‘I’m not doing that. And that’s not even your job. Why are you giving yourself extra work?’
‘I have a life, Tejas. Ambitions. Dreams. Goals. I don’t just sit and watch movies all day.’
‘Hey. Whatever happened to not working eight hours a day forever?’
‘Expert deflection, Tejas. I forgot who I was talking to. Forget the panel thing. Just give me more things to put online,’ Aisha said.
‘What is that supposed to mean? I’m not deflecting anything.’
‘You think I’m stupid? I know you haven’t written anything since you gave your final draft of Carnival to Ruhi eight months ago. I have a good mind to tell Farah you have nothing to show for a book that’s supposed to be ready in eight weeks.’
‘You know what I have. Why are you asking me? It will all work out.’ I’d shown her all my many plots and told her that somewhere from those ideas is where the next book was coming from. Which was true, I just needed everything to click.
‘That’s not enough. Litracy isn’t doing you any charity. The truth is, you don’t feel your work is good enough and no one would have published it, had it not been for them. For all your arrogance, there’s nothing underneath, no confidence, literally you’re a nothing.’
Instead of yelling back, I just left the house for an hour and went for a run. When I got back, Aisha was sitting at the table with two glasses of wine.
‘Look,’ she said. ‘It’s not easy to maintain a website. I was covered by magazines, blogs, newspapers. There’s no knowing what will work and what won’t. Now look at my site, it’s hard for me to even get a hundred comments a day now. I’m working very hard to make sure that doesn’t happen to you. Do you hear me?’
‘I do. Please understand, I’m not okay using what I have for social media, not yet. Tomorrow I’ll go through my notes and figure out something. You just worry about JLF. I’ll handle the rest, including Farah.’
‘Good. I think I will take the night off,’ she said. ‘What’s next for you?’
‘More wine? I have this.’ I held up the joint I’d been rolling.
‘I mean in life. Royalties off one book can’t pay off your career.’
‘True,’ I said. ‘But we finished that conversation. Are you going to continue with your interrogation or are we going to have some fun? It’s been a while.’
She turned like a whip.
‘You mean sex? You couldn’t be cruder.’
‘I thought you were taking the night off. Aisha, what exactly do you want from me?’
‘I want to see you winning at life. I’m not anymore,’ she said.
‘Is that a lot to ask? I’m going to go home now.’
‘Fine. Go.’ I lit my joint. I knew what I had to do.
17
Timepass
– AISHA –
Monday, 17 October
What’s on your mind?
Volunteer for JLF! Online, onsite – the options are many. Have fantastic exposure & the experience of a lifetime. Check out this page for more info. #JLF #WDIndia #Volunteering As usual, I didn’t sleep well last night, but I was still the only one here on time at White Dog Gurgaon. I liked the polished white interiors of this huge office. There were colourful shelves with books and frames with writing quotes. The open cubicles were black and white, the colours of the White Dog logo. Usually the energy in this place, powered-up people going from one meeting to the next, was visceral. Today was an exception.
It was rainy, the kind of day you wanted to skip school for but were not allowed to. Instead, we would bunk class and drink illicit hot coffee (we were kids) in the cafeteria, and eat fried spring rolls. The classes would be half-empty with the teachers taking it easy too.
Things hadn’t changed. I was outside with my coffee and I could hear frogs all around. The air was kind of cool though it was only October. I knew some people would be ‘falling sick’ today and nobody would mind.
Rainy days aside, it was so quiet because the office was going through appraisals. Those who were here, were gathered on the top floor getting assessed. For two days the company would be functioning in a different way. My turn would come later in the day at four, after Ruhi. I wasn’t not worried.
I could have come in late but I didn’t want to be alone and I didn’t want to pile on Tejas either, so I came to work. I was enjoying this rare lull in work, at work.
I saw an Audi turn towards the office lane. Was it– it was Tejas.
He didn’t bother giving it to the valet for parking. It seemed like he was dropping by for a quick visit. Maybe to apologise.
I checked my phone; no message from him. He must have come all the way to apologise. I figured after talking to him, I could get him to talk to Ruhi, who was here too and hadn’t seen him in months. They could make peace and all of that.
I went inside. He didn’t see me, just entered Farah’s room straight away.
I got a cappuccino refill for myself and a coffee for him, strong and black. I sipped my coffee, sitting outside the editorial room. Farah nodded at whatever Tejas was saying. She glanced at me for a second.
Did he get his head straight and want to strategise for his website? Probably.
Tejas shook hands with her. I wanted to barf. He hated these professional necessities. Then he came up to me and asked me if we could talk. Somewhere private.
‘I thought you were working in Hauz Khas today,’ Tejas said.
‘Here I am. Coffee?’ I asked as we stepped into a glass cubicle that was empty. ‘What was that about?’
‘Aisha, are you wearing slippers to work? I mean it’s White Dog, not Litracy.’
‘Oh. It’s a trend that’s picking up.’ I hadn’t noticed my slippers till I had reached the office.
‘All right. So I’ve been thinking a lot about our conversation on Saturday and I came here to talk to Farah about it,’ he said.
‘Sure. Now that you’re here, let’s have a strategy meeting. I have time today.’
