Unbalanced

by Parkerson, Charity

  It was almost cruel God had made Kurt so beautiful. Gazes followed him everywhere he went. He made people want. McKenna knew from experience how physically painful it could be to long for something out of reach. Holding her stare, he touched his champagne flute to his lips. A flutter began in her stomach. She ached. As much as she wanted to look away, she couldn’t. Her hands itched to touch him. It was unfair. She envied the glass. His mouth should be on her instead.

  Even as he moved in her direction, she was incapable of forcing herself to look away. He’d said he loved her. She hadn’t misread his text. There wasn’t a hint of it showing as he claimed the seat across from her. The powers of destruction he held were limitless.

  “You’re not wearing shoes.”

  “You said you love me.”

  He didn’t as much as flinch. “They serve food here.”

  “As I recall, you fucked me in my kitchen. Food is served there, as well.”

  A wisp of a smile touched his features before disappearing. “That’s different.” In spite of herself, she was interested. “How so?”

  “It’s your home. There’s no telling where these floors have been.”

  The realization his concern was for her and not the other patrons should’ve surprised her, except it was Kurt. He calculated his every move. The general public never factored into his designs. The person in his sights was who held his attention. She dropped her gaze to the table, unable to stand the pain of staring into his eyes a moment longer. He was so complicated it made her brain hurt.

  Kurt let out a derisive snort. “I promise I’m not complicated in the least. Fucked in the head, maybe.”

  McKenna winced at the slip. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t break the habit of talking to herself. “You’re not crazy. Trust me,” she added with a tiny wave toward herself. “I’m not right in the head. I can recognize it in others.”

  He snagged her hand before she could drop it back to her lap. In spite of everything, she couldn’t pull away. His fingers brushed over her knuckles. God help her. She wanted his touch.

  “I am empty without you.” Holy shit. Had she really said that? His eyes fell closed. Fuck. She had. In for a penny. “The thing is, at least half the time you’re not genuine. I don’t know what to believe but I do know I’m tired. Your games are out of my league. I’m so fucking exhausted. I don’t want to play.” She swallowed down the bitterness rising in her throat. The knowledge this would be the last time he held her hand sat like a stone in her gut. “I can’t listen to another lie pass your lips and know I only have part of you. Let me stay in my fantasyland. I’m safe there.”

  “My parents were killed by a suicide bomber while waiting to board a passenger train.”

  She’d been prepared for anything except his admission. She held her breath, hoping he’d continue. He didn’t disappoint. “I was a year and half away from graduation from Stanford at the time. In my self-righteous fury over their deaths, I enlisted in the Marines.” A mocking smile twisted his lips, fascinating her. “I was bent on changing the world, making all terrorists pay for my loss. It seemed to me the best way to get in on the real action was to ace every test and training activity the government threw my way. Turns out, I was right. It had me right up front seeing all the shit nobody tells you about.”

  He disappeared inside himself. McKenna watched it happen but was powerless to stop it. After a moment, he blinked. Clearing his throat, he snapped back from wherever he’d gone in his head. “Anyhow, I came home and everything was different. For a while, I tried to be normal. It was gone. Lots of shit later, I met you. Everything changed. It’s crazy because you know how I obsess over stuff. This thing with you is no different. I’ve gone over every second I’ve spent with you in my mind. There has to be something setting you apart. I had to know what it is. Why do you make me want to live again when nobody else has?”

  McKenna shook her head, at a loss. “There’s nothing special about me.”

  “But there is,” he argued. “Everything about you is unique. However, the one detail I can’t resist above all others is that you love me.”

  Goddamn him. She did. It consumed her. She loved him more than books.

  “I’ve done a lot of terrible things, McKenna. You’re not one of them. I need you to believe I would never touch anyone else because you’re the only good thing about me.” He held her hand tighter as if he expected her to bolt. She was incapable. “If you’d ask almost anything else of me, I’d give it to you but I can’t let you go.”

