Next, I began working on Tejas’s campaign. He was the only author who was reticent when it came to replying to emails and sending ideas for social media. Then again, he was the only one who was twenty-six and living it up. Maybe I was just prejudiced towards him. I checked the list of his favourite authors. How much of Kerouac and Bukowski could I add to his page? It’s not as if he made things easy for me by telling me what he read. I had to fish around his house.
‘Aisha, what are you doing?’ Saloni said. ‘I have a message from Farah, saying you have to join in on a con-call right now.’
‘Oh, I was just focusing on this—’
‘The JLF Planning Committee is meeting right now.’
‘Oh, so?’
‘Well, get in on the call, you don’t want to give the others a bad first impression, do you?’
‘I got in. I got in.’ I grabbed my earphones and headed back to the conference room where Ruhi was.
‘We’re on! Ruhi, I’m in as well, can you believe it? We’re gonna have the best time,’ I said to her, logging onto Skype. ‘Wanna join in?’
‘No,’ she said, taking her laptop and going and sitting outside on a beanbag.
Oh well. I’d speak to her after the meeting. I couldn’t stop smiling. This would look excellent on my resume. This was actually something to boast of. Wouldn’t my followers love to know.
I was on video conference with the Gurgaon office. The WD Asia CEO, Mr. Desai, was present as well. Stocky and gray, he looked like the kind of man who owned a company. Everybody else was dressed casually enough. Farah introduced me to Harsh, from Marketing, Adit the designer and Sumit from Production, each heads of their respective departments.
‘Where’s Ruhi?’ I asked her, expecting her to be joining in on another computer, but she shushed me.
‘Aisha, right? Welcome to the team,’ Mr. Desai said. ‘We’re deciding on a website. Here is our vision,’ he continued,
explaining exactly what the website should offer. ‘You can come to Gurgaon a couple of times a week?’
‘Of course, sir.’
‘Keeping that in mind,’ Adit said. ‘What do you think?’
‘Okay, let’s start with the static layout, what visitors see when they land on the site for the first time.’
I was the first to find out when the #metoo news broke all over the internet but the last to find out that Ruhi hadn’t made the team. I found Ruhi in the cafe sitting with a black coffee, Ani with her green tea. Ani hadn’t applied to JLF; there was different a PR for that purpose. Both of them would have their days and nights turned upside down now. They had no idea of the mess that Litracy was going to have to handle.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. ‘Ruhi, we need to talk. Something big has happened.’
Ruhi turned her face away. Her eyes were red.
‘Ruhi, can you talk to me for five minutes?’
‘Ruhi does not want to talk to you right now,’ Ani said.
‘I’m not talking to you, Ani. You should get upstairs urgently.
Something about some author badmouthing the non-fiction managing editor on TV, #metoo.’
‘You’re lying,’ she said.
‘Only one way to find out,’ I told her.
‘Ruhi, I’ll be right back. Don’t let her get to you,’ Ani said, checking her phone.
‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, Aisha this is bad.’
‘You’d better get on it,’ I said as Ani ran upstairs.
‘You weren’t even gonna apply for JLF, Aisha,’ Ruhi said, banging her hand on the table.
‘Ruhi, something big is going down. I just wanted to see how you were.’
‘You’re the one who stole Tejas from me.’
I had to sit down. Shit. I took a deep breath.
‘Ruhi, you knew? Since when? I was going to tell you. Nothing really happened.’
‘It’s all the same to you, isn’t it? Stepping on whoever is between you and what you want.’
‘That’s not true. You and Tejas are some of the closest friends I’ve ever had.’
‘I don’t care, Aisha. If I mean anything to you, you will give me your position in the JLF core team.’
‘I’m sure you can help out. I’ll ask Farah. Let’s try and work through this,’ I told her. ‘I’m sure you can be valuable right now.’
‘I am not going to help out. I want to lead.’
