Honesty - SF8

by Meagher, Susan X

  Ryan slammed her fingers down for the last few keystrokes and sat back in her chair as she let out a full, satisfied breath. She laced her hands behind her head and started to stretch when Jamie softly said, "I could honestly throw the TV away if I could watch you work every evening."

  Ryan nearly jumped out of her skin as she whirled around and stared at her partner in astonishment. "How long have you been here?" she sputtered.

  "Umm, I’d guess about 20 minutes," Jamie grinned. "You were staring at a blank screen when I came in. Then you obviously had some kind of breakthrough, and I certainly wasn’t going to disturb you at that point. Besides," she said with a sexy leer, "I was starting to get hot just watching you."

  Ryan flopped down on the bed and rested her head in her partner’s lap. "Thank you, thank you, thank you for not disturbing me. This one little issue has been bothering me all week, and I finally think I’ve resolved it. But it wasn’t very firmly fixed in my mind. I could have lost it if you had spoken to me."

  "Is it something you can share?" Jamie asked, willing to try to understand Ryan’s work, but realizing that the odds were slim that she could.

  "Ahh, no," she said regretfully. "But God, I wish I could! When I figure out something that excites me this much, I really wish I could share it with you."

  "Yeah, sometimes I feel really left out too," she admitted. "I want to share everything with you, and I hate that I have absolutely no idea what you’re doing or why it’s important."

  "There’s a part of me that wants to get a little stroking sometimes," Ryan admitted, "and I honestly have never gotten any for my math stuff."

  "Honey, you know how in awe I am of your abilities," Jamie protested.

  "I know, Babe, and I’m not complaining or anything. But because I have this gift, I feel like people think it’s easy for me. And sometimes I’d like some praise for how hard I work," she said with an embarrassed little blush. "But I recognize that it’s hard to compliment me for things that you don’t understand, so I guess I just have to feel satisfaction for my own efforts."

  "Do you think that’s why you have always focused so much on sports? I mean, everyone understands sports and they can immediately sense your contribution."

  Ryan rolled over onto her good side so that Jamie could reach the side of her head for the scalp massage she was still bestowing. "I don’t know. But it might be a part of it."

  "How can I show you how proud I am of you? Can you think of anything?"

  "Not really," she conceded. "It’s funny. This bothered me when I was young but I got over it. It’s never come up again until now. I guess your opinion means so much to me that I just want to know you’re proud of me. Kinda childish, huh?"

  "Not at all!" she cried. "It’s terribly important that you praise me for my golf game and for my cooking and all of the things that I really put my soul into. I would hate to have you not be able to share your feelings about those things with me." She ran her fingers down Ryan’s face and slowly teased her lips with her fingertip. "You know, even though I have no idea what you’re doing, I can feel the energy pouring off you when you’ve really got something important figured out. Would it help if I showed you how that made me feel?"

  Ryan rolled onto her back and smiled up at her partner with pleasure. "I think it might make up for years of neglect," she said with her sexy crooked grin firmly in place.

  Jamie spent a solid hour showing Ryan just how proud she was of her. They were both too exhausted to even brush their teeth after their vigorous lovemaking, and they were mere moments from sleep when the phone jerked them both back into full wakefulness. "Shit!" she cried. "It’s my mom!"

  She reached across Ryan’s body and fumbled with the receiver, dropping it into the tangled sheets where it took a full minute to retrieve. "Hello," she coughed out through her dry mouth.

  "Something tells me that you forgot me and that I’m calling at a bad time," Catherine said. "Go back to bed, Dear. You can call me tomorrow."

  "No, no," Jamie insisted. "It’s easier to decide when I have her right here. Can you hold on a minute, Mom?"

  "Sure, Honey."

  Jamie placed the receiver on her bare tummy and asked, "Do you want to go to an art opening with my mom tomorrow night? She wants to take us to dinner afterwards."

  "Love to," Ryan lazily replied, but Jamie knew that would be her answer to just about any question at the moment.

