Adulting

by Neharika Gupta

  ‘I hope so. Shall we get started then?’

  ‘Started on what? You want to eat something?’

  ‘Focus, Tejas. Your social media. Aisha has posts scheduled for everyone for the remainder of the year, except you. I have to figure out yours. The rest of my time is going to go for JLF.’

  ‘Wow. Way to go! Finally. That’s great, Ruhi. Now all you have to do is work your ass off.’

  ‘There’s no need to be sarcastic. Some of us actually like our jobs.’

  ‘Fine, fine, just kidding. You know what, I give you free rein. I have enough going on with my novel and can’t do this with you.

  Why don’t you just do that on your own? It’s what Aisha would do.

  The site and page are for my fans. You are my number one fan.

  What do you want to know?’

  ‘Hm, I could do a post about this cafe. Your favourite places in Delhi, restaurants, cafes, bars. Then we could move on to movies, music.’

  ‘There you go. Problem solved. I’ll always be available to even go to these places with you. For pictures and so on. I knew I made the right choice by choosing you.’

  I was positively glowing.

  ‘You’re looking good, Ruhi.’

  That caught me off guard. I wouldn’t fall for it this time, though. Not immediately.

  ‘It would be nice to go out together sometime. Professionally, or otherwise.’

  I ignored that.

  ‘How’s your book going, Tejas? Another bestseller in the making?’

  ‘All right, can’t complain.’

  ‘We need it next to next Monday. Whatever you have.’

  ‘Seriously? I thought the deadline was December.’

  ‘Don’t look so morose. You have a couple of weeks to spruce up whatever you’re working on.’

  ‘Morose doesn’t begin to describe it.’

  19

  Hot, Cold & Hot Again

  – TEJAS –

  Saturday, 28 October What an idea, to drop everything in life and to just focus on that one thing . What a scary thought not to have a plan B .

  Delusion feeds success. What about being safe? I do understand , having a safety net is important. But it’s not a risk. And sometimes the only things worth doing are the scariest things.

  But the land beyond is magical. Well , seems magical. Just like this did. There is no magic to happen. It is all about doing it, creating things by one’s own self. Maybe doing something slightly crazy might be in order. Maybe giving up how I feel , is in order. Maybe just doing things is in order . What else, being brave, being audacious. Grabbing things. Nicely. Being a smart mouth. Being awkward. Being. Getting inspired. Allowing myself to be inspired. By people. Places. Objects. Music. Scenarios.

  It’s been two weeks since Aisha and I split, and I cannot pen down a word. It hurts like somebody put a stake through my body.

  Stop thinking about Aisha, I told myself. Focus, man. Focus.

  Postponing the book isn’t going to work much longer. I had to push out something. Then again, genius took time.

  I made a drink. Maybe I’d have a Coleridge-type epiphany if I passed out. I sat with my drink in one hand and cigarette in the other.

  I just couldn’t get a decently balanced sentence out. I finished my whiskey, downed two more and began reading my notes.

  The church was built on the skeletons of those who’d died. It was a tourist attraction, picturesque with its Gothic towers and ravens flying appropriately for tourists to click pictures good enough to be on postcards.

  Little did they know the bloodstained history of the walls and windows that they clicked with their oversized cameras.

  Eons ago, a man lived there, seemingly alone. He wanted for nothing. He had all one could ask for. The man had a secret. In his dungeons were two young girls, tied and kept. Before the depths of the man’s depravity were explored, it was clear, he had chains around his ankles too and the key was with the lady in power.

  I woke up sweating. What kind of a twisted dream was that? I couldn’t bear to remember it, forget use it. Was I being held against my will by Farah, and in that exact manner, kept Aisha and Ruhi as playthings?

  I wasn’t doing that.

  I needed time and this situation would have to fix itself. It will have to bide its time out like a hangover.

  I had to get out of the house and there was only one place I could think of going to at this hour. And it was her birthday.

  My life was in shambles, it was even all over social media, but Aisha saw our breakup as an opportunity to celebrate.

