"I want that too," Jamie whispered, wishing that she could do the same for her precious partner.
When Ryan didn’t even ask if she could attend the volleyball game on Wednesday night, Jamie had a very good indication of how much energy her day at school had demanded. She tucked her into bed at eight o’clock and went back downstairs to study a bit.
Mia came home at ten and collapsed against Jamie in an exaggerated mock faint, moaning, "Can you believe what happened with Conor and me?"
Using every available muscle to keep her friend from dropping to the floor, Jamie laughed, saying, "What are you talking about? What happened?"
Mia found her feet and ran a hand through her disordered curls, gazing questioningly at Jamie. "Ryan didn’t tell you?"
"Tell me what?" the blonde asked once again.
"About me thinking I might be pregnant."
"WHAT? God, Mia, are you serious?"
"Wait a minute," the curly-haired woman ordered. "Just wait a minute. Your lover thinks that her brother might have gotten me pregnant, and she doesn’t even mention it to you? Jesus, I guess that shows me where I fall in the food chain! I don’t even merit a footnote!"
"No, no, that’s not it," Jamie sighed, rolling her eyes. "Ryan never, and I do mean never, talks about other people. No matter how much she wants to. I didn’t even know that you slept with Conor."
Mia’s big brown eyes blinked slowly, trying to determine when Jamie was going to get to the punch line. "You’re kidding, right?" she finally gasped.
"Nope. I wish I was. It drives me absolutely stark raving mad sometimes, but it’s the God’s honest truth. Telling her something is like putting it in the vault."
"That’s sick!" Mia cried. "What fun is that?"
"Not much," Jamie agreed. "It’s really hard for her sometimes because she can’t vent to other people when something’s bothering her. But even if she really, really wants to tell, she won’t."
"Damn, that’s either really noble or…or…I don’t even know what that is!"
"Let’s get back to the topic here. What in the hell were you doing sleeping with Conor without protection? Are you nuts?"
"No, I thought I had protection," she insisted. "Those condoms Ryan had in her sex toy bag were ancient!"
"She has condoms?" Jamie gaped.
"Dozens of ‘em," Mia insisted. "Don’t you use ‘em?"
"Are you sure you’ve slept with women, Mia? They don’t have parts that condoms fit over."
"Uh-huh," Mia laughed, this time absolutely certain that Jamie was toying with her. "You never fail to crack me up, James."
Jamie was not going to let Mia know that she had no idea what she was talking about, so she just smiled enigmatically and reminded her to finish her story. "So what happened after the condom broke?"
"Well, as you know, I’m not using any other form of birth control. Luckily, your girlfriend understands reproduction better than I do, and she took me to University Health Services to get me the morning after pill." She paused for a moment and looked over at Jamie thoughtfully. "She was really wonderful, James. Really concerned about my feelings…she even held me when I was scared." Shaking her head slowly she added, "She’s a very good person."
"She is," Jamie agreed.
"So how did the little lame princess take to having to miss another game tonight?" Mia asked, trying to switch to brighter topics.
"She was okay today, but she’s still pretty volatile. She just seems so frustrated, Mia. I really feel bad for her."
Patting Jamie’s knee gently, Mia asked, "How about you, Babe? Aren’t you getting a little…frustrated?"
"Huh? Oh…" she said, comprehension dawning. "No, not at all, really. I haven’t even considered sex since she’s been ill. My sex drive isn’t that strong on its own. It’s my interactions with Ryan that get my motor running, and she’s not giving off any sexual vibes at all." Jamie paused thoughtfully as she considered, "I actually feel more maternal towards her these days. Funny," she added as she shook her head.
Mia gave her a long look and asked, "So what’s it like, James? Being committed to a woman, I mean."
"Uhh...I’m not sure what you mean, Mia."
"Well, you’ve been committed to a guy, and now you’re committed to a woman. What’s the difference?"
"Eh…I’m not sure I’m the one to ask," she said. "I think a real bisexual could give you a more accurate depiction of the differences."
"Um…what are you?" Mia asked carefully. "I kinda thought that…"
"Nope," Jamie said. "It hit me when I was in Rhode Island. I’m a true blue lesbian, Mia. I just didn’t know it until I met Ryan."