‘Aisha,’ he said, slowing his words down, ‘I’m sorry.’ He fumbled and took a deep breath. ‘I’m trying to be professional. I, uh, I thought you wouldn’t be here and Farah would deal with this.’
‘Deal with what?’
‘I see you have too much work. We aren’t getting any time together, it’s ruining your health and our relationship. I asked for you to be replaced.’
‘What?’
‘Somebody else will be handling my social media from now. It will free you up. For more important things. Like JLF. And me.’
‘You mean Ruhi. She doesn’t know social media in this office like I do.’ I tried to stay calm and control my voice. ‘She thinks google crawlers are window cleaners at Google.’
‘I know you’re going through a lot with your own blog losing followers and your body ... issues.’
‘You mean how fat I’m getting.’
‘No, and you know it. I want to be there for you and I think a little less work is going to be helpful. Just take it easy for some months.’
‘Tejas, I’m being honest with you. I’m the only one in this place who knows how to get you more visibility. I know exactly how to pitch you to your readers.’
‘The decision has been made.’
‘Tejas, we’re in this together. Look at me.’
‘Let’s talk about this when you’re home.’
‘No.’
‘Don’t do this here, Aisha.’
‘You’re the one who came here. You’d already decided. You did not even want to tell me in person.’
‘I just did. Be reasonable, Aisha. You can’t handle your own blog, have you seen your numbers lately? Your subscribers are dropping day by day. Why would I give you mine? You’d make the same decision in my place.’
A few people were beginning to stare. I sort of lost it right then.
‘You are the one who’s in this shit because you call yourself a writer and have not written a word for months. You can’t handle that I know you’re not w
orth anything. Nobody will be able to help you till you face your own demons, Tejas. Remember, you were the one to push me away. Didn’t this happen with Ruhi? Whenever
someone gets close to seeing what a coward you are, you hide by being a dick. I am done with you. It’s over.’
Ruhi knocked and entered. She took Tejas. She said Farah wanted to see both of them immediately, and told me to take a breath and calm down. The only words she’d said to me this month.
Ruhi gave me a hard stare when I went to my makeshift cubicle at WD. I ignored her. I did not have the time to endure whatever passive-aggressive game she was playing.
I was worried Tejas’s complaint would affect my appraisal. It wouldn’t, I reasoned. In four months, I had single-handedly boosted Litracy’s social media and created massive followings for many authors, including Tejas.
By the time it was 4 p.m., I couldn’t stop thinking about the break-up with Tejas. I wasn’t going to go back on my word, but it was so painful.
Since morning I’d gone to the loo to cry innumerable times and had had enough cigarettes and coffee for my hands to shake. I couldn’t think of eating and I wanted this day to be over. I hadn’t had such a breakup before – one that actually hurt.
Everyone I had gone out with before had been timepass.
Ruhi’s appraisal was before mine and she gave me a smile as she left the room. Her empty smiles were beginning to get old, but today’s gave me a shiver.
I sat down in front of Farah and an elderly female HR rep, whom I’d never seen before. I had prepped an entire speech for both of them but the rep interrupted me.
‘You know we frown upon inappropriate relationships in the workplace,’ she began. ‘There has been a rumour going around in the office for the past few months about you and the author Tejas Sahni.’
My heart sank.
‘I can clarify whatever you want me to.’
‘You know what we’re asking,’ Farah said.
‘What if somebody confirmed a relationship between you and the author?’ the HR lady asked.
Shit . Ruhi had already done it. No point in lying.
‘I have let nothing come in the way of my work here.’
‘Can you deny the relationship?’
‘No.’
Farah looked more harrowed than angry.
‘It’s frowned upon, not forbidden,’ I added. I had a good mind to show her pictures of Ruhi and Tejas together.
‘The only reason I got angry was because the author said I couldn’t manage my own website, the numbers of which are dwindling, and I was not fit to work on his. I’m not responsible for the audience which fails to accept large women as storytellers. This factor simply does not reflect my work ethic.’
‘You haven’t seen the press release, have you?’ The rep said.
‘I’m sorry this is happening, Aisha,’ Farah said, pushing her iPad towards me.
There I was, in a picture tagged by some unknown person on Facebook, yelling at Tejas, teary-eyed. The caption read: Office Romance Gone Wrong – Tejas Sahni, Bachelor Again.
‘They even got a direct quote from him somehow,’ Farah said, looking at the article with disgust.
I was speechless. I’d missed the update as I had stopped checking my social media for lack of traffic.
‘You do know someone in the office put this up. Shouldn’t you be more concerned who that is?’ I said.
‘They might have done a smart thing, getting free publicity for Tejas Sahni. It’s doesn’t present you in the best light on appraisal day, Aisha. Ordinarily such a frivolous thing would not matter, but this after the #metoo incident where we fired a senior editor, it gives us bad press and it puts you in a bad light. Also, you have quite a few people against you and none of your colleagues seem ready to vouch for you. Your work quality has been dropping, your health seems to be suffering as well.
Additionally, this incident is grounds for dismissal as it shows how your relationship has been affecting your professional life and office decorum.’
