“Sure thing, Lily Bell.”
“I have leftovers all packaged up for you in the refrigerator. Let me get them.”
She hurried to the kitchen and Clay looked at him with sympathy. “I know, Del. I know how you feel. I think about her all the time now. How she sees herself is so fucked up, but we’re going to get past it. I’m glad you’re considering what I said earlier.”
That embarrassed him ever further thinking about how fast his cock had run up the white flag of surrender and gotten on board with Clay’s suggestion.
Del nodded and took the opportunity to adjust his cock to a slightly less painful position, eliciting a chuckle from Clay as he did the same. “We’re a pair, aren’t we? How can this end well, bro? With both of us wanting her.” Surely jealousy would catch up with them eventually. Balance between them would be impossible.
Clay smiled and laughed. “I think your mindset may change after the hog hunt, Del. I’m not too worried about that.”
Lily entered the living room with a bag full of plastic food containers. “Here you go, Del. I filled one with pumpkin pie and another with pecan pie for you, since you can’t stay for dessert.”
Del smiled and kissed Lily’s cheek. “Thank you, Lily Bell. You’re very good to me.”
Lily blushed and replied, “I’ll bring the other stuff next week. And thank you for my new purse.”
Del had been so relieved when she had a happy hissy fit over the tooled leather handbag he’d given her for Christmas.
The weather might’ve been nice outside, and he would probably get a lot done this afternoon at the ranch, but he wished now that he’d kept his stupid mouth shut and let the afternoon play out the way it was intended. Not that it would’ve been more than just mental torture. He knew things wouldn’t have gone beyond fantasizing about her because of the tattoo situation. A plan started to formulate in his mind as he thought of her mark. He’d intended to get some ink work done once he got back to the States and it might make the whole subject more approachable to her if she knew of his intentions.
Chapter Fifteen
Clay put his key in the lock at six o’clock the following Tuesday evening. Lily had left the shop midmorning after telling him she needed to go grocery shopping and get some cooking done for Del.
As he removed the key and pushed open the door, the scent of a chicken casserole and other culinary delights filled his nostrils and made his mouth water. He put his keys on the kitchen counter and smiled to see all the individual foil-wrapped packages that were lined up on dishcloths. She’d made enough food to feed an army and had obviously gone to a lot of trouble. There were also freshly made pecan pralines lined up in neat rows on wax paper on one counter.
“Lily?”
The house was quiet, so he went to the first place he thought he’d find her.
“Lily?” he said softly, not wanting to disturb her if she was resting. She’d looked tired the last couple of days, preparing for tests along with everything else she had on her plate.
When he caught sight of her, he wanted to growl. No, of course she wasn’t napping. She was on the elliptical. He wished he’d never left the piece of equipment in her room. He had a bad feeling as he approached her. She was engrossed in her book and she had her earbuds in, no doubt listening to a lecture as well, all while working out, bathed in sweat. Soaked, in fact. Her hair was even damp.
“Lily!”
“Aaaaah!” she screamed, startled from her deep concentration. Her sweat-soaked hand slipped on the rail she was holding on to, and she lost her balance.
“Baby!” He reached out reflexively and caught her as she fell backward and winced. Her whole body trembled with fatigue as he lifted her from the machine, noting as he did that she had indeed lost a lot of weight, and he regretted the fact.
This ends today, damn it!
“You scared me,” she gasped as she pulled the earbuds from her ears. She winced again as he set her on her feet and reached down to rub her right knee.
Cutting to the chase, before she could make excuses, Clay asked, “What time did you get on the elliptical?” She turned her head to squint at the digital clock on her bedside, but he gently grasped her chin and directed her gaze back at him. “What time?”
Lily gazed into his eyes, evidently studying his expression for anger. His grasp lessened, but he didn’t release her. She blinked, and unshed tears made her eyes glisten. “Um…I think I lost track of time.”
With firm tenderness, Clay repeated his question. “What time?”
She tried unsuccessfully to look at the clock once more then sighed and shrugged. “Three o’clock, right after I finished with the last casserole.” She cringed when she saw the shock that must have registered on his face. “Why? What time—”
“Three hours? Lily! Three hours!”
“I was studying for that test. I must’ve lost track of time.”
“Ya think?” he asked in exasperation. “Lily, honey—”
He caught her as she tried to take a step and her legs gave out like limp noodles, testifying to how long she’d been on the machine. She winced and grabbed her knee again. The elliptical provided a low-impact workout, but even then, three hours on it would be guaranteed to make it feel high-impact.
“Ow,” she whimpered as he lifted her easily into his arms.
“Is this what you wanted, honey? Is it this important?”
Frustration seemed to suddenly grip her, tightening her into a tense bundle in his arms. “Yes! I have to lose weight.”
Clay wanted to holler at her, raise hell over her belief that she needed to lose weight. He wanted to put her over his knee and spank her bare ass until it was bright pink. Instead, he simply cuddled her to him. None of that would help right now.
He was determined to get to the bottom of this belief she had. If she’d fallen while he was gone, she would’ve been more seriously injured. He carried her into the bathroom and sat her on the counter. After he had the tub filling with warm water, he threw in a handful of Epsom salts and poured some of her bodywash in for camouflaging bubbles.