"Wow! That’s a switch! How do you feel about that, James?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "It’s weird, Mia, but it’s no big deal. I don’t think I even remembered to tell Ryan about my revelation. It just felt right when I told my cousin."
"Weird," she agreed. "You know, there’s a part of me that envies you, James. Sometimes I wish I could go lesbian." She shuddered as she added, "Especially after what happened on Monday night. I would love never to have to worry about birth control again."
"You know," Jamie said thoughtfully, "guys will never be able to understand women fully until they know what it’s like to have to have that low-level fear of pregnancy every time you have sex. Even on the pill it was always on my mind. Jack thought I was nuts, but having that worry get all mixed up with sex is really tough on the old libido. I feel so free with Ryan. Like we can do it whenever, wherever we want and never have to worry if we missed a pill or don’t have condoms with us."
"God, I would love that," Mia moaned. "I just can’t imagine never having my hands on another…" She shot Jamie a look and said, "You probably don’t want to hear me wax poetic about the beauty of penises, do you?"
"No," Jamie agreed. "I never really loved the little things myself. Too temperamental."
"Yeah, they can be," Mia agreed. "But when a guy really knows how to use it…like Conor," she added teasingly, "it can make up for a boatload of problems."
Jamie squirmed in her seat, not wanting to pry, but fascinated to hear a little bit about Mia’s experience. "So, um…he was really good?"
Mia dramatically faked a swoon, fanning herself with both hands. "He could do that for a living and make a fortune! By far, without a doubt, the best sex I’ve ever had with a man."
"What makes him so good?" Jamie asked quizzically.
"Hmm…what was it," Mia mused thoughtfully. "Well, technically, he was the perfect size…" She held her hands up, trying to approximate Conor’s proportions, but Jamie’s hand shot out to grab her friend’s wrist to prevent the demonstration.
"Generalities, Mia, please, no specifics. I have to look at him over breakfast on the weekends."
"Okay, suit yourself," she agreed, dropping her hands. She sighed heavily and cocked her head as she said, "Maybe it’s because he’s older than the guys I normally go out with, but he wasn’t focused only on himself. He was just so present," she mused. "It’s hard to convey, but I felt like I really knew him." She shivered a little as she said, "That’s never happened to me before, James. It was our first time, but it felt like something we’d been sharing for years. This might sound funny, but he made me feel beautiful, and incredibly sexy."
Jamie snaked an arm around her back and gave her a gentle squeeze. "Must be genetic," she chuckled, "’cause that’s just how his baby sister makes me feel--like I’m the most beautiful woman on earth, and that she loves the very ground I walk on."
"You’re a lucky woman, James. That face, that body, and to feel like that when she loves you. Whew! And to have it all in a package that doesn’t spew semen…wow!"
"Well, that’s not the most elegant way I’ve heard it put, but you’re right. I am incredibly lucky. And getting enough semen to have a baby when we want one won’t be a problem with that raft of brothers and cousins. She’s truly the ideal woman."
"Rescued any fair maidens today, or is that a
Monday, Wednesday, Friday thing?" Jamie asked when Ryan awoke as she joined her in their bed.
Ryan blinked groggily for a moment, then yawned loudly and stretched. "Mia told you, huh?"
"Yesssss. You sure as heck didn’t."
"We’re not going to go into this again, are we?" Ryan’s body had grown noticeably stiffer, and she was clearly preparing for a fight.
"No, Love," Jamie soothed, giving her back a little scratch. "I’m proud of you." She tucked her body into Ryan’s, enjoying the feeling of being completely enveloped.
"Proud? Why?"
"The fact that you’re so honorable is really something to admire, Honey. I’m surprised at myself for not being able to see this earlier."
"Thanks," Ryan whispered. "That really makes me feel good."
Jamie started to rub her partner’s back, and the taller woman was nearly asleep when Jamie remembered something Mia had mentioned. "Honey?"
"Yeah?" Her voice was slow and soft, but alert, so Jamie continued.
"Why on earth do you have a bunch of condoms in your little bag of tricks?"
