She walks up to me in a huff, her little feet scuffling against the concrete beneath us in her mad flurry. “Were you trying to get yourself killed?” she demands.
“Why are you here and not watching over Tasia?” I ask back, avoiding her question.
“She is safe inside of the base. She’s especially safe from Arsen. If he was going to kill her, he would have done it that night in Reverie. It’s all as the oracle said. The one you should be worrying about right now is yourself. It’s not like you to go off on your emotions. It’s dangerous to follow the impulsiveness of your beast. You need to keep your logician in control of yourself at all times.”
“Beast, logician, I still don’t know what any of that means!” I shout.
I run one of my hands through my hair. I’m getting too worked up. I never act this way. I never raise my voice in anger. I am an angel. I’m not supposed to respond emotionally. I have to carry out my duty and do as the oracle says. I shouldn’t greet Imae with this kind of anger. We should show our unconditional love for all things. There’s a proper way to do this. I’m not one of the soldiers positioned in a post where I must be vigilant at all times. I have no right to make us meet under these unfriendly circumstances.
“I thought it wouldn’t hurt to speed things up…” I admit, feeling ashamed. “She’s in so much pain.”
Imae draws a sharp breath. “Arsen isn’t the kind of demon you should bait like that. He could have easily killed you. I’m not sure what spared you, to be honest. Perhaps it was the will of God.”
My overseer moves closer to me. She reaches up and places her hands on my cheeks. Then she brings my face down to hers. “I’m well aware of the darkness around her. I’m aware of Arsen, but I also know he isn’t going to make a move. You know about Tasia’s destiny as well as I do. She’s better protected from Arsen than any of us. She will be the one to protect us from him.”
“But when will the time come? As things are now, we can’t protect her from his actions. He’s still acting on his own. We can’t save everyone he targets. Only Tasia can stop him from hurting anyone else.”
Aggravated, I close my eyes to avoid looking into Imae’s too bright eyes. I know the prophecy. I know what Tasia is supposed to be capable of, but any way I look at her, she’s just a mortal human. She may have a sixth sense, but that doesn’t make her one of a kind. That shouldn’t give her power over Arsen or any other demon, and yet she does have power over Arsen. It’s as the oracle said. It’s as God said. Tasia is chosen for this, and whatever her power is it can’t be seen on the surface. I’m the one fighting destiny. I’m the one unwilling to accept. But it’s not because I don’t believe in Tasia. If she were to get hurt, if she were to break, I’d never be able to forgive myself. I want her to fulfill her destiny, but I also don’t want Arsen anywhere near her.
I shut down those thoughts. I don’t have the luxury of putting my feelings first. I have to do as the oracle appointed me to do. I have to do what God appointed me to do.
“It’s better not to question the whys and hows of God,” Imae tells me as she gently strokes my cheeks. Then she releases me, allowing me to stand upright again. She can probably sense the headache I feel coming on. “Trust the oracle, Rynne. He asked you to join the EEA to be close to Tasia, to inspire her, to help build the army around her. Remember your place.”
“I haven’t forgotten,” I reply.
“You can’t force Tasia and Arsen together. Trust in the oracle. Trust in God. Tasia and Arsen will come together when the time is right. They will come together when Tasia is strong enough to control him. Her time spent in that base right now is very important in reaching this goal. As she is right now, she wouldn’t be able to take full control of him if they met face to face. She isn’t ready to accept her control over him. We want to avoid pulling strings. The oracle wants us to simply observe for now.”
I say, “I assure you I’ve only been doing what is necessary. She’s been working herself to the point of exhaustion every day. While she’s strengthening in some ways, I fear her mind and soul are deteriorating in others.”
Imae tilts her head, as if to inspect me from a different angle. “Continue what you’re doing. Keep her on the right path. Aid the hunters and continue to be an inspiration for her. Continue to guide her so that she will find the strength she needs.”
