Harts of Arizona Series

by Yahrah St. John

  “Caleb, it’s me,” Rylee said.

  Hearing his sister’s voice gave him pause, and he twisted as best he could to see her. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, which were rosy from her extended honeymoon.

  “Rylee, you shouldn’t have come. You should be on your honeymoon enjoying life, ’cause trust me, life can change on a dime.” He was about to turn his head again, but Rylee tapped his arm and he glared at her.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “Did I hurt you?”

  He rolled his eyes. “You didn’t hurt me. That’s about the only thing I can feel right now.”

  “I know,” Rylee said, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, “but I couldn’t stay away, Caleb, not when I heard you’d been hurt. You’re my baby brother. I love you.”

  “Well, your love isn’t going to do anything for me right now.”

  “Wow!” Rylee covered her mouth. “I’ve never known you to be this cruel.”

  Caleb snorted. “And I’ve never been paralyzed before and confined to a damn wheelchair, Rylee. Dammit! Why are you making be mean to you? You should leave.”

  “You want me to leave too?” Addison asked softly from behind them.

  Caleb moved his head and saw her standing in the back of the room behind Rylee, Amar and Noah. Hadn’t he told his brother to go? Shouldn’t he be with his pregnant wife, who was ready to deliver at any moment?

  Caleb thought about Addison’s question for several moments. Did he want her to leave? Hell no, he didn’t! But what did he have to offer Addison now? Before the accident, he’d been ready to tell her that he’d made a mistake and that he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind. She was the first woman he’d truly cared about. After the rodeo, he’d planned on telling her that he was willing to try commitment, but that had all changed the moment that bull flung him off and slammed its feet into his back.

  He was a broken man now. In every way. After he’d kicked his family out of his room, he’d called the doctor back because he wanted to know how severe the paralysis was. He might not ever walk again, and they wouldn’t know for a while if it was permanent. Okay, he’d gotten that. But Caleb had wanted to know if that also meant he would no longer be able to make love to a woman.

  “I’m sorry, Caleb,” the doctor had replied, “but incomplete paralysis does lead to a loss of sensory and sexual function.” Absolute horror had overtaken him, and it must have shown on his face because the doctor had been quick to say, “Again, it’s too early to know for sure, but yes, for now you’re impotent.”

  And that’s why he had to talk to Addison right away. She was too young to spend her time with a broken man unable to make love to her. As expressive and passionate as she was, Addison deserved a man who could not only give her the world, but make her toes curl. He wasn’t that man anymore, and he would rather tell her now than let her waste her time hoping for a happy ending that might not ever come.

  “No, I would like you to stay,” Caleb replied. “We need to talk. Rylee, Amar, Noah, can you please give us some privacy?”

  Rylee stared back at him resolutely.

  “Please,” he stated more emphatically.

  “Alright, but I’m not going far,” Rylee said.

  He knew she meant it, but that was different. Rylee was family. She was obligated to love him no matter what. Addison he needed to set free.

  Several seconds later, the three of them departed, leaving Caleb and Addison alone.

  As he patted a spot beside him on the hospital bed, he saw her perk up. She quietly walked over to him and sat on the edge. Her hand reached out and softly caressed his face. That tiny action broke his heart because he would never again feel her touch after today. He would never feel her wrapped in his arms.

  “Addison, don’t.” Caleb pulled away.

  “Why not? Why can’t I touch you?”

  Her question was innocent and naïve enough, but fraught with uneasiness.

  “I’m so glad you’re awake,” she continued, not waiting for his answer. “Each time I’ve visited, you’ve been asleep.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m in pain and the medications they’re pumping into me are no joke, puts me out like a light.”

  “I don’t want to make your pain any worse,” Addison said, rising from the bed.

  “Things can’t get much worse.”

  “Caleb, I know—”

  He cut her off before she could finish. “Listen, Addison, we need to talk.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. There’s no need to rehash the past few weeks. Let’s just focus on your recovery, Caleb. I’m here for you, and I’ll help you get through this however long it takes.”

  “However long it takes?” Caleb snorted. “Do you hear yourself? Do you even know what that means, Addison?”

  “Don’t patronize me, Caleb.”

  “Someone has to. You’re living in a fantasy world. Do you think I’m just magically going to wake up and walk? I won’t!” His voice began to rise. “I may not ever walk again. Do you realize what that means?”

  “I—”

  “It means I might be in that godforsaken wheelchair for the rest of my life. And do you think I want you by my side out of pity or worse, obligation? All because we shared a great week in bed. Well, I don’t, Addison.”

  “Why are you being so hateful?” Addison turned away from him. “You’re not the man I’ve come to care for.”

  He hated to hurt her this way, but he had to get through to her. There was no way he was going to be able to stand the next few weeks, let alone the next few months with her by his side if there was a chance he wouldn’t recover. And according to the doctors, the odds were not in his favor. It was highly unlikely that he would make a full turnaround, and he had to accept and deal with that on his own terms. He couldn’t afford the distraction of worrying about her feelings when his life and entire future were on the line.

  “Because you’re making me,” Caleb responded. “If you would just go ...” He sighed and lowered his head. Using his upper body, he shifted himself away from Addison so he wouldn’t have to look at her. Why is she making this so hard?

