Wandering Heart

by Hestand, Rita

  Angela stifled a laugh. "Do you see something I don't?"

  Cooper stopped, turned around and went toward the barn door, and motioned for her. She came over to him slowly. He wanted her to see what he saw. It seemed important. "Add another bedroom or two, upstairs. Enlarge the porch so that it sort of wraps around the entire house. Put siding on it, storm windows, central heat and air, and it would be a palace any man would like to come home to, even a Congressman."

  She moved away. It began to rain. A slow steady rain at first. It created a music all its own.

  Cooper's eyes kept straying to Angela, who was removing her raincoat and shaking it. She couldn't know how seductive she looked taking the raincoat off and stretching. Right now he wished she were old and ugly. But even then he'd want to hug and comfort her, take care of her. She was that kind of woman.

  "You better warm yourself. I've got coffee in that thermos," he remarked casually seeing her shiver slightly. He could warm her easily with his own body heat, but he had to keep remembering this was another man's woman.

  "You've got it nice and toasty in here."

  "I used a couple of space heaters earlier, but I've put them away; bad fire hazard. Especially in a barn. Had to do something for the sake of the piglets. They don't need a chill," he chuckled.

  "You know, Coop, you've got a lot of good ideas. But it takes money to do such major work on a place this size. Greg wouldn't go for it. I wished he would, but he doesn't set much store in refurbishing. He likes things new and grand." She glanced over her shoulder as she warmed her hands with the hot mug of coffee. A silence ensued. He could be a very quiet man at times, but she evidently wasn't in the mood for quietness.

  "So, tell me, why haven't you settled down in all these years?"

  His head jerked up in surprise.

  "I mean obviously you have some good ideas working for you. Hasn't any girl ever won your heart?"

  God, not this! He didn't want to talk about other women with her. He moved toward the stall, not looking at her. He gathered the ropes and wound them, looping them over his arm. Anything to keep himself busy. "Maybe." He shrugged a long moment later, not elaborating on the subject any further. "After I left your Uncle's place I joined the Air Force." It wouldn't hurt to tell her a little about himself. Maybe he could satisfy her curiosity and make her leave.

  "You did?" she seemed surprised.

  But he had changed the subject, not dwelling on the female aspect of her question.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The storm was closer, it was lightening all about, and thundering. Angela glanced outside once more, assuring herself that Josh had made it to the house. When she saw him wave from the window she smiled and turned back to Coop, who seemed suddenly engrossed in work.

  "Did you like the Air Force?"

  "I learned to. But I don't seriously think many people go into it liking it. It's something that you gain respect for, after you've been in a while. Your uncle thought I needed a little discipline in my life. 'The kind that shapes you into a real man,' he said. And believe me, I got it. A lot of it. But it was good for me, I'll be the first to admit. Those were happy times; I just didn't recognize them. I wanted to be a pilot, but my eyes weren't good enough. Instead, I chose radio electronics and got my degree. After the service, the degree helped land me a great job with a computer component company. I made a lot of money. Then I noticed that there was never really anyone there to spend it on. I mean no one important. No family, no girl. So, I invested. Now, I've got a nest egg for myself. Oh, yeah, I've been thinking a lot about settling down, getting married and maybe even starting a family. But there's a little matter of getting the right lady. It'll only work with the right girl. Because, you see, I don't want to live in just a house. I want a home."

  Angela was speechless. Her face was a mask of emotions and thoughts.

  "So, why didn't you stay in electronics?"

  "I never thought I'd say this, but deep down, I'm just a farm boy. It's what I'm best at," he admitted, until not giving her the benefit of one of those charming smiles, "A man should know what he's good at."

  "Then why didn't you come home? Don't you think if you'd have talked to your dad, after all that time, he might have appreciated you a little more? Especially since you've been gone so long?"

