* * * * *
They were clinging to each other. Otherwise, they both would’ve fallen down. Brian’s arm seemed heavy across McKenna’s shoulders. She squeezed his waist tighter, hard-pressed to say which of them held the other upright. Brian’s drunken weight was enough to buckle her knees. Possibly, she should’ve suggested he quit drinking at least an hour ago. Hindsight and all that rot. Their laughter turned to silence as they navigated the lane behind G. Richards’ Bookstore. Even though she hadn’t consumed a drop of alcohol, she’d always had more fun watching other people let loose thanks to liquid fortification.
Brian waved his free arm in a wide arch. “It’s in your throat.” His random comment left McKenna confused. “What is?”
She felt him shrug. “Life,” he answered as if it should’ve been obvious. “If you think about all the times it has choked the air from your lungs, you’ll picture it happening in your chest. That’s not true at all. It’s in your throat. I think that’s why most people don’t realize they’re slowly dying. They think it’s a panic attack. They’re wrong. It’s reality, squeezing the life out of you.”
It was true. Her windpipe had been under death’s squeeze since the moment she spotted Kurt with someone else. As the metal stairway came into view, McKenna’s shoulders sagged in defeat. She didn’t have the strength to face her apartment, her memories. Instead, she sat down on the bottom step. Brian followed her down. Shoulder-to-shoulder, they sat in companionable silence. Streetlights reflected off the brick walls. The wind rattled the chain-link fence separating the alley from the building next door. Each breath they took transformed into white plumes hanging in the cold air. McKenna’s mind had been in such a state of shock for so long now she’d moved past the ability to feel any external discomfort. Not to mention, Brian’s large frame produced enough body heat that it was cozy at his side.
“I met my husband, Gray, in this exact spot.” The confession surprised even her. She never talked about him, ever, to anyone. Brian seemed to be the exception to every rule. Once the first words fell from her lips, they kept coming. “My head was in the clouds, as always.” She smiled to herself. She could still picture the day as if it happened that morning rather than years ago. “I walked right past him without noticing. Of course, I also didn’t see the stairs either. I tripped. Gray snagged hold of me before I could hit the pavement.” She chuckled. Brian held his silence and it helped her continue. “He ended up holding a handful of my breast in the process. I was so grateful, I might not have noticed if he hadn’t been blushing. He was stuttering this crazy-long apology, but his eyes…. Wow. They told a different story.” Her eyes fell closed as if she could shut out the memory of his heated gaze. It was impossible. “There was this wicked glint. I was captivated. God. I hate him sometimes for leaving me alone.”
“How did he die?”
Brian’s voice startled her. She’d almost forgotten he was there. McKenna made a helpless gesture before dropping her hands back to her lap. “A single self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. That was the exact wording on the coroner’s report.” Brian didn’t say a word to encourage or discourage her but she couldn’t stop. She nodded toward the back parking lot. “It was right there. In his car so I wouldn’t have to clean up the mess.” Her throat tightened, thankfully cutting off any further admissions. She wanted to cry. There weren’t any tears left. Brian hugged her to his side.
“Life is hard work. Of course, that’s no excuse for him to leave you in such a way.”
“It was my fault.” It was the first time she’d said the words aloud. It hurt more than expected. “He was sick when we met. Stage three non-Hodgkin lymphoma,” she explained. “He’d already begun chemo and lost his hair. I didn’t care. There was this spark inside him. I couldn’t stay away. He was so intelligent and quick-witted. I wanted to crawl under his skin to be closer to him. Even the knowledge he might not make it didn’t stop me from jumping at the chance to marry him.” Chill bumps rose as the phantom sensation of Gray’s mouth against her skin rushed through her. “One night, I was sitting beside his hospital bed and I thought my mind would snap. There was this pad of paper and pen on the nightstand and I started writing. I couldn’t stop. For the first time in a long time, I’d found an outlet for my rage. I was going to lose him and I couldn’t stop it from happening. Gray hated it. He read every word, trying his damnedest to be supportive. Eventually, he resented it. He accused me of wanting someone different than the man I’d married.” Bitterness welled inside McKenna. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t forget the way he’d made her feel as if she needed to keep herself hidden. She’d learned to retreat behind a mask of indifference.