  “And make it easy for you to cast me aside?” Addison walked around the bed to face him. “You would like that, wouldn’t you? But I’m not going to make it easy for you, Caleb Hart. If you don’t want me, you’re going to have to tell me to my face.”

  Caleb lifted his head and stared in her eyes. “Alright, if you recall, you and I were supposed to be about good times, nothing more. We were never more than fuck buddies and now that those good times are over, you need to leave, but for some reason you can’t get that through that naïve head of yours. You have visions of roses and sunshine. Well, that’s not real life, Addison. This is.” He slammed his fists on the bed. “Real life is ugly and nasty and not at all pretty. So here’re the facts: I’m a cripple! A cripple who can’t make love to you. So since you quite enjoyed my acrobatics in the bedroom, you should know that I won’t be able to accommodate you anymore.”

  Almost instantly, Caleb felt the sting of the slap from Addison’s palm. It was like he could feel her pain through her anger. She was red with it, but it was her eyes that said it all. He’d not only offended her, but he’d humiliated her too.

  “You’re a real bastard, Caleb,” Addison cried. “You really know how to cut a girl deep.”

  “I aim to please.”

  Addison glared. “You must really feel less than a man to strike out at me this way.”

  “You need to leave, Addison, and not come back. There’s nothing for you here.”

  Addison nodded in agreement. “You’re right. There’s nothing here, probably never was. Goodbye, Caleb.” She turned around and walked out the door.

  Hours later, after the sun had long since set, Caleb sat in his hospital bed staring out the window. He’d been in pretty
much the same position since Addison had left. Sending her away had cut deep, but he’d had to do it. It was simply what was right. He couldn’t let her keep holding on, especially when he didn’t have anything to offer and could make no promises.

  A knock sounded on his door. “Come in.”

  Uncle Duke walked in, removing his cowboy hat as he approached Caleb. “How you doing, son?”

  Caleb shook his head. He wasn’t much in the mood for talking. After Addison had left, Rylee and Amar had tried to visit with him, but after an hour of his sullen mood even Rylee became fed up and told him she’d come back later in the evening.

  “I spoke with Noah a short while ago,” Duke said.

  “Is that right?”

  “Yeah, it is, Caleb.” Duke walked over to stand in front of the window. “And you’re not going to ignore me like you’re doing everyone else or push me away like you just did poor Addison. Rylee told me the girl left your room crying.”

  “Don’t, Duke.”

  “Don’t what? Pussyfoot around you because you’re in a hospital bed? ’Cause I won’t. I know you’ve just been handed a tough break. But sometimes those are the hands we’re dealt with in life.”

  “Are you honestly going to preach to me about life’s unfairness, Uncle Duke? Hell, I’m living proof of it!”

  “Yes, you are, but rather than face it head-on with the people in your life, family and friends and a woman who loves you, you’re pushing them all away.”

  “I love you, Uncle Duke,” Caleb said, “but I’m warning you ... you’re on dangerous ground here, and you need to mind your damn business.”

  Caleb didn’t want or need another person reminding him of what he’d lost. He knew what he’d lost. He’d just lost the woman he loved.

  Chapter 17

  Four Years Later—Present Day

  “Win me back?” Addison laughed aloud even though her entire body had responded to his words. She must have heard wrong. She looked deep into Caleb Hart’s penetrating stare and knew, however, that in fact she’d heard it right. And wow, he looked even better now than he had all those years ago. He was extraordinarily sexy, so much so that heat suffused her body, zinging her with its potency. The man had enough sex appeal that he could bottle it up and sell it.

  “Do you see me laughing?” Caleb asked.

  “No,” Addison responded, expelling a breath, “but you should be. Clearly you must have lost your marbles when you fell off that bull four years ago if you even think you have half a chance of getting me back.” She reminded herself that she could handle Caleb.

  “Ah.” Caleb smiled knowingly and nodded.

  “Don’t you smile at me,” Addison returned. “Don’t you dare mock me!”

  “I’m not mocking you, Addison. I’m just enjoying the mature, worldly woman you’ve become. You’re not the same sweet ingénue I met all those years ago.”

  “Did you expect me to stay the same?”

  “No, but this, this isn’t you, either.”

  “How would you know? You haven’t seen me in four years.”

  “Touché.”

  Caleb was staring at her, and it made her uneasy. She felt like his very essence was enveloping her, filling her lungs and sparking a fire within her.

  “You’re right. I don’t know the woman you’ve become, and the way I treated you was one of the single greatest regrets of my life. My behavior was deplorable.”

  “Caleb, don’t go there.” His apology shocked her. She hadn’t been expecting it and certainly didn’t want it. She’d wanted to show him her new smooth composure, but instead of being in charge, he was throwing her off-kilter.

  “Why not? It’s the truth.”

  “Because I don’t want to hear it. I’ve moved on from you, Caleb. I’ve met someone else. I’m with Raphael now.”

  “And who’s Raphael? How did you two meet?”

  “I won’t be twenty-questioned by my old boyfriend about my new one.”

  “Was I your boyfriend? I think not.”

