Banished Love

by Ramona Flightner

  When we arrived at Gabriel and Richard’s house, Colin banged on the door. I waited anxiously, worried no one was home, but let out my breath as heavy footsteps approached the door. This time, Gabriel answered the door, appearing surprised to see me, though he quickly masked his expression.

  “Colin. Miss Sullivan. Good evening to you both,” he said in a cool, flat voice.

  “Gabe, may we come in?” Colin asked, urgency lacing his tone.

  Gabriel and Colin studied each other for a few moments, and then Gabriel stepped aside and opened the door fully to allow us entrance. He locked the door behind us before leading us to the back room, the room where I had first seen him after I had injured him.

  “What brings you by?” Gabriel asked in the same flat tone.

  He had entered the back room and moved to the far side of the table, placing as much space as possible between us. He stood with his back against the cabinets, his arms crossed defensively across his chest.

  “Hey, Col!” Richard called out from the sofa. He had been reading but looked up as we entered. “Miss Sullivan, nice to see you again.” Richard smiled at me. He set aside the book.

  Colin and I stood in the doorway for a few moments before I entered the room. I moved toward the table, pulled out a chair and sat down.

  A tense silence filled the room. I was gripped by sudden panic, momentarily robbed of speech. Richard continued to watch the three of us in apparent fascination as the silence continued.

  “The wedding seemed rather interesting, Miss Sullivan,” Richard said in a friendly tone.

  I blushed, remembering the write-up in the newspaper highlighting my latest public debacle.

  A rather rote wedding was made livelier by the bride’s choice for attendant. Miss Sullivan, dressed in pale green satin, perhaps overcome by emotions for her fair cousin, the bride, flew off the altar bringing her cousin, Mr. Lucas Russell, along for the ride. The fascinated guests, unaccustomed to seeing anything of actual interest at a wedding, were slow to respond to their distress, probably too enthralled with the excess of petticoats, lace, and shapely ankle and leg visible in the heap representing Miss Sullivan. Miss Sullivan and Mr. Russell, for their part, appeared unaffected by their adventure. As for Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery, they plan to honeymoon in New York City.

  “Ah, what a shock to see Rissa appear airborne. And poor Lucas, brought down by bad luck,” said Colin.

  Gabriel grunted in response, as though remembering his own fall at my hands. I flushed a deeper red, although I continued to meet his bleak gaze, silently daring him to speak with me.

  “What do you want, Miss Sullivan?” Gabriel asked.

  I took a deep breath to steady my emotions as a deep-seated anger stirred in me. My eyes must have flashed emotion at him as he looked at me. I raised my chin as I responded in a firm tone, “I wanted to inform you that I had been unaware of your visit to my house after the soiree.”

  Gabriel continued to stare at me, eyes squinted as he studied me.

  “Were you now?” Richard called out in a happy voice. “I wonder if that harpy had anything to do with it?” Gabriel glanced briefly at Richard then at Colin. Richard nodded once, rising gracefully from the settee.

  “Hey, Col, I have something to show you in the front room,” Richard said, pulling Colin out of the room. Colin nodded his agreement, leaving the room, though not before exchanging a long glance with Gabriel.

  After Colin and Richard left the room, Gabriel sighed. “Why did you never try to contact me?”

  “I was confused. I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me. You left the soiree so abruptly. I felt awkward.” I looked away, unable to meet his gaze, feeling the old insecurities rise in me.

  “Clarissa, I left suddenly because I realized I don’t fit in your world. I…” A long sigh escaped him.

  I looked up to see him raking his hands through his ebony hair.

  “I had to escape that room and the realization that you…”

  “That I?”

  He met my gaze with bleak eyes. “The realization that you and I are from two different worlds. Worlds that aren’t meant to meet or blend.”

  “You cannot mean that!” I exclaimed. I suddenly felt at a disadvantage sitting. I stood up, although he still remained over half a foot taller than me.

  “Clarissa, I do. You were like a blooming rose in that room. I could see it and so could everyone else. You were finally coming out of your shell. I was the one who didn’t fit. You come from a well-to-do family. I come from a poor family of nobodies that no one will miss when they are gone.”

