“Isn’t this an interesting turn of events.” The low growl of his voice was so close to her ear, she sucked in a breath. When his words penetrated the thick haze in her mind, her temper hit the roof. He had a lot of fucking nerve. “It didn’t take you long.”
Unadulterated fury rendered her speechless. McKenna opened her mouth, intent on something. Even she didn’t know what it was but it wasn’t good. There was a possibility she would’ve cursed his name, spit fire or bitten him. Perhaps she would’ve done all three if Dr. Winthrop hadn’t saved Kurt’s life.
“McKenna, is everything okay here?”
She eyed Kurt’s scornful expression for a moment longer before tearing her gaze away. The moment she spotted the doctor, her respect grew for the man. In spite of the doctor’s small stature, his face was hard. Kurt was one of the most intimidating men she’d ever met. It didn’t seem to matter to Dr. Winthrop.
Slipping out of Kurt’s hold, McKenna focused on her savior. “Yes. I’m fine.” She added a fake smile to the lie. He didn’t look away from Kurt. A silent warning passed between the two men, shocking her further. As far as McKenna was concerned, the doctor’s bravery bordered on insane. “Did you need something?”
Shifting his laptop to one hand, he placed the other on the small of her back steering her away from Kurt’s death stare. “I have a few follow-up instructions.”
McKenna let him lead her away but she couldn’t stop looking at Kurt’s closed expression. She was still pissed-off. There was something in his eyes. She made it three feet. “McKenna.” That’s all it took for her feet to freeze to the floor. Even then, she couldn’t speak. Fear and hurt choked her. A noise only a frustrated man could make came from the back of his throat. She half expected him to punch the wall. “I didn’t mean it, okay?” He held her stare. “I know you better than that, okay?”
“Do you?” McKenna didn’t wait for his answer. Turning her back to him, she walked away as fast as her feet would carry her. Thankfully, the doctor was able to keep up. When they reached the elevator and she was unable to avoid it any longer, she spoke up. “I’m sorry.”
He didn’t look at her. “There’s no need to apologize. You had the situation under control.” He finally glanced her way. There was a teasing glint in his eye. “Plus, I’m almost positive he wouldn’t have killed me.”
She wasn’t. Of course, she had no intention of saying as much. The moment the doors slid closed, sealing them inside the elevator, he turned her way. “I’d ask you to dinner but after my super-manly display of bravery, you’d be obligated to say yes. The whole evening would be uncomfortable as you basked in my awesomeness.”
In spite of herself, McKenna snorted. “Let’s not forget how I’d also feel indebted to go home with you afterward. You’d be wowed by my talent and end up proposing right away.”
A luminous smile lit his face. “Narrow miss there.”
Clasping her hands behind her back, McKenna rocked back on her heels. “Yep. Narrow miss.”
He shook his head. “It’s no wonder that guy was ready to beat his chest. I imagine you could have someone addicted in no time.”
Being as how she hadn’t been able to hang on to Kurt, McKenna knew there had to be some argument she could make. Her brain hurt. “Yeah, well, you should see what I can do with a tube of ChapStick and time on my hands.”
“Do you ever behave?”
Even though she didn’t think Harley was being serious, McKenna still thought it over before responding. “No. Not really.” She flashed him a wicked grin, giving power to her words. Inside she was falling apart. Kurt’s touch still branded her skin. Her heart was a mess. The temptation to press the button that would carry her back to him was almost more than she could stand. Keeping her hands clasped behind her back, McKenna’s nails dug into her palms. It was as if she’d lost a limb. She hadn’t meant to get attached but she couldn’t bear the raw spot where he’d been ripped away. It made every loss she’d ever suffered seem larger. As the elevator doors opened, she concentrated on not leaping out.
“Maybe I can ask you to dinner at a later time, after the gratitude fades.”
“Maybe so,” she chirped, surprising even herself with how honest her response sounded. Harley chuckled as he headed in the opposite direction. McKenna kept her fake smile in place all the way to the parking lot. That’s where she fell apart.