  "It’s a date, Mom. We’ll meet you there at seven."

  "Great, Honey, and I’m really sorry I disturbed you. See you then. Oh, give my love to Ryan."

  "She’s had all the love I can manage for one night!" she declared. As she replaced the phone she sat up abruptly and slapped herself in the head as she said, "That was my mother!"

  When Ryan came home the next night, Jamie immediately knew that something was bothering her. It was hard to describe the subtle differences in Ryan’s body when she was troubled, but Jamie had never been wrong and she doubted that tonight would be different. "Hey," she said when the grumpy-looking woman dropped her gym bag onto the floor of their bedroom. "What’s wrong?"

  Ryan gave her a quick kiss, her lips curling into a wry half-smile. "I thought my father kept a close eye on me. He’s positively neglectful compared to you."

  "Is that a real smile or does it bother you?" Jamie was gazing at her carefully, not wanting to smother her partner.

  The smile grew wider as Ryan assured her, "I love that you’re so attuned to me, Jamie. I uh… I guess I’m a little embarrassed about what’s bothering me, and I had hoped to knock some sense into myself before I got home. Guess I wasn’t successful."

  "Wanna tell me? You don’t have to, ya know."

  Ryan started to undress after looking at her watch and noticing they only had a half hour to get ready to meet Catherine. "Come into the bathroom while I shower. I’ll tell you what’s bugging me, but you have to promise not to think I’m a prima donna."

  Jamie nodded somberly, trying to hide the grin that was itching to escape. "I promise," she insisted.

  Ryan hopped in the tub, with Jamie shaking her head at her partner’s odd habits. The dark woman always got into the shower with the water turned off, then started to adjust the temperature with the ice-cold water running onto her feet. When she had it at the near-scalding temp that she preferred, she switched the valve—letting the remnants of cold water in the showerhead hit her full-blast. She spluttered and spit as the water quickly turned warm, but it was obvious that she hated that first cold blast. "Why do you insist on turning the water on that way?" the smaller woman asked. "Why not adjust it, turn the showerhead on, and then get in?"

  "Where’s the challenge in that?" Ryan asked, cocking her dark head in question.

  "Never mind." Jamie knew this was one mystery she would never solve, so she decided to give up without a fight. "Now, tell me what’s troubling you."

  "Okay," Ryan sighed. "It’s about the Putnam competition that I’m gonna be in. I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but this is a team, rather than an individual, competition."

  "No, I don’t think you told me that," Jamie informed her.

  "Well, it is," Ryan went on. "Cal can only have three people on the team, even though there are dozens of people who want to compete. It’s a little unfair, since Cal sends the same number of people that a school with 1,000 students sends, but that’s the breaks."

  "I’m guessing that you weren’t chosen," Jamie said, seeing the disappointed expression that had settled onto Ryan’s face.

  "No, I wasn’t, but that’s not what’s bugging me," she said. "The guy who’s in charge of the team seems like a decent guy, but I don’t know him. He’s given us a couple of practice tests from previous years, and I did really well on them. Professor Skadden said that the results would only be one factor in his decision, but I think it should be a very big factor. Anyway, he made the announcement today, and afterwards, I asked all three guys that he picked how they had done. I beat two of them--by
a lot," she added glumly. "That pissed me off, so I waited to talk to Skadden." She shot Jamie a look and said, "I was about tenth in line to complain."

  "What did he say?"

  "Well, he tried to put it into terms that didn’t sound sexist, but he basically said that he preferred men on the team because they were more predictable. He said that women were ‘occasionally mercurial’, which I took to mean that my menstrual cycle might make me stupid on the day of the test."

  "You’re not going to let him get away with that!!"

  Ryan tilted her head back and let the hot water hit her open mouth, another quirk that Jamie found beyond odd. Retrieving her toothbrush and paste from the holder she had installed on the wall, she began to brush her teeth, her brow furrowed in concentration. After finishing, she wiped the water from the glass door and looked at Jamie for a moment. "I think I am going to let him get away with it, as a matter of fact."

