Queen (Chaos #3)

by Claire Farrell

  One minute, I was treated like a princess, and the next, I was bait for a hunt, then I was off on some crazy mission, travelling through the most dangerous parts of the faery realm, before it was back to the human world, a cold slap in the face after all of the wonder. I had returned to the faery realm, but I was confined to a castle I didn’t know, and nobody I knew had time for me. It didn’t feel great, and I was getting worried about giving birth in the faery realm. If time didn’t pass as it did the human realm, then what did that mean for my child? A baby for a long time? A life in the human realm just to age her properly? And then what?

  Depression enveloped me like a cloak. Fear, confusion, and worry tangled me up and kept me down. I had a permanent lump in my throat and a fear that I had been forgotten, that I was experiencing a summer wife’s life. Except I wasn’t a summer wife. I was more like a broodmare.

  Staring out my window, I sucked in a shaky breath. Life had changed.

  Bekind was asleep on the bed. She hadn’t shifted back into her human form since our conversation. She didn’t want to talk, but I needed to talk. Anya was too busy with Arlen, and I couldn’t begrudge her that happiness. Líle had left with Drake. Realtín and Grim were an important part of Brendan’s court and always busy. Brendan… had forgotten me. And I was so full of hormonal surges that I couldn’t do anything but feel miserable and neglected. I was pathetic, and I knew it, but I couldn’t stop.

  That evening, Anya knocked at my door to ask me to join her at dinner downstairs.

  I avoided her eyes. “That’s okay. I think I’ll just rest.”

  She hesitated. “Would you like me to send up some food?”

  I shook my head. “I’m not very hungry.” I gave her a smile, the best I could manage. “’Night,” I whispered, managing to close the door before I lost it. I was trying to convince myself that I was screwed up because of baby hormones, but maybe I was just losing my mind.

  I curled up on the bed. Bekind lay next to me, apparently as miserable as I was. She had better reasons, though. She had betrayed me for a reward she hadn’t even received. I wasn’t sure if she needed absolution or forgiveness, or if she was moping because she had to suffer as a cat. Except… she was usually happier as a cat.

  “I wish I was a cat,” I whispered.

  She rolled over and regarded me with feline eyes. I stared back, letting myself feel whatever I had to feel. She swiped at me, jumped over me, then scratched at the door until I let her free. Even the morose cat was fed up of my attitude. That was just great.

  I paced the room, every emotion brimming. I felt as if I were containing a whirlwind, tamping down on everything I felt in case… in case of what? Somehow affecting the baby. Affecting the court. Grabbing attention from the wrong fae. Maybe I was practising for the rest of my life. I would live with my child, knowing that we were a hub of attraction to the fae who liked to feed on our emotions.

  A low knock sounded on my door. When I answered, Brendan walked in and closed the door.

  He pressed his back against it, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “Hide me,” he whispered.

  “Um, okay?”

  He pressed his forefinger against my lips, indicating silence. He cocked his head as if listening. Outside, people were running in the hall, knocking on all the doors.

  “Bathroom,” I mouthed.

  He ran in that direction.

  When the knock came, I opened the door with a foul expression plastered on my face. “What now?” I snapped.

  The fae cowered. “I… I’m looking for our king. Have you—”

  “You mean your king. Can’t you see I need some rest? I’m pregnant, for fuck’s sake. Go bother somebody else.”

  His face reddened, and he ran away. I watched him reach the stairs and take one look back before descending. Smiling, I closed the door.

  Brendan came out of the bathroom. “Laid it on a little thick, didn’t you.”

  “It worked. What the hell was that about?”

  “I need a break.” He slumped onto the bed. “I’m so tired. So bored. And I haven’t seen you in days. Where have you been?”

  I looked pointedly around the room. “Right here.”

  He leaned on his elbow. “Why? You should come to court. You would be able to translate for me.”

  “And have everyone stare at me?”

  He looked confused. “That’s always happened.”

  “Well, maybe I don’t feel like it now.” I plopped into the armchair beside the fire.