  A weight sat on her chest. It was so heavy she almost looked down to see what it was. For the first time, she saw everything behind Kurt’s mask. He wasn’t hiding from her. The words fell from her lips without her permission. “I’m pregnant.” He let go of her hand. At the loss of physical contact, a wall slammed down between them. McKenna swore the temperature dropped in the room. Her stomach churned. Kurt became a stranger. Dropping her gaze to the table, McKenna swallowed down the pain the way she had her entire life. Maybe she didn’t have much but she had her pride.

  “Yeah. Um. I guess that’s my cue.”

  Gathering her shoes and handbag, she pushed her chair away from the table. He didn’t try to stop her. Brian was leaning against the bar, deep in conversation with Terry. The moment he caught sight of her, he straightened. His concerned expression made her wonder what he saw on her face. He didn’t say a word. With a nod at Terry, he fell into step beside her as she headed for the parking lot. She didn’t make it. The moment she pushed open the club’s door, he overcame her. McKenna’s feet left the ground. A squeak left her lips in her surprise. Cradling her to his chest as he would a child, Kurt’s stride never slowed. Every line of his face was hard and he wouldn’t look at her. She was almost scared to speak. Sneaking a glance over his shoulder, she caught a glimpse of Brian’s smiling face. Obviously, he intended to let Kurt kidnap her.

  “You’re not running away from me again.” As if to punctuate his promise, he finally looked at her. His eyes flashed with an inner fire. “And you’re sure as fuck not walking outside in these temperatures barefoot while carrying my child.”

  A hint of rebellion rose inside her. “I didn’t say it was your baby.” He growled. Actually growled. She could feel the vibration of the sound from his chest. “It is but I didn’t say as much,” she grumbled childishly. Shifting her weight, he freed one hand long enough to press the button on a keychain. Yellow lights flashed to their left and Kurt changed directions, heading toward them.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I didn’t drive here,” he explained. “We’re taking Brian’s car.”

  Brian’s car? “Traitor,” she muttered before saying louder, “How will he get home?” Kurt’s gorgeous eyes met hers once more. She wasn’t comforted. “You shouldn’t be worried about anyone other than yourself at the moment.”

  In spite of everything, a shiver of excitement ran down her spine. There were times when she was weaker than others. This was one of those. It wasn’t enough for Kurt to lay waste to her life one time. He was an addictive form of destruction. It wasn’t until they were pulling into the parking lot of a nondescript red-brick building she’d never seen before that McKenna thought to question where they were going. The realization caused an uncomfortable knowledge to settle over her. She did trust Kurt. The moment he’d swept her into his arms she hadn’t worried where they would go only that he would leave her again at the end of the journey. How very stupid she was.

  “What is this place?”

  Digging around in the backseat, Kurt found her coat. It had been warmer than usual earlier in the evening. Now there was a definite bite to the air. “Put this on.” Kurt watched her until she did as he bade. “The shoes too,” he added. With a sigh, she slipped her feet back inside the nightmare heels. When he seemed satisfied she was properly dressed, he stepped out of the car.

  “This is where I go every day,” he said over his shoulder as he went.

  At his
confession, McKenna threw open the door and scrambled from the car before he could reach her. Even though he held her hand all the way to the door, his face was still devoid of all emotion. She hated it. When he let himself inside the building, he went ahead of her. His large frame blocked the inside from view. In her curiosity, she tried peeking over his shoulder but he was too big. The lights were so bright in comparison to the dark night, it was almost blinding. She glanced up at them. A catcall rent the air, pulling her focus away from the ceiling.

  Kurt stepped aside and the entire building seemed to fall silent. It was immediate, as if someone hit the mute button. It was a fitness center. Except, it wasn’t like any training facility McKenna had ever seen before. There were several pieces of equipment she didn’t recognize. It also didn’t smell like sweat. Everyone inside, which consisted of all of four people, stood frozen as she stepped through the doorway. After an uncomfortable moment of silence, a man who’d obviously been beating up a punching bag spoke up.

  “Are we finally getting to meet the illustrious McKenna?”