He faced her with each hand braced on the counter so he bracketed her hips. “Honey, you’re going to hurt yourself if you keep going the way you are.”
Her hands knotted into defiant fists in her lap. “But I need—”
He put his fingertip over her lips. “Let me finish. I liked the way you looked. Your clothes fit you just the way I liked, Lily, especially these stretchy pants. You filled them out perfectly. Now…they’re almost falling off of you.”
“Just a little more, Clay.” Tears overflowed her eyes, and she put one hand on his chest and one up to wipe her cheeks. “Just a little—”
Clay grasped the hand pressing against his chest. “Honey, stop.”
“Clay, I just need…” Her eyes pleaded with him.
“Is this what you do pretty much every time you stay home studying?”
“Unless I’m doing written work, I’m usually on the machine.”
“You’re going to hurt your body, Lily. That’s too many hours. It’s not healthy. What are you running from?”
Her cheeks turned bright pink, and her amber eyes overflowed. “I…what do you mean?”
“Why do you think it’s necessary to work out this much?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I was pathetic. Weak. I want to be different. Better. Stronger. It’s why I have to do this. I need to be better than what I was. I need to get done with school and get on with my life—” She sobbed as if her heart was breaking, and he caught her as she fell toward him. “I ate like a pig at Christmas and I have to burn all that back off. I want to be different. Somebody else. You knew me when I was little, when it was called baby fat. You didn’t know me when I was growing up, and when I became an adult. I’ve always been huge. You didn’t hear…”
“Hear what?”
“Once, my doctor told me that I needed to do something about my obesity.” Shame was pervasive in her tone.
Whatever happened to ‘do no harm’? “A doctor told you that?”
“Yes. He did lots of blood work on me and said I’d need to be very careful because I was obese.” She gestured with her hands and puffed out her cheeks.
“What were the lab results?”
She licked her lips and thought about it for a second. “I can’t remember. I have them in one of my boxes with some other papers. But he told me that I had to buckle down and lose weight.”
“You said you want to be different. Who else do you want to be, Lily?”
Lily looked him in the eyes, and he could see the desperation there. She really was going for broke. “Someone good for you, someone who’s strong and whole, that you could really want and be proud of.”
He could feel her trembling as he held her. She’d never been prone to histrionics, but he could tell she was serious and not just being a drama queen. “Baby, if you’re changing for me, then you’re changing what I already really wanted.” She sucked in a breath and looked up at him. “I am proud of you, proud to be seen with you, too. I didn’t need you to lose weight. I told you that you could exercise on that machine if it made you happy. I was perfectly content with how you were. If you continue, I’m afraid it’s going to become an obsession.”
“It makes study time go faster. And study time makes the workout less tiresome. I…I was really on there for three hours?”
He wasn’t sure if she marveled at that fact or was burdened by it. “Lily, if you have those test results, I’d like to see them, later. Now let’s get you undressed and in the tub.” He pulled her gently from the counter and reached behind her to lift the hem on her T-shirt.
She put her elbows out obstinately, and he nearly smiled at her slight pout. “I can do it.”
“I know you can but I want to look at your knee.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Bullshit. It’s been acting up for weeks. I’ve seen you rubbing it.”
“It’s just a little catch every now and then.”
Crossing his arms over his chest when it was obvious she wasn’t going to cooperate, he pulled out the big guns. “What does your counselor say about your weight loss?”
Lily scrunched up her nose like she didn’t want to answer his question and probably didn’t appreciate him asking. He hooked her waistband and yanked down her now loose stretchy pants, leaving her briefs hiding the tattoo in place.
She caught her undies to her in shock. “Hey!” For a split second he thought she was going to sock him.
“Come on. Off with them,” he murmured, suppressing a grin when she showed some of the Lily spirit he loved. She toed off her sneakers and slipped the pants from her legs. He squatted down and gently stroked her knee. Compared to the other one it was a bit swollen. “Tell me what your counselor says, Lily.”
He couldn’t help his chuckle when she growled softly at him for persisting. “She said I needed to slow down, see Doctor Guthrie, and examine my reasons for losing weight,” she listed off in quick, monotonous succession.
“She did, did she? I wonder why?” He stood and looked into her eyes, relieved that she was showing a little spirit and not looking quite so defeated. But she still looked exhausted. “I’m taking the elliptical out of your room.” She scowled at him, and a thought occurred to him. “Have you been working out when you can’t sleep at night?” When the furrow between her eyebrows deepened, he had his answer. “Lily! No wonder you can’t sleep! That’s it. Not only am I taking it out of your room, I’m selling it on eBay!”
Grace’s words came to his mind as she grumbled and stripped, almost angrily, and unselfconsciously. Lily needed to feel in control of something. The very fact that she was in control of her weight loss was a mirage because it controlled her. She got down to her bra and panties and, knowing it would do her more harm if he turned away from her, he waited with a big grin on his face. No way was he going to give her the impression his earlier words weren’t true. He wasn’t repulsed by her body at all.
