“Explain,” he demanded, impatient now to get to the root of what Sophie saw as the problem keeping them apart.
“Suzie’s full name was Susannah, and it seems that her aunt changed her name when she adopted her. And it would also seem that she remarried soon after, with Suzie taking her aunt’s new surname, as well. Of course, since then, Suzie herself has married and had a child.”
Zach started to get a cold prickling feeling down his spine. Suddenly he didn’t like where this was heading.
“Zach, Anna Lassiter, your ex-wife, is my sister.”
Seventeen
Sophie watched as her words slowly sank in for Zach. Before he could say anything, though, she plowed on with what she knew had to come next.
“It’s impossible for us to have another chance. As much as I’m attracted to you—” she closed her eyes briefly, summoning all the courage she could muster “—as much as I love you, I cannot take my sister’s chance of happiness and recovery away from her.”
Zach got up and put his hands on her shoulders, forcing him to face her.
“Anna and I are good friends, Sophie. Nothing more than that now, and we haven’t been anything more for a very long time.”
“How can you say that?” she demanded. “You forget I’ve seen you taking calls from her almost daily for the past eighteen months. I’ve seen how much you care about her. Can you categorically say that there’s no way that when she’s better you two won’t make a go of your marriage again?”
“Yes, I do care for her, deeply, but not in the way you’re thinking. Not as a lover, not as a husband. We’re divorced,” he said calmly, “and we’re staying that way. We found out very early on in our marriage that we were wrong for each other, and we remedied that.”
“But she can’t live without you, Zach. She needs you like she needs no one else.”
He fell silent. Even he couldn’t argue with that, she thought painfully. His hands dropped from her shoulders and he turned away from her, one hand reaching up to rub at his face. Sophie went to step forward, to offer him comfort, but she stopped herself just in time. They were at an impasse. An awful and horrible stalemate where another person’s very well-being hung in the balance.
“Zach, I’m not going to do anything to upset her world. Not now I’ve finally found her. I’d like to get to know her again, to be a part of her life, to be her sister. Can you deny me that?”
Zach threw himself back down on the sofa. “This is all such a mess,” he said, shaking his head. “You know, when I met her I thought she was cute. Pretty, but not in a stuck-up kind of way, despite her upbringing. Her parents were older and she was a much-cherished daughter. I never knew she wasn’t their biological child and she never said anything herself. Do you think she knows?”
Sophie shrugged. Even though it hurt she had to say it. “How much do you remember of your life when you were only four? It’s possible that with time she’s forgotten all about Mom and me.”
“Whether she remembers you guys or not, it may explain why she has always been more emotionally delicate than most people. As if she was afraid that people would abandon her, you know? I never really thought about it much. In fact, that whole vulnerability about her really drew me in. I wanted to be the big strong man for her. I guess I’m still doing that now.
“I worked for her father and I have to admit that when I first met Anna, I did see an opportunity to get a leg up within the company. Initially, at least. When we married, though, I really thought I loved her. At least I’d convinced myself I did. It didn’t take long before we both realized we’d made a mistake. We were taking steps to formalize our separation when Anna discovered she was pregnant with Blake.”
He sighed again, deeply. “She struggled after the birth. She felt trapped in a marriage neither of us wanted anymore and motherhood didn’t come instinctively for her. It didn’t help that I was pulling extralong hours at the office because, with Blake’s birth, I was offered the promotion I’d wanted. The night of the accident she’d called me at the office, begging me to come home. Threatened to take Blake away from me if I didn’t come home right there and then. She was unreasonable and I couldn’t calm her over the phone, no matter what I said. It scared me. I headed home as fast as I could but I was already too late.
“Anna has never been able to get over her guilt over what happened. It’s eaten her up inside, bringing her to where you saw her the other day.”
“Thank you,” Sophie said. “Thank you for telling me, for being honest.”
“Too many people tried to hide Anna’s condition for far too long already, including her parents. They thought—hoped—that all she needed was time, but she needs more than that. The only way she’ll ever stand a chance of getting better is if she and the people around her are up front about all of it.”
“Her parents finally came around?”
Even though it stuck in Sophie’s craw to call them Anna’s parents, they had brought her up to the very best of their ability, and she’d seen for herself when they’d left the office last Monday morning just how distraught they were for Anna.
“Reluctantly, but as with everything they do, now that they’re on board they’re behind her recovery all the way. They’ve even started organizing a fundraiser back in Midland for the Philmore Clinic.” He shook his head with a rueful smile. “You have to hand it to them. They may be late to the party, but they sure know how to arrive.”
Sophie couldn’t be as magnanimous. “But if they’d stood behind you sooner, Anna wouldn’t be in this position.”
“Possibly, but we’ll never know that. Which, I guess, brings us back to us. Anna and I are not a couple. If anything I’m her best friend, Sophie, that’s all. How she’d handle you and me being a couple, well, I guess I’d have to discuss that with her doctor.”
Sophie shook her head sadly. “I really want my sister back, and I’m not prepared to do a single thing that might jeopardize that.”