  Snagging her hand, Kurt hauled her closer to his side. “You are.” He switched his attention to her and McKenna’s confusion grew. These people knew about her while she’d never heard as much as a whisper about them. “McKenna, this is Cameron.” As he pointed toward the man who’d broken the awkward silence, the man stepped forward.

  He held out his hand for her to shake. Even though he was covered in sweat, she didn’t hesitate to accept it. “It’s nice to finally meet the woman who managed to rope Kurt.”

  “You have awesome eyes.” They were too. Cameron’s brow furrowed, showing his confusion. “I’m sorry,” she said, automatically. “It’s a terrible habit of mine to say the first thing that pops in my head.” If anything, her admission only appeared to confuse him more. She felt move to explain her observation. “One of your eyes is slightly bluer than the other. They’re gorgeous.”

  His lips parted in surprise or perhaps he intended to respond. She’d never find out. Kurt tugged her away. “All right, McKenna. Reel in your inner flirt.”

  She scoffed. “I wasn’t flirting. I was being honest.”

  “I know,” he grumbled. “That’s what makes it so bad.”

  Cameron cleared his throat still seeming bemused but he changed the subject. “Y’all are dressed awful nice.”

  McKenna released a girlie sigh. “Oh. You have a sexy Southern accent as well. Your eyes distracted me. Where are you from?”

  Kurt swiped a hand over his face as if exasperated by her. His smile told a different story so she ignored him. Thankfully, Cameron did too. “Athens, Georgia.”

  “You’re a long way from home. How did you end up here?”

  “I was stationed at Barstow before I was sent to Afghanistan. When they shipped me back like this,” he said, pointing to the side of his face. “I decided to stay.” He was missing two fingers on the same hand she’d shook. How odd. She hadn’t even noticed. Once she did, she glanced around the room again, taking a closer note of her surroundings. Everyone there had some form of injury. The guy lifting weights was missing a leg. There was a different guy on the treadmill with a prosthetic leg and arm. It was a rehabilitation center, she realized with a hint of surprise. In light of Kurt’s earlier confession, she shouldn’t have been taken aback but she was.

  “We just left Drew Alexander’s charity auction event,” she said absently as she met Cameron’s gaze once more. “That’s why we’re dressed up,” she explained. She didn’t want him to think she’d forgotten his earlier observation. His mouth turned up in one corner. “I’m not sure I’ll be welcomed back again next year.”

  Kurt groaned at her confession but Cameron didn’t look away from her face. “I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone who was tossed out of a charity event. I’d think they’d be happy to have anyone who was willing to give them money.”

  McKenna could feel a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “I’m not for everyone.”

  A wicked glint entered his eyes. “I find that hard to believe.”

  Kurt groaned again. “For the love of all things holy, don’t challenge her.” A luminous grin lit Cameron’s face as he switched his attention to Kurt.

  “Damn and she writes erotica. You’re a lucky man.”

  Heat exploded across McKenna’s face, causing him to chuckle. These guys really did know way more about her than she did them.

  “I’m downright undeserving,” Kurt agreed.

  McKenna spoke without thinking. “No one is unworthy of love.”

  Kurt’s gaze shot to hers. He directed his words to Cameron without taking his eyes off her. “It’s late and I’m sure McKenna is ready to get off her feet.”

  “Of course,” Cameron said immediately. Kurt finally glanced his way.

  “I wanted to introduce McKenna to you while we were on this side of town.” Cameron eyed her. “I’m glad you did. Don’t keep her hidden away for so long the next time.”

  Now that McKenna knew about this place, they couldn’t keep her away. “I will definitely be back.”

  With another shake of his hand, McKenna tossed a wave over her shoulder as Kurt led her back outside. He seemed almost subdued. His thumb brushed over her knuckles as he held her hand. McKenna didn’t think he was even aware of the motion. She was. Her entire being locked on the feel of his calloused hand.

  After starting the car, he didn’t move. Kurt stared at some point in the distance. It was as if he’d disappeared inside himself.

