More Than Enough

by Johnson, Ashley

  “Well, we aren’t exactly speaking right now, I don’t even know if he still wants to marry me. But that’s not why I changed my number. How do I say this?” I could feel the hot tears behind my eyes and I prayed they stayed where they were. “After Halley’s party, I had an issue with Trevor that’s been resolved. Everything is good. I heard they are going to start playing again so you don’t have to worry about me I swear. Luke got mad and hasn’t talked to me since and I had Paul drive me to Mom’s---“

  His eyes looked up from the computer as if I just spoke Japanese. I thought about pretending I never said anything and leaving. This was bound to be a mistake, but then I was pretty good at making those.

  “I stayed there until last night. We had the most amazing day together but she lied again. She went to work and Ray came home and tried to attack me. I dialed 911 and they came and got him. I called Halley and she brought me home.”

  His vein in his neck looked like it was going to pop. His face was beet red and he began to reach for his phone. “Dammit. Macy, thank God you called. He didn’t do anything did he? You better not lie. He isn’t getting away with anything anymore. That woman doesn’t have a damn lick of sense.”

  “Uncle Gary, no. I punched him in the face. I’m done. I’ve said it before but I am. That’s why I changed my number.”

  “Why didn’t you come to me Macy? You could have stayed at my house instead of going to her.”

  “I, I don’t know. I just thought things were different this time.” I really did think they were and we saw what happened with that.

  “I’m glad you’re safe and I hope he stays his ass in jail.” He got up and gave me a hug. I hugged him back holding onto the only man in my life that hasn’t hurt me or left me hanging. I honestly don’t know what I would do without this man in my life. Every part of a breath I was holding was let out. I could breathe again. My heart had stopped racing and I didn’t feel as if a heart attack were happening to me.

  “Me too. I’ll be here tonight with Halley. I need a night to get away from all this shit that’s happened.”

  “Come and have fun. You sure Trevor here isn’t going to bother you?” He looked up at me with a father’s concern in his eyes. That was a look only Gary could give me and I knew that if I told him having Trevor here would bother me that he wouldn’t waste two seconds calling him to say don’t come play. Gary would do that just for me.

  For once I could smile and be completely honest about Trevor. It really baffled me every time I thought about it. “Not at all. We’ve mended our fences.”

  We sat around talking for a few more minutes. It felt good to hold a conversation and be able to genuinely smile. He told me about Paul and how he decided to hire him on a whim. I thought to myself that I’ll be sure to thank him for that later. Without Paul, I don’t know where I would have gone. I looked up and noticed the time. I decided I better head back to Halley’s. We could get ready together like old times. I texted Paul only to find out he was working tonight. Damn. Oh well, it would still be a blast. I replied telling him I couldn’t wait to see him tonight.

  I passed by Luke’s apartment to find his car still wasn’t home. I was getting worried about him. I haven’t heard from him and when I would, he would simply say he couldn’t do this. Whatever this was. I just wanted to talk. He also hasn’t been home. As bad as I wanted to go inside the apartment and leave a hand written note or just text him again, I didn’t. I remembered Sherry telling me how they were so scared when Juliann died. I can’t imagine making him hurt and it tore a little piece of my heart out to even think about it. I didn’t want to be to blame for anything stupid he did. I went back to Halley’s and figured I could decide what to do later.

  Chapter 15

  Halley was in front of her mirror applying her makeup and running the flat iron through her hair. She had on a pair of black shorts with a silver sequin blouse. For a woman getting married in two days, her shorts were awfully short. They looked even shorter when she put her three inch heels on. She must be wearing them to get used to heels for the wedding. That’s the only way I could wear something like that. I can’t walk in the things though; it’s nothing but disaster waiting to happen.

  I pinned my hair half back like I normally did and pulled out my faithful blue jean skirt. I almost forgot I had left this thing when I moved in with Luke. The skirt probably should have fallen apart by now, that’s how old it was. I loved it though; it was like a source of comfort. All my wild and crazy nights, even the ones filled with love or heartbreak were inside that skirt. I wished I had grabbed that blouse Mom bought me before I left, but oh well. Halley had my green fitted t-shirt in her closet and I pulled it out and put that on. She has a habit of borrowing clothes and not returning them. Matter of fact, I saw several blouses of mine and made a mental note to come back and get them later. I borrowed her makeup carefully applying some dark gray eye shadow and her mascara and then I was ready to go.