“I will. Forgive me for my blunder,” I speak sincerely. “It won’t happen again.”
“See that it doesn’t.”
I GET A MUCH better night’s sleep at the base than I’ve been getting back in Fiona’s apartment. I slept like a rock. The sun’s already up… That means I’m late!
I hurry and throw off my pajamas and dress into some workout clothes. I’m not sure what I’ll be doing today, but wearing jeans is always a bad idea around here, because it’s almost always guaranteed I’ll be doing something physical.
Once I’m dressed, I throw my hair back into a ponytail and rush out of my room for the lobby. Rynne’s seated on a bench, waiting for me.
“Sorry,” I say. “I slept in.”
“Good,” he replies, his too perfect smile painted on his lips. “You’ve been needing sleep.”
I feel my face flush.
“How are classes with Divya lately?” he asks.
“More of the same, I guess. Well, we’ve been practicing meditation a lot as well as discussing how being a medium works, safe practice for it, and things like that. It doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. It’s just more of the same.”
“I’m sure there’s a reason for all of it. Divya is a good teacher.”
I nod. She is a good teacher. I just wish she’d move things a little faster. I’m ready now. I get antsy when I remember the fact Arsen is in town. At least, I think he’s still in town. I haven’t left the base, and if he was in Philadelphia trying to learn more about me, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t left yet. I try to push thoughts of Arsen away, so I can relish in Rynne’s light a little longer, but now that I’ve thought of the demon, my mind won’t go anywhere else. Why does he have to ruin every moment of my life? When I’m with Rynne, all I want to do is give him my full attention, but the only one who gets my full attention is Arsen—and he’s not even the one beside me.
Rynne stands up and reaches his hand out to me. “Gold Team is going out on a mission this morning. That means I have to leave. You might as well meet up with Divya instead of sitting here by yourself.”
I hold my hand out, but I hesitate when I’m about to take his. He completes the action for me, and pulls me up to stand beside him.
“So soon?” I ask.
It almost sounds like I’m begging. In a way, I am. I’m so desperate for Rynne’s light these days, it’s almost gotten out of hand. I always want to be close to him. More than that, whenever he holds me, I can’t help thinking what it would be like to kiss him. My feelings for him haven’t changed. If anything, they’ve only grown stronger. It’s agonizing to be apart from him, but it’s an agony that takes a back seat to everything else going on in my life. I can only think about so many things at once, and I don’t even know if Rynne likes me. It’s better for things to stay the way they are right now. Probably.
How can I give him what he deserves when I’m so obsessed with Arsen anyway? I flinch at the thought.
“I’ll see you again soon,” Rynne says as he waves.
I wave back and then watch him leave before I exit the lobby.
“You’re early,” Divya tells me as I open the door to our reserved classroom.
I don’t say anything. I just take my usual seat and produce a notebook and pen from my backpack. I’m not in the mood to take notes on my laptop. Actually writing the words down from a lecture helps me remember things better than typing anyway.
“How did you sleep?” Divya asks as she messes with the Smart Board in the front of the room.
“Like a rock. I didn’t have any dreams or anything,” I tell her.
“That’s good. It�
��s a definite improvement then, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you still feel like Arsen is watching you?”
“Not watching…” I fiddle with my fingers.
Divya urges, “But?”
“I’m pretty sure he’s still around.”
“If you don’t feel his presence crushing down on you like before, then it’s an improvement at least.”
I shrug. “Yeah. I guess.”
“I’ve been talking to Fiona, and I need to ask: what kind of feelings does Arsen stir inside of you, exactly? You say thoughts of him are pretty much constant, right?”
I sigh and nod. “I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s a strong feeling, a feeling that I’ve never felt for anyone, but I don’t know if it’s hate or… something else. It changes, too.”
She walks up to me and takes my hands in hers. “Evil beings mess with emotions. They can even compel people to think, feel, and even do, evil things. You know all of this, correct?”
I nod.