  "No, Angel, that's just dreaming. Because you can't go home. You ought to know that. You of all people. When you grow up, you grow out of your childhood family. They don't fit anymore. Besides, I wanted a place of my own. I'm considering buying this place from you if you put it on the market."

  She watched him quietly working with the piglets, the gentle way he handled them.

  "Besides, my father left the place to my brother. Said I was a worthless no account and didn't deserve the ground I stood on. Those were his last words to me."

  "Dear God, your own father said that to you?"

  "Adopted, remember?"

  "I almost forgot. But until. I never thought of you as adopted. It must be rather painful to talk about. I know you loved him. You wouldn't have worked so hard if you didn't."

  "Water under the bridge, so to speak. You learn to roll with the punches."

  "But as I remember Brag, your brother, had no use for the farm."

  Cooper glanced at her now, a sardonic smile creasing his face. "I forgot you went to school with Brag. You didn't have much use for him either, did you?"

  "Either?" She twisted her head in question. "Brag just wasn't my type. A little too smart-mouthed for my liking."

  "Yeah, he was, wasn't he? And me?"

  She ignored that question. "His name sure fit him, meaning no disrespect." She smiled and looked directly at him. "And you," she said quietly as their eyes met momentarily. "You were wild, so rebellious and so dangerous. I think I was a little afraid of you then. You never looked twice at me anyway."

  Cooper threw back his head and laughed a light melodious sound that lilted the air. "Not true, I looked. But it seemed kinda wrong somehow. I got the hell beat out of me for looking once. But I looked, Angel. I mean, I tried to think of you as a kid. I tried real hard, but it didn't work. Especially when you turned fourteen and seemed to blossom under my nose. Then you started dating Raif, and I realized the little girl next door was a young and beautiful woman. A little late. Someone had swept you off your feet. And maybe you were right about me being dangerous. My dad used to say women were put on earth to enjoy, not marry. I used to think that way, too."

  "Who beat you, Coop?"

  "My father. Brag caught me watching you one day when you were out in the fields with your folks. You were about thirteen then, and just turning into a young woman. And naturally, being a kid with a bad hormone problem, I noticed. Dad said you were a kid, that what I was doing was sinful. He beat the tar out of me, and I gave up looking at my little neighbor."

  "I'm sorry for that. I never knew."

  "Not your fault. Besides, he was right. You were just a kid."

  "You said you used to think like your father. You don't now?"

  "I've rethought it lately. After a few years in the service I realized dad wasn't right about a lot of things. But he did take me in when no one else did. Gave me a home, something to work for."

  Angela pondered his words, and then chuckled to herself.

  He glanced up. "What's so funny?"

  "I thought you were the best looking guy in school. I used to watch you with your girlfriends."

  "Get out of here." Then, as though her words struck him strangely, he stared at her. "You never let on you were interested. I figured you hated me, with all the teasing I did."

  "I didn't want to waste my time. By the time I was old enough to be interested, you already had a harem."

  His smile died. "Yeah, well. You want to know why Raif and I fought about stuff so much? I was jealous of him."

  Angela was intrigued. "But why, Coop? You had a family. You had a girl. Why?"

  "It doesn't matter." He shook his head.

  "May
be not." She touched his arm, and pulled his attention back to her. "And then maybe it does!"

  His expression was open and raw, as though all the hurt inside him was rushing out.

  "Oh, yeah, I had a family. My folks never realized I existed after Brag was born. It's all right, I knew. From the time I was eleven, I knew. I quit feeling sorry for myself a long time ago. Brag was their natural born son. The one they had waited so long for. I suppose, looking at it from their angle, they never realized they made such a difference with us. They never laid a hand on Brag. I swore I'd never make a difference with my children, if I had any, or married into a ready-made family. A kid is a kid, and every one of them has potential. It isn't fair to the child, or yourself. You can lose a lot of love that way, Angel. I hope your Greg realizes it, before it's too late."

  "My Greg?" She batted her eyes at him.