‘Your attire has been reflecting unprofessionalism too, lately,’
the HR lady added, looking at my slippers.
‘I’ve been working hard,’ I said.
She ignored that. ‘You don’t have to serve a notice period as you are listed as a consultant on our payrolls.’
I began standing up.
‘I regret this happened,’ Farah said. ‘Your love life makes no difference to me.’
‘A break would be good. I’d get some exercise,’ I said, and laughed at my own joke.
‘I completely oppose you being asked to leave, Aisha. Because of your performance in the JLF meetings, I convinced Mr Desai you needed some time to yourself, because of health reasons,’ Farah said. ‘Email me at the beginning of next year.’
‘A word about Tejas. He is not inspired. It might be a while before you can boost his digits online. Who–’
‘You can leave,’ the rep said.
‘You can email me anytime, Aisha, for anything,’ Farah said.
I nodded.
‘Thank you, Farah,’ I managed to croak before going back to an empty house, with nothing to look forward to in life.
18
Bored Games
– RUHI –
Monday, 17 October
To Do:
Hound T for novel
Scout blogs and Facebook groups for promising new writers
‘It turned out better than I had imagined.’ I was looking at the bulletin with the picture that Ani had tagged Aisha’s social media handles on. She’d made a fake account and shared it through Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
‘Pity they aren’t going to do a print story about it,’ Ani said.
‘People are talking about it non-stop.’
‘They broke up. I know that for sure,’ I told her. ‘And her appraisal wouldn’t have gone well thanks to the story.’
‘You’re going to get the JLF gig now. They won’t have somebody as unprofessional as Aisha on it.’
By the time I reached the edit room, I had about fifty mails I was marked on. I found Farah there alone. Aisha wasn’t around for me to gloat at.
‘I’m sure you haven’t heard,’ she began in her saccharine yet sarcastic tone she used when she was annoyed with me but had no real reason to be so.
‘A lot happened while you were on your break. We had to ask Aisha to leave and have assigned her JLF slot to you. And her clients as well. I’m sorry about it but you just have to work through it.’
‘She’s been let go?’
‘Suspended till next year,’ her voice softened. ‘We should have consulted you, Ruhi, you being the managing editor at Litracy and as she was hired by you, but we were doing the appraisals and I couldn’t arm-twist HR. I did what I could to keep her on the payroll. Her loss is your gain. I know you wanted the position.’
I didn’t intend for Aisha to get fired, just kicked off JLF.
‘Tejas had to leave. He can meet you at six, he said. Fix up a place. He’s the only one you need to see in person about social media. Don’t waste time making new content, tell him to email you a short story synopsis or teaser or poem. Get him to agree on whatever you want to publish online today. Look at all of Aisha’s clients and her spreadsheet today. She’s quite organised so you won’t have to worry about social media till next week. I want you to focus on catching up with JLF till then. After that, just spend a day, a few hours a week, scheduling social media.’
‘Got it.’
‘And since you’re friends, sometime this month go meet Aisha and show her your plan.’
‘Meet her?’
‘Yes, she had some valuable inputs about the panels, I’d hate for them not to be implemented. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.’
‘Oh.’
‘And another thing. I need Tejas’s novel. Whatever he has. Even if it’s a few chapters. Aisha mentioned he’s having trouble with it. Give him two weeks.’
‘Sure.’
I opened my mailbox and grinned at my reflection on the computer screen. I had changed a horrible situation I was in and made it work for myself. I pulled my hair into a bun and called for a
coffee. I had to be alert for the next three months. It was the beginning of my future and the rest of my life. Now that I knew I had power, nothing was ever going to be the same.
I met Tejas at his favourite coffee shop in Khan Market. The cafe was within a bookshop. They still displayed copies of Tejas’s novel, and he loved going there. This was going to be the first proper conversation I’d have with him since that night in the hotel in Thimphu. At least it was a casual setup. I told myself to meet him like any other author.
I was nervous, but I don’t think he could tell.
‘One salted caramel cappuccino and an Americano for me,’ Tejas told the barista and we sat down.
‘Why’d you bring work with you?’ Tejas asked.
‘You haven’t heard. Litracy had to let Aisha go.’
‘Because of me?’
‘Your fight ended up appearing on Twitter. And it was appraisals day. Farah had no choice.’ I couldn’t tell him it was because of me that she lost her job.
‘Oh shit! That’s not good. The day we break up, she loses her job,’ Tejas said.
‘Suspended for the rest of the year. Farah is calling it health leave in her mail to everyone. You really broke up?’
‘I didn’t plan it. I just wanted Farah to assign you to my portfolio, to take a load off Aisha.’
‘It’s all too much for her. She hasn’t been doing well.’
‘I have never seen her this angry.’
‘She’s been slipping in office too – wardrobe malfunctions, food spilt on her clothes, hair a mess, the whole shebang. Her own site is getting nothing but hate comments,’ I added.
‘How was she after I left?’
‘Don’t ask. She kept bingeing on my Hershey’s Kisses and walked to the smoking area every fifteen minutes. I’m sure she smelt awful by the time she went for her appraisal.’
‘Still, if anyone can recover from this, it’s Aisha.’
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