by Teresa Roman
It was dark by the time we left the restaurant. We had both parked in a nearby garage, and as we walked back to it together, Jude reached for my hand. I tensed, the contact making my heart race.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes,” I said, telling myself to stop overthinking everything.
“What level is your car on?”
“The top one.”
It was a Friday night, so tons of people were out. That was my least-favorite thing about LA life, how crowded everything was. I was lucky that I’d even managed to find a parking spot.
“I’ll walk you there.”
His offer to accompany me didn’t come as a surprise. So far Jude had been nothing but a perfect gentleman. I appreciated that he opened doors for me and insisted on paying for dinner every time we went out, but I couldn’t shake my fear that eventually it would all come to an end and the real him would finally make an appearance. Like Jude, Nick had been a nice guy at first. It wasn’t until he’d moved in that he revealed his awful jealous streak and controlling ways.
“I had a really good time tonight,” Jude said as we approached my car.
“I did, too.”
He leaned in for another cheek kiss. But this time, before he could turn to walk away, I grabbed his hand. He looked at me. “Is something wrong?”
“I . . . um, was wondering. Are you ever going to kiss me?”
His eyes widened. “Do you want me to?”
“Only if you want to.”
“Oh, I want to. You have no idea how bad.”
I bit my lower lip. “Then do it already.”
The words were barely out of my mouth when he wrapped his hand around the nape of my neck, pulled me closer, and pressed his lips on mine.
I was right, his lips were soft, and so was his tongue as it slid into my mouth, deepening our kiss. He snaked his other arm behind my back while I reached up to run my fingers through his wavy, dark hair. The warmth coming from his body coupled with the earthy scent of his cologne and the way his lips felt on mine made me feel almost drunk, even though I’d only had one glass of wine with dinner.
He broke our kiss and whispered in my ear, “Come over to my place.”
I froze. My insides clenched. There was a part of me that wanted to say yes, but for some reason I just couldn’t. “Um, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“I want to kiss you again,” he said. “But somewhere private, not here in a parking garage.”
“I just . . . I don’t know.” I reached into my purse and pulled out my keys so I could unlock my car door.
Jude wrapped his hand around my wrist. I looked up at him. “What are you so afraid of?” he asked.
“Afraid? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You hold me at arm’s length, never letting me get too close. Why is that?”
I shook my head. “I told you already. I just don’t want to rush into anything.”
“We’ve been seeing each other for over a month and we only just shared a kiss for the first time. I don’t know about you, but I’d hardly call that rushing things.”
He was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it out loud. “Listen, I don’t want to argue. It’s been a long week, and I’m tired. I’d love to come over to your place one day, just not tonight.”
“Okay,” he said, dropping my arm. “If you’re sure that’s all it is.”
I could tell by his voice he didn’t really buy my explanation, but thankfully, he didn’t press the issue. I got into my car and gave him a quick wave before backing out of the parking spot, my mind a jumbled mess. Jude just stood there with his arms crossed, watching as I drove away, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I was screwing everything up by letting fear control me.
Chapter 11
On the drive home, I made a decision. It was time to talk to Tracey about Jude. I’d sworn I knew what I was doing when I agreed to give him a chance, but now I wasn’t so sure, and I needed advice—badly.
She didn’t answer her phone. It was a Friday night, after all, which meant Tracey was probably out on a date of her own. I sent her a text.
Call me as soon as you can.
I lay down on the couch, resting my head on a throw pillow, and turned on the TV. I hadn’t lied when I’d told Jude it had been a long week, even though that wasn’t the reason I’d taken off so quickly. I still didn’t get why Jude’s invitation had freaked me out so much. It had been my idea to kiss him, I shouldn’t have been surprised when he asked me over to his place.
I sighed, realizing I wasn’t about to figure things out that night, and before I knew it, my eyes fluttered shut. I drifted off to sleep and stayed that way until Tracey called in the morning.
I almost chickened out of telling her about Jude, but I needed advice from someone who knew me well. “So . . . I thought you might want to know that I’ve sort of been dating someone,” I told her.
“Really?” she said. “Anyone I know?”
“Actually, yes.”
“Well, are you going to keep me hanging or are you going to tell me who?”
“It’s Jude.”
“As in Jude Morales, the hot cop who comes by the ER all the time?”
“Yup. That’s the one.”
“What? I thought you said your date with him was the worst one you’ve ever been on.”
“It was, but then he sent flowers to the ER and we got to talking. He agreed to take things slow so I decided to give him a chance.”
“What’s the problem then?” I hadn’t told Tracey there was one, but she was good at reading people, which was why I’d called her instead of my sister. Tracey had a way of figuring things out without me having to explain every little detail.
“I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t want to get burned again. But at the same time I’m scared I might be pushing away one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.”
“Pushing him away how?”
I told her about the kiss and the way I’d freaked when Jude invited me over to his place right after it.
“Do you like him?” she asked.