  "Never mind. Anyway, I survived, and I finally quit feeling sorry for myself. You can't get anywhere until you get over things like that. Let go. The service taught me that much. But, to make a long story short, my folks appreciated me when it came to work. I should appreciate that."

  "Now that you mention it, you didn't really have much time to run with the other kids, did you?"

  "Do you really think I didn't want to run with the guys back then? I would have given my eye teeth to. But my dad kept pushing me. Someone had to help run the farm. Me! After all, I owed him for taking me in."

  "He actually said that?"

  "A time or two, yes. And he was right. I did owe him. You were right about Brag. He hated the place. He's an accountant now, and that's all he wants to be. He hated farming. Until does, and in a few years he'll have it up for sale. Mom knows that, but what can she do? That's her son."

  "It's a shame."

  "Maybe, I thought I hated farming, too. Believe it or not your uncle restored my faith in the land, and in people."

  "Uncle Henry was good at making you see things the right way, all right." She shook her head.

  "Yeah. Now, Raif on the other hand, had a pretty nice family. A really nice girl, and he could do things with his hands. He was good at something. I'm not even sure he knew what he had. I was nothing but a farm boy. My girl wanted nothing more than a good roll in the hay. And, until I went into the Air Force, I didn't know how to do anything. I was just a dumb little farm boy who hadn't grown up yet. Your uncle had a way of pointing that out that made sense."

  "But Raif didn't have anything either," she protested. "His parents practically disowned him after we married."

  "Didn't he?" Cooper glanced away. "He made his own way, owing no one, despite the fact that his folks had money. Believe it or not, I had a lot of respect for him. And he had the love of a good woman. What more can a man ask?"

  "But every man can have those things," she insisted, following his every step, wanting to convince him that life wasn't hopeless. "So, why didn't you marry? Surely in all this time there's been someone special for you?"

  "Better left unsaid." Then he turned on her, staring at her, probing her soul. "Don't you have something you need to be doing about now?"

  "What I'm doing right now is... important. I’m talking to you."

  He couldn't stop staring at her. He reached the short distance to pull a bit of straw from her hair, his gloved finger falling on the tip of her nose, and his smile warmed her. Her breath seemed to catch in her throat.

  Everything they were talking about seemed to change, upon a minute's notice. One minute they were talking about the past, the next minute she was standing there, so close—so available.

  "I always thought you had freckles. I guess I never was close enough to find out for sure." His gaze caressed her, his voice softened, lowered.

  "Sweet talk, Coop?" Her voice had a catch in it. The rain intensified.

  He removed his gloves and bent to check on the piglet, moving a couple of them so they could reach their mother more easily, before he glanced up at her again.

  "I think you better get in the house, while you until can. The storm is getting worse." He turned away, as though dismissing her.

  But the rain had already begun to beat heavily on the window and door; it was too late to go inside.

  "You know," she until followed him, watching every move he made. . "I think Cooper Johnson is a very nice, and sensitive, man. That conversation with Josh proves it. You didn't have to do that. But thanks anyway. You're very good with animals and children. You should have a houseful. And you're a hard worker. If I didn't know better, I'd swear that reputation you used to have belonged to someone else."

  "Reputation?" He cast her a curious glance over his shoulder. "I wasn't aware I had one."

  "Sure, 'love em and leave em Johnson'. That's what the girls used to call you."

  His brow shot upward in a comical sort of way. But he surveyed her from just the other side of the railing. "I didn't love 'em."

  "None of them?"

  "None of them." And he continued to work.

  "Have you ever been in love, Coop? I mean in a serious relationship?" she asked as though she had every right to know.

  He cut her a crude glance. "Not in a long time," he answered flatly.

  "Well, don't fall in love, let me tell you. It's not what it's cracked up to be."

  "It isn't?"

  She shook her head slowly. "No, it isn't."

  "Then maybe it isn't the real thing," he suggested throatily, until patiently working with the piglets.