  Marcus and Trevor were already gone so they could set up for their first gig back since he skipped out of town. It was nice to at least see something getting back to normal. And it was sure nice to know I wouldn’t have to dodge my emotions while I was there. I almost didn’t put my phone in my back pocket but I slid it in just in case Luke called or texted. Miracles can happen.

  We pulled up at The Lounge and I immediately noticed Paul’s Cruze parked in the same spot it was that night. An instant smile spread as Halley and I walked into the front doors. The DJ was already set up and the few people that were already inside were dancing.

  Paul’s back was turned and he didn’t see me walk up. I couldn’t hide my cheesy grin as I called out, “Hey you, can I get a crown and coke?”

  He turned around and adjusted his eyes for a second before he screamed a loud “OHMIGOD!”

  I leaned over the bar to hug him. “I missed you Will! I wish you weren’t working but I promise to have enough fun for both of us.” I winked as he slid the drink I ordered in my direction.

  “Girl I saw that hot mess you were gawking over last time in here. You going to be ok?” He meant Trevor and I had to giggle to remember that.

  “We have had our closure and everything is good.”

  “Does that mean your tattoo boy has forgiven you?”

  My smile faded and I took a big sip of my drink. A big enough sip that only maybe two small sips were left. “Fill me back up. And no. He won’t talk to me.”

  “Well, he’s missing out Grace. Here, take a shot with me.” He slid a shot glass over and I grabbed it and held it up beside his. “Here’s to us..strong and beautiful. Drink up bitch.” I grinned and threw the shot back and gladly accepted the new drink he made me.

  Halley sauntered up and introduced herself to Paul. “Hi, I’m Halley. Macy’s best friend in the whole world.”

  He reached out to shake her hand and replied, “I’m Paul, better known as Will and I’m her newest best friend.”

  They grinned and he slid Halley a beer. I winked at Paul before Halley and I walked off from the bar so she could go see Marcus.

  Trevor jumped off stage and eyed the drink in my hand. “You doing ok Mace?”

  I noticed he was wearing a long sleeve shirt I’m assuming to cover the tattoo. I was kind of relieved. Even though we’ve mended our fences doesn’t mean I want to have to look at the reminder of what we once were. I wondered if he regretted getting that tattoo because he has to have the real one, unless he threw it away after I threw it at him. This was just one screwed up circle. Think about it. My ex gave me a bracelet, I threw it back at him and we broke up then my new boyfriend who didn’t know my ex gave him his tattoo. Karma really hates me.

  “I’m fine Trevor.” He looked at me like he didn’t believe a word I just said. I don’t even know if I believe a single word I just said but if he didn’t believe me, he didn’t question it. “I promise.”

  “Good, I just worry about you. It’s good to be back here again. Get ready for our big announcement.” H
e winked then jumped back on stage. I knew they were playing here again and possibly other venues but as far as a big announcement, I had no idea what he meant.

  Marcus and the other guy in the band joined Trevor on stage and the lights went dim. The crowd went wild and it was almost a moment of déjà vu except I wasn’t secretly pinning for Trevor this time.

  He stepped up to the microphone and into the light. The girls were screaming and for once I could laugh at it and not get horribly jealous thinking they were trying to steal him. They could have him if they wanted, he was fair game. “It’s good to be back here in The Lounge playing for you guys. Did you miss us?”

  The crowd continued to go wild. When the cheering finally went down he spoke again, “Good because we missed you too! We’re back better than ever and we have surprise for you. You can now call us Wrecked. We will still play the covers you love and some original tunes for you, so sit back and relax while we rock you.”

