Shalia's Diary # 6

by Tracy St. John

  SHALIA’S DIARY

  Book 6

  A Clans of Kalquor Story

  Tracy St. John

  © copyright March 2015, Tracy St. John

  Cover art by Erin Dameron-Hill, © copyright August 2015

  This is a work of fiction. All characters, events, and places are of the author’s

  imagination and not to be confused with fact. Any resemblance to living persons or

  events is merely coincidence.

  Smashwords Edition

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  PLEASE NOTE:

  Shalia’s Diary is an ongoing serial story. This is Book 6 of that tale, picking up where Book 5 left off. It is highly advised that you read Books 1 - 5 in their entirety before reading this part.

  May 7, early

  Happy birthday to me! Betra started my day off just right by giving me breakfast in bed. I wondered why he was so intent on finding out about blueberry pancakes and bacon the other day. The ship’s kitchen didn’t do a half bad job of approximating my favorite breakfast either. The berries, bought from the Xniktix station, are from one of Adraf’s agricultural colonies. They look similar but are more tart than blueberries. The flour the kitchen had made the pancakes from is a bit denser than what we had back on Earth. The syrup was super thick. Even though it was a little different, my special meal was delicious. Best of all, the bacon was the real deal.

  Betra had never had bacon before. I take it he approves; he crunched his way through an entire pig’s worth. Okay, maybe not that much, but he ate a lot.

  I still haven’t gotten him to admit how wonderful coffee is. There may be no hope for that man.

  “What do you have planned for today?” he garbled through a mouthful of his new favorite food.

  “I’ve decided to ask Dr. Tep if I’m having a girl or a boy,” I said.

  Betra’s eyebrows rose at that. “What happened to wanting it to be a surprise? Just last week, you said you wanted to wait until it was born.”

  I waved my hands. “I know. The truth is, I can’t stand not knowing after all. I’m tired of saying ‘he or she’ every time I mention the kid. And I refuse to call him or her ‘it’. Besides, I want to know what to raid the ship’s stores for. The way Candy and a few of the other women are carrying on, I may not be the only one showing up on Kalquor with an extra resident. I want first dibs on the baby goodies.”

  Betra nodded. He lifted my nightie up to plant a bacon-greasy kiss on my stomach. Not caring about my yells, he delivered yet more oily kisses to my decidedly round stomach. At 23 weeks, I’m getting big. Betra still thinks it’s wonderful, the big loon.

  My whining finally convinced him to leave off. A cleansing wipe got rid of the grease. I looked into my empty coffee cup and sighed.

  “You had two cups, and Dr. Tep wasn’t enthralled with me letting you have that much at once,” Betra warned. “You’ve still got an entire carafe of decaffeinated, if you must drink that stuff.”

  I made a face at the decaf, but poured myself a cup anyway. “Decaf is as meaningless as dry humping. It’s not the real thing.”

  Betra laughed and shook his head. “Silly girl. My present for you should be ready this afternoon. I’ll stop by and give it to you once it’s been delivered to me. You can tell me if I’m getting a niece or nephew.”

  My smile felt a little tight. I hate being reminded that Betra, a career fleet officer, won’t be around for much of my child’s life once we get to Kalquor. The Imdiko will be an honorary but often absent family member.

  I’ve already left behind too many men who part of me believes should be surrounding me and my little one. I’ll leave behind two more; Betra and my other current lover Oses. It hurts when I think about it too much.

  I did my best to distract myself from the ready pain. “Another present? Like an extra morning cup of real coffee and a special breakfast aren’t enough? Not to mention naked Imdiko.” I openly leered at my big, stunning bedmate.

  Betra is as close to cute as a Kalquorian man can get. With his open face and charming smile, one would never suspect how dominating he tends to be in bed ... until you find yourself looking up at six-and-a-half feet of muscular male and he’s holding you down while forcing one orgasm after another on you. As he did to me last night. Yow.

  He leered back, his purple cat-slitted eyes drinking in the filmy nightie I’d pulled on this morning. Those eyes seemed to glow in his brown face. “I’m glad you think I’m a gift. But you’ve seen me naked plenty of times, and breakfast is hardly a proper present. Therefore, I had to get you something special.”

  “Aw, Betra.” I pushed my platter out of the way so I could fling my arms around his neck and give him a kiss. “You are so good to me.”

  That sweet face warmed at my appreciation. Love showed in his gaze. The idiot has fallen in love with me despite knowing we will go our separate ways in a few months. As for me ... I admit it’s been a hell of a fight to keep Betra – and Oses, for that matter – firmly in the beloved friend category. I can’t not love the two men, so I try to make sure it’s not happily-ever-after love.