Ryan rolled onto her side and braced her dark head on her hand. A playful smile brightened her face and she lifted one eyebrow as she asked, "Do you really not know, or are you playing with me?"
"Um…if I say I’m playing, will you still tell me?" she asked, flushing a little. "I hate being such an innocent."
"How much or how little experience you have is nothing to be proud of or embarrassed by," Ryan said softly. "I’m really glad that you don’t have a raft of lovers that made you cavalier about, or disenchanted with, sex."
"You’re not that way," Jamie insisted, her eyes grown wide.
"No, I’m not. I’m a natural optimist. But I’ve been with people who were so cold and distant about the act." She shivered roughly and shook her head, "Nasty stuff."
"The condoms?" Jamie reminded her gently.
"Oh, right," Ryan smiled. "I was thinking about one of the first people that I used a condom with. Got carried away on a memory for a second." She looked up at Jamie and explained, "I used condoms on sex toys so they could be reused. It’s easier to remove a condom and slip another on than having to get up and clean a toy with a bleach solution." Popping her eyebrows she added, "Romantic, huh?"
Jamie patted her idly, her attention on the far wall as she thought about Ryan’s explanation. "So you’d use a toy on someone, then throw the condom away so it’d be nice an clean later on if you wanted to use it on her again, huh?"
"Well, more likely so that she could use it on me," Ryan said, thinking the answer obvious.
For some reason, that brought Jamie up short. She sat up a little straighter and said, "Women used toys on you?"
"Well, yeah," Ryan chuckled. "I wasn’t just performing a public service. I liked to receive pleasure, too."
Now a furrow had formed between Jamie’s eyebrows. "I know that," she mused, "it just never occurred to me that you’d be on the receiving end of one of those big things." She turned to face Ryan with a puzzled frown. "I just see you um…wearing one."
"Ahh…," Ryan nodded, thinking back to the assortment of toys that she had exposed Jamie to at Good Vibrations. "If we’re talking about strap-ons, I’d say that your guess was right. I was usually driving," she grinned. "At least, that’s the way it was as I got older. I had to know and trust a woman before I’d allow myself to be that vulnerable."
"But not when you were younger?"
"No. When I was first coming out, I was so green that I’d do whatever someone suggested," she admitted. "You’ve gotta remember, Jamie, that I was in a really bad place at first. I didn’t know any lesbians my age, and I was hanging out with some pretty rough trade."
The blonde woman shook her head, musing, "I’ve never understood how you got away with that. Your father and your brothers are so protective of you. Didn’t they notice you sneaking into the house in the middle of the night?"
"Nope. I never got caught. One advantage of having a separate entrance to my room," she added with a wink. "As long as I was home for breakfast, no one was the wiser. I had some fake ID’s that Dermot got for me, and I’d wait until Da was away, or in bed, and sneak off to a bar."
"We’re having boys," Jamie pledged once again, patting her partner’s cheek. Giving Ryan a thoughtful look she asked, "Were you ever scared?"
"Oh, yeah! I was terrified sometimes." She shook her head, a somber look on her face. "It was not a nice way to come out, Jamie. Even though I had ID, it was damned obvious that I wasn’t of age. It was also pretty obvious that I’d go home with anyone who asked," she admitted. "Some of the women that approached me were really nice, but a few were kinda scary."
Concern flooded the green eyes that locked upon Ryan’s, and her hand reached out to brush her bangs from her eyes. "Did anyone ever hurt you?"
"No, not really," Ryan shook her head. "I was often a little sore, and frequently embarrassed by my naïveté, but no one ever really hurt me."
"Embarrassed? How were you embarrassed?"
Ryan chuckled softly and recounted, "When you asked me about the condoms I was thinking about the first time a woman used a strap-on on me. I was a raw beginner," she smiled, "and I’d never even seen one, much less had one inside me. I’m sure I would have screamed if I had seen her coming, but thankfully she had me bent over a couch in her living room, so I was spared that little bit of humiliation."
Jamie closed her eyes briefly and patted her partner’s back, wishing that she hadn’t been so rudely initiated into the world of lesbian sex.