  The crowd was almost deafening this time as Wrecked broke into an original song I’ve never heard before. I tried to hear the lyrics over the crowd but that was virtually impossible. They finally had a name after all these years of playing The Lounge as a no name band. I thought I felt my phone vibrate but when I pulled it out, there was nothing there. I quickly finished my drink then went back to visit Paul.

  He was busy behind the bar tonight slinging beer after beer to everyone. To help him out, I stepped behind the bar for a second and poured us each a shot. I helped knock some of his customers out and fixed myself a crown and coke but it may as well just have been straight crown.

  “Why you look so down Grace?”

  I turned to meet Paul’s eyes. I tried not to let him see I was upset but he wasn’t stupid. “I just don’t understand why he can’t even talk to me. We live together and I don’t even know if I’m allowed inside the apartment.”

  “Hey don’t worry it’ll all work out.” He poured me another shot and slid it over. I grinned and tossed it back. When he turned to fix a martini for a girl at the other end of the bar, I took two more shots trying to calm my nerves. I even fixed another crown and coke that was short on coke again.

  Trevor began belting out another original and I found Halley sitting by the stage. I drank my crown as if my life depended on it and the alcohol was beginning to not be a good idea. Mixing it with everything I had going on from the past few days was a mistake but I didn’t care. I knew I wouldn’t cry in here. So I kept drinking. When the song ended, Trevor announced they would be right back in a few minutes and the DJ began playing again.

  I felt my hips grinding to the beat where I stood and I grabbed Halley’s arm and pulled her onto the floor. We danced like old days and I missed that. I was enjoying the music until I looked over and saw a guy who looked almost like Luke. Only he was nothing like Luke. I needed to stop drinking but I was so thirsty.

  I’ve never felt so down in my whole life. Why was he hurting me like this? I would totally understand if I had really done something to hurt him but I hadn’t. Paul saw the look on my face as I walked up. I snapped my fingers at him and he surprisingly produced a shot of whiskey and I smiled. I called him over and kissed his cheek.

  “Thank you Will, I wuv you.”

  “Girl, I love you too but you can’t talk too well right now.” He stifled a laugh and I attempted to glare at him, my eyes ending up crossing and I had to blink to see straight again.

  “I am speaking perfectly, I can talk ok?” My eyes met the microphone on the karaoke stand and I demanded one more shot from Paul. Without question, he handed it to me. Once I threw it back, I staggered over to the binder and skimmed through. I couldn’t really see what I was looking at so I leaned over and tried to whisper what I wanted. The DJ nodded his head and I stepped on stage.

  No one looked too clear to me. Most of them had two heads and some were just a blur. It was like being in an alternative universe on a foreign planet. And everything was starting to spin but when I blinked back it stopped for a minute or so. Halley eyeballed me from the bar where she stood with Marcus, Trevor, and Paul. I just sent them a megawatt smile as the song came over the speakers.

  Halley’s eyes looked like they were practically about to bug out of her head or maybe that was the liquor talking to me. Whatever it was, she wasn’t taking her eyes off of me and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t good. I saw what looked like Marcus dancing with her or maybe he was trying to hold her back as I started singing ‘End of The Road’ by Boyz II Men.

  It was time I accept that Luke and I were obviously over and everyone inside The Lounge was going to hear about it. I looked over towards the bar where I could definitely make out Paul with his jaw dropped probably wondering what the hell I was doing.

  I sang with so much drunken emotion, if that’s even possible. Off key wasn’t even the case, it was absolutely dreadful. I could tell by the looks on everyone’s faces. Screw them. They don’t know my life or what I’m going through. I continued to sing and when I got halfway through the song, I burst into tears on stage. Immediately Paul and Trevor were there to pull me off stage. As they drug me away I choked out between sobs, “I’m not done yet, I wasn’t done. Bring me back now!”

  With sympathetic eyes, Paul looked at me and calmly replied, “Grace honey, you’re done.” The two guys sat me on a stool at the bar where I laid my head on Halley’s shoulder and cried more. What a pathetic mess. People were just eyeballing me waiting for me to crack again or just completely lose my mind.

  Paul handed Trevor a bottle of water that he opened and held up to my mouth. “Mace, you need to drink some of this.”