‘We don’t have time for this, Ruhi.’
‘I should have been the one sitting in on the call today,’ she said forcefully.
‘Oh God, fine. I don’t know what to tell you, they want advice on social media, they need my expertise. Maybe it’s not about me over you at all.’
‘It’s social media. It’s not rocket science. I was doing it before you got here, Aisha. I did not even have to run spell check before posting anything, like you have to.’
‘You know what, Ruhi? You’re being a bitch now. If you deserved the position, you would have got it. And I’ll tell you another thing, I would have been assigned to the JLF team even if I hadn’t applied, Farah told me so in confidence. I’m good at what I do and I’m not apologising for that.’
‘I think you must have planned everything that happened in Bhutan. Tejas was supposed to be with me. You took over my job, got on his good side and screwed me over.’
‘Ruhi, you were hungover. I didn’t pour the alcohol down your throat. And he’d already broken up with you then, remember?’
‘You told me not to sleep with him. You wanted him for yourself, that’s why you told me not to.’ Ruhi was standing up now. People in the cafe were beginning to stare.
‘Shut up, Ruhi.’
‘How come you’re dating him then?’
‘He actually likes me,’ I said.
‘Why are you doing this to me?’
‘I’m not doing anything to you. Don’t be a victim. You’re an adult. There are more fish in the sea.’
‘I think maybe you even started dating him when we were going out. Before Bhutan.’
‘Ruhi! We’re your friends. You’re just imagining the worst in your head. None of it is true.’
‘I’m not stupid, even though I know you both think I am. I thought I wasn’t good enough for Tejas.’
‘You can’t depend on him to make you feel good about anything, Ruhi!’
‘You’re the most unreliable person I know. I have done nothing but help you from the very beginning, when you passed out at Tejas’s book launch.’
‘I fainted! You assumed that just because I was wearing a short dress and heels, I had passed out drunk, half an hour into a work party? You don’t know anything about me. What if it had been you?
I would have thought twice before judging you.’
‘Aisha, I left a book launch of my publishing house to help you.
I was following my instinct. You don’t know how to be a friend, let alone recognise one. You’re a machine, you’ll have followers for sure, never people in your life that actually matter.’
‘It’s not my fault Tejas does not like you anymore; we got together after you guys split up. It’s not my fault your mother doesn’t take you seriously. You haven’t taken responsibility for anything in your life. In fact, you’re blaming me, blaming your mother, blaming Tejas. Fact is, nobody would know you existed if she hadn’t given you this chance. Use, don’t abuse, what you have.’
Ani was back. ‘Farah wants us now ,’ she yelled over my voice.
‘Aisha was right. White Dog is screwed.’
15
Bitch
– RUHI –
Monday, 1 October
To Do:
Email Aisha asking for social media figures Ask Ani market potential and promotion strategy for steampunk novel
Induct interns on Skype Write appraisal email
I was in the office loo wiping the mud off my new Adidas sneakers.
Two weeks had elapsed since #metoo had rocked Litracy’s world.
After the non-fiction managing edit
or was asked to leave, all of Litracy’s resources were being used for non-fiction. I had interns but work was chaos and I didn’t know what to do. I just spent time trying to coach myself through getting through everything.
I was finally getting some slack from my mother. Ever since I’d returned from Thimphu, she was in awe of my speech. I was going through an upheaval emotionally but she figured I had too much on my plate. That was her reason for not having me on the JLF team.
I couldn’t catch a break. She even wanted me away from the whole
#metoo nonsense.
She’d also dropped a bomb telling me that while I had been great at my role, Litracy’s days were coming to an end.
Aisha was in the loo with me. I confused her with an intern for a second and said hi. She’d caught the rain on her white blazer and was shaking off the water. She was wearing a black blouse and jeans, but I could see the weight around her belly.
‘Hi Ruhi,’ she said, staring at my hair.