"This woman was pretty tough looking," Ryan recalled. "Full leathers, tattoos, the whole bit. She was pretty gruff—not a lot of talking going on, she didn’t even ask my name, but it was pretty exciting at the same time. Everything was going well until she leans over my back and starts to put this thing into me." Ryan shivered in memory as she said, "It really wasn’t that big, but I was shocked! I let out this startled yelp and she backed off immediately, much to my surprise. She spent some time trying to relax me, and encourage me, and finally got me excited enough so that it wasn’t painful any more."
Jamie’s head was still shaking slowly, wishing she could turn back time to provide Ryan with a young partner to experiment with at her own pace.
Ryan caught the look on her face and said, "It’s okay, Jamie. This isn’t a painful memory, it’s a funny one."
With a sad smile, Jamie said, "It’s not funny to me, Sweetheart. It makes me ache for you."
Ryan gave her a genuine grin and said, "I haven’t gotten to the funny part yet."
"It’s gonna be tough to pull this out of the melancholy pile, but give it a go," Jamie said with an indulgent smile.
"Okay, here goes. Working with me and helping me relax obviously excited her a lot, and as she started to really get into it. She stood up a little and clamped onto my shoulder, then started to slap my ass—hard—on every stroke."
"Not funny," Jamie informed her, giving immediate feedback on the story.
"Hold on," Ryan smiled. "So she’s really going at it, and I kinda liked it, but the slapping was a little much. Then she really starts to get wild, and every time she slaps me she demands, ‘Who’s your daddy? Who’s your daddy?’ "
Jamie’s eyes were wide and Ryan nodded enthusiastically. "That’s just what I thought!" she cried. "By this time I was totally out of the mood, and all I could think about was how much my ass hurt! It started to feel more like an interrogation than sex, and after a while I figured she’d never stop if I didn’t answer her!"
"You didn’t!" Jamie began to laugh and by the time Ryan got to the punch line, she was rolling on the bed, holding her sides.
"I most certainly did," Ryan said through her own laughter. "I called out, ‘Martin O’Flaherty is my daddy!’ "
Jamie’s legs were kicking into the air as she howled with laughter. "My God! What did she do?"
Ryan wiped away the tears that were rolling down her cheeks and related, "Sh
e was really a pro, ‘cause she didn’t let my little outburst break her concentration. She actually paused just a second, gripped my shoulders hard and said, ‘Whatever,’ then went right back to it. I finally figured out the game, and I faked a massive orgasm just to make her stop!"
"My God, Ryan, that’s the funniest damn story I’ve ever heard. I can just see your sweet, earnest face—trying to get the answer right!"
"Yeah, they never prepared me for that kinda pop quiz at Sacred Heart. Jeez! I thought the nuns were tough!"
"Mia, Conor’s here," Jamie called up the stairs when her brother-in-law arrived to escort Mia to dinner on Thursday evening.
"Be right down," she yelled back.
Conor followed Jamie into the kitchen, idly watching her prepare dinner.
Mia came down the stairs and poked her head into the kitchen, spending a moment observing Conor before he saw her. Jesus, he’s a fine looking man, she thought, feeling her heart start to race just from his presence. One of the things she found particularly attractive was Conor’s stylish dress. When she had learned he was a carpenter she assumed he’d be in jeans and a flannel shirt all of the time, but that was exactly the opposite of the truth.
Conor did dress comfortably when he was at home or work, but when he had a date he looked like a model for GQ magazine. He actually dressed a little gay, but Mia absolutely loved the look of a massive, testosterone laden man who wasn’t afraid to look very stylish. Today he wore a skintight pink short sleeved shirt, the snug sleeves straining over his hard biceps, and a pair of shiny gray slacks, both pieces made with a good deal of nylon or Lycra in them so that the fabric clung to his beautifully built body.
Gotta love a man that’s not afraid to wear pink, she decided, wiping her slightly sweaty hands on her dress as she put her confident face on and went to meet her date.
Conor and Mia returned just as Ryan and Jamie finished dinner, Jamie's adventurous recipe taking much longer to prepare than she had expected. Ryan and Jamie were in the kitchen, and when Jamie went out to bring in another load of dishes she blinked and went right back in. "Whew!" she said fanning herself rapidly. "Got some hot action going on in the living room!"
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