  They don’t make it easy. Both have put their lives on the line for me in the past. Their lives and, in Oses’ case, sanity.

  This birthday was making me ruminate way too much on the temporary lovers in my life. I had to get moving so my mind would shut up. I took the one untouched slice of bacon left on my plate and waved it in front of Betra’s face. He gobbled it up, making happy noises usually reserved for sex. I giggled.

  “Okay, big man, you have to get to your office and I have to go see the doctor.” I stood up and stretched with a contented yawn. “Thank you for the wonderful breakfast. I’m tempted to go back to bed just so this day remains perfect.”

  Betra also stood, stacking our trays and dishes neatly to put in the kitchen-return unit. “If it was anyone but you, I’d ask what could possibly happen to a woman well guarded by three destroyers and hundreds of warriors on a space transport that’s been set up for her every comfort.” He grinned. “But you are Shalia Monroe, so such a question begs for trouble.”

  I laughed ruefully. “You know me well, my friend. You know me well.”

  May 7, later

  Okay, drum roll please. I have found out my baby’s sex and I am having – bum-da-da-bum – a girl!

  Actually, I would have been happy with either a boy or a girl. There are advantages to both. In this case, I’m a girl, so I’ll be able to relate to my kid. That’s good. Eventually, my daughter will have Kalquorian men falling over themselves to keep her safe and happy. Another good point in her favor. Plus there is no way she’ll be categorized as a Nobek. I admit, finding out that it’s mandatory for Nobek boys to spend most of their childhoods in training camp had everything in my heart screaming NO. Surely they can’t be that dangerous and violent, right? At least not until they’re teenagers.

  At any rate, that big fear is off my mind. I get to keep my little bundle of joy with me.

  There are disadvantages as to this child being a girl too. Like how to keep her from becoming a spoiled brat. Kalquorians are so thrilled over girls who can eventually become mommies themselves. I’ve already seen evidence of how much the men will sacrifice in order to attract a fertile woman. It’s going to be a chore to make sure my little darling doesn’t let that go to her head. Plus she needs to learn to b
e strong and independent, no matter how much the men want to take care of her.

  I’m sad I can’t name my baby after Nayun. When I asked him what his name meant, he told me it was an ancient term that loosely translates to ‘force of a storm’. Sigh. I don’t want my daughter to be on par with a hurricane or tornado. Nayun says it’s a masculine name anyway.

  I haven’t even thought about girls’ names. Every time I’ve brought up the subject with Candy and Katrina, it’s turned into silly time with us giggling over the worst possible names in the universe. I don’t think we’ve ever been serious about it.

  A girl. I’m having a girl. I should be able to do this, right? Pretty frilly dresses, dolls, ribbons, and braids. Great, I’ll have a miniature Candy if I’m not careful. I’ve had moments of being a girly-girl, but I had a tomboy streak too. Will my daughter climb trees? Play with the Kalquorian equivalent of frogs and snakes? Beat up boys on the playground who tease her?

  I can’t even imagine. After all, I don’t think I’m much like my mother. Will my child be anything like me or the opposite?

  I’m excited. I’m also scared shitless. After being nearly killed too many times, it’s ridiculous to be afraid of a tiny baby. Yet the responsibility is weighing heavy. I’m going to freak out, I think.

  But first I’ll com the dads, Joelle, and Clan Seot with the news.

  I wish I could com Clan Dusa too. After all, I’m hoping one of them is the baby’s father. But I know it would be cruel to do so. Unspeakably cruel. It’s hard to leave them out, but they made it clear they want it this way. I am not their Matara. They will not be a part of raising this child. It’s better to leave them in the past.

  No, no, no; I’m not going to cry. It’s my birthday and I’m having a little girl. I’m supposed to celebrate.

  Damn it.

  May 10, early

  Wow, the ship is quiet. I think I’m the only person left in the Matara area.

  Everyone else is on shore leave. They are on a small moon outpost of a system I can’t even pronounce. It’s mostly a collection of tiny villages inhabited by the Darotkins. Those are the aliens with brains in each of their twelve hands. One on the Xniktix station made a couple of dancing outfits for me and the gals.

  After consultation with Dr. Feru, I opted to not go on shore leave. For one thing, the idea makes me squeamish. I do not feel comfortable leaving my safe transport ... not after what happened with Finiuld. The trauma remains. As much as I’d like to suck it up and face my fears, it’s just too much right now. I think I could do it if I really wanted to, but I’ve got another reason to stay on board the Pussy ‘Porter.