‘I did it myself. What do you think?’ I’d taken a pair of scissors over the weekend and given myself a haircut. It’s not something I would do on my own but the situation warranted it. I was done with looking at the same tired face. My long hair was gone and I had a shoulder-length messy blunt cut instead. I looked younger and older at the same time. I put on a fresh coat of lipstick, I’d invested in my own. I tucked my white blouse into my jeans, turning enough times to make sure Aisha noticed my waist. I’d always been waif-like.
‘Here,’ I offered her the lipstick. It was light pink, too subtle for her style, but she took it.
‘Thanks. Too much work. Don’t ask,’ Aisha said. ‘I don’t know where my stuff is. All this shuffling between here and Gurgaon is crazy.’
Between her place and Tejas’s is what she really meant, I guessed. Bitch.
All she spoke about to anyone in the office was Tejas this and Tejas that , smiling and flaunting her love bites. Anyone would guess something was up. Now that she was too busy to have a minute to spare, it was easier for me to ignore her.
Though I was doing just the opposite at the moment. Aisha was too worked up with her Litracy and JLF workload to care about what she was eating. I had been ordering in from all the places I could think of, asking Aisha what she’d have. She thought I was opening my heart to her, while I was picking out the unhealthiest things on the menu.
‘KFC today?’ I asked her when we were back in the edit room.
‘Sure.’
Some evenings I’d even noticed her take leftovers back home. How did Tejas feel about that, I wondered. He liked well-put-together women, not haphazard messes. The princess was turning into a frog. She deserved it. I trusted her with all my heart and she’d destroyed me.
I did not show it, but a storm was brewing under the surface.
Thank god for Ani, who heard me out whenever I needed to talk.
She also reported on Aisha for me, taking frequent smoking breaks with her and coming back to me with gossip.
‘Hey, Aisha, I’ve been sharing your blog on Facebook. I know there hasn’t been that much traffic there lately.’
‘Thanks, Ruhi.’
Aisha was completely distracted from real life. A month ago, she would have told me off for making a comment like that in front of anyone.
‘I’m looking for the editor, Ruhi.’ An intern was at the door. I signalled him in. He had manuscripts with him, which he put in front of Aisha.
‘Those are for me,’ I said.
‘They’re for the editor. Aren’t you the social media manager?’
‘I am,’ Aisha said after a second, then walked out with her pack of cigarettes. I recognised the look on her face. It was one I often saw in myself.
‘What did I do?’ he said.
‘Nothing. Thank you so much for these.’
He blushed. ‘Anything else I can do for you?’
‘Yes. Come with me.’ I went for a walk, taking my time walking across the floor and down to the cafe. The interns loved staring at the girls walking by and they gave the boy following me a thumbs-up. Yup. Was I the new Aisha?
I got myself an iced tea and a regular Coke for Aisha. Out of the kindness of my heart. The intern carried the drinks to my desk.
I took the Coke out and handed it to Aisha by the smoking area.
‘For you. Diet.’
Aisha smiled at me. ‘I’m glad we’re talking again.’
According to Ani, Aisha was totally incapable of handling all the work stress and was taking it out on Tejas. Now that I happened to know there was smoke in paradise, all I had to do was light a fire.
‘Me too,’ I smiled. ‘Without the hashtag.’
16
Tainted Love
– TEJAS –
Saturday, 15 October
The reason I feel scared to write is because I know there’s a part of me that I’m putting out there, it’s like your child that you put out in the world which you already know to be a confusing place. I’ m open and vulnerable to criticism about the people I put into my stories, their thoughts, their actions, their lives.
What will you say, when you begin to understand that I have fallen out of love?
Aisha was languidly lying on the sofa in my bedroom. What a few months ago would have had me on my knees in a second, made me want to break something.
‘I can’t stand this, Aisha.’
‘You don’t stand up for my needs,’ Aisha muttered, eyes closed, not even looking at me.