  “I don’t want it Trevor!” I slapped the bottle out of his hand and water flew everywhere. I’d probably hear all about it tomorrow but right now I didn’t care at all. I was hurting and I couldn’t hold it back anymore no matter how hard I tried. I really had officially cracked and hit the bottom.

  Trevor’s eyes grew wide and his voice suddenly got angry and dark, “Give me your phone Macy.” I’ve never heard him angry. I’ve seen him sad and upset but not really angry. This wasn’t a side of Trevor I wanted to see. I flinched just at hearing his words. What the hell did he need with my phone anyway?

  I tried to slap at him and missed. “No!”

  “Halley, get her phone and give it to me.”

  Marcus stepped in and looked at Trevor bracing himself between the two of us. He was usually the voice of reason in any situation that was not normal. “Why do you need her phone Trevor she told you no. Just let it go.”

  In a loud husky voice he replied, “Because look at her! He needs to see what he’s doing to her. This is fucked up. She’s hurting.” He ran his fingers through his hair and slammed his fist so hard on the bar that Paul jumped a little.

  Halley walked over to Trevor and placed her hand on his arm. “I don’t like seeing her hurt either but we can’t make her give us the phone. She will be ok. You and I both know that. We just have to be there for her.”

  “I know Hales, it just fucking pisses me off. He better hope I don’t see him.” Wow. For once, he sees what he put me through. He’s finally getting the big picture and I’m too big of a blubbering mess to even really thank him for his concern.

  Marcus looked at Trevor and shook his head. “No man, we just got the band back together and now it’s time for us to make our mark. We don’t need any petty bullshit holding us back. This with you and Macy needs to have boundaries. It’s cool you two can talk without killing each other but you can’t always save her Trevor.”

  Trevor simply nodded in agreement once he stopped fuming and realized what Marcus said had truth to it. Marcus kissed Halley apologizing to her as they took the stage again.

  I felt like I was swimming in my tears. Paul handed me napkin after napkin for me to blow my nose on. I hated ugly crying and especially in public. My head literally felt like it were spinning and I wasn’t in the mood for any speeches about my behavior. I laid my head on the bar and my long wavy hai
r was soon sprawled all around me. Lucky for me, no one but Halley was right beside me.

  I wanted nothing more than to go crawl in a bed somewhere and forget this night ever happened. If I could forget the past few days, then life would be just peachy. Honestly I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong. Sitting here with my head on the bar isn’t the best place to be thinking about this but dammit, I couldn’t help it. I mean I’m a simple kind of girl. I just want a picnic under the stars is that so much to ask? I don’t think it is. But what do I know? I’m sitting here drunk out of my mind at the bar and all I want is another drink to numb it all.

  Halley began rubbing her hands through my hair and leaned into my ear, “You really need to sit up Mace and drink some water.”

  Groggily I picked up my head and looked at her. I wiped my tears and noticed nothing but mascara. I must look like quite the clown right now. “I don’t want to. I want another crown and coke and I want to go home. Wait, I don’t have one of those.”

  “You’re coming back to my house Macy. You need to stay with me tomorrow night anyway because it’s the night before the wedding.”

  I pointed my finger at her and glared my eyes, “Weddings are stupid. Who needs them? Happily ever after doesn’t exist. It’s a big joke, you hear me? A. Big. Joke.”

  She looked as though she were about to slap me across the face for my comment and I would totally deserve it. I didn’t really feel that way, but right now it was exactly how I felt. Paul touched her arm shaking his head no to her. Lucky for me she listened. She probably should have smacked me in the head for my stupid outburst.

  She began sipping on a beer and watched as Trevor began singing another original song. Every time he played, he got better and better. I wouldn’t be surprised if they eventually got signed one day. I’m positive that was their plan now that they were back and finally had a name. Them getting back together was a good move and the fact that they were going to play at other bars and areas was even better. I could still make out Trevor’s anger in his voice as he sang. It was nice of him to be worried about me but he didn’t need to be. I wasn’t his to worry about anymore. I know it was nothing more than a nice gesture though.