*
Kurt watched McKenna’s retreat with a sick feeling of dread. His dumbass accusation had—most likely—been the last straw. She’d never give them another shot. It was almost as if he wasn’t happy unless he set a match to everything good in the world. He didn’t tear his eyes away from the elevator until the last hope the doors would reopen faded away. Instead, he focused on Brian’s room. Why had she been here? As far as he knew, the pair had never met. There was no help for it. Since he’d fucked things up beyond repair with McKenna, he’d have to get all the answers from Brian.
Without knocking, he threw open the door with more force than necessary. Brian jumped, as if the sound pulled him from the edge of sleep. Kurt immediately felt like shit. Even the man’s lips were pale. What had he really suspected had gone on inside Brian’s hospital room? Damn. He was such an ass.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize my own strength,” Kurt lied blatantly. He winced as he realized how terrible his words sounded in light of the situation. “I meant the door,” he added, digging deeper. He swiped a hand over his face, wondering why he was an idiot. Brian sighed. For some odd reason, the sound set Kurt at ease. He focused on the man he’d come there to see. Determination to do the right thing settled in the forefront of Kurt’s brain. Squaring his shoulders and not bothering to wait on an invitation, Kurt moved to the chair next to the bed. The expression etched on Brian’s face let him know he wasn’t welcome. He couldn’t let it deter him.
Kurt opened his mouth intent on inquiring on the man’s health. “What the fuck was McKenna doing in here?”
His eyes fell closed. Had he really said that? Brian growled. The sound caused his eyes to snap back open.
“You know, you’ve got a lot of fucking nerve. She’s worth ten of you. Yet, for some reason she lowered herself to be with you and you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants.”
Everything Brian said was the truth. It’s not as if Kurt could deny it. It didn’t matter. He was still pissed off. “I know she’s too good for me. Hell, she’s too damn good for anybody. McKenna deserves the whole fucking world. None of that explains what she was doing with you.”
Brian didn’t jump to alleviate his curiosity or to dampen his temper. He merely eyed Kurt as if he was an oddity. “Wow. If it weren’t for the whole catching-you-with-somebody-else, I’d almost think you were in love with her.”
Kurt was unsure if he was more pissed off by the fact Brian knew so much about their relationship or if his fury over the man’s words was a remnant of seeing McKenna leaving his room. Perhaps it was only his frustration driving him insane. He’d never been good at being helpless. Control was the only strength he had left to him.
“I do love her,” he said, stressing every word. For some reason he couldn’t explain, he needed Brian to know McKenna meant everything to him. If this man planned to steal the most important thing from him, he would damn well understand what it was he was taking away.
Brian had gone back to staring at him as if working out a puzzle in his mind. After a moment, he shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think you’re telling me the truth.”
Thank fuck. It was about time someone listened to him. He gestured helplessly. “Finally!”
“It doesn’t change the fact you cheated on her.” He didn’t give Kurt time to respond. “Why are you even here?”
“I was worried about you,” he answered. “I don’t know why I bothered. There was a rumor going around that you tried to kill yourself. I realize now how ridiculous that notion is. All it takes is one look at you to see how furious you are with life. Angry
people want to fight, not die.”
Brian snorted. “Are you joking? Dude. Your ego knows no bounds. I get hurt during a fight with you and suddenly I’m so traumatized I’ll kill myself? Not that it’s any of your business but I got hurt acting stupid. You’re in love with McKenna, yet it’s perfectly okay for you to still fuck whomever you want and what? Is she supposed to be so damn happy to have you she’s not supposed to care?”
Brian’s anger caught him off guard. Kurt wasn’t sure how he’d gone from accusing McKenna of sleeping with Brian to being the one on trial. “It’s not you, okay? I was casting my own weaknesses on you. Not to mention, I have all this guilt for not apologizing to you for what I did. I don’t know why I’m explaining myself to you and I know you won’t believe anything I say. As far as McKenna goes, I don’t want anyone else. She’s the only good thing that’s happened to me in a long time. I’d never intentionally do anything to hurt her.”