  Brendan left the bed and sat on the sofa. “What’s different now?”

  “Everything! Everything is different. Look at me. I’m having a baby. A baby, Brendan! I’m not ready for that. I don’t have any experience. I’ve no idea what I’m doing. And besides all of that, I’m trapped here.”

  “You came here,” he reminded me gently. “I didn’t force you to come.”

  I glared at him. “I went from having the ultimate freedom in the realm to this, trapped in a castle waiting for responsibility that I’m not ready for. It’s just… happening so fast. And then that ceremony with you was…”

  He straightened. “Was what?”

  I panicked. “Suffocating. It felt like I was giving up my life. I mean, technically I have. That’s what you do when you have a baby, right? Give up everything else. No more… no more…”

  “No more what, Cara?” he asked impatiently.

  “No more… fun. No more adventure. No more…” I looked at him shyly. “I’ve ruined a lot of things.”

  “You didn’t do it alone. You’re not magical, Cara. Drake bears as much responsibility as you do. Maybe more, considering the position he’s in.”

  “But he’s obviously not going to do anything about it. What have I done? I had a screwed-up childhood because of the way I was born. Now I’ve gone and done something worse to my kid. It’s so complicated.”

  “You care about people very deeply very quickly. Why would it be any different for a child born from your womb? All the child needs is your love, and you’re quick to give it, are you not?”

  I couldn’t tell if he was mocking me. “I wasn’t like this before. Before I met all of you, I was as cold as I could manage. I’ve no experience with this. What if I’m not enough? What if I can’t give the baby whatever she needs?”

  “Don’t doubt yourself. There’s no reason to expect the worst.”

  “Her father is married to the queen of death, and she’s the heir to a rival court, but only until you get married and have a kid, then she’ll be hung out to dry. It’s not going to be rainbows and unicorns, you know?”

  “It could be so much more. Do you want to go home, Cara?”

  “No,” I said hoarsely. “I’m just scared of what staying here means. I’m scared of having a baby here, of how it will work. I’m confused about time and leaving behind everything I know that’s real. I lost a year when I went to the Fade. And what kind of child am I going to have, Brendan? One with wings? A black heart? What?”

  “The child you create. Your child has you.” He knelt at my feet. “You’re good enough, Cara. I heard you say once that you were more than what we made of you. Believe it now.”

  I hugged him so abruptly that we both almost toppled over.

  Laughing, he held me at bay on the floor. “What was that for?”

  “For fixing me. Well, not me, but… I’ve been sitting here moping and worrying and making myself worse, then you come along and free me with just a few words.”

  “Free you?” He frowned. “That’s an odd turn of phrase.”

  I looked down at him. We were pressed close together, his green eyes penetrating me. My pulse raced.

  I had to be the weakest human on the planet. “It just felt right at the time.”

  Then, the baby kicked. Not flutters, a full-on kick. We broke apart in shock. I stared at my stomach in wonder.

  “That’s fucking weird,” I said. “That’s not supposed to happen like that. Not yet.”

 
“Perhaps she’s growing fast back where she belongs.” He helped me to my feet. “She’s as contrary as you.”

  I sat on the chair, still in awe. “Good. It’s the only way she’ll survive around here.”

  “I’ll send for a midwife, someone who will ease your mind. She’ll be here within a few days. You don’t need to worry, Cara. You’re not the first human to experience this here.”

  “I’m scared. How could I go on a journey to the Fade yet be so terrified by the idea of a baby?”

  “You probably can’t fight off a baby with a dagger,” he said dryly. “There’s no turning your back on this one.”

  “No.” I rubbed my stomach fondly. “I’ll never leave her. I’m going to do whatever it takes to protect her. No matter what.”

  He grinned. “Good. And now that we’ve gotten that cleared up, I’m ordering you to leave this room more often. Visit court with Realtín and Anya. Eat with all of us. Experience court while you’re not… as busy as you will be.”

  Moping around wasn’t good for the baby, I decided. I would snap out of it. I would figure out my new life.

