Raising Landry

by Andee Michelle

  Mother starts to speak, but I just continue.

  “Everything I need is back in Seattle. I’ll be leaving as soon as the paperwork is done, and I have signed off on dispersing the money in daddy’s estate to those who stood by him through his illness. The rest will go to charities.” I pause only long enough to take a breath before I continue. “If you think for one second you will see a single dime of it, you are sadly mistaken. You don’t deserve a fucking penny of it. Goodbye, Mimi,” I say quickly, turning to walk to where Uncle Gary is standing by the pickup. He smirks as I get closer, and I know he was watching that whole mess take place.

  He pulls me into his arms and whispers, “He’d be so proud of you, baby girl.” He kisses the top of my head and walks around to the passenger side, opening it for me to climb in.

  I don’t look back because I know it will give her the satisfaction of knowing she’s hurt me again. I will never understand how a mother can care so little about her own child, her own flesh and blood. I will never be that type of mother. I love Landry more than my next breath. I miss her so damn much.

  After Uncle Gary finally heads back to our hotel, I grab a quick dinner with him at the restaurant and then head to my room. It’s still early, but I’m exhausted. I FaceTime with Kyler and Landry and it’s the first time I’ve seen their faces in almost a week. I miss them so much. Landry looks so excited, and her signing is wild as she tries to fill me in on all the things happening with her at school. Her signing is getting so much better that it’s almost hard for me to keep up with her.

  Kyler tells me that he’ll call me back after he gets Landry to bed because he needs to talk to me. He seems tense but not upset, so I’m curious as to what he needs to talk to me about. Maybe he’s changed his mind about us. That thought makes my heart drop. One of the things that’s gotten me through this week is knowing I’ll have his arms to run into when I get home.

  As I get in the shower, I start making a mental list of the things I need to wrap up before I go home. I have an appointment to meet with Chris and his dad tomorrow morning to go over my dad’s estate. I was totally serious when I told my mother that I was signing the firm over to them. They’d stuck by my dad’s side through his illness, and I don’t want anything to do with the firm. My only request is that they not change the name. I want my dad’s name to continue with the firm. I’m not sure what happened to my parents’ home, and his belongings. I assume my mother’s things are long gone, and I won’t have to deal with that or her. I guess I’ll get all the information and figure it out tomorrow at the meeting.

  I would like to speak to Chris and Jenna together before I leave. I know in my heart that I need to tell them goodbye and shut the door on that part of my past. I forgave them for the betrayal, but I think I was able to do that more for me than for them. I needed that closure to move on with my life. Will we ever be close again? Not a chance. But looking back on that time in my life, I know my leaving here was the best thing for me. I was fake-happy back then. I’m now truly happy because I’m living my dream of owning my own restaurant, and I have the added benefits of Kyler and Landry. Once I leave Louisiana, I don’t know that I’ll ever return. I have no one left here now that Daddy’s gone. Uncle Gary is my only real family left, and he lives in Texas.

  I finish with my shower, throw on my PJs, and decide to try and read while I wait for Kyler to call. There is nothing that calms me more than getting lost in someone else’s words. Reading allows me to turn the part of my brain off that is worried about other things and focus on the story and connect with the characters. It lets me step outside my crazy life for just a little while.

  I feel myself starting to drift to sleep when my phone vibrates next to me.

  “Hi, handsome,” I answer.

  “Hey. You sleeping?” he asks with humor in his voice.

  “Nope, just reading while I waited for your call. Today was a hell of a day and I’m exhausted,” I reply groggily.

  “How’d things go at the funeral? You doing okay?” he questions gently.

  “It was a nice service. I had a run-in with my mother, who I’d hoped to avoid while I was here. I still can’t believe she had the nerve to come to his funeral. She’s a piece of work,” I joke humorlessly. “She even brought her new husband, who used to be a friend of my dad’s. It was a rough day.”

  “Ouch,” he whispers. “You ready to come home yet?” He asks quietly, but I can hear the smile in his voice. “We miss you.”

  “Yeah, I’m ready. I have an appointment with Chris and his dad tomorrow to get my dad’s estate taken care of, and hopefully I’ll be home as soon as all the paperwork is done. I’d guess at least another two or three days.”