Brian almost seemed confused. For the first time, Kurt experienced a bit of hope someone might actually believe him. “I don’t understand.”
Kurt shook his head. “I’m not a good person. McKenna saw the backlash of one of my many bad decisions. I was attempting to disengage myself from an uncomfortable situation without hurting anyone’s feelings when McKenna showed up.” He didn’t know why he was explaining himself. It wasn’t as if it would change anything.
“From what I can tell McKenna is a reasonable person. Why didn’t you tell her what you’ve told me? If things happened the way you say they did, then she’s a smart lady and she would’ve forgiven you.”
“I tried,” Kurt said. Every ounce of frustration he’d felt since the moment she’d refused to listen to him came rushing back, showing itself in his words. “No matter what I said it was like she tuned me out.”
Brian nodded, seeming to consider his words. His focus visibly turned inward as if processing everything Kurt said against everything he knew about McKenna. “I imagine that was Gray’s doing,” he said after a moment. Kurt couldn’t believe how well Brian knew McKenna. He hadn’t even known about Gray and here this man was psychoanalyzing the situation as if he’d known McKenna forever. He’d be damned if he’d allow Brian to know how little he knew about Gray.
“I can’t imagine what he had to do with anything.” Kurt wanted to pat himself on the back when his statement came out sounding as if he really knew what he was talking about.
It worked. Brian appeared to warm to the topic. “Well. He killed himself so he wouldn’t be a burden to her any longer. He read all of her stories and believed she wanted some wild lifestyle she wasn’t able to have with him due to his illness. To me, I’d think that sort of thing would fuck with your head. I mean, you’d question everything afterward, right? I imagine she believes if she wants something too badly, she’ll destroy it. She probably searches for the cracks in everything. Wouldn’t you think?”
Kurt was stunned. The final piece of the puzzle clicked into place in his mind. Turns out, Gray was right all along. Fuck. There were no words. “No. Gray was wrong.”
Brian’s brows drew together. Thankfully, he didn’t question Kurt’s craziness. “You should send her a text and be honest. That way she can’t get away. Plus, it seems to me she values directness. I think the harder you try to find a way around her the more she’ll dig her heels in.”
The picture of sunflowers that hung on the opposite wall held his focus as he turned Brian’s suggestion over in his mind. As much as it chaffed to take advice from Brian, it wasn’t a bad idea. Yep. He really needed to quit being a pussy.
* * * * *
McKenna almost made it out of the apartment before the knock landed on her door. She’d stopped by Brian’s house first and, after stopping by her apartment for a quick shower, she almost felt ready to face another night of sitting by his bed. The usual deliveryman wasn’t a surprise. What he held in his hands was. Once he had his tip and was on his way, she eyed the pink envelope with suspicion. It wasn’t the flower she’d become accustomed to. Slipping it open, she inspected the contents. There was a tiny packet of seeds and a note.
“You have to plant this one to find out what it is. Hint—it’s yellow and represents new beginnings. I hate that you’re ruining yours.”
He knew about Kurt. The knowledge slammed into her hard enough to knock the air from her lungs. It had only been a matter of time but still. She wasn’t ready. In a haze, she finished gathering her things. What did he think of her now?
Halfway to the hospital, McKenna found the car turning into the cemetery parking lot. She didn’t intend to go there. It was as if she couldn’t stop it from happening. Even after finding a parking space and following the familiar path to Gray’s grave, she didn’t understand why she’d chosen to go there. She sat down, crossing her legs. Leaning forward, she set her forehead against his headstone right where they’d carved his name. He had been her best friend. The knowledge he’d never be there again was an empty space nothing could fill.
“There’s no fairness in the world,” she whispered, knowing wherever he was now, he would hear her. “You left me nothing but your ghost and insecurities. I’m so mad at you.” She traced his name with the tip of her finger.
“I see you’re still torturing yourself.” McKenna’s head whipped around at the sound of the man’s voice. “I’d hoped with all the rumors swirling around about you dating Kurt, it meant you’d found some peace.”