  “Yeah,” I said at last. “I think I will.”

  ***

  The next few days, my time was full. I immediately felt better. Bekind shadowed me everywhere. I joined Realtín at court and Anya at dinner, and my room became a hiding place for Brendan whenever he needed to escape his own worries. Everything was taking shape again, and I was feeling confident that things were going to be okay.

  In court, Nella’s favoured dresses were disappearing as more and more fae wore casual human clothing. They copied me blatantly.

  “This is weird,” I whispered when I saw three faeries wearing a dress in the exact same style as the one I’d had on the day before.

  “Your child is the heir,” Anya said under her breath. “You’re important. They want your favour, want to try all of the new things you will bring.”

  Anya, Realtín, and I were sitting on a low bench near Brendan’s throne. Grim and Arlen sat on either side of the king. Most of the court who bothered to show up lounged casually around the hall. Faeries came to Brendan to make requests or pleas for help and to pledge fealty. Many faeries attended just to watch, some for days, before they pledged their fealty or sneaked away again. The regulars who stayed in the castle often sat in rows of seats on either side of the room, whispering and laughing constantly.

  An elderly faery I didn’t recognise stepped up next, his broad wings moving quickly.

  “Him again,” Anya said. “Back to flirt.”

  “Um, what?”

  Realtín giggled. “He’s the matchmaker.”

  “Ha!” Anya lowered her voice as a number of eyes turned in our direction. “He’s the lineage consultant. He’s about a million years old and has arranged lots of marriages amongst the upper tier. Every family with even a drop of royal blood has been showing off their daughters in the hopes Brendan will marry one.”

  “The queens weren’t married,” I whispered. “What’s the big deal?”

  “Stability. When Brendan fell, many fell with him. Same with the queens. No heir means trouble. We’ve ended up with three kings this time because of it.” Anya smirked. “But this fool actually thinks he can convince Brendan to make a match.”

  “You never know.” But my palms were sweating as the matchmaker made his offers and pleas. If Brendan agreed to marry, my already precarious position would be even less stable.

  “A ball,” the matchmaker was saying. “A perfect opportunity for you to meet your potential bride.”

  “You mean to turn my home into a cattle market?” Brendan slouched in his throne, a twinkle in his eye. “And should I bring along an expert in breeding to check their teeth and test their wombs?”

  “I’m sure nobody would protest, but—”

  “I was being sarcastic.” Brendan stood, thunder in his expression. “Let me tell you right now, my honoured guest, that I can guarantee you my bride will never be one pathetic enough to allow—”

  “Perhaps a ball would one day be a good way to reacquaint ourselves with families who do not live at court,” Grim said loudly. “But that day is far off when the threat of war approaches. Surely our king’s time is better spent accomplishing his quest for peace.”

  Brendan sat back down, his anger gone. “Of course. In due time. What an excellent idea.”

  The matchmaker’s expression twisted into ugliness. “I must take direction from a brownie?”

  “Only if that brownie is wiser than you. And in this case, he certainly is.” Brendan waved him off.

  The onlookers laughed and jeered at the matchmaker.

  With a flushed face, the matchmaker stormed out of the hall. But Brendan looked a little afraid, then he exchanged some whispered words with Grim. I wasn’t sure what was said, but Grim looked proud of himself afterward.

  The room fell silent when a Darksider appeared, walking right up to Brendan without a word. She hadn’t been announced, but there was something about her that marked her as “other”—the darkness in her eyes, perhaps. She wore a black cloak over a black leather riding suit, a short sword on each hip. Her hair was shorn close, and an earring dangled from one ear. Her skin looked kind of grey, but when she approached, her eyes really stood out to me. All of the fae had pupils that were overly large. Sometimes I tried to imagine what my own child would look like. But the Darksider had no colour to her eyes. They were pure black and unreadable. I wondered if she had been born that way.