“Why did he think your writing meant you wanted someone else?”
She shrugged. “It was my devil. He’s the main character in my books,” she explained. A sardonic smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Gray killed himself to set me free and do you know what pisses me off the most? It was him,” she said without giving him a chance to answer. “Gray is my devil. He just didn’t see himself the way I did.”
At the confession, the tears came. It was a sudden burst, slamming into her with surprising power. Sharing her past and Kurt’s betrayal pooled with the extra surge of hormones in her system, making her cry harder than she had in a long time. In this, Brian turned out to be the same as any other man. Even through her tears, she could see the panicked look in his eyes. Reaching inside his jacket, he pulled out a handkerchief. For some reason, the sight of the square white cloth caused an unexpected gurgle of laughter to rise in her throat.
“Who the fuck carries a handkerchief anymore?”
Brian lifted one shoulder, holding the cloth out to her. “I guess I do.”
A gust of wind whipped through the alley, mid-exchange, ripping the material from her fingers. It blew over the steel fencing.
“Holy shit.” McKenna couldn’t think of another way to express her surprise over how far it traveled. “And here you were trying to be all chivalrous.”
Brian’s face lit. “Never fear, milady. I can still save the day—er—night,” he corrected as he shot to his feet. Running for the fence, he managed to scale it after several drunken attempts. The cold wind carried McKenna’s giggles away when he retrieved the cloth with a victorious wave.
She clutched her chest. “My hero.”
Even in the dimly lit alley, Brian’s smile seemed luminous. Bracing one arm on the railing, he kicked a leg over. As if watching things happen in slow motion, McKenna swallowed down a cry. Brian’s arm gave out and his inner thigh caught on the sharp edge of the metal links. A dark slash appeared before he had time to land in a heap on the ground.
Chapter Six
Staring blankly at the magazine on the counter, Kurt dropped his news without bothering to glance in Kerry’s direction.
“You’ll need to find a replacement to work the door at Affinity. This is my two-week notice.”
She flipped the page on her book, seeming unconcerned. “That stinks but I’m not surprised. McKenna has to come first.”
He barely stopped himself from rubbing his chest. The ache blooming there at hearing McKenna’s name nearly crushed the air from his lungs. After a few minutes of silence, she finally closed her book. Setting it aside, she focused on him.
“Will I still see you around?”
“I don’t see why not,” he answered evasively. “Where do you train?”
Kurt kept his head down doing his best to pretend nonchalance. “What do you mean?”
Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt could see Kerry swiping at the air as if attempting to physically grasp for words. “You know, to fight. Where do you spar or lift weights? I know it’s not here. You’re not World Divisional so it’s not No Rival. Are you on steroids? Do you go to the Y or have a home gym?”
“Sure.” He wondered if she would choke him at his intentionally unhelpful response. Pausing for effect, he slowly flipped the page on his magazine. He wasn�
�t sure why it was so much fun to fuck with Kerry but it was. When she didn’t react, he glanced up. There was a crazed look in her eye. He bit back a chuckle.
Adding fuel to the fire, he kept his countenance carefully blank. “What?”
There was a moment when he thought she might snap. The glass door separating the foyer from the gym swung open, saving his life. Knox strolled out. Nodding in his direction, he acknowledged Kurt before turning his attention on Kerry. Kurt wasn’t offended. He preferred the loner lifestyle. The only exception to this was McKenna. He couldn’t breathe again. In an attempt to stave off a panic attack, he concentrated on Knox and Kerry’s conversation.
“Mandy wanted me to ask if you’d like to go to the hospital with us to see Brian tonight?”
“What happened to Brian?”