  "But why? That’s blatant discrimination, Ryan!"

  "Yes, and not just on that front. He also said that he didn’t want an athlete on the team—that we’d have divided loyalties. The final straw is that he’s decided to have practice every weekday from four to six. Even if he chose me, I’d have to decline because that’s when volleyball practice is." She shot Jamie another look and said, "I think that’s why he set the time for then…just so I didn’t have a valid complaint."

  The smaller woman started pacing around the bathroom, the confined space not giving her much room to maneuver. "This makes me so mad! That competition was important to you!"

  Ryan turned off the water and wrapped a towel around her body. "It’s okay, Babe. I just don’t want another fight right now. Even though I can’t be on the team, I can still compete. I’ll just do my best to show him that he made a mistake," she said, a defiant glare in her blue eyes.

  "But I thought you had to be on the team…" Jamie said, her brow furrowed in confusion.

  "Even though the teams are the important part, there are also individual competitions and awards. I can enter as a Cal alternate. There can be as many alternates as want to compete, but of course, our scores can’t help the team." Giving Jamie a damp hug she said, "The good news is that the practice sessions are optional if you’re not on the team, so that’s one less thing I have to commit to. I think I’m going to see if some people want to practice with me. Maybe I can get one of the grad students to help prepare us."

  Jamie gazed up at her and said, "I can see why you don’t want to fight this jerk right now, but doesn’t that just allow him to keep doing it?"

  "Yep. But fighting sexism in the math department is more than I have the stomach for, Jamie. I’m just going to do my best, and show him that his prejudices are only hurting the team…and by extension, himself. I think that would go farther than getting the administration involved."

  Jamie didn’t agree with her partner’s philosophy, but she recognized it was her fight and she had to conduct it as she saw fit. "Okay, Ryan. If that’s how you want to attack this, you’ve got my support. After you kick ass, we’ll hand out tampons instead of cigars."

  "That’s my girl," the taller woman smiled, her mind conjuring up the image of Jamie doing just that.

  Part Seven

  Jamie assured her partner that since this art opening was in SOMA, it was perfectly acceptable to wear her black silk T-shirt, pleated black gabardine slacks, and black leather baseball style jacket. Deciding on a more femme look for herself, Jamie chose a little black crepe dress with a heavy maroon paisley scarf draped around her shoulders.

  As Jamie assessed her partner’s appearance, she considered that perhaps sinister wasn’t a great choice for this evening. With her black eye, the dark outfit made her lover look a bit like a gangster, but it was too late for her to change at this point. "You look very nice, Honey," she said.

  Ryan fussed at herself in the mirror for quite a few minutes before she turned and glumly replied, " I look like a mob enforcer who had a bad day."

  "Honey, half the people there want to look like dangerous women with sordid pasts. They’ll all be jealous!"

  That got her a smile and a kiss for her efforts, even though Ryan knew she would be stared at. When they arrived, they spotted Catherine immediately, and Ryan noted that her mother-in-law looked sensational, as usual. She was also wearing a little black dress, but hers was a little longer than Jamie’s.

  "Wow! You look wonderful, Catherine," Ryan said appreciatively as she considered the stylish woman.

  "And you look just perfect for the occasion," Catherine joked fondly. "Everyone will wonder what dangerous exploit harmed that beautiful face."

  "Believe me, I’d rather be inconspicuous," Ryan said, somewhat tired of always standing out in a crowd.

  "Speaking of inconspicuous, Cassie’s mother is here tonight, girls. I think we’d do well to avoid her. The last time I checked, she was in the other room of the gallery, so let’s stay in here for the time being."

  "Works for me," Ryan said. "If she’s anything like her daughter, meeting her could not possibly be a pleasant experience."

  After they had spent a few minutes chatting, they decided to look at the exhibit. Jamie snagged champagne for everyone when the waiter passed by, and Ryan grabbed a few tidbits from every canapé-laden tray that she could spy.

