the shower.
‘Mom seemed pretty set on Magic Metropolis. I did suggest going there on Friday, but she was adamant that we went tomorrow.’
I hear the power shower turn on and water thrash down onto the tiles. A mischievous part of me wants to go in and join him, but I can tell from his tone of voice that the whole condom saga is still bothering him. Deciding to leave him alone for a while, I climb into bed and snuggle into the soft sheets. All this walking has left me feeling like I’ve been attending a high impact gym glass. My calves are aching and the balls of my feet feel like fire. I can see us needing another holiday just to get over this one.
My eyes suddenly start to feel unbelievably heavy and it isn’t long before I start to give in to the inevitable. The chatter on the television blurs into muffles as I allow myself to fall into a much needed sleep. It’s not long before I’m lost in an all American dream world. Fast food, theme parks and in-law mishaps. What more could you possibly want from a holiday?
The real joys of a holiday are those random moments that you will remember forever.
Chapter 9
What the hell is she wearing? Stepping out of the hotel lift, it doesn’t take us long to spot Janie across the foyer. In a black mini dress that barely covers her enhanced bottom and a pair of heels that most strippers would find vulgar, she doesn’t exactly look child friendly. I spot a young family shooting her appalled glances as we make our way over to her. I don’t dare look at Oliver. Janie’s utter refusal to conform with society’s expectations of a grandmother drives him insane. I have lost count of the amount of times he has had a total meltdown over his mother’s wild antics.
‘How’s my favourite grandson?’ She lets out a dirty cackle and leans down into the pram, almost losing her modesty in the process. ‘Today is going to be a good day, Noah. A very good day.’
I flash Oliver a puzzled look and step out into the sunshine.
‘You haven’t been drinking already, have you?’ Leaning over to smell her breath, Oliver raises his eyebrows when he realises that she is minty fresh.
‘Jeez, can’t a woman be happy around here without having a belly full of bourbon?’
‘No!’ We both yell in unison.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Janie this happy before, especially without having a drink or ten inside her. Not being convinced that she isn’t up to something, I follow her to the car and fasten Noah into his car seat.
‘How far is Magic Metropolis?’ I ask, sliding onto the back seat and fanning myself with a leaflet.
‘Twenty-three minutes.’ Janie chips in, checking out her make-up in the sun visor mirror.
‘That’s pretty exact.’
‘Let’s just say I’ve done my research.’ Catching my eye in the mirror, she winks cheekily as she tops up her makeup.
Call me sceptical, but I find it hard to believe that Janie is actually excited about going to a children’s amusement park. Unlike Rapture Realm, Magic Metropolis is aimed exclusively at children. For someone who actually snarls when kids walk her way, this is obviously massively out of character. Maybe her maternal instincts have finally kicked in.
For the entire journey there, I find myself day dreaming of all the crazy things Janie has done in the past. If she has decided to tone things down a little (questionable dress sense aside) I am sure that Oliver will be very happy. The car comes to a swift stop in yet another enormous car park and Janie dives out before Oliver has the chance to apply the handbrake. As we load Noah into his pram, I take a look around and try to work out which way to go. Cars stretch out as far as the eye can see and I am at a loss as to how we get out of here.
‘We need to catch a ride on the shuttle.’ Janie says, as though reading my mind. ‘There should be one here any minute now.’
Resisting the urge to ask her how she knows all this, I slip on my sunglasses and join the line of waiting people at what appears to be a bus stop. A few of the other parents shoot Janie disdainful looks and I can’t help but feel a little bad for her. Yes, she has very outrageous and somewhat age inappropriate dress sense, but she isn’t exactly hurting anyone.
A long white shuttle bus beeps its horn as it comes to a sudden stop in front of us. Expertly lifting Noah’s pram, Oliver takes the lead and slides over the padded seat. A group of excited children behind us talk animatedly about the characters that they’re going to see and I can’t help but smile. It must be amazing to be taken somewhere like this as a child. When I was their age I was lucky if my parents could afford a quick break in the Lake District. Just thinking back to my mum’s soggy cheese and tomato sandwiches makes my stomach churn.