It was a toss-up as to who was more shocked by Kurt’s interruption. Both Kerry and Knox seemed surprised he cared while Kurt mused over why he did. Thankfully, Knox merely shrugged. “We’re not a hundred percent certain yet. Rumor is he sliced open his femoral artery. Since his mom passed away last week, he doesn’t have any family left and there isn’t anyone we can call to get the exact details. One of the guys from Warehouse is a paramedic. He wasn’t the one on the scene but was able to confirm it is the Brian Johnson we know. Once again, we’re not family so the hospital wouldn’t release any information to us. Luckily, Drew Alexander’s wife, Aubree, works in the children’s building. She was able to keep an eye on his condition. Seems he made it through surgery and is stable.”
“I’m glad to hear he’s okay. Do they know how it happened?”
Knox appeared hesitant as he answered. “No one knows for sure. There’s a rumor it might’ve been intentional.”
“Seriously? He doesn’t seem the type.” Of course, Kurt knew people usually didn’t. It was always the ones people didn’t suspect.
Knox shrugged as if his thoughts mimicked Kurt’s. “Maybe we’ll find something out tonight.” Switching his gaze to Kerry, he asked. “What should I tell Mandy?”
“Sure. I’ll go.”
As they made plans to meet later, Kurt stewed. His temper always cost others. He hated the thought he might be responsible for ruining Brian’s career and the man’s mother had passed away. Grief was a funny thing. It could show up in the strangest of ways.
When they were once again alone, Kurt spoke without thinking. “Maybe I should go see him. I don’t have anything going on today.”
“Would it make you feel better about what happened?”
He hated when people tried to psychoanalyze him. “If I’d been carrying around any guilt, I would’ve gone to speak with the man before now. This isn’t about what happened between us.”
Kerry eyed him in such a way he wondered if he’d allowed her to see too much. He kept his expression clear of all emotion. She growled and he almost sighed in relief. There were parts of him he wouldn’t share.
“In any case, maybe take McKenna with you to soften the beach, as they say.”
He glanced back down at his magazine. There were issues he couldn’t mask behind a blank stare. His heart breaking was one of those.
“Yeah. I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
Kerry surprised him by groaning. “Damn. Sorry. I forgot about her husband’s suicide. If Brian’s injury was self-inflicted, it might be hard on her.”
His brain ceased working before a thousand-piece puzzle snapped together inside his mind.
“I’ll go alone.” The absently spoken words came automatically while his mind replayed every detail of his time with McKenna. There had been hundreds of details about her life he’d wanted to know. Why hadn’t he asked or dug harder when she resisted? But he knew. Forcing her to open up meant he’d have to do the same.
“What did you lose?”
“Everything.”
Those words haunted him. Every second he spent alone since losing McKenna he’d spent replaying every cryptic thing she’d said.
“Karma’s a patient bitch, it seems.”
She drove him crazy. He almost snorted. It’s not as if he had far to go. “I assumed a place named G. Richards’ would be owned by a G. Richards.”
“It was. He died. Now it’s mine.”
He had to get out of there. Slowly, in hopes of not drawing too much attention to his actions, Kurt backed away from the counter. He’d avoided too many facts for too long. It was time to find some answers.
“I’ll let you know what I find out about Brian.” His voice came out sounding steady If Kerry responded he didn’t hear a word of it. In his head, he was already googling McKenna Richards.
* * * * *
Relaxing deeper into her chair at the edge of Brian’s hospital bed, McKenna attempted to bury her feet beneath him. He lifted his uninjured leg. She flashed a grateful smile at him over her notebook as he allowed her to burrow underneath his thigh. The moment she settled in place, he dropped his knee, lending her his warmth. Most people would bitch about her having her feet kicked up onto their bed. Brian wasn’t like anyone else.
“It’s damn cold in this place. I wonder what they have against heat.”
“No shit,” Brian agreed. “At ten grand a night, this is the worst hotel I’ve ever stayed in.”