“Not even if it means our future happiness? Sophie, I love you. Please, let’s work this out.”
“I can’t,” she sobbed, unable to hold back her emotions a second longer. “I just can’t.”
Zach rose to his feet and reached for her, but she put up both hands and shook her head.
“No, please don’t. Don’t touch me. Just…please, don’t!”
“Okay,” he said, his expression somber. “But I’m not giving up.”
She couldn’t even summon a reply and when the front door closed behind him, she sank to her knees on the carpet and let it all out. All the fear, all the longing she’d had to find her baby sister. All the yearning she’d had for her love for Zach to be returned, only to finally receive it and have it snatched out of her hands by fate.
*
By Monday morning Sophie was still a mess. She’d barely slept all weekend and getting out of her bed for work had taken the last of her energy. She went through the motions, checking the mail, scanning email, readjusting her schedule accordingly. By midmorning she was beginning to feel almost human again, except for the constant tenterhooks she was on waiting for Zach to show up at the office.
He finally came through the door about midday, looking little better than she did herself. He walked straight up to her desk and stopped in front of her.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’ll live,” she replied, not bothering to dress up her fractured emotions into anything pretty.
He cracked a small smile. “I’m pleased to hear that. Do you have anything vitally pressing for the rest of the day?”
She shook her head.
“Good,” he continued. “Then you’ll be able to come with me.”
“Come with you? Where?”
“To see Dr. Philmore.”
“What? Why?”
“We’ve been talking. He’d like to meet you.”
“But why? Does he think I need help, too?”
Zach let out a short bark of laughter. “No, you goose, of c
ourse he doesn’t. But he does want to talk to you about Anna. Can you come with me?”
“Of course. When do you want to leave?”
“How about now?”
“Just give me a minute to back up and I’ll be ready.”
Sophie’s shaking hands flew over her keyboard. She was going to meet the doctor who was treating Anna. Did that mean he might even let her see her sister? Lord, she could only hope so.
She felt sick with excitement and trepidation as they drove to the Philmore Clinic. Zach seemed equally tense and reluctant to speak. The clinic was some ways out of Royal, set on sprawling grounds with massive oak trees providing shade across the well-kept lawns.
“It looks more like a country club than a clinic,” Sophie remarked as Zach pulled up his SUV in the gravel parking lot.
“Yeah, it has that feel about it, but don’t let that fool you. The place is one of the best of its kind. I wouldn’t have suggested Anna come here if it wasn’t.”
“Of course,” Sophie agreed, wondering anew just how deeply Zach’s feelings ran for his ex-wife.
While his protestations on Saturday night had been very much to the contrary, he seemed prepared to go a great deal further than someone who was simply a good friend. What was she worried about anyway, she asked herself. It wasn’t as if she was going to take him up on his offer to pick up where they’d left off. Not now with her sister so obviously dependent on him. It just wouldn’t be right.
They ascended the wide, shallow stairs to the front door of the clinic together and Zach held the door for Sophie before following her inside.
A woman greeted them. “Ah, Mr. Lassiter, Dr. Philmore is expecting you in his office. You know the way?”
“Yes, thank you, Betty.”
“They seem friendly enough here,” Sophie commented nervously.
“They are, and they’re devoted to their patients, too.”
Sophie tried to ignore the burning sensation in her stomach as Zach guided her along the carpeted hallway before stopping outside a paneled door. He rapped on the surface, then opened the door upon the command of the man inside. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting of the doctor, but it wasn’t the trim and attractive man who rose to greet them as they entered. He couldn’t have been much older than Zach, she thought, maybe mid-to late thirties at most.
His handshake was firm and dry and the warm light in his blue eyes instantly put her at ease as he gestured for them to take a seat in the easy chairs grouped near a bay window overlooking the grounds.
“Thank you for coming, Ms. Beldon,” he said, settling himself into one of the chairs. “Can I offer you two anything? Tea? Coffee or a cool drink?”
“No, thank you, I’m fine,” Sophie managed through dry lips.
“Same here,” answered Zach.
“All right then, I suppose you want to know why I requested that Zach bring you here, so let’s cut to the chase. I understand you haven’t seen Anna, your sister, for a little over twenty years?” the doctor said smoothly.
“That’s right. Twenty-two years, to be exact.”
He nodded. “That’s some time to be apart. I can see why you’d be anxious to find her. Zach tells me that you recently began searching for her.”
Sophie nodded in response.
“Can I ask you why you didn’t try earlier?”
She stiffened in her seat. “I beg your pardon?”
Was he implying she should have tried harder? Earlier?
“Please, don’t take offense. I’m merely getting the full picture.”
“Up until recently my mother was still too unhappy and too fragile herself to instigate a search for my sister. I think finding her earlier would have only reopened old wounds that were already too painful to bear. My mother is remarried now, she’s happy. We recently decided, together, to instigate a search for her. We thought if we could find Suzie—Anna—then that might just bring everything full circle, for all of us. Besides which, we needed to know for ourselves that she was okay, that she was happy without us.”