  That reason would be Weapons Commander Nobek Oses. If I’m skittish about going on shore leave, he’s twice as freaked out about me leaving the ship. In his mind, he can’t properly protect me, and protecting me is the Number 1 Priority on Oses’ list. He’s got his own demons to conquer after our abduction weeks ago.

  We both sat down to discuss the matter with Feru yesterday. Nobeks are notoriously difficult to treat for psychological issues. They hate admitting to weakness. However, Oses is an older and wiser member of his breed. As long as his struggle remains known by only a select few whom he trusts, he is willing to accept help for the emotional storms he faces since being taken prisoner.

  “The thought of Shalia off this ship makes me crazy with fear and anger,” he admitted to Feru in a low voice. His muscles, of which he has many and big, corded with tension. “I hate the idea of her being vulnerable in surroundings over which I have little control.”

  “That’s fine, Commander,” Feru said in a noncommittal tone. He knows better than to offer sympathy. It’s never welcome among the warrior caste. “Shalia is not ready to take that step anyway. That gives you time to continue your exercises in coping with this anxiety.”

  Oses clenched his hands into fists a few times. He drew a deep breath. “Eventually, I have to face that she will want to visit these places we are stopping at along the way. I do not know how I can let her go without fearing for her safety.”

  “One issue at a time, Commander. Look at the present, not the future. We are dealing with the here and now only. Right now, Shalia is remaining on board the transport. Were you able to spend the last day away from her all right?”

  I smiled as he jerked a nod. I hadn’t seen my big, bad Nobek since my birthday. I’ve missed him, though the send-off sex before our imposed ‘separation’ had been spectacular enough to keep a smile on my face when I thought about it.

  “It was not easy,” Oses admitted. “After a few hours, I spent every moment wanting to check on her and make sure she was safe.”

  Feru made a note. “You were able to discuss her well-being with her liaison Betra, however. Did that help?”

  Oses nodded. “Betra was excellent about taking my coms and letting me know everything was all right. I don’t believe I would have made it the entire day if I hadn’t been afforded that ability.”

  Feru eased into a smile. “You did it, however. You made it through 27 hours of separation and took another step forward in releasing the trauma. Building on these small successes will allow you bigger gains. I won’t lie and tell you that there won’t be anxiety when Shalia is ready to take shore leaves again. However, you will find yourself better able to deal with it.”

  Little by little, Oses and I are both recovering. Baby steps can be frustrating when a person wants to put the past behind them in a big hurry. I keep reminding myself and my Nobek lover that though small, they are still steps forward.

  Candy was not too happy to hear I wouldn’t be joining everyone on shore leave. “Oh, but I heard there is going to be an arts trading fair while we visit!” she told me. “I wanted you to pick out a birthday present. That’s why I didn’t give you anything on your birthday!”

  “You and Katrina arranged a surprise party for me,” I pointed out. “That was present enough.” They’d even arranged for a five-tier birthday cake. It had delicate candy butterflies and flowers, a veritable garden of a cake. I’d never seen anything so beautiful. Hormonal to the hilt, I cried over it and made Betra take two dozen still picture vids of the thing. I’d even had to leave the room while they cut it up because I couldn’t bear to see them do it. I managed to get over it however, and the cake was delicious.

  Candy still pouted. “You are so difficult to buy for, Shalia. We don’t like the same things.”

  Katrina, the eldest of our trio, snickered and shook her silvered head. “Just find the frilliest, most precious, pinkest thing at the market, something that will fit in that ruffled nightmare of a room of yours. Then find the opposite of that and buy it for Shalia.”

  Candy blew a raspberry at Katrina. “Just because you don’t like girly stuff—“

  “Candy, no female over the age of five likes that much frou-frou. Those two Nobeks who you’ve been keeping company with probably have nightmares every time they come over from their destroyer to spend the night.”

  “What, you’re seeing just two men now?” I asked. “When did this start?”

  “After I met them on the concourse outside the pleasure club,” Candy said. Her smile was sunny again as she dropped her debate with Katrina. “Don’t you remember? Ama and Mihi. They were there the day that we looked at locations for our dance club.”

  I had a vague recollection of two Kalquorians, one scarred and another with an appealing devilish smile. I blinked at Candy. “You’re exclusive with them?”

  “For now.” Candy shrugged. “They have a long-term thing going with each other and I’m enjoying seeing how I can fit in a committed relationship between men. That’s what’s ahead when I get to Kalquor and join a clan, so why not try it out now?”

  I nodded, though I hoped with all my heart Candy would not end up in love with men she can’t keep. That struggle is all too familiar to me.

  I turned my attention to Katrina. “So now when you hold a salon, you’ve got more guys to yourself.”