  The driveway was full of cars – I spotted the latest Mercedes and Beamer. I had a set of Aisha’s garage keys in my car and had no trouble parking. Hip-hop music thudded out of the house and people I’d never seen before were spilling onto the house lawns.

  I spotted Aisha in a shimmery black dress.

  ‘Hello, boyfriend,’ she said spotting me, champagne bottle in hand. ‘Meet all my best friends.’

  ‘These are not your friends. I can’t spot Ruhi,’ I said.

  ‘That’s because backstabbers weren’t invited,’ Aisha said.

  ‘Excuse me. Kaaartikk?’ she stumbled over to a fair, perpetually annoyed-looking fellow.

  ‘I need you,’ I texted Ruhi. ‘Can you come to Aisha’s place?

  Emergency.’

  ‘On my way!’ she texted back.

  I didn’t want to make a fool of myself; this party already had enough of them, with Aisha obliviously following around her infamous ex and the giggling gaggle of girls who kept pointing at me but did not come by to talk. Some party.

  There was no one I was remotely interested in having a conversation with until Ruhi arrived, looking splendid in a red dress flanked by Ani and Rahul, one of Litracy’s in-house designers.

  ‘I didn’t know you guys were that close by,’ I told Ruhi.

  ‘What’s the emergency?’

  ‘Are you still fighting with Aisha?’ I said into her ear, over the music.

  ‘I haven’t seen her after she got fired. Why’d you need me?’ she hollered back. ‘What was so urgent? Isn’t it her birthday today?’

  ‘I have to talk to you. Let’s go inside.’

  ‘Hang on.’ Ruhi grabbed a wine bottle and two glasses.

  ‘I don’t think Aisha should see me though.’

  We took to an inconspicuous corner of the living room. She poured me a glass.

  ‘Is it me or does Aisha look slimmer than before? I had no idea she had this many friends,’ Ruhi said.

  ‘She doesn’t. They’re just people she knows.’

  ‘So is it about the deadline?’ Ruhi said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Did you call me to talk to Farah about your deadline?’

  ‘Yes and no. It would be great if you can.’

  ‘I figured, with your breakup.’

  ‘That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I don’t have Aisha anymore and I thought we really connected again.’

  ‘Are you high, Tejas?’

  ‘I’m serious, that’s what I am. I haven’t been doing okay after the breakup. I feel like I hurt her and you. It’s tormenting me, Ruhi.’

  ‘You are so dramatic.’

  ‘And you sound exactly like Aisha.’

  ‘No, I mean, channel this, access this in your writing. Write what you feel, Tejas. Get it all out. Have you written about this?’

  ‘No.’ I’d been numbing it for days.

  ‘You are not going to be able to write happy stuff. Don’t worry about Farah, I’ll handle her.’

  ‘ You ’ll handle her?’

  Aisha’s room door flung open. A flustered Aisha walked out. She tripped, took off her heels and threw them back at someone in her bedroom.

  ‘You disgust me. Get out of my house, you shallow prick,’ she shouted.

  ‘Fuck, Aisha. It’s not my fault you’ve become a pig.’ Kartik emerged, buttoning his shirt.

  ‘You and your sister are
nothing but snobs.’

  ‘At least we aren’t fat,’ he said.

  Ruhi’s jaw dropped. ‘You need to talk to Aisha. I’ll mingle. I’m sure she doesn’t want to see me. You’re a little tipsy, but you’ll manage.’

  Aisha was in the kitchen, trying to find a glass, presumably.

  ‘Here.’ I put some water in a glass and led her to the sofa. She promptly finished it and poured the wine in the glass.

  ‘This is a nightmare. Do you ever think your life is a nightmare, Tejas?’

  ‘All the time,’ I said.

  ‘You should have seen Kartik’s face, Tejas. Like, he never protested when I was a bag of bones, that stuck-up fuck. If I see him again, I’m going to punch him. I threw this party all because of him. What a stupid thing for me to do. I should have been happy with you. Do you think us splitting up was a mistake?’ she said.

  ‘No. I miss you but I can’t handle two people’s problems together.’

  ‘Which two people?’ she asked, counting on her fingers, slurring the words.

  ‘You and me,’ I told her. Then she fell asleep on the sofa.