Dr. Philmore nodded. “Anna’s is a complex case but I think, in part, the complexity comes from her vulnerability in being alienated from you and your mother when she was so young. She obviously had a very strong bond with you both and while she’s suppressed many of her early memories, she has begun to talk about you.”
“She has? She remembers me?” Sophie sat forward on the edge of her seat.
“She does. More importantly she remembers how safe she felt with you. I think it would be good for you to visit with her, reestablish your contact with one another, get to know one another again.”
She couldn’t believe it. She’d been worried that with Anna’s illness she might have to put off meeting her again, maybe even forever. It had been one of the many things that had plagued her through Saturday night and most of Sunday.
“When can we start?” she asked, eagerly.
“How about now?” the doctor answered with a warm smile.
“Is she in her room?” Zach asked. “Perhaps I should introduce them.”
“Yes, and yes, I think that’s a great idea. Well,” he said, standing up and offering his hand to them both, “it’s been lovely meeting you, Ms. Beldon. Always a pleasure, Zach.”
As they rode the elevator to the floor where Anna’s room was, there were butterflies in Sophie’s belly, great big butterflies doing loop-de-loops.
“You’ll stay with us, won’t you?” she asked Zach as they began to walk down a long, wide corridor.
“As long as you need me to,” he promised and took her hand to give it a reassuring squeeze.
Instantly Sophie felt at ease. He did that for her. Thinking about it, he did that for everyone. While he might have built his reputation on being a risk taker, he also had the unerring ability to make people feel secure about his decisions. No wonder Anna depended upon him so much.
“We’re here,” he said, interrupting her thoughts.
The butterflies zoomed back big-time as Zach knocked on the door and slowly opened it.
Eighteen
“Zach!”
Obvious delight at seeing Zach filled Anna’s voice, reminding Sophie of the bond between these two. A bond she could never break, nor did she want to. Sophie hung back slightly behind Zach. This was going to be more difficult than she had anticipated.
The woman who rose to meet them was a far cry from the broken creature Sophie had last seen in Zach’s office. Her hair was clean and gleaming, caught back off her beautiful face with a couple of clips. She wore a little makeup, too, which emphasized her blue eyes and the sculpted cheekbones both girls had inherited from their mother.
“I’ve brought you a visitor today,” he said, turning slightly to draw Sophie forward.
Sophie met her sister’s gaze, wondering if this time Anna might recognize her. Either way, she decided, it wouldn’t matter. They’d make new memories now. Better ones, ones that would take them through the rest of their lives, because Sophie knew to the depths of her soul that she’d never lose hold of her sister ever again.
Anna’s brow creased as she looked at her, her eyes suddenly unsure before a new light dawned within their depths.
“Sophie? Is it really you?” Anna said, taking another step forward.
Before Sophie realized it, the two women had closed the gap between them and were in one another’s arms.
“Yes,” she whispered, her throat thick and her eyes burning with tears of relief and joy. “It’s me, at last.”
The sound of Zach clearing his throat made them draw apart, but still Anna clutched Sophie’s hand as she had so very many years ago.
“I’ll leave you two to get reacquainted, okay? Call me when you need me to come and get you, Sophie.”
“Thank you,” she said softly.
He lifted his chin in acknowledgment. “It was the very least I could do, for you both.”
There was something in the tone of his voice that made Sophie take a harder l
ook at him. To look beyond the weariness that painted his features into tight lines, and to the pain that lay behind his eyes. He stared at her, as if willing her to change her mind about them, but she knew she couldn’t. Not now. Not when it could hurt her sister, whose psyche was already frail and brittle.
When Zach was gone, Sophie suggested they make the most of the early-fall afternoon and take a walk outside around the grounds. Once outside she linked arms with Anna and began to stroll.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” Anna said softly when they got outside, her voice choking. “Or our mom. Is she…?”
“She’s fine. She’s due back home any day. She’s missed you so much, we both have.”
Anna nodded slowly, as if assimilating the words in her mind. “I remember her perfume, her hugs, her smile. I missed them. I used to think that if I was very good I’d be allowed to go home and I tried so very hard, but it never happened.”
Sophie’s throat tightened again as she battled to hold back tears. Her sister spoke with an air of detachment, as if she was talking about someone else, not the confused four-year-old she had been. She threaded her fingers through Anna’s and gave them a gentle squeeze. She had no words. There was nothing she could say that could ever fill the years they had lost. Any bitterness, any ill will she’d ever felt toward Anna’s adoptive family had to be put aside and she reminded herself to give thanks for the fact that, despite the past, they had a chance for a new start now.
“She still wears the same fragrance,” Sophie eventually managed with a watery smile. “Some things don’t change.”
“I’ve changed,” Anna answered flatly. “I’m not Suzie anymore.”
“I know,” Sophie acknowledged with another gentle squeeze. “But you’re still my sister and I love you. That will never change.”
“You don’t know what I did.”
Agitation filled Anna’s voice. She stopped walking and pulled her hand free from Sophie’s clasp. Fine tremors racked her frail form.
“I know.” Sophie worked hard to keep her voice level, reassuring. “I also know you can’t keep blaming yourself.”
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