  But the misery rolling out from her, infecting those closest to her, marked her more certainly. She was the living embodiment of the Black Marshes. I couldn’t control the shiver that ran down my spine. As if I had called her name, she looked at me with an odd expression.

  “Why are you here?” Brendan asked, appearing relaxed even though Arlen had drawn his sword.

  She raised an eyebrow at Arlen. “Is this what passes as hospitality in the Green Court?” She sounded sarcastic, but I had a feeling that was her default mode.

  “Has a Darksider earned hospitality at my court?” Brendan asked in a dangerously cool voice.

  The corners of her lips turned up. “Set me a task first.”

  “Tell me your name.”

  She looked momentarily startled. “They call me Vix.”

  “Sadler calls you Vix?” Brendan sneered.

  “Sadler calls me warrior,” she snapped. “I’m here with a message… nay, a request.”

  “Speak,” Brendan said. “What is the request?”

  She glanced at me and smiled. “Sadler has heard a rumour that his family will soon grow. He requests his great-grandchild’s birth to occur in the Dark Court, its rightful place.”

  “Sadler is misinformed,” Brendan said. “The heir of the Green Court shall be born in the Green Court.”

  To my surprise, she simply nodded. “As you wish. May I reveal the second request?”

  “What is the second request?”

  I had noticed that a lot of the fae made outlandish requests on their first go, as if a refusal was given.

  “It has been noted that an important court ceremony took place here recently, but the ruler of the Dark Court was not invited.”

  “I do not welcome chaos,” Brendan said. “The request, woman.”

  “He requests a visit.” Her mouth widened into a hunter’s smile. “He wishes to hold a celebration. He invites all of the courts to celebrate a new heir, as is only natural.”

  The scar on Brendan’s forehead deepened. “A celebration?”

  She widened her eyes, giving her a more demonic look. “Did you not pursue peace? My king will be surprised.”

  “Tell your king he’s welcome to meet my heir right here,” Brendan said with a dark smile.

  “My king is such an old man. It would be too much stress for him to journey so far. You understand.”

  “I understand he is not so frail anymore. That is a decent trick. Perhaps you would share it with me.”
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  “I’m not so clever as to understand your meaning.” She took a bow. “Shall I inform my king that you refused his offer? His request?”

  “Tell your king that I’ll give him an answer when he faces me and asks me himself.”

  She bowed her head, looking pleased. “I will do that for you, Your Majesty.”

  Vix gave me a toothy smile before leaving the hall. Brendan made a sign, and a couple of his warriors followed her closely behind.

  “She wanted that,” I whispered. “Why?”

  “Sadler and his games,” Anya said. “I would not worry.”

  I had a bad feeling that Vix’s real job had been to take a good look at me. I couldn’t believe he wanted me to give birth in the Dark Court. What was wrong with Sadler to even come up with that idea?

  Brendan dismissed court for a break. “Cara,” he whispered urgently. “You’re to stay right here until we’re sure she’s left. Do you understand? No walking alone.”

  “But I—”

  He held up his hand. “It’s just until she leaves. She wouldn’t dare make a move, but just in case.”

  “What do you think he wants?” I asked.

  He smiled, but it was empty. “Oh, just to rattle my cage. He’s probably sent someone to Drake with a request that is just as ridiculous, or else another plea to war against me.” He looked at Arlen. “Send a messenger to Drake and find out what he’s heard.”

  “I’ll stay close to Cara,” Anya promised. “I won’t let her out of my sight until I know she’s safe.”

  Brendan gave her a grateful look. “I’m hungry. We can eat together before I return to work. Perhaps I’ll even take the rest of the day off.”

  Everyone acted pretty normal, but a chill ran up my spine, a warning that all was not as it seemed. Something in Vix’s words had been read as a warning by Brendan and the others. They acted as though nothing was wrong, but their smiles were humourless, never reaching their eyes. Their voices were muted, and they all seemed jumpy.

  After dinner, I grabbed Grim’s arm and pulled him side. “Tell me what everyone’s so nervous about.”

  He glanced around then said, “We’re not sure.”