  “Don’t speak of your family in such a manner,” I chided. “They may have been poor, but your parents were happy, weren’t they?”

  “Yes, yes, they were,” Gabriel agreed, watching me.

  “Because they truly cared for each other.”

  “Clarissa, I know what you are implying. But caring for one another does not heal the malice or ill wishes of society. Nor does it feed a family. Or keep them safe if you are to die.”

  “Gabriel, why are you letting them win?” I asked, tears running down my cheeks.

  “What?”

  “Why are you letting the Mrs. Smythes and the Aunt Mastersons of this world win? Why now? Why do you care now?”

  “I don’t want you to suffer because of me,” Gabriel rasped.

  “Well, I am, right now, because of you,” I replied. I wiped at my eyes and turned to leave. I stopped short, my mind thinking through everything he had said.

  “Wait, just wait and let me think,” I said, my hand up to keep him silent. I closed my eyes, remembering the night of the soiree. “This doesn’t make sense,” I stated, turning toward him, glaring at him.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why come to the house to speak with me if you truly felt that you didn’t belong in my world? Why not just let me go and not speak with me again? Why be so angry with me when I arrived here tonight if you truly felt what you just said to me?” I glared at him.

  Gabriel looked down, grabbed the back of his neck with his hand as though massaging sore muscles. He looked up at me with entreating blue eyes. “Clarissa, please just accept what I have said.”

  “No, not when it makes no sense.”

  Gabriel closed his eyes for a few moments. He then sighed again, opened them and met my eyes. He spoke in a soft, resigned tone. “Clarissa, your stepmother made it very plain that any further association with me or my family would not be welcomed. She was, ah…very specific in her warning toward me.”

  “She what?” Colin shouted from the doorway.

  I jerked around to see Colin’s large figure framed in the doorway, his eyes flashing with ire, hands clenched. “That she-devil. How dare she involve herself in things that do not concern her?”

  “Col, can I have a little more time?” I whispered.

  “Of course, though not too long, Rissa. We must be returning home. It is getting late,” Colin replied, turning to leave the room. I soon heard a low rumble from the front room, most likely from Richard.

  I turned back to Gabriel, to find him studying me again with a small smile and warm eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you treat me so coldly?” I asked.

  “Clarissa, I came by the house. I sent you notes. When I didn’t hear from you, I realized what she had said must be true. I have been a bear to be around. Poor Richard has been suffering living with me.”

  “What did she threaten you with?”

  “Clarissa, it’s not important.”

  “It is to me,” I entreated, reaching out to grab his hand, holding it with both of mine.

  He paused, as though to steady himself and then straightened his shoulders. “Your stepmother warned me that, if I did not keep my distance, she would make it known that I had abused your family’s trust by taking advantage of you. That I was completely untrustworthy, and that all business dealings with me were to be avoided. I realized it would be the end of my career in Boston. I also
understood that if I persisted in trying to see you, my actions would harm you. I couldn’t imagine bringing any shame on you, Clarissa. We’ve done nothing wrong…” He sighed, looking at me.

  I stared at him in horror, all color draining from my face. I let go of his hand to bring mine to my heart.

  “Yet, I realized I didn’t care if it meant I was with you. And I hoped you’d feel the same. It would mean starting over again, somewhere new. With tarnished reputations.” He looked at me longingly, reaching up gently with his free hand to push back a wisp of hair that had come loose, and then cupping my cheek with his large hand. “But then I didn’t hear from you. You didn’t respond to my letters. I realized you must not want anything more to do with me.” He finished, dropping his hand, continuing to watch me intently.

  I reached out again and gripped both his hands and met his gaze. “You must believe me when I say I never received your letters! How can I ever make amends for my, well she’s not my family, but for her? And now she’s trying to ruin our lives!”

  “What are you saying, Clarissa?”

  “I am saying I want to be a part of your life, too,” I said in a wavering voice. A tear trickled down my cheek as I spoke.

  Gabriel pulled me into his embrace. “Clarissa, oh, how I have missed you!”