“No. Yes. I mean . . . I don’t really know. You know what happened with Nick. I can’t go through a relationship like that again. And then there was Eric. I thought things with him would be different, but I was wrong.”
“Well, they were different. Just not in the way you wanted.”
“I don’t want to make another mistake and get hurt again.”
“At some point you’re going to have to take a risk, Dawn.”
“I know. I know. I’ve been trying to tell myself that.”
“It sounds to me like you already know what to do then.”
“Yeah. I guess,” I said, chewing my lower lip. “I should go then so I can call Jude.”
“Not until you tell me if he was a good kisser or not.”
“Yeah, he was pretty amazing,” I said, thinking about the night before.
“You know what I just realized? If the two of you wind up get married, you won’t have to change your initials.”
“Oh my God. I just finished telling you how freaked out I am about things moving too quickly, and you’re already planning my wedding.”
“Chill out, Dawn. You know I’m only kidding.”
After I hung up, I stared at the phone in my hand, trying to figure out what my problem was. I grew up with two parents that loved each other. They bickered from time to time, but overall they had a good marriage. So relationships hadn’t worked out for me in the past, that didn’t mean one wouldn’t in the future.
I wasn’t going to come up with an answer right then and there, so I decided to take Tracey’s advice. My first step was to call Jude.
He sounded half asleep when he came on the line.
“I . . . I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. I’ll just try you later.”
“Don’t hang up,” Jude said abruptly. “I want to talk to you.”
“Maybe it
’s better if we talk in person.” I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants leg. “Can you come over? I’ll make us some coffee.”
“You want me to come to your apartment?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Okay, but don’t worry about making coffee, I’ll pick some up on my way over,” he said. “Just give me about half an hour.”
Thirty minutes was enough time for me to take a quick shower and dress. It was also enough time for the voice in my head to tell me it was too soon to invite Jude over. That before I knew what was happening he’d convince me to let him stay the night. He’d leave his things here and never want to leave. That was what had happened with Nick. And at first I was happy. Until everything blew up in my face. But Jude wasn’t Nick, and it was time to ignore the voice in my head that compared Jude to my past. Valentine’s Day was coming soon, and I wanted to enjoy it for once.
I finished washing the few dishes I had in my sink just as Jude arrived. I opened the door for him, and he handed me a cup of coffee. I gestured toward the table and chairs near the kitchen area. “Let’s sit.”
Jude seemed tense as he took a seat. We sat there in silence for a few moments until I reminded myself of the reason I’d asked him over.
“So, um, there’s something I wanted to tell you—”
“Before you do,” Jude said, “at least give me a chance to explain.”
I furrowed my brows in confusion. “Explain what?”
“About last night.”
“What is there for you to explain?”
“I . . . I didn’t mean to push you.”
For a moment, I was puzzled, then it dawned on me what he was getting at. “Last night wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I shouldn’t have run off like that.” I looked away, but kept talking. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just that the last time I was in a serious relationship, well, it turned out to be a disaster. I swore off dating after that. But then there was this guy, someone I’d liked for a while, so I decided to give him a chance, but that also turned out to be a disaster. That’s the reason why I didn’t want to rush into anything.”
Jude didn’t reply. I lifted my head to look in his face, hoping to glean something from his expression. “Well, are you going to say anything?”
“I . . . I thought you asked me over here to tell me you didn’t want to see me again,” he said. “I figured you didn’t like the way I kissed you. Or maybe you’re not into Mexicans, or the whole cop thing again.”
For some reason, I couldn’t help but smile, and then, before I could stop myself, I started laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
I shook my head. “We’re a mess. I can’t believe you were thinking those things. I actually happen to love that you’re Mexican, and I’m totally over the whole cop thing,” I said before adding “And just so you know, I think you’re an amazing kisser.”
His eyes flashed as a smile spread across his face. “You do?”
“Mm-hmm,” I said, nodding.
“Then you don’t want to break up with me?”
“No.” I stood and walked over to Jude. He pivoted to the side. I reached for his hand and stared at him for a minute before sitting down in his lap and wrapping my arms around him.
He looked up at me and whispered, “Dawn.” Before he could say another word, I kissed him. His strong, muscled arms came around me, pulling me closer. I pushed my tongue inside his mouth, wanting desperately to taste him, to drink him in. My hands twined through his hair before moving to caress his broad back and shoulders.
Jude pulled away and put his hand on my chin. “Did you know you almost gave me a heart attack this morning when you invited me over?”
“I can’t believe you thought I was going to tell you I didn’t want to see you again.”
“Can you really blame me for thinking that way?”
“I asked you over to apologize for the way I acted last night.”
Jude kissed me this time, reaching for one of my hands and threading his fingers through mine. Something about having our palms pressed together felt so intimate that it sent my heart into palpitations. This was what scared me. These emotions. Having feelings for someone who could use them to his advantage or change his mind when someone better came along, not caring about the broken heart he left behind. The thought hit me like a bucket of ice water. I pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” Jude asked.