  “I like Cameron,” McKenna said when she couldn’t stand the silence any longer. Kurt still didn’t look at her but he did seem to come back to reality.

  “I didn’t mean to hide from you.” He nodded sharply as if deciding it was indeed the truth. She wanted to see his eyes but he kept them glued straight ahead. “There’s so much ugliness in the world.” A sad smile touched his face, making her heart squeeze. “Being with you is beautiful, untainted.” He finally glanced her way. McKenna’s mouth went dry. Emotions were near to bursting from him. She could see it in his gaze. “I wanted to keep you safe from the damaged side of me but not one single time did I intend to shut you out. But, you kept details from me too.”

  McKenna had no idea what he was talking about. The bewilderment must have shown on her face because he snorted. “I don’t think you meant to either. You never said a word to me about Gray,” he explained. Her confusion cleared. Every moment they spent together ran through her mind. She hadn’t. It wasn’t a purposeful move. Gray was a topic she didn’t intentionally broach. She was such a fool.

  “You’re so damn smart,” she said after a moment. “From the first time we met, you’ve known everything about me. I guess I assumed you knew about him too. It seems as if you know all there is to know about everything.” She motioned helplessly. “You’re easily the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. Sexiness drips from your pores. There’s a thousand things about you that keep me unbalanced. I can’t compete.”

  Kurt sighed. “For the last goddamned time, there is no one who compares to you. I would never touch anyone else.”

  “Not other people,” McKenna said, frustrated. “You. I can’t compete with you. I can’t figure out your mind or second guess you. If you want to know something, ask.” Holding her stare, Kurt slowly nodded. “Okay then. Do you believe me? About that night at Affinity,” he clarified. “I love you and want you, but I need this.”

  She mulled it over. In the end, she couldn’t hold on to her anger. “I trust you.”

  His triumph was almost tangible. His face remained impassive. “Do you love me?” Even though she wanted to laugh, she kept it hidden. Pretending to think it over, she cocked her head to one side, eyeing him. In an instant, he shut down. She could feel him withdrawing from her. She launched herself at him, capturing his mouth with hers. The breath left her lungs as his taste filled his mouth. The love she felt for him was choking her.

  Her roots stung as Kurt tugged at her hair
, ripping away from her mouth. His lips moved to the column of her throat. Every nerve ending in her body tingled at the sensation of his tongue stroking her skin. Clutching his hair, she held him in place.

  “I do love you. So fucking much,” she admitted. “I’m sorry, baby.” He froze. His lips still clung to her skin. “I should’ve believed you,” she added. Cupping his jaw, she leaned away to look him in the eyes. “The fear of losing you ate at me until it was like I made it happen. Please forgive me.”

  In an instant, her ass left the seat. She was in his arms and straddling his hips without any idea how it happened. Kurt looked outraged. “No. I made mistakes and it came back to haunt me. You don’t apologize to me, ever. Do you understand me?”

  Damn. He was beautiful. Shaggy strands of blond hair hung in his eyes. Every line of his face was hard. This man loved her. It was almost too much. An unexpected wave of emotion overcame her. “Can I keep you?”

  The question came out in whisper. Kurt’s features softened. His fingers brushed along her back. “You couldn’t possibly own me any more than you already do.”

  “Do you promise to show me your handcuffs and let me do whatever I want to your body?”

  A dimple appeared at the corner of his mouth before disappearing once more as if he was trying to hold it in. “I’m a little scared now. You’re a bit of a pervert.”

  She wiggled her hips, making sure to remind him that only a few articles of clothing separated them. “And?”

  His eyes seemed to slip out of focus. “And I love it.”

  “Oh good,” she sighed as she leaned in, touching her lips to his. “I’ll rock your world.”

  “You already have, baby. You already have.”

  Epilogue

  McKenna stood with her back to him at the kitchen counter. Kurt’s cock lengthened at the sight of her sexy ass peeking out at him from the edge of her short t-shirt. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he swiped his hand over her rounding belly, silently sending his love to their child. Some days he still couldn’t believe his luck.