  I found Ruhi talking to a group of people who were absorbed in a story she was telling. It seemed to be about a tantrum a particular author threw every time she went to Litracy. I waited till she finished.

  ‘How are you getting home?’ I asked Ruhi.

  ‘I have a car and driver.’

  ‘I really need to talk to you. More wine?’

  ‘Okay.’ She giggled.

  ‘What’s so funny?’

  ‘What a mess I made of us.’

  ‘It’s my fault too.’

  ‘I know it sounds awful, but I’m a little glad things didn’t end well with you and Aisha.’

  ‘I’m finding it atrociously hard to be on my own. I can’t write, I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything productive. I need your energy back in my life. You completely stopped talking to me after we got back.’

  ‘You didn’t bother being honest with me and when Aisha caught your eye, you dumped me like trash. I saw you guys in the plane.’

  ‘It wasn’t like that, Ruhi.’

  ‘Holding hands. What you and Aisha did hurt me. You know, I had your journal all along. I tore up each page and threw it away.’

  ‘I had a feeling.’ I took her hand. ‘I need you, Ruhi.’

  ‘I’ve changed. I don’t think I’m a good person anymore, Tejas.’

  She took a cigarette and lit it flawlessly. She took a deep inhale and looked away from my face to her shoes.

  ‘When Aisha took my position in the JLF team—’

  ‘It wasn’t yours.’

  ‘It was mine. Is mine now. I know the festival in and out and I deserved it. It was clearly too much for Aisha to handle. Anyway, I was so mad, Tejas. She took you, she took my position at work, my hardworking reputation was overshadowed by her flamboyance –

  so I had her fired.’

  ‘You had her fired?’

  ‘I didn’t mean to. I just clicked a picture of you guys fighting and showed it to Ani. Before I knew it, it was online. We wrote a scathing story that made her look bad during appraisals. I just wanted to circulate it within WD and definitely not online. I just wanted a little revenge. I hate myself, Tejas. I thought she would get kicked off the core festival team for having her emotions all over the place, not actually lose her job. I could have stopped Ani.’

  ‘I’m not going to deny that Aisha partially helped dig the pit she’s in right now, with her mood swings and mismanagement of time, but it’s Farah you should have stood up to. Aisha did not pick the JLF team. Your mother did. As for me, I did the right thing, maybe at the wrong time. Nothing earth-shattering.’

  ‘I feel worse.’

  ‘Aisha should be dealing with her health anyway.’

  ‘But her job, she lost her job.’

  ‘Suspended. It’s not totally your fault. And it’s not as if she’s on the road; her family is supporting her, and she’s busy partying. There are other ways to earn and she’s a bit of a celebrity. She’ll be fine.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. I think it’s great you fought for what you wanted.’

  ‘What is this, then? Are we dating again?’ Ruhi asked me.

  ‘I’d like that. I want you to think about it and not rush into it though.’

  ‘You’ve been hot and cold and tepid, it’s too much drama for me.

  I’m not Aisha.’

  ‘Which is why I choose you. I need someone stable, and it’s you.’

  ‘Oh, Tejas,’ she said. ‘I should leave, it’s past two. First, I want to check on Aisha.’

  The house was empty. The last of the people had left and the music had stopped.

  I picked up Aisha from the sofa and put her on her bed and put the speaker and bottles of alcohol in the house. Ruhi put a glass of water on Aisha’s bedside table but she wouldn’t let me wake her up in front of her.

  After she left, I shook Aisha awake and told her I was locking the house and leaving.

  ‘Bye, boyfriend,’ she said.

  ‘I’m not your boyfriend anymore.’

  20

  All Time Low

  – AISHA –

  Sunday, 29 October

  What’s on your mind?

  Dear fans! Your fave blogger just completed a super stint with Litracy Books. Another feather in her cap in time to turn twenty-six! Stay tuned to @EveryDelhiGirl for a flashback in publishing, coming soon!

  Mortified.

  There is no other way to describe how I felt after the humiliation of last night. Kartik snubbed me in front of Tejas and then I passed out in front of him. That was the third time he’d seen me unconscious. I could sink no lower. And he’d taken care of me yet again. That was worse. I wonder if he felt guilty for initiating the chain of events that led to me being fired.