“I was just wondering something,” I replied, hesitantly. “Are you seeing anyone else besides me?”
“No.” He frowned. “Are you?”
I shook my head.
“I know you’re going to think I’m crazy for saying this, but I’ve thought of you as my girl even before we went out to dinner that first time.”
I both liked and feared what Jude had just said. His words were romantic, but they were also the kind of thing Nick would have said. But Jude wasn’t Nick. He respected my desire to take things slowly. Nick would’ve pushed anyway. “Maybe it’s just a little crazy,” I said, smiling so Jude would know I was teasing.
“I’m falling for you, Dawn—hard.”
My insides melted at his confession. I had no idea what to say, so instead I kissed him again. A moment later he stood, lifted me in his strong arms, and carried me over to the couch where he lay me down. I reached for him, pulling him closer so his chest pressed against mine. He lowered his head, kissing my lips, and then the sensitive skin on my neck, while I ran my hands up and down his back. I was too turned on to think, too turned on to freak out.
I reached under his shirt, eager to feel his smooth skin and the curve of his muscles against the palms of my hands. He let out a soft moan at the contact, but a moment later pulled away.
“We should stop,” he said.
Had I done something wrong? I looked up at him, perplexed.
“You said you wanted to take things slow, and I told you I respected that. I don’t want you thinking I’m a liar,” he said.
“Yeah, um, okay,” I said, grateful that he’d put the brakes on. I sat up and planted my feet on the ground, staring down at them for a moment. “So now what?”
“Have you eaten yet?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Me neither. How about I cook us some eggs, or we could go out for breakfast if you prefer?”
“Eggs sound good. I can help you.”
“No need. Just show me where I can find a frying pan and a toaster.”
While Jude cooked, I filled two cups with orange juice and put forks on the table. A few minutes later, he carried breakfast over to the table.
“This looks good,” I said, reaching for my fork.
I took a few bites, but Jude just sat there, looking at me as though he had something on his mind. I dropped my fork and met his gaze. “Why aren’t you eating?”
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
The tone of his voice made me a bit uneasy. “What is it?”
“I . . . I want you to meet my family.”
My eyes widened. That was the last thing I expected him to say. And though the idea of it filled me with dread, how could I say no? “Um, sure. When were you thinking?”
“My sisters and I are throwing a surprise party for my parents’ thirtieth anniversary next Saturday. I’d really like it if you’d come.”
Next Saturday? That was a lot sooner than I’d expected. “I’ll have to double-check my schedule and make sure I’m off.”
“Can you let me know as soon as you find out?”
I nodded and smiled despite the anxiety that began to fill me. I’d only just talked myself into letting my guard down and opening up to Jude. I hadn’t expected it would lead to an invitation to meet his family. I didn’t want to panic, but it was too late. I was already slipping back into fear mode.
Chapter 12
The very idea of meeting Jude’s parents and sisters had me so nervous, it was all I could think about over the next few days. What if the
y didn’t like me? What if they preferred that he date a Mexican girl? I chastised myself for thinking that way, realizing I was doing to them exactly what I was worried they’d do to me—pre-judging.
If I was being honest with myself, what had me most worried was what this all meant. Being introduced to someone’s family usually was a sign things were getting serious. Tracey had said I needed to take a risk, and she was right, but I hadn’t expected to go from a first kiss to meeting my boyfriend’s family in the space of a few days.
The party fell on the day before Valentine’s, and even though it was February, it was going to be held outside in the backyard of one of Jude’s aunts. That’s one thing I loved about Southern California. Though it got cold at night during the winter, the days were usually sunny and neither too hot nor too cold.
Jude had instructed me to dress casually and wear clothes I could dance in so I wore jeans and a thin sweater. At just after three o’clock, he arrived at my place to pick me up. I walked to his car with a gift he’d told me I didn’t need to buy tucked under my arm.
This was my first trip to Highland Park, one of LA’s almost one hundred suburbs. As Jude drove, I couldn’t help but notice how different it looked compared to Pasadena. Highland Park was definitely less polished. Billboards and walls of buildings were tagged with graffiti, and there were quite a few homes with metal security bars over the windows and doors.
“It’s not as fancy as Pasadena,” Jude said, reading my mind. “But this is where I grew up, so this neighborhood will always be special to me.”
“I’ve never been here before,” I commented as I looked out the window. So maybe Highland Park was the kind of place that I imagined one would want to be careful walking around alone in at night, but it had an authentic vibe that Pasadena mostly lacked, and I liked that.
Jude finally pulled up to the curb in front of a house with a small yard in the front that had a chain-link fence around it. It was a ranch-style home painted bright teal. Salsa music blared from the backyard, but that didn’t seem to bother any of the neighbors. The smell of grilled meat filled the air as I got out of Jude’s car.