  “Well, that’s sooner than I thought, so that makes me happy,” he replies. “I need to fill you in on what’s been going on with the investigation.”

  “New leads?” I ask.

  “You could say that,” he says carefully. I can tell by the tone of his voice that it’s not good news. “They think he’s in Mexico. Even though they flagged his passport as soon as the warrant went out, they think he somehow made it down there.”

  That’s not what I thought he was going to say, but it could be worse. At least they know something.

  “I’m not going to worry about it right now, Kyler. It pisses me off that he’s still out there living free, but right now I’ve just got too much else on my plate. I’ll go see Lopez when I get back home,” I reply.

  “Well, you handled that way better than I expected.” Kyler chuckles.

  “I’m just trying to do things one day at a time. I need to finish up here and then get home. I’ll deal with all the rest as it comes,” I tell him. “Oh, I forgot to tell you the other night, but Karen called me. The buyer accepted my offer on the land. I sign the closing documents when I get home,” I explain, not even remotely able to hide the happiness in my voice.

  My emotions are all over the place. One minute I’m sad, one minute I’m pissed, the next I’m happy. I don’t know how much longer my brain will allow me to keep functioning under all these stressors. I really need to get home.

  “That’s great, baby. I’m so proud of you. After everything you’ve been through in the past few years, you’re still strong and determined to make a happy life for yourself. You inspire me,” Kyler responds.

  “Thank you for saying that. I was just thinking how I feel like I’m going crazy because one minute, I’m a sobbing mess and the next, I want to jump up and down in excitement. You’re in for a treat when I get home. I’m kinda like a circus train wreck right now,” I joke, although if I’m being honest with myself, I’m totally serious.

  “We’ll work it out together, babe. Just come home to us,” he replies sweetly.

  “Soon.” I pause. “I’ll wrap things up here and be home before you know it. Now, I’m going to go to bed because I’m exhausted. I’ll call you tomorrow after my appointment with the Walkers and give you a better guestimate of when I’ll be home.”

  “Sounds good, Car. Get some sleep and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Night, Ky.”

  “Good night, beautiful.”

  The next morning I wake early. I actually slept through the night and feel rested for the first time in days. Talking to Kyler last night put my nerves at ease a little I guess. I’m ready to get this meeting over with so I can get back home and really be able enjoy the fact that I am the owner of my dream land to build my restaurant. I can’t wait until the papers are signed and I can stand on that beach, dig my toes into the sand, hear the sound of the waves, and smell the salt of the ocean. That’ll make it all real.

  I take my time in the shower, letting the hot water run over my tense, stiff shoulder. It has been bothering me a little for the past few days, and I’m sure it’s because I’ve been so stressed out and overdoing it.

  When I finish in the shower, I dry my hair and throw it in a lazy braid down my back. Calling down for room service, I order Pain Perdu, a
side of ham w/ red eye gravy, and some chicory coffee. I’ll probably regret it when I get home and realize I’ve gained 10lbs, but I am going to enjoy the hell out of the food while I’m here. Without a doubt, the food is something I miss every day. It’s part of who I am. It’s what made me love cooking so much, and it’s the reason I will own my own restaurant soon. That thought gives me butterflies. My own restaurant. I can’t even attempt to wipe the stupid smile off my face as I open the door for the room service attendant.

  He rolls the cart into my room and I’m immediately intoxicated by the smell of that coffee. There is nothing in the world like chicory coffee. Handing him a tip, I waste no time diving into the Pain Perdu. Best French toast EVER! I mean really; perfectly made French toast, made on homemade yummy bread, covered in house-made syrup, candied pecans and whipped cream. A moan escapes my lips before the guy even makes it out the door, and I hear him chuckle as he closes it behind him.

  I inhale my breakfast, and since it’s still a couple of hours before my meeting at the firm, I think maybe a little shopping is in order. I need to bring Kyler and Landry some authentic New Orleans stuff home. First stop will be Mignon Faget because I cannot go home without getting Landry a fleur de lis pendant necklace. I have one that my daddy bought me when I was a little girl, and I want Landry to have one. They also have glasses and such that I want to look at for my restaurant. I’ve always known that no matter where I ended up opening my restaurant that it would be Cajun/Creole, and I want to decorate it to be like stepping into New Orleans.

