Satisfaction

by K. M. Scott

  Olivia smiled as she looked me up and down. “You look pretty damn incredible in that tux, you know that?”

  I loosened the bow tie from around my neck and nodded. “I clean up nice, or so I’ve been told by this hot redhead I’ve been spending time with.”

  As she unbuttoned my shirt, she kissed me slow and deep, making me want her right there in our living room filled with wedding presents. “Hot redhead, huh? She must have good taste.”

  Sliding my tux coat off, I pushed her against the door and whispered in her ear, “As a matter of fact, she tastes like heaven.” I ran my hands up her thighs and felt her pussy, wet and waiting for me. My thumbs touched her clit, and Olivia’s eyelids slowly closed when I said, “And right now I can’t think of anything I’d like more than to have that delicious pussy on my tongue.”

  She ran her hands through my hair and moaned, “This was supposed to be our first time together as a married couple. Now it’s just engaged sex instead of married sex.”

  I kissed my way down her neck to her collarbone and looked up at her. “I don’t think there’s a difference, is there?”

  Olivia flashed me a devilish smile and shook her head. “Probably not. It’s been incredible between us since that first time on the conference table, so I didn’t expect married sex to be any less fantastic.”

  She wasn’t wrong. We had been good together since that first time, and every time I made love to her I fell for her even harder than I had that day in the office at the back of Club X.

  I made quick work of her jeans and panties, and then she was all mine to do with as I pleased. “I plan to make this first night of our non-honeymoon as wonderful as if we’d actually gone through with the ceremony.”

  “Mmmm…” she murmured as she unzipped my pants and reached in to palm my rock hard cock. “I like how this is beginning already.”

  My pants slid down my legs, followed by my boxers, so I was left standing in just my shirt and bow tie hanging around my neck. Olivia smiled at how I was dressed and tugged on the ends of the tie to pull me to her. “I love you, Cash. I love you for making me feel beautiful when I think I’m anything but, for understanding me when I’m stupid and do stupid things, like what I did at our wedding. I promise next time I’ll be right there with you.”

  The sweetness in her voice made me smile, and I slid my hands under her round ass to lift her to the perfect position for us to make love. “Will that be the third time for me because I think the third time’s supposed to be the charm?”

  She gave me a fake grimace and in a voice barely more than a growl, she said, “No more talk of you and your weddings, Cassian March. In fact, no more talk at all, unless it’s you whispering dirty talk in my ear as we fuck.”

  As I held her, I slid into her slick cunt until I was balls deep and groaned low in her ear, “Fine by me. I’ve had enough talking anyway. Now hang on to my neck while I fuck that delicious pussy.”

  She tightened her legs around my waist as I did just as I promised I would, and there surrounded by all the evidence of our planned wedding, we made love like we did that first time in the back office on the conference table. All the worries about seating arrangements, hotel reservations, future children, and everything else that had wormed its way into our life ceased to matter when I was inside her and she stared into my eyes with a look of love I wouldn’t have traded for anything in the world.

  I planted my hands on either side of her head and kissed her hard, wanting to force away all the fears she had about what she might not be able to give me and make her see I had all I needed with her just as we were. With each thrust into her body, I felt her worries fade away until all that was left was all that had ever mattered.

  Just Olivia and me.

  She came apart all around me as she moaned, “Oh God! This feels so good…”

  I tried to hold back, but she felt so fucking good and the sensation of her cunt milking my cock sent me over the edge. Flooding her insides, I stilled my movement and sagged against her body and the door.

  Olivia slid her hands through my sweat drenched hair and said quietly in my ear, “That was some honeymoon sex, Mr. March.”

  I kissed her and couldn’t help but smile. “And that was just the first of what I have planned. Just imagine how it’s going to be when we actually get married. We’ll have to do everything all over again.”

  “Good. I like the sound of that. And if we don’t ever get pregnant?”

  Her question told me she still worried about not being able to give me children. I cradled her face and looked into her eyes, hoping she saw how much I loved her, no matter what the future held.

  “If we never have a baby, then we can have sex wherever we want, in whatever room we want. We can walk around buck naked day and night and never worry. But most of all, if we never get pregnant, we still have each other, and you’re all I need.”

  Tears welled in her eyes, and she buried her face in the space between my neck and shoulder. “I love you, Cash.”

  Chapter Eight

  Kane

  The blazing sun did its best to bake me into my tux as I sat in one of Alexandria’s beach chairs on the sand. To combat being cooked from the outside, I made every effort to put as much liquor into my body as I could. So far, I’d made it halfway through a bottle of some kind of cognac Cash had made sure to stock up on for his reception. Since that wasn’t going to happen, I saw no reason to waste an opportunity to get blind fucking drunk.

  The look on his face when he found out Olivia wasn’t going to show remained in my mind like some horrible still frame I couldn’t get rid of. I knew that look. I saw that look every day in the mirror.

  It was the look of complete and utter loss of everything you loved.

  I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, and there it was in his blue eyes so similar to mine—a sadness that wouldn’t go away no matter what he did or how much he drank.