The shuttle starts to move and I hold onto the railing for dear life. Noah on the other hand is sticking his head right out of the pram, clearly enjoying having the wind in his hair. Snapping a picture of him on my phone, I quickly send it to Lianna and pop the handset back into my handbag.
‘I can’t believe Dad is missing this.’ Oliver sighs and places his baseball cap on Noah’s head. ‘I might give him a quick call…’
‘No!’ Janie yells, shaking her head violently. ‘Don’t call. He’ll call us when he is ready.’
‘Ready for what?’ He asks, taking his cap back before Noah can throw it out onto the road.
A cheerful American accent booms out of the speakers, putting an end to their conversation.
‘Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Magic Metropolis!’ A small cheer goes around the bus as we come to a stop. ‘Right ahead you will see the entrance to the amusement park. Please ensure you take all of your belongings with you and exit the vehicle to the left. Have an awesome time, folks!’
Leaving Oliver to get the pram, I haul my handbag up onto my shoulder and follow after Janie, who has obviously decided not to wait for the rest of us. Steaming on ahead, she marches over to the ticket office and shoves a wad of notes under the window. I wait for Oliver to catch up as she comes running back towards us, manically waving around wristbands like a giddy kid.
‘Wow…’ I marvel, turning over the glittery band in my hands. ‘These are quite something.’
Tying one around Noah’s teeny wrist, I pass one to Oliver before fastening my own.
‘Dinosaur?’ Noah asks, reaching around and trying to pull the soft toy from the nappy bag.
Stopping to hand him his toy, I quickly apply a layer of sun cream to his cheeks before we pass through the turnstiles. Here we go, another day of endless walking, mile long queues and screaming children. Fantastic. Seeing Noah’s eyes light up as he takes in the many attractions, I curse myself for being so pessimistic. This is for him, not us boring adults who can no longer appreciate just how magical these places really are.
Wizards taller than Hagrid wander around the rest of us mere mortals, causing quite a stir amongst the many wired children in the park. Popping on my sunglasses, I look up at the bearded magician in front of me. Wearing a shiny purple cape with a matching pointy hat and tiny glasses perched on the end of his nose, he staggers around the park on needle-like stilts. I let out a giggle as he waves around his wand and covers the three of us in red glitter.
Noah squeals and looks at the sparkle in his hands as though it is real gold.
‘Isn’t that cool, Noah?’ Popping his head into the pram, Oliver ruffles Noah’s hair and beckons the wizard down for a photo.
Janie digs out her camera and snaps away as Noah stares at the magician’s fluffy beard in amazement. This trip has been totally worth it for the photos alone.
‘Where’s first on the agenda?’ I ask Oliver, who is now talking animatedly to a tour guide.
‘We should check out the Dino Dome.’ Janie chips in, her eyes gleaming as she weaves through the sea of laughing children.
‘Did you hear that, Noah? We’re going to see the dinosaurs!’ I widen my eyes and wait for Oliver to tear himself away.
‘
Yay!’ He screams, holding onto his dinosaur for dear life. ‘Dino! Dino! Dino!’
I knew that bloody dinosaur was a good idea! I can’t wait to get back and tell Gina that she was wrong… and Madison for that matter! Feeling rather smug, I smile down at Noah and hold out my hand for Oliver’s.
‘Where are we heading again?’ Oliver asks, finally catching up and entwining his fingers with mine.
‘Dinosaurs!’ Noah yells, waving his toy around in the air like it’s his birthday all over again.
As Oliver quizzes Noah on all of the pre-historic creatures that we are about to discover in the Dino Dome, I watch Janie search the park with hungry eyes. What on earth is she looking for? Standing on the tips of her toes, she slips off her sunglasses and scans the area like a concerned meerkat looking for its young.
‘Everything OK?’ I ask, tapping her on the shoulder gently.
‘Yeah…’ She says, fidgeting with her many gold rings, obviously feeling a little anxious about something.