  She was very silent for a long while. She couldn't bring herself to leave just yet. "I loved Raif. I had no doubts. Now I look back and realize it was some kind of puppy love. Mainly because I got over him too quickly. I used to feel guilty about it. He was my son's father. But we were kids, and I guess we didn't have a chance."

  "He loved you."

  "What makes you so sure?" She cast him a quizzical glance.

  "It's not hard to recognize in someone else."

  For a moment it looked as though she were giving it up and going in the house, but she hesitated. "Maxine really likes you. She told me about your date next Friday."

  "Did she?"

  "She's a sharp girl. You'll like her."

  "Will I?"

  "Yeah," she said softly.

  Suddenly Cooper was beside her, his arms resting on the rail in front of her, his chin on top his arms. "Don't push it, Angel. I'll handle Maxine. And you—you feel guilty that you aren't until pining away for Raif, don't you?"

  "A little, yes. It's funny, but I can talk about Raif around you and it doesn't bother me. But if anyone else asks I freeze up. Maybe you're just easy to talk to."

  "Am I?"

  "Very."

  "Maybe we have some sort of psychic connection. I heard Henry say some people have a bond, whether they know it or not."

  "Soul-mates?"

  "Something like that." He made a face and turned away.

  "Maybe," she sighed.

  "And Greg? Do you have a bond with him?"

  "How'd we get on the subject of me, we were talking about you?" She wanted to talk about something else. If he pursued this line of questions she'd run back to the house in self-defense.

  "Maybe we shouldn't talk at all." His muscles flexed and he turned around slowly and looked at her, as though he'd had all he could stand, his eyes locked onto hers as he moved the rail from between them. He was close.

  She nearly gasped, but was caught up in his actions. She couldn't move. Slowly, hesitantly he tipped her chin, then with deliberate intent bent his head, and meticulously moved his mouth against hers, softly exploring her lips. It stole her breath, as his lips made a slow, searing contact. Then, suddenly his mouth moved, the way a cloud sails across the sky. Light, breezy and beautiful. It was a long breathless kiss, so mind-boggling, they didn't seem to need air. He took nothing from her, but gave everything. When he finally raised his head, she didn't open her eyes for a long time.

  A bonding?

  But before she could contemplate any furt
her, he jerked her around, pushed her against the railing, straddled her and pulled her up hard against him. Making her face the reality of the situation. She could feel the full male arousal of him. He wanted her. She knew what she was doing to him. His lips bore down on hers in a heated fever. She tasted the sweetness of him, savoring it. This kiss was different, hard and thrusting, demanding a response she seemed incapable of refuting. The kiss he had waited a lifetime for.

  She was shaking with a need that surged from deep within her, not just physical, something deeper more meaningful, from the very core. She belonged here in his arms. She felt that.

  It was insane, but it was the truth.

  Just as suddenly as he had kissed her, he shoved her to the soft hay, and stood over her. His muscles flexed, tensed, he shook with undeniable needs, and his eyes glittered.

  "The next time you taunt me, you won't escape. And you won't want to," he rasped, his breathing as labored as hers, his eyes piercing her, undressing her, wanting her, and yet something more, something so much stronger than mere physical contact flowed between them. This wasn't simple lust or need. It went beyond desire. Here and now there was a connection between them, a tiny bond, a slender thread.

  It was threatening, tempting, and true. Soul-mates?

  When she said nothing, his eyes narrowed on her. "I'm just the hired help, Angel. You better remember that and stay away from me from now on. Marry your Congressman. Make a family. Live in your mansion, have your 2.5 kids and plan the rest of your life, but stay away from me, for both our sakes."

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Angela overslept. It should have been an omen. That should have warned her. She hurriedly threw on her blue linen suit; brushed her curls up on top her head, grabbed a cup of coffee, and drove Josh to school.

  Of all days for Senator Gallagher to show up, it had to be today, and Angela was noticeably late.