  Closing my eyes, I tried to push my own misery away. I’d known it was a longshot that Abbi might be here for the wedding, but I’d still hoped I’d at least get the chance to see her. Not that I didn’t see her every night when I snuck into Alexandria’s Anna Maria Island house. It wasn’t the same, though. I missed seeing her smile and looking into her beautiful, gentle eyes.

  Not that I had any fucking right to ever see those again.

  Sometimes, first thing in the morning before I began drinking as I lay on the hard wood floor in those shitty rooms, I thought about going to her and begging for her to take me back. In those moments, I truly believed I could be the man she saw instead of the monster I really was. I could be there for her and the baby and be a normal person who didn’t have demons who threatened to wreck everything the minute they came out.

  Those fleeting moments just after I opened my eyes were all I had to look forward to other than my nightly visits to see Abbi. They were the reason I woke up each morning. And they filled me with as much happiness as someone like me could ever hope for.

  And then the truth of what I was and what I’d done came raging back, smashing all that goodness to pieces every day. I’d get up and try to remember how it felt to be near her the previous night, but that truth that ruined every morning lasted throughout the day, every day, until I saw her again.

  I lifted the bottle of alcohol to my lips and swigged a mouthful of cognac, hating the taste of it as it slid over my tongue on its way to my throat. I preferred liquor with a harder edge than this, but beggars can’t be choosers. By the time I made it to the bar, much of what I liked had been packed up.

  So much for celebrating true love.

  Cash and Olivia’s breakup left me feeling nothing but more misery. My life was supposed to be fucked up, but Cash’s? He was a good guy. He kept his nose clean, attended to business, and found a nice girl in Olivia. They made a good couple. A happy couple, or so I’d thought.

  I thought he’d finally found real happiness, the kind every guy wanted. He’d spent his years playing and then
Olivia walked into the club and showed him what the good life could be. And now all that bliss was gone?

  Fuck. If someone like Cash couldn’t get his happily ever after, how could anyone like me even think it was something he should wish for?

  Maybe they’d work things out. I liked Olivia and couldn’t imagine her hurting anyone intentionally, especially Cash. Maybe they’d talk it all out and see they were made for each other. I wanted to believe that could happen.

  I needed to believe that. I needed to believe someone in my world could find happiness.

  As I thought about Cash and Olivia getting back together, I felt a shadow cross my face and opened my eyes to see Alexandria standing above me. I’d hoped I could avoid her today, but I should have known better.

  She stared down at me with those warm brown eyes just like Stefan’s. They never quite seemed to ever really look anything but happy, even when what was coming out of her mouth was anything but good. For a moment, I wondered if she’d speak at all, but then she sighed and I knew where this was going.

  “I’d wondered if you were still here, Kane. Planning on sitting here until the tide comes up to meet you?”

  Lifting the bottle to my mouth, I took a drink and swallowed hard, pushing the too-sweet liquid down into my stomach. “I hadn’t thought about it, to be honest.”

  “I can’t let you drive home if you’ve been drinking as much as I think you have. Either you need to stop now and sober up or accept that you’re going to stay here tonight. It’s your choice.”

  I studied her expression and saw she was serious. “Is this something you do for everyone? I thought you kept the Anna Maria Island house for that.”

  “I take care of the people I care about, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  Looking past her toward the water, I mumbled, “No, but it’s all the same.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed she remained there blocking the sun. I didn’t want to talk about what I knew she wanted to talk about, but maybe if I didn’t speak again she’d leave.

  “Kane, how long are you going to do this?”

  I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and braced for what was to come next. “Sit here and get drunk? As long as it takes.”

  “I meant act the way you are toward Abbi.”

  And there it was. What she and everyone else had wanted to ask me for weeks. As if I had a fucking answer that would make them happy and I was just holding out on them.

  “I don’t want to talk about this, Alexandria.”

  She glowered at me for a moment and then said, “So that’s how we’re all supposed to be? When do you plan to want to talk about it? When the baby comes? When he’s ready for kindergarten? Just when do you think you’ll want to finally face up to your responsibilities, Kane?”

  I stared off toward the water as it began to roll in and took another drink of Cash’s cognac. “She wants for nothing. I pay for whatever she needs, as you well know. I can’t do more than that.”

  “So she’s supposed to be happy as a caged bird whose owner comes to stare at her every night like she’s some prized possession to be gawked at but never held or spoken to or shown any love?”

  Her words tore at me. I closed my eyes to fight back the emotion and then looked up at her. “So you know about my visits?”

  “Of course I do. Did you actually think you were sneaking in without me knowing? The first night my caretaker called me to ask what he should do. And do you know what I told him? Kane wouldn’t hurt her that way. Let him go.”

  “I wouldn’t hurt her for anything in this world, Alexandria. She means more to me than life itself.”

  “Then why do let her languish out at that house day after day without you?”

  I didn’t want to have this conversation. Nothing I could say would make her understand why I had to do what I was doing. Nobody could understand.