Following her gaze, I notice that she has her eyes fixed firmly on the staff only door that is poorly hidden behind a cluster of artificial trees. I am about to ask her what she is waiting for when she disappears behind the branches, leaving me somewhat bewildered.
‘Where’s my mom?’ Oliver asks, turning Noah around so he can see the parade of wizards that are marching our way.
‘Umm, I’m not sure.’ Pointing in the direction that she was last seen, I shrug my shoulders and shake my head. ‘I think she went that way.’
‘Well, she better come back soon, the parade is about to start.’
Deciding to go and investigate, I slip behind the bushes and try to work out what she is up to. The foliage goes on for a lot longer than I realised, meaning that I soon find myself deep in a plastic forest. Stifled voices can be heard in the distance, but the sound of the parade makes it almost impossible to work out where it is coming from. Fighting against the many branches, I strain my ears and try to pinpoint the location of the muffles.
Almost tripping over a set of wires, I stumble into a camouflaged wall and grab what appears to be a door handle for dear life. Attempting to steady myself on the knob, I inadvertently release the lock and fall into a heap on the floor. Mentally cursing myself for being so clumsy, I dust myself down and realise that I’ve accidentally let myself into a staff changing room. Dusting down my dress, I am about to leave when I hear the same muted voices floating out from behind a rail of costumes. Not being able to resist investigating further, I pad across the tiles and stick my head between the rows of outfits and let out a gasp.
‘Janie?’
Life tests us in the most peculiar of ways…
Chapter 10
A wave of nausea runs through my body as I take in the scene in front of me. What is she doing? I think I am going to be sick! With her legs wrapped around the waist of a giant purple dinosaur and her hands lost in his mop of black hair, she looks like an extra from a very unconventional adult movie.
‘Clara! It’s… it’s not what it looks like!’ Tearing herself away from the enamoured reptile, she frantically readjusts her bra and jumps to her feet.
Wanting the ground to swallow me up, my fight or flight senses kick in and I decide to choose the latter. Turning on my heels, I pick up my dress and run as fast as my feet can carry me. Branches hit me in the face as I race through the forest of plastic trees. What the hell have I just witnessed? What was that in there? My mind goes into overdrive as the sight of Janie rubber necking with what appeared to be an adolescent hybrid burns into my memory. This is bad. Worse than bad. It is debauched, depraved and downright immoral. Oh, God! What am I going to do? What am I going to say to Oliver? Panic rises in my throat as my breathing becomes erratic. I can’t deal with this. Why? Why do I have to get myself in these stupid situations? Stumbling out at Oliver’s feet I attempt to get my breath back.
‘Are you alright?’ He asks, reaching down and placing a hand on my shoulder. ‘What happened back there? Dino Dome a little scary for you?’
If only he knew. Trying to find the words to tell him that I have just caught his married mother in a passionate embrace with a horny dinosaur, I look down at my feet as my heart pounds in my chest. This is insane! What the hell is Janie playing at? Who brings their grandson to Orlando just to have a quick rough and tumble with a bloody cartoon character?
‘Dino!’ Noah suddenly squeals, making me jolt to attention.
Spinning around, my heart almost stops as Janie’s amorous dinosaur steps out from behind the trees. Oh, God! This time his trousers aren’t around his ankles and his costume head is firmly in place, but it is definitely him! Wiggling out of Oliver’s arms, Noah runs across the pavement and throws himself at the randy relic. Watching Oliver snap photos of the two of them, I try not to have a complete meltdown.
OK, don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t panic.
‘Clara!’ Janie’s hisses from behind the branches and I suddenly feel frozen to the spot.
Fixing my eyes on hers, I shake my head and mouth no. Reaching out and grabbing my arm, she pulls me into the bushes and holds a finger to her lips.
‘I think we need to talk, you know, about what just happened back there.’
‘You don’t say!’ Snatching back my arm, I shoot her a filthy look and shake my head in disgust. ‘What the hell are you playing at? What about Randy?’