  I hugged him, trying to contain the tears. He continued to hold me against his chest, crooning soft words in my ear for a few moments.

  “Well, lovebirds, I hate to break up the reunion, but Clarissa and I must leave,” Colin called out from down the hall.

  I jerked away from Gabriel, flushing with embarrassment and happiness. I wiped the tears from my face and brushed my skirt in a nervous manner. I turned away hastily from Gabriel but looked back at him over my shoulder and beamed at him. Joy from within lit my eyes.

  “I’ll keep this picture of you in my mind, always,” Gabriel said.

  “Ready, Rissa?” Colin called out. I heard his heavy footsteps approaching.

  “Yes, Colin.” I smiled at him as he entered.

  “All worked out then?” Colin asked with a smile. At our nods, he said, “Good. About time. Let’s get going, Rissa. Da’s going to be mad enough as it is.” He started down the hallway again. “’Bye, Gabe!”

  I reached out my right hand, fingertips touching the tips of Gabriel’s fingers. “I’ll see you soon?”

  He gripped my hand, pulling it up for a quick kiss. “Yes, my Clarissa, I’ll call tomorrow.”

  I smiled again and followed Colin down the hallway. Richard showed us out, winking at me as I smiled my good-byes.

  I held onto Colin’s arm, my firm grip preventing him from walking quickly. We strolled to the trolley stop in the warm June evening air. Colin looked toward me frequently but refrained from asking any questions. There were no seats available on the crowded trolley, and Colin kept hold of my arm as I attempted to find my balance in the trolley’s jerking movement.

  We arrived home to find Da pacing in the family parlor. He had pushed ottomans out of his way so he could walk back and forth, free of impediments, his movements becoming more erratic with each stride. His brown eyes glowed with anger as he stopped moving suddenly to glare at us in the doorway, and he stiffened as though about to enter battle. Patrick, who surprised me by his presence, sat in the rocking chair, attempting to read the paper, although unable to hide his curiosity. Mrs. Smythe sat on the worn scarlet velvet settee, crocheting an unidentifiable blue object.

  The parlor glowed from the gentle gaslight, hiding the faded areas on the rose-colored wallpaper. The piano gleamed in the corner by the front window, beckoning me to the relative serenity of that corner of the room. Overflowing vases of pink and white peonies were on every table, their cloying, sweet smell permeating the air.

  “Where have you two been?” Da roared at us as we entered.

  “Da, don’t be so angry. We decided to go on a walk, like you and, uh, Stepmama,” Colin replied in a placating voice. “Can you imagine our good fortune to meet Richard McLeod during our stroll?”

  Colin sat in his favorite chair, sitting casually with his legs crossed and one arm over the chair’s back. He appeared relaxed and cheerful, as though partaking in little more than idle chitchat, but I noted he watched Mrs. Smythe like a hawk. I sat next to Colin in my chair, now uncomfortable and lumpy after its recent reupholstery in a rose floral ecru pattern.

  “Yes, wonderful to see Richard,” Colin continued. “I hadn’t seen him for a few weeks. He invited us for a cup of tea, and we accepted since he has been a friend of mine for quite some time. Seemed churlish to refuse, and Mama always raised us to be polite. Imagine our continued good fortune that when we got to their house, Gabriel joined us, too. Wasn’t that fortunate?” He spoke in his friendly, open manner, like he always did, but continued to subtly study Mrs. Smythe. She had set aside her crocheting as we had entered the parlor.

  “That’s proper then,” Da replied. He moved toward the settee and sat next to his wife. He picked up Mrs. Smythe’s hand and held it in his. I slowly became more anxious as Colin spoke.

  “We had the most interesting conversation with Gabriel, didn’t we, Clarissa?” Colin turned toward me. I glared at him and nodded silently.

  “Gabriel told us that he had come by the house to speak with Clarissa after the soiree, yet had been turned away. Can you imagine?” Colin asked in feigned innocence, confusion in his expression.

  “Turned away?” Da asked with indignation. “Who would turn away such a nice young man? I was very impressed when I met him at the soiree.”