‘You don’t stand for anything. I’m not attracted to somebody begging me to tell them how much I like their body.’
‘But you used to like it before.’
‘ You used to love it before,’ I said, grabbing my cigarettes and heading to the garden. As her house was littered with delivery and takeout boxes, I’d suggested I’d fix her dinner at my place this weekend.
We’d been dating for more than a month and we hardly saw each other.
‘Tejas,’ she came out and sat down next to me. ‘What’s your worst fear?’
‘Not being able to write I guess.’
‘Mine is losing confidence in myself – and it’s coming true.’
Mine was coming true as well. But I didn’t say it.
‘People are insulting me on my blog daily, Tejas. It’s the reason, I have everything I have today. It’s a lot for a twenty-something to accomplish, and worse when it’s under jeopardy.’
‘People are pricks. You have to stop thinking about what they say. Fuck everything. You have to take care of yourself. You’re stressed out. Let’s go for a run.’
‘I’m not fat. You don’t think my body is good enough, do you?’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘Oh man. I know I should be exercising, but there is just so much work to do for JLF. I feel ugly. I look ugly. People don’t check me out like they used to. Random guys have stopped flirting with me.’
‘Sounds like a lot of unnecessary waste of time is done with.’
‘Not for me.’
‘Maybe there is more to life than being the most attractive person in the room? Maybe now is the time to find it?’ I said.
‘Hm.’ She looked up at me.
‘When I began liking you, it was your attitude I adored. Life was a breeze for you. What didn’t work wasn’t even in your periphery.
You have to discover that part of you again. What happened to
“feeling good is looking good”? What feels good to you?’
‘Someone mistook me for Ruhi yesterday. I’m the hot one, or I used to be.’
‘She’s your friend.’
‘She’s pretending to be. Making me eat junk food all the time. I see through her.’
‘I’m sure part of her still cares.’
‘Yeah, at least she’s talking to me, but you weren’t there when we fought.’
‘Let her process things however she wants.’
‘It’s been six weeks! Anyway, Ruhi is the least of my concerns.
I’m going crazy, Tejas. I can’t say no to food. This isn’t me.’
‘I get that it’s hard. Look, let’s go for a walk. Clear your head and I’ll cook you the most delicious, healthy meal you’ve ever had, okay?’
‘I have to work now.’
I was getting annoyed with Aisha and her touch-me-not attitude.
It had been weeks since we’d spent a weekend together and done anything besides sleep. It was clear that she didn’t want to be alone, but she was refusing to spend time talking or even sitting with me and ignored the meals I’d been cooking for her.
I’ve supported Aisha in every way I could think of. If she was working on weekends and skipped a meal, if I was around I put together a healthy one. I had smoothies and salads delivered to her Gurgaon office, or would take her for dinners after work. I gently pointed out when she was smoking too much. I even made a diet chart because she didn’t have the time to go meet her nutritionist. My patience was running out now.
I was watching a movie in the bedroom and she was working in the next room. This is what our weekends had turned into. Us in different rooms in her house or mine.
‘Tejas, check your mail,’ Aisha yelled.
‘You wanna watch Top Gun with me?’ I asked her. I was taking a break from all the crap I ended up writing these days and it was just the movie to break my rut.
‘Not today. Reply to the mail, Tejas.’
‘I will.’ It must be about JLF. Litracy was trying to put me on a panel to talk about my next book and I had to come up with a valid excuse to avoid it.
Aisha entered the room.
‘Come join me, it’s the weekend,’ I told her.
‘It’s been half an hour. We’re waiting for your reply.’
‘To the mail? I haven’t seen it yet.’
‘I told you to.’
‘It’s a Saturday night.’
‘Farah’s working and so am I.’
‘No one will mind. Take a break, it’s the weekend. What if you burn out?’
‘Stop telling me that. I need a list of possible things you can talk about as a panel member ASAP. I’m trying to get Karan Bajaj on the same panel.’
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