  After purchasing the perfect necklace for Landry and becoming fast friends with the manager, I’m certain she will help me get what I need once I’m ready to order all the glasses and stemware. They have the most beautiful glasses with the fleur de lis on them, and cute tumblers with crawfish on them, too. I will definitely be ordering those!

  Next up, George Rodrigue’s studio. There’s no way someone can claim to own a Cajun/Creole restaurant if it doesn’t have at least one painting or print of the blue dog, and I find several I love. I ensure all the shipping information is correct, pay the bill and head out. It’s almost time for my appointment.

  As the cab pulls in front of the firm, I feel my stomach drop. The front of the building hasn’t changed a bit. It still looks like it did when I was a little girl and Daddy would bring me to work with him. I have good memories here, although I also have that little voice in the back of my head that reminds me I gave this up to pursue my dreams.

  As I walk through the front door and head toward the receptionist, I watch as she raises her head to see who has come in. When her eyes lock on mine, she screeches, pushes from her desk and runs over to me.

  “Oh, my God, Carson!” she practically shouts into my ear. “Girl, you are a sight for sore eyes!” She steps back and looks at me from head to toe. “You look good! I betcha mama shit herself when she saw ‘dem tattoos, though, huh?” She giggles.

  IdaMae has been my daddy’s receptionist for as long as I can remember. I can’t even count how many years she spent taking care of me while my daddy worked and my mother was off doing God knows what. I take a real good look at her and see that her hair has gotten a little greyer since the last time I saw her, but she still looks great. I hug her to me tight and try not to cry. I love this woman deeply.

  “Yeah, she was pleased as punch. I think I heard a ‘white trash’ comment thrown in for good measure, but truthfully I wasn’t payin’ her no mind. She’ll never change, and I just ain’t got time for that shit in my life, IdaMae,” I tell her. I hear my accent coming back in full force. She nods her head knowingly. She’s never been the biggest fan of my mother, and for damn good reason. IdaMae is “colored,” as my mother always called it, and therefore beneath her, or so she thought. I’d give anything to have IdaMae as my mama. That woman has a heart of gold and loved me unconditionally. I know she doesn’t like my tattoos, but she loves me so she’d never say anything negative to me. It isn’t like they wash off. What’s done is done, as she always used to tell me.

  “I’ll tell the boys you here, baby.” She pats my hand. “You go get you some coffee and take a load off. I’ll come get ‘cha when they ready,” she finishes as she points me toward the coffee pot.

  I make my way over and grab a cup of coffee. The inside of the firm hasn’t changed a bit, either. I guess in the grand scheme of things, I haven’t been gone all that long but to me, it feels like a lifetime since I’ve been here. My life has changed so much since I left that I’m a totally different person.

  “Carson,” I hear a deep voice say. I turn and Mr. Walker, Chris’ dad, is standing in front of me with a warm smile on his face. He was always such a nice man when Chris and I were together.

  “Mr. Walker. It’s so nice to see you,” I greet as I make my way over to him. I put my hand out to shake his but he ignores it and pulls me into a bone-crushing hug.

  “Now, I was almost your second daddy, so don’t you ‘Mr. Walker’ me, young lady.” He chuckles.

  “I’m sorry, Beau. I didn’t know how awkward this was gonna be. I should’ve known you’d hug the life outta me.” I smile up at him.

  “You bet’cher ass, little girl. No matter what happened between you and my asshole son, I will always love you like a daughter, Carson. Your daddy was my very best friend. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you at the funeral yesterday. I saw your mama and headed the other direction. I still can’t stand that woman,” he says but then stops abruptly and looks nervous. “Sorry, Carson. I don’t mean to talk bad about your mama.”

  “You should know better than that. I got nothing good to say about that woman. She ain’t never been a mama to me. She was too busy spending Daddy’s money and whatever hell else she was doing.” I clench my teeth to keep from saying more.