McKenna snorted. She tried her best to infuse a bit of humor into the sound. It wasn’t easy. As hard as Brian tried to make it seem like he didn’t care, she knew this was another expense he couldn’t afford. A perfunctory knock landed on the door before it swung wide without waiting for permission. The same doctor who’d treated Brian the night before came sweeping in. His gaze was locked on the laptop in his hands. McKenna watched him, wondering how many hours a week he worked. He looked tired. She eyed his nametag. Dr. Harley Winthrop. For some reason, she found the name interesting. Winthrop sounded like a rich surname but Harley seemed an odd match. At around five-foot-seven he only stood around two inches taller than she did. She was also fairly certain she outweighed him by a good ten pounds. His hair stood on end and he wore a pair of those god-awful shoes that looked like a duck’s feet. In spite of all those factors, he had nice eyes. They made her think he did care about his patients.
Glancing up, he caught her staring. He cleared his throat and switched his gaze to Brian before speaking.
“Well. It appears your body will accept the blood transfusion. However, considering your size and the fact your movements will be a bit awkward due to the sprained ankle, I’m going to keep you another night. If you were to twist the wrong way too soon, you could reopen your wound and bleed out in a matter of minutes.” Brian was nodding. McKenna could feel his frustration. “You were extremely lucky your…” He paused, motioning in her direction as if searching for a description or hoping they would provide one. “Friend,” he said almost questioningly.
“McKenna,” she supplied, intentionally being unhelpful.
He gave a sharp nod as if the matter was settled. “You’re lucky your friend was there when your femoral artery opened. Even then, if she hadn’t known exactly what to do, you’d be dead.”
“The lower half of the male anatomy has always been my specialty.”
Brian snorted. The doctor didn’t so much as flinch at her comment. “Be that as it may, I would feel better with one more night of observation.”
The more the man spoke the bleaker Brian’s expression became.
“What if I promised to stay with him and ensure he doesn’t do any further damage, could he go home today?”
A tiny smile hovered on the doctor’s lips. “Considering your extensive knowledge of the lower half of the male anatomy, I’d be more inclined to think the odds were higher of him reopening his wounds due to strenuous activity with you there.”
McKenna narrowed her eyes at him. “Oh. You’re a naughty one.” Switching her attention to Brian, she grinned. “I like him. You should look into keeping him after you leave here.” If Brian was the least bit embarrassed by her behavior, he didn’t show it.
>
“Hmm,” the doctor said noncommittally before adding. “Ditto.” Her eyebrows rose in surprise and he chuckled over her reaction. “I’ll be back to check on you later…both of you,” he tacked on.
McKenna’s face heated. His laughter followed him from the room. The moment he disappeared, a sound escaped Brian, making her realize how hard he’d been trying to hold back his amusement. Since the doctor left the door standing open, he didn’t let it fly the way he obviously wanted. Drawing an audible breath, he managed to keep it together. Humor lit his eyes.
“Have you ever met anyone who didn’t find you irresistible?”
“Daily,” she answered without hesitation. Dropping her gaze to her notebook, she clicked open her pen. “You’d be surprised by the sheer number of people who don’t find me the least bit appealing.”
“The world is filled with stupid people. You can’t count those.”
Brian was sweet. Nice people were few and far between. A picture of Gray floated across her mind. She hated that his face faded from her memory a little more every day. Already, the tiny details were gone.
“Do you need anything?” she asked, suddenly in need of air. “I could run by your place and grab you a change of clothes or get you some real food.”
Brian shrugged. “If I had anyone else to ask, I would. You’ve already done enough for me but I also think you need a break from this place.”
She handed him the notebook. “Write down your address and a list of what all you need.” She refused to admit he was right. “Of course, I’ll probably run home for a minute too. I need a shower.”
“Take your time. I’m exhausted.” He winked. “It’s hard work keeping you company.”
Even though she knew he was trying to make her feel better about taking off for a little bit, she still felt guilty for leaving him alone. “I’ll hurry.”
With an address and keys in hand, McKenna made sure Brian had everything he needed before heading out. He was already half-asleep from the pain medicine before she began quietly closing the door behind her. With her focus on her task, she stepped into the path of something solid and walked right into him. His scent surrounded her. Her body knew his. His hands clasped her waist, preventing her from moving away. The sensation of his heat against her skin demolished her already frayed nerves. Kurt didn’t release her.
Unbalanced Page 8