“Because he’s a demon, his evil must still be lingering around you. The fact that he’s interested in you also means he must be refusing to let go of whatever connection he tried to make between the two of you. That’s the best I can come up with based on what we know. However, I think your black diamond protected you from the full force of his influence. I think that’s why you aren’t a slave to him now. It shielded you, and it continues to shield you. But Tasia, don’t disregard your feelings again. Talk to someone. You have people here ready and willing to listen to you. We may not be able to solve the problem immediately, but I promise we can help.”
I stare at my crystal as I feel the familiar shape with my fingers.
“I will,” I tell her.
I miss getting messages from Didi and Connor. Part of me hoped they’d be able to sneak me text messages, but maybe their parents took their phones away. They couldn’t text me then. I wonder how they’re doing.
Nothing out of the ordinary has happened since Arsen attacked Didi. I’ve been sleeping better, but there’s something festering inside of me. I’m getting more and more impatient. Each time I go to Divya’s class, it’s another lecture or attempt at meditation. I’m getting better at meditating, but my mind doesn’t know how to shut up. I think that’s why Divya’s been focusing so much on it. It’s frustrating. I just want to move on. I can meditate perfectly by this point. It just isn’t easy. I knew about meditation before Divya started teaching me. My parents taught me it to help me with my anxiety, but I wasn’t good at it then either.
Taking out a notebook and pen feels like a ritual by this point.
“You won’t be needing those today,” Divya tells me.
I hesitate. “I won’t?”
“You won’t.” She smiles, an almost devious smile. “Today you’re going to practice being receptive to spirits. I’ll be guiding you through it all, but please remember to be mindful of everything I’ve taught you. We’ll need to move into the Mediation Room. The one room in the base that doesn’t shield spirit activity. Just leave your things in here and we’ll come back for them later.”
I do as she says, and then I follow her through the base and to a room out of the way of everything. It’s almost like another small building attached to the base. It’s small and square. The inside is painted black, the walls, floor, and ceiling alike. It’s more like the Black Box if you ask my opinion. There are four gold censers, one placed in each corner of the room. Divya goes to each one and starts burning an incense that smells like the earth, but instead of being cold and damp, it’s somehow warm like the sun.
“What kind of incense is that?” I ask.
“Amber,” she replies. “It will guide you in our exercise today. It will enhance the spiritual connection.”
When all four censers are burning, she fluffs a couple of black pillows in the center of the room and gestures for me to sit down. I sit on top of one, taking an easy cross-legged position.
“Do I have to do the lotus position?” I ask.
“Not today. We’re going to do this nice and easy,” she replies. Then she reaches out her hand. “I’ll need your black diamond.”
This is exactly what I’ve been waiting for, but now that she’s asking me to give her my crystal, I’m having second thoughts. I remember what happened when I parted with it last time. I remember the pounding in my head. I remember starting my house on fire. I remember forgetting myself.
“Don’t worry, Tasia,” Divya tells me. “All you’re doing today is being receptive. You’re simply going to listen to the spirits around you, and I assure you this room is safe. If there are any problems, I’ll give your necklace back to you. Everything will be fine.”
“I-I can’t. There are always too many voices. I won’t be able to handle it.” I cling to the silver chain of my necklace as fear grips my heart. I can’t believe I just said that. I’m going to have to do this eventually. I still want to find my parents. There’s still a slim chance I’ll be able to talk to them, but there won’t be any chance of that if I don’t do this. The sooner I do this, the sooner I can confront Arsen. The sooner I can kill him. Somehow. Somehow I’ll stop him. Somehow I’ll be free of him. Somehow I’ll make him pay for what he’s done.
A bitter taste floods my mouth; it takes everything I have not to gag.
“Tasia?”