  Ryan was drawing more than her usual attention, many patrons doing a double or triple take when they noticed the remarkably tall woman with the black eye. When one matron had the temerity to blatantly stare, Catherine marched right up to her and said, "I’m sorry. I don’t remember your name."

  The woman gave her a puzzled look, having just noticed her, her attention focused on Ryan. "Pardon? I don’t think we’ve met."

  "Do you know my young friend?" Catherine continued.

  "N…no," the woman admitted, now looking very flustered.

  "Then why don’t you stop staring at her," she said, with a feigned smile. "It’s really quite rude."

  As Jamie watched the scene, she noticed a waiter in the vicinity, and dashed across the room for more champagne, her mother’s impetuous confrontation having rattled her nerves. Catherine strolled back over to Ryan, a pleased grin on her face. Ryan tossed her arm around the woman and said, "You really are something. Whenever Jamie does something that takes me by surprise I immediately think of you, and it becomes obvious where she gets it from."

  "I just can’t suffer pompous fools any longer, Ryan. It’s funny," she mused. "I’ve spent most of my life being concerned with what others thought of me. My mother beat that lesson into my head my entire youth. I can still hear her saying, ‘It’s important to make a good impression, Catherine.’ But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that you can’t live your life based on the opinions of others. I’m trying to allow only my own opinions and those of the people closest to me to matter."

  Ryan gave her a squeeze and said, "That’s the best advice I’ve heard all day."

  Catherine leaned into the hug and dropped her head onto Ryan’s broad chest. "You’re one of the people whose opinion I care about."

  Ryan bent slightly to place a kiss on the crown of Catherine’s head. She rested her good cheek against the same spot as they took comfort in the gentle embrace. As she lifted her head she caught a glimpse of a vaguely familiar figure. Is that…? she thought, but Jamie’s return distracted her, and she filed the question away for the time being.

  Two glasses of champagne on her chronically empty stomach brought out Ryan’s playful side. After Catherine was dragged away by a woman who just had to introduce her to the artist, she surreptitiously followed Jamie into the bathroom. There was only one stall, with a small sink and a mirror lining the other wall. She turned the water on to give her partner some privacy, but she did not otherwise announce her presence. Jamie emerged from the enclosure and returned her lusty look. "You look like you’re looking for trouble," she purred as she slid her arms around Ryan’s neck.

  "And you look like you could give me all I c
an handle," the dangerous looking woman replied, backing the blonde up against the door.

  Jamie stood between her spread legs and began to kiss her with a slowly escalating passion. She knew Ryan was on a short fuse these days, so she tried not to go beyond her comfort zone. Luckily, Ryan’s playfulness was greater than her lust, and they began to tickle and pinch each other as they wrestled against the door. A woman came up to the restroom and started to push the door open, but she drew back in surprise when she heard the shrieks of laughter and rough thumps on the door as one or the other of the occupants banged against it. They didn’t sound like children, so she assumed it was a couple sneaking into the rest room for a little tryst. Knowing many of the people at the party, and loath to miss a bit of gossip, she lurked around outside waiting for the pair to emerge.

  After banging around playfully for much longer than was wise, Ryan came to her senses and straightened her clothing, offering to leave first in case anyone had heard them. Jamie gave her a kiss for her gallantry and sent her on her way.

  Ryan had traveled no more than three steps outside the door when she caught sight of the face she had seen earlier, and her suspicions were confirmed as she recognized the woman from the gym with whom she'd had a delightful, and quite remunerative, encounter at the Mark Hopkins hotel. Wracking her brain, she finally came up with the name. "Hi Laura," she said, extending her hand.

  The woman glanced around quickly to make sure no one saw her even speaking to the dark woman. "Hi," she said as she tried to get a better look at her in the dark hallway. She pointed at Ryan’s bruised face and asked, "Jealous husband?"

  Ryan gave her a smile as she said, "No, nothing so interesting. Just banged heads with someone while I was playing volleyball."