“Do you mind?” Her indignation was adorable as her eyes shot sparks. That’s my girl!
“You’ll need help lowering yourself into the tub.”
He could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she examined her alternatives. “Fine. Then close your eyes.”
Dutifully, he did as she asked, and he listened as she slid the undergarments from her body. “You know, this is a lot harder when I’m blind. I could drop you or trip and fall in the tub with you. Besides, why can’t I see you nekkid? I’m going to be able to feel you’re nekkid.” He took a tiny bit of enjoyment from giving her a hard time, even though he already knew the reason, just to know the gold sparks were probably firing in her eyes.
“Maybe so, but I just don’t want you to see me.” The disgust in her voice was very real and brought pain to his heart. It angered him that what she saw in the mirror was still exactly what JT wanted her to see.
Evil bastard.
He squeezed her delicate body in his arms and kissed above what felt like her ear. “Oh, Lily. Why do you see yourself in such a negative light?”
“Because I have eyes. I know what I see every time I look in a mirror.” He could hear the tinge of sorrow that clouded the disgust in her tone. “I’m sick of it.”
“How bad could it have been, honey?”
“I have pictures. I can show you, when I go find the lab test results. You’ll see.” The last word was whispered.
She put her arm around his shoulder and let him lift her. She felt more fragile, and while he loved holding her, his heart ached at how breakable she now felt in his arms. He carefully lowered her, keeping her secure until she settled into the tub and let go of him. He stood and waited with his eyes closed as she splashed.
“You can open your eyes.” When he looked down at her, she was blushing. She’d arranged the suds so none of her beautiful attributes, besides her lovely face and shoulders, were visible. Keeping eye contact, she gratefully said, “Thank you, Clay.”
“You’re welcome.” He squatted down to her and swiped his finger through a mound of bubbles and dotted her nose with it. “Soak that knee for a while. I’m going to get you a bottle of water. Please tell me that you at least ate lunch.”
She nodded sincerely. “I’m not that obsessed, Clay. And thank you for the water. I’m dying of thirst.” As he left the room she called out, “All those foil-wrapped packages are for Del. Our supper is sitting on the stove if you’re hungry.”
Thinking of Del brought to mind the brief, magical moment in the living room the previous week on Christmas Day, right before Del had left. Lily had climbed into Clay’s lap to relax.
Through half-lidded eyes he’d watched Del observe Lily as she’d settled into Clay’s arms, and the moment had been unspeakably hot. He’d fantasized later on how that night might’ve played out if his brother had stayed and the tattoo hadn’t been a worry.
He’d noticed Del shifted to compensate for a growing erection as Clay had held Lily. His own cock had stiffened at the feel of her cuddly, warm body nestling against him, and he’d been able to see the lust gleaming in Del’s eyes. His thoughts must’ve bothered him because seconds later he’d made his excuses and left. Still, Clay thought he might change his mind about the viability of a ménage once he met the guys.
After Del had left, they’d had their dessert and then cuddled back in the chair and had a movie marathon. Lily had napped in his arms for part of the afternoon, and Clay hadn’t minded a bit, even though his erection never went down completely. It had become a common sensation when he was around Lily, as though he were a randy teenager, aroused at the least little stimulus.
Compared to his relatively sterile and boring existence prior to Lily crashing back into his life, he appreciated the difference, even if it did leave him with few options for relief besides jacking off in a warm shower.
During the movie marathon, Lily let him pick the movie and had seemed to take particular note when they watched Wan
ted with Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman. He’d hidden his smile when she’d asked in an offhand manner what Clay thought of a woman with tattoos, since the heroine in the movie sported quite a bit of body art.
His response? “Totally sexy, though I’m more of a Marilyn Monroe kind of guy.”
Lily had giggled and responded, “Oh yeah?”
Clay had laughed quietly. “Don’t sound so surprised. You knew that about me. I want a woman with soft, round curves.” He’d grasped her thigh gently. “One who’s nice to snuggle up with.” He’d lightly squeeze her upper body. It was purely involuntary when he’d flexed his hips, pressing his erection against her hip for a second. “So a Marilyn Monroe–type with a little body art wouldn’t get kicked out of my bed.”
She’d gazed up into his eyes. “You know it could never work, right?” There was a playful twinkle in her eyes when she said it, so he scoffed.
“I beg to differ. I know exactly how it would work.”
“Nuh-uh. You’re what? Six foot five? And I’m five foot seven. You’d have to bend like a pretzel just to kiss me. Nope.”
She’d giggled as Clay had wrapped her up in a tight ball in his arms and replied, “I can do any shape pretzel you want, baby, just say the word. Besides, we’re more like puzzle pieces. We fit, Lily, no matter how you look at it.”
He’d kissed the tip of her nose, praying for control while showing her that he wouldn’t demand what she couldn’t give yet. While there, he’d also lightly smooched her lips and then let her go back to watching the movie.
If all he’d wanted was sex, he could’ve cajoled her into his bed a week ago. More was at stake and he wasn’t going to blow it for short-term relief, especially not when Del was now potentially in the picture.
Divine Phoenix [Divine Creek Ranch 10] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Page 18