  Standing from the beach chair, I walked past her toward the house. Maybe if I could find something I liked to drink I could get drunk enough and pass out in my car. At least then I wouldn’t have to think about Abbi and how much I missed her after seeing Cash get his heart broken today.

  Alexandria followed behind and surprised me by grabbing my arm just as I reached the back steps. I spun around to see a different look in her eyes. An angry look.

  “She waits for you every day, Kane. Every time a car drives up to the house, she hopes it’s you. Every night she goes to sleep praying that when she wakes up she’ll see you called or texted. And every morning she’s disappointed. Is this how you protect her from your demons? By breaking her heart every damn day and night?”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t you think if I thought I’d be able to control them that I’d be with her right now? I love her. She’s everything to me, Alexandria. It’s killing me not to have her by my side. Why do you think I drive out to your house every damn night to just sit there and watch her sleep? Don’t you think I want to take her in my arms and never let her go?”

  “You’re making a terrible mistake you may never be able to come back from. Don’t you care about that?”

  “I can’t risk hurting her. I can’t.”

  She grabbed my arm and held me there in front of her. “Damnit, Kane! She doesn’t need to understand all your demons. She just needs you to fight for her!”

  Something inside my head snapped, and I yanked my arm violently from her hold. Her eyes opened wide and her face showed how stunned she was at my display of anger, the first she’d ever seen from me. Frightened, she took a step back and stared up at me.

  “See? This is what I’m protecting her from. I can’t live with myself if I think I might hurt her or the baby. I was meant to hurt.”

  God, I was so exhausted from that simple truth. I just wished I could be someone else for one day so I could have Abbi back in my life.

  But Alexandria met my anger with her own and barked, “That woman! I swear to God if I could turn back time I’d push your father to take you from Elise the day you were born. She poisoned your mind, Kane. I hate her for that. She was toxic and she made sure she forced poison into you too.”

  I stood stunned at her words. Never before had Alexandria said anything about my mother, good or bad. She had existed as a nameless betrayal Cassian March III had forced upon his wife, but she’d never spoken her name once in front of me before this.

  A tug of war sprung up in me at the sound of my mother’s name. I was her defender, her protector, so I should have defended her to this woman who stood in front of me accusing her of these horrible things, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to be relieved of the burden my mother had forced on me all those years, and Alexandria was giving me that gift.

  “Kane, you aren’t just Elise’s son. You have some of your father in you. For all his faults, he wasn’t cruel or heartless. It would break his heart to see you suffering like this.”

  “All I got from him is what I look like. Everything else is my mother. I can’t change that, no matter how much I wish I could.”

  “I don’t believe that. That little boy I saw so angry at nine years old didn’t come by that naturally. You were taught to be this way. You can stop.”

  I hung my head, so tired of being this way, as she called it. “I can’t stop being who I am, Alexandria. I was meant to hurt. That’s who I am.”

  “I don’t believe that and either does Abbi. You have family who loves you and a wonderful woman who is going to give birth to your child. Do something to be the man you have to be for her.”

  “What if I hurt her or the baby?” I raised my hands and tightened them into fists in front of her. “What if these hands that have killed two people already hurt them? I couldn’t live with that. I can’t risk that.”

  Alexandria gently cupped her smaller hands over my knuckles and shook her head. “That’s not who you are, Kane. You’ve been told so many times that you should hurt that you believe that’s all you are. I don’t believe that, and your father d
idn’t believe that either. You have to find the goodness inside you, honey, or you’ll be alone forever and miss all the wonderful gifts you’ve been given. Don’t lose Abbi and that baby because of the hatred your mother forced on you. You’re not her. Let her hate go.”

  “She knew me better than anyone else. She knew what I was.”

  Frowning, Alexandria let go of my hands. “She sentenced you to a life of pain and loneliness. No mother should do that to their child. You aren’t the monster she hoped you’d be and that judge said you were. There’s so much more to you, so much love inside you. I’ve seen it when you’re with Abbi, but you’re never going to see that for yourself if you don’t try.”

  “I tried, but all it resulted in was pain. Pain for Abbi and pain for everyone I’ve ever loved. I need a drink, so let me go find a bottle of something and get drunk enough so I don’t have to think about this again today.”

  This time she didn’t stop me from walking away. She likely understood what I knew all too well. There was no point. This was who I was, and no amount of talking was going to change that.

  *

  I thought I felt the baby kick this morning. I know it’s probably too soon since I’m only about four months along, but I wish you were here to feel it too.

  Abbi’s message was waiting for me when I woke up. She texted at least once a day and each one made me feel like my heart was being torn out of my chest. All summer I’d spent my time drinking myself into a stupor every day and then driving out to the house to see Abbi each night. It was a pathetic life, but there it was.

  I couldn’t remember when I last ate. What did it matter? All I wanted was a way to forget, and food didn’t provide that.

  Rolling over onto my side, I stared up at the twin bed in the corner and thought about that first night she stayed here with me. So vulnerable, so broken, she should have never been anywhere near me. A broken soul with someone who only hurts people.

  If only I’d left her alone before everything happened.