I shake my head and rip off my necklace before anxiety can convince me to do otherwise. I hold it out to Divya’s extended palm, and then I hand it off to her. She takes the black diamond that has protected me so well and leaves the room for a moment, depositing it somewhere just outside so it won’t interfere with the energies in this room. She comes right back, but my skin’s already starting to crawl without the protection of the crystal. I’m already starting to hear incoherent whispers, whispers I reflexively block out by focusing on my hands and fidgeting with my fingers.
“Take a deep breath,” Divya instructs.
I do my best to do as she says, but my breath is shallow.
“Again,” she tells me. “Breathe.”
After I start focusing on her voice and her own breathing, I’m able to deepen my breaths until they’re all consistently deep. The nervous shakes that were threatening to take over my body stop, and I feel a bit more at ease. The more relaxed I feel, the clearer the voices become, and the clearer my mind becomes. I replay the most important part of my lessons with Divya: I am in control.
“Help me.” Those are the words I hear repeating the most.
“Focus on one of the spirits fighting for your attention and listen to them. Only focus on one. The rest will have to wait. You are only one individual. You can’t fix all of their problems at once.” Divya tells me.
She talked about this in our lessons too, of course. In the end, as long as I’m in control, I get to choose which spirit I want to listen to, even when I’m just being receptive like this.
When I hear voices crying for justice, I try to single in on one of them. But when I hear more, I realize they aren’t the spirits I want to listen to. None of these spirits are the ones I want to hear from. I’m just supposed to be receptive, but these spirits could lead me to who knows where. I could be listening to spirits for years and never find the spirits I really want to talk to. I know these spirits have faced injustice, but they can wait. I have to… I have to talk to my parents. They were killed by him. They might know something. They must have stuck around. I don’t care what Divya said, about them having most likely moved on. I don’t believe her. They wouldn’t want their killer walking free. They’d worry about me.
“Mom! Dad!” I shout inside of my head. “I need you!”
The voices of the spirits fighting for my attention only grow louder, until they’re practically screaming at me, cursing me for not paying them any attention.
“Why won’t you help us?” they scream. “Are we not just as important as your parents?”
“She’s just a child, young and selfish.”
“Curse you. I curse you to live out your miserable existence as we do in death. Angry and hungry for revenge. Let it consume you.”
I recoil inside of myself and grab my head and bend forward as I try to stifle the voices in my head. I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to listen to them. I only want my parents.
“Tasia!” Divya shouts. With the way she’s shouting my name, I think she must have been calling out to me for a while now.
Before I can process what’s happening, the voices stop, and I have something wrapped around one of my hands. I’m hunched over. I’ve slipped out of my cross-legged position, and I’m lying haphazardly on the black floor. I look at my hand. My black diamond is in my palm, the silver chain wrapped around my wrist. The little crystal shaped like a heart is in contact with my body once again, fighting off the demanding spirits.
It’s then I notice Divya right in front of me. She has a… strange look in her eyes, like she’s afraid. She’s breathing heavily, too.
“You do indeed have a very strong connection to the spirits of the dead,” she whispers after she’s calmed her breathing some. “I’ve never felt so many spirits vying for a single medium’s attention.”
“I shouldn’t be here doing this!” I scream. I feel like my heart is squeezing in my chest. “I should be back home in Reverie! How else am I supposed to get into contact with my parents and find out more about their killer? They’re probably still there! They must know something about Arsen, right? Something the rest of us don’t, something Rynne doesn’t know. I just… I need to hear their voices again. I… I need to…”
Divya studies me, obvious worry etched into the creases made by her dark and painted eyebrows. “Tasia, were you trying to call out to your parents? That’s not what I—”
“I don’t want to be receptive to all of these other spirits! I have to find Arsen. I have to take care of him before I do anything else. Don’t you understand? My parents didn’t deserve this. Arsen is the only one we need to worry about right now. All of these other monsters and demons don’t matter. No one is actively searching for him. No one’s really trying to hunt him down, even though the perfect bait is apparently sitting right here! It’s all Arsen! Only Arsen!”
Hearts Lie (Undying Love, Book 1) Page 22