  “Well, it appears he was informed by our, ah, stepmama, that he was not welcome here. Isn’t that correct, Mrs., ah…Sullivan?” Colin asked, pinning her with an intense stare.

  “Well, I never! In all my life. Sean, this is what I mean,” she wailed, beginning to cry. “Your children will never like me.” She tried to rise, but Da had a strong hold of her.

  “No, Rebecca, stay. Explain this misunderstanding,” Da demanded in a gruff voice as he glared at Colin. “What did you tell Gabriel McLeod?” Da asked Mrs. Smythe.

  She continued to snivel into her handkerchief, wailing slightly. Da waited patiently for her to answer his question.

  “Rebecca…” Da intoned again, a warning sounding in his voice.

  “Sean, you are too cruel! And in my condition.”

  She rose to leave the parlor, but Da continued to grip her hand, preventing her hasty departure, forcing her to sit again.

  “You will sit down an’ tell us what happened,” Da commanded in a severe tone.

  I shivered.

  I saw her blue eyes flash with resentment and rebelliousness, but she eventually seated herself again. She took her time, settling herself, straightening her voluminous cream-colored skirts and blowing her nose loudly. I glanced at Colin, rolling my eyes in exasperation.

  “Well, that man, who is a discredit to his family, though no one listens to me, and you should because you will only bring yourselves pain by ignoring my good sense, came by the house a few times. I knew that we are all concerned about the good name of our family, because that is my utmost concern, and has been since I joined this family, as I would think you would appreciate, and I politely asked him to refrain from coming here again.” She sniffed again, straightening her back, looking affronted.

  “There’s more to it and you know it!” Colin demanded, finally betraying his anger toward her.

  “Colin,” Da said in a warning-laced voice.

  Mrs. Smythe glanced around the room. “When he returned again, even though he had been advised to keep his distance, I merely apprised him of pertinent information.”

  “And what would that be, Rebecca?” Da asked, impatience showing in his tone. She appeared taken aback by his manner.

  “That I knew about his past and that if he wished to continue to work in Boston, he should keep his distance,” she replied.

  My eyes widened, and I turned to watch Da closely. His face slowly grew redder
, until he resembled a near ripe tomato.

  “You did what?” Da yelled at her. He glowered at her with fire in his eyes, breathing heavily. “You threatened a respectable young man, a man who is a friend of this family?”

  “I should think this family should be more selective of its friends,” Mrs. Smythe said.

  “You will apologize to Gabriel McLeod. You will explain to him that it was all a mistake,” Da demanded.

  “I shall do no such thing when I know it to be the truth from my good friend, Mrs. Masterson,” Mrs. Smyth replied.

  I glanced at Patrick and Colin, noticing their shocked expressions.

  “Your Mrs. Masterson must be mistaken. You will apologize, and you will cease creating mischief,” Da insisted, his soft Irish burr more pronounced with his anger.

  Mrs. Smythe merely sniffed and looked away, seemingly unaffected by his rancor.

  “Where are the letters he wrote me?”

  “Destroyed, of course. No young woman of good standing would wish to receive letters from such a man,” Mrs. Smythe said. “I’m just thankful Bridget had enough sense to show them to me before giving them to you.”

  “In the future, Mrs. Smythe, I will decide with whom I wish to correspond and would like no interference with my correspondence. Is that understood?” My face flushed red with my anger.

  “I am your stepmama. I must have some say in what I consider best for you,” Mrs. Smythe protested. She glanced toward Da.

  “In the future, Rebecca, leave everyone’s post but your own alone,” Da ordered.

  I watched shock flit over Mrs. Smythe’s face.

  “Now if you will all excuse us, your stepmama and I have more to discuss.”

  Da gripped Mrs. Smythe’s elbow, hauling her to her feet, and propelled her from the room. I heard her scolding him for his treatment of her as they ascended the stairs.

  I blew out a shaky breath and moved to the settee, collapsing onto it. I stared at Colin and Patrick.

  “Did she really deny Da’s request?” asked Patrick, shocked amazement in his voice. He picked up the newspaper to begin to read.

  Colin rose and began to pace the room. He appeared full of nervous energy but had no other way to vent it.