Fluffing up her now very dishevelled chignon, she crouches down to keep out of sight. ‘I didn’t want you to find out like this, but Randy and I have been over for a long time.’
I stare at her as though she has completely lost her mind. ‘What are you talking about?’
She exhales loudly and looks down at her falcon like talons. ‘Things haven’t been right for years. We tried to make it work. Believe me, we tried.’
What? My mind goes into overdrive as I try to process this crazy piece of information. ‘Does… does Oliver know about this?’
‘No, not yet. That’s why I wanted to bring you out here, to tell you.’ Reaching into her handbag, she pulls out a compact and tops up her smudged lipstick.
I actually don’t believe what I am hearing here. How is she being so nonchalant about this? I feel like I’ve slipped into a crazy, horrible nightmare that I will wake up from at any second. Pinching my arm, I let out a yelp as I realise I am most definitely not in the land of nod.
‘Well, who the hell was that?’ I ask, pointing through the trees at the dinosaur who is throwing Noah up into the air playfully. ‘Where does he come into this?’
Peeking out between the leaves, a ridiculous smile spreads across her heavily made up face. ‘That’s Paulie.’
‘Paulie?’ Screwing up my nose, I make sure that my repulsion is clear to see. ‘What kind of name is Paulie?’
‘He’s a good man, Clara.’ Trying to contort her frozen features into a serious face, she holds on to a branch and pulls herself to her feet. ‘Don’t take your shock out on him.’
‘Man?’ I let out a sarcastic laugh and throw back my head. ‘He looks like he is only just out of nappies. How old is he anyway?’
‘Twenty-six.’ She says confidently, obviously not having an issue with the ginormous age gap.
‘You cannot be serious?’ My jaw literally drops and I rub my face with my hands. ‘Does Randy know about him?’ She looks away and I suddenly feel full of rage. ‘Janie…’
‘Mom?’ Oliver pops his head between the trees, causing us both to stand to attention. ‘What’s going on in here?’ He laughs nervously and looks between the two of us uneasily. ‘Well?’
I look at Janie and purse my lips, really not knowing what to say. Deciding that the truth is going to have to come out, I take a deep breath and brace myself for all hell to break lose. ‘Your mum has something that she needs to tell you…’
Waiting for Janie to pick up the conversation, I give her a glare and fold my arms.
‘Mom?’ Oliver prompts, a wave of worry flashing acr
oss his face.
Realising that she isn’t about to spill the beans so easily, I decide to take charge. ‘Maybe we should go and get a drink, somewhere quiet where we can talk.’
Taking Noah from Oliver, I squeeze past him and fasten Noah into his pram.
Thankfully, Paulie has decided to make a swift exit and is nowhere to be seen. That is probably for the best. I wouldn’t like to be in his shoes when Oliver finds out he has been knocking off his mother.
Not wanting to have the awkward conversation in the children’s play section of Dino Dome, I wait for them to step out from the trees and lead the way to the nearest coffee shop. With Janie not wanting to talk and Oliver not wanting to hear what she has to say, they both follow behind in total silence. Not surprisingly, none of us say a word until we are in the safety of a Starbucks with a coffee firmly in hand.
‘Someone better start talking soon or I am going to freak out.’ Oliver takes a sip of his iced coffee and leans back in his seat.
Looking between Janie and I with his brow creased with concern, I can tell that it’s only a matter of time until his anger boils over. Kicking Janie under the table, I shoot her a glare and will her to spit it out. She lets out a yelp and scowls at me, her giant lips seemingly glued shut. After what feels like an eternity, she decides to speak up.
‘Your father and I haven’t been getting on all that well recently…’
‘What do you mean?’ Oliver retorts, sounding more annoyed than ever.
‘Things have been going sour for a long time.’ Her voice wobbles a little and she disguises it with a cough. ‘We have been talking about getting a divorce.’
Despite my prior knowledge of the state of Janie and Randy’s relationship, I let out a shocked gasp. A moment of madness is one thing, but divorce?