  “What were we then?”

  “We were lovers.”

  Addison blushed, and as if sensing a kink in her new armor, Caleb asked, “Since you won’t tell me about this Rafael, can I ask if you’re happy with him?”

  “I am.” And she was. Raphael was wonderful. He was kind, caring and compassionate.

  “Are you sure about that?” Caleb circled around her like a panther stalking his prey.

  “Of course. I’m over you, Caleb.”

  “Even though I was your first?”

  His boldness shocked her. Does he have no boundaries? She’d just told him she had a man, and he was openly asking her about their sexual encounters. “How uncouth of you to remind me. But I’ve changed, Caleb. I’m not that naïve girl that you can lead around by the nose.”

  “Then let’s see how skilled you’ve become.”

  She knew his intention and stated, “Stay away from me.” Those were the only words Addison managed to get out before he reached over, pulling her into his arms. Addison struggled in his embrace, but that only seemed to bring her closer to him, closer to the solid expanse of chest she remembered so well. He slid his hands behind her neck and brought her face closer to his.

  “Don’t!” she warned, and at first she thought he might listen because his mouth hovered near her lips for what seemed like an eternity, but then he brought his mouth down on hers. His lips were soft and tender as they brushed across, but his kiss became more insistent as his tongue teased at the seam of her lips, demanding entry. She tried to keep them closed, but Caleb was an expert kisser, and when he squeezed her behind and she felt his erection, an involuntary purr escaped her lips—and that’s when he slid his tongue inside.

  She didn’t want to lose control, but the attraction between them was so potent that she could only feel Caleb’s tongue stroking hers and the fire he stirred within her—just as he had so long ago.

  “Hmmm ...” Caleb licked his lips when he finally pulled away from her trembling body. “You’ve become very skilled indeed.”

  Addison colored and took several steps backward away from him. She wiped her lips with her hand. “You had no right to do that.”

  “No, I didn’t, but I’ve never played fair before and I don’t intend on starting now. Not when it comes to what’s mine.”

  “And you think I’m yours?” The sheer audacity of his statement made Addison want to strangle him. She hadn’t been his in a very long time and never would be again. He’d made sure of that when he’d sent her away from that hospital.

  “Yes. You’ve been mine, Addison, from the moment I first made love to you. You may be with someone else now, but I doubt he moves you the way I do.”

  “You’re arrogant, Caleb Hart, and that hasn’t changed. You may be a good kisser and my body may have responded, but I’m not interested in what you’re selling. You broke my heart, and I will not let you hurt me again.”

  “Addison—”

  “Stay away from me, Caleb. This time for good.” She turned and strode toward the patio doors.

  Caleb watched Addison walk away. He inhaled deeply, breathing in her scent, still wafting through the air. Kissing her just now had played havoc with him, and he throbbed. He hadn’t intended on kissing her, hadn’t intended on acting so brazenly on his secret desires, but he was glad he had. Her lips were the sweetest he’d ever sampled, and he wanted more, much more. And despite Addison’s protestations, she was just as affected by the kiss as he’d been. Her body had melted into his during their embrace, and if he hadn’t been mistaken, she actually moaned when he’d deepened it.

  Whoever this Raphael person was, he may have Addison for now, but it was clear to Caleb that there was a crack in Addison’s armor, and he intended to widen it enough to squeeze back in, possibly into her heart.

  “Everyth
ing alright, babe?” Raphael Toussaint asked when Addison returned from the patio and eased back into the crowd at the Dallas Country Club’s charity event. She slid into his arms as he stood next to her father and a congressman’s aide, and was about to answer him when she caught her father’s gaze. Instantly she stiffened. She didn’t need to turn to know Caleb had just entered the room. The frown on her father’s face said it all. “I’m fine,” she finally got out.

  She smiled up at Raphael. He was incredibly handsome. He wasn’t quite as tall as Caleb, but he was just as good-looking if not more so. Raphael had classic features, unlike Caleb’s sexy rugged ones. Raphael’s creamy brown skin was smooth, and his sculpted cheekbones and permanent five o’clock shadow made him a pure dream.

  Addison had to remind herself just how great she and Raphael were. They were perfectly suited to each other. She didn’t have to try to understand or figure him out. He didn’t play any games. What you saw was what you got, and Addison appreciated that he was for real with her.

  She leaned on her tiptoes and kissed his jaw.

  “What was that for?” he asked.

  “Just wanted to.” She smiled up at him. She ignored her father’s obvious stare. She knew he wanted to know if she’d seen Caleb, but that was none of his business.

  After her relationship with Caleb had ended, Benjamin Walker had expected his daughter to come home with her tail between her legs and cry on his shoulder, but she hadn’t. She’d also refused to hear him say “I told you so,” especially after he’d warned her about Caleb. So she’d left the States and gone to Paris to visit some old college mates. He hadn’t been happy about it, and she’d thought he was going to cut her off, but after she’d explained he’d understood and had actually championed it.

  She hadn’t been looking for love when she’d met Raphael, but it had slowly snuck up on her and she was grateful for a man like him, a man who appreciated all she had to offer and who wasn’t just using her for sex.