  Nevertheless, there was no room for him in my life, though I had room for a lot of things now.

  In the two weeks since I’d stopped going to work, I had started working out, hired a maid to cook healthy home food, thrown a party and doubled my efforts to bring traffic to my blog.

  I couldn’t helped checking out Tejas’s blog and Facebook. His Facebook page was blowing up. It featured Tejas’s favourite cafe and bar. Ruhi had taken my blogging method and used them for his posts. Good for her .

  I felt like the main character in a movie who was at her lowest and had to learn to pick herself up. I’d just skip the sad part and go to the picking-myself-up part. I didn’t need the tears.

  I still had myself and my blog, granted my self was bigger than I ever could imagine, but I was doing everything I could with what I had.

  That was how I found myself in the gym on a Sunday morning, despite having the worst hangover of my life.

  I was in a white t-shirt and black track pants with bright pink shoes. I felt flabby and paunchy at my fifty-nine kilos. Everyone around me was crazy fit. There were girls in sports bras and guys in muscle shirts. No one so much as glanced at me.

  Losers.

  Some months ago, I could have given those girls a run for their money with my outfits and body and attitude. I actually never thought I’d be here, I used to make fun of people sweating and working hard, just so they could look good naked.

  At this gym, there were people around who all knew each other and I felt invisible, like someone had transplanted someone else’s mind inside my body. Still, I was a fighter. I’d lost six kilos in two weeks and simply had to work harder.

  I finished the treadmill and abs, then began the weights. I was beginning to feel dizzy but I’d get through it. I hadn’t eaten this morning, I couldn’t stomach the thought of food, and all the better for it. I would push myself harder and the fat would burn off.

  I was doing burpees on the stepper. Before I knew it, I had blacked out.

  When I came to, I was on the floor, there were people around me, my left sneaker was lying on the side next to the dumbbell and a gym tra
iner was pressing a towel full of ice to my foot.

  ‘Relax, ma’am, you fell on your leg. A doctor was in the spa, she’s coming to look at you.’

  And sure enough a young lady in a bathrobe came to look at my leg. Soon there was a puddle around us, and I learnt that I’d

  fainted (again) while exercising and fallen on my leg. She removed the ice. My foot had swollen to double its size. Thank God I couldn’t feel anything. I felt even sicker. Someone gave me lemonade in a disposable glass.

  ‘Aisha, right?’ she said.

  ‘How long will your parents take to get here?’

  ‘They’re not around.’

  ‘Do you have anyone you can call? Someone, a friend or a boyfriend. This needs to be looked at immediately.’

  That made me smile. This lady thought I was attractive enough to have a boyfriend.

  ‘Is it a sprain? I’ll take a cab home. Can I do that?’ I looked at the trainers who were still standing around, looking worried.

  ‘I can come with you to the hospital if you like. We’ll tell them to administer local anaesthesia, first thing.’

  ‘It isn’t a sprain?’ I moved my toe, and a sharp pain spread up my leg. ‘OW. No. It’s broken,’ I cried out.

  ‘Ice,’ she told the trainer, who moved back into position.

  ‘Don’t move your leg at all. I’m calling an ambulance.’

  ‘Ambulance?’

  ‘Do you want me to inform someone? They can meet you at the hospital and take you home.’

  I gave her my phone and told her who to call.

  When the ambulance arrived, I assured the doctor I’d be okay and she didn’t need to come. She gave me her number and told me to call her if I needed anything.

  ‘You tell them you’re a friend of mine, they’ll do everything quickly.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I told Ruhi.

  ‘Ya it’s like deja vu.’

  I was in the backseat of her car, my left leg stretched out in the cast. She was quiet; I had to make most of the conversation.

  She paid the hospital bill too without a word, as I didn’t have my wallet with me.

  ‘You’ve started driving, that’s cool,’ I told her.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You look really good. The contact lenses suit you,’ I told her.

  ‘Thanks. I would have thought you would be at home, getting over the entire office thing.’