Gray’s brother, Terry, sat on the bench behind her. Judging by the way his hands were buried in the pockets of his black pea coat, and the slight flush on his cheeks, he’d been there awhile. She wanted to growl. Life was all about kicking her while she was down. She’d managed to avoid Terry since Gray’s death. It seemed today wasn’t meant to be her day.
When she didn’t respond, he added. “I knew I’d run into you here eventually. You’ve been avoiding my calls and letters.”
Even though he hadn’t questioned her, she felt the need to explain. She shrugged. “If I could trade places with him, I would. I can’t. Hearing you say you hate me won’t change anything.” Except it would break her heart and that was more than she could handle.
“I figured as much,” he said, more to himself. His expressionless face didn’t make his statement any clearer. Awkwardly, she moved to stand. In a flash, Terry was at her side, helping her to her feet. With one of her hands clasped in his, he brushed away the dirt clinging to the seat of her pants with the other. Coming from anyone else, the move would’ve seemed odd but it was Terry. Everything he did was gentlemanly. She kept her gaze locked on his face. Her heart squeezed. Up close, she could see the dark circles beneath his eyes. He also looked so much like Gray that it hurt to be near him.
“Thank you.” She pushed the words past her rapidly swelling throat. His eyes snapped to hers.
“It’s too cold for you to be out here without anything on your arms.” At his words, her teeth began to chatter. Except, she didn’t feel the temperature at all. “For the love of—” He broke off, tore his coat from his shoulders and set it over hers. His warmth enveloped her. “I swear. I’ve never met another person who needed a keeper the way you do. It drove Gray insane.”
She felt moved to point out the obvious. “Everything I did drove Gray crazy.”
Terry nodded and steered her toward the car. “It most likely kept him alive four years longer than he would’ve made it on his own.”
“I doubt it. He’d probably still be alive if it wasn’t for me.”
“That’s not true. He’d given up already when you literally fell into his life. You gave him someone to fight with and something to fight for.” She noticed his Chevy truck parked behind her Camry. Picking up the pace, she made a beeline for it. This was one topic she couldn’t deal with. Terry pulled her to stop, forcing her to face him. “McKenna. Gray wasn’t going to get better.”
“I would’ve taken care of him,” she argued, not wanting to hear it. His face softened. “I know but he didn’t wa
nt you to.”
McKenna’s chest hurt and her nose stung. She really didn’t want to cry anymore.
“If I’d been a better wife, he would’ve stayed for me.”
“No one could’ve been a better wife. Why can’t you see the problem wasn’t with you? He wanted to be more. Things were going to get so much worse and he couldn’t handle it. It wasn’t your failure. We get very few choices in life. This was his. You’re doing him a disservice by living this half-life when he wanted you to have everything.” An unexpected smile touched Terry’s face. “Kurt is exactly the sort of crazy Gray would’ve chosen for you.”
A snort escaped her. “I’m certain Kurt is the opposite of what Gray would’ve wanted.”
His expression turned calculating. “Tell me something. Where did you learn the things you write about?” Her face heated. She was never, ever embarrassed. She was now. This was her husband’s brother. Terry chuckled. “I almost hate to say this but you need to hear it. I knew my brother for way longer. When he got sick, the wild lifestyle he loved was gone, until you.” His face lit. “You didn’t see a dying man. To you, he was simply a man. I don’t think you’ve ever realized what that was like for him. Inside, he was still the same Gray he’d always been but his body was failing. Being powerless really sucks. Then you show up. He told me once that meeting you was the same as being reborn.” He may as well have punched her in the gut. Terry’s face turned serious again. “Was it fair? No. Life seldom is.” Terry visibly swallowed, making McKenna realize how hard this conversation was for him. “You’re all I have left of him, McKenna. Please stop shutting me out.”
“You have his eyes.” To her horror, her voice broke at the admission. She wanted to bite her tongue.
Unbalanced Page 9