  “Well, let’s get into the conference room so we can go over your daddy’s instructions. Chris is already in there getting stuff set up. I had him order in some shrimp and crawfish po’boys since I know they your favorite. Hope you’re hungry.” He smiles at me when my mouth drops.

  “I haven’t had a po’boy since I left. I’mma be big as a house when I get home.” I laugh. “I had Pain Perdu with ham and gravy for breakfast. I ain’t gonna be able to fit into nothin when I get home.”

  He smiles big and takes my elbow to lead me to the conference room. When he opens the door, the smell of the fried seafood and fresh bread hits my nose, and I’m in Heaven. I may even be drooling a little.

  “Chris, nice to see you again,” I say as I step into the room.

  He looks up and smiles but doesn’t respond.

  “Y’all wanna eat first or get down to business?” Beau asks with a smirk.

  “Now, you know I ain’t gonna be able to concentrate on no business without getting that po’boy in my belly, Beau.” I laugh out. I grab a plate and load it with a slice of each: one shrimp, one crawfish. I’m going to have to run A LOT when I get home.

  We eat in silence. The only sounds to be heard are the crunching of the sandwiches and the groans of pleasure that are escaping my mouth every few minutes. Both Chris and Beau chuckle every time they hear it but continue to eat without heckling me about it. They have to know how much I’ve missed this.

  After we’re finished and IdaMae has come in and cleared the rest, Chris and Beau set a large file down in front of them.

  “You ready for this, Carson?” Beau asks gently.

  “Yes, sir. I’m ready,” I respond without hesitation. I’m ready to go home.

  I was surprised that Chris hadn’t told his dad what I’d said about signing the firm over to them. I guess he probably didn’t want to get his dad’s hopes up if I was just saying that to piss off my mom. I had been totally serious, and when I told Beau that I would sign over all rights to him and Chris, I thought he would be happy. At first, he tried to talk me out of it, said that I could go reapply to Tulane Law and go back to school so I could come work there.

  I now knew my dadd
y had been keeping tabs on me, but apparently he hadn’t confided in any of them about what I had been up to since I moved to Seattle. I told them, without much detail, that I had graduated from culinary school and that I was currently working on building my first restaurant there. They both looked stunned, but I saw Chris smirk before he said, “You always used to love to cook, so that makes sense.”

  “Carson, your dad was so proud of you. He didn’t tell me what you were doing in Seattle just that you were living your life and if you wanted us to know about it that you’d reconnect with us someday. But he kept tabs on you. He knew you were happy up there.” He tells me this with such emotion in his voice I think for a second he might start crying, and it’s taking everything in me to keep myself in one piece. If he starts crying, I’ll lose it.

  “Thank you, Beau, for saying that. I owe you and Chris a lot for getting a hold of me and telling me to get down here. I’d have never forgiven myself if he’d have passed without me having seen him and told him how much I loved him and how sorry I am for staying away so long,” I ramble. “I’ve missed him so much over the years, but I let my stubbornness keep me away too long. I should’ve been here for him while he was sick, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for that.” I pause to compose myself. “It may take forever to let that go.”

  They nod in understanding, not even attempting to argue. They both know I’m not going to listen to any fight about it. I should’ve been here, and it will eat at me until the day I die that I let him suffer alone.

  “Well, let’s get to it then,” Beau says after clearing his throat.

  For the next several hours, we go through my dad’s estate with a fine-tooth comb. He basically left it up to me to do with it what I wanted. When my parents had divorced, he got the house, which he quickly sold. He bought a smaller house closer to Tulane Medical Center that he lived in until he was hospitalized. According to Beau, there wasn’t much in there. I think my daddy knew he wasn’t coming home when they finally put him in the hospital the last few months. He’d had the movers come and put everything in storage, leaving only a box with Beau for me. Said it was stuff he knew I’d want. I donated the house to the hospital to allow families of patients to stay there. I directed Beau to set up a non-profit to keep it going, and I started the fund with a nice chunk to get it off the ground. It was an 8-bedroom, 5-bath house with over 6,000 square feet. It would be perfect for families who had sick relatives in the hospital and needed a place to stay but couldn’t afford hotel rooms.