My Almost Ex

by Piper Rayne

  After searching the entire place for a key to the door and spending some time in each room to see if anything new comes to me, I end up in the kitchen because my stomach won’t stop growling. I open the fridge, expecting to see it empty—I figure I’ll have to call an Uber or something to take me to town—but it’s fully stocked.

  Pulling out stuff to make a sandwich, I hear something outside and go still. I don’t hear anything else, so I start in on my sandwich again, trying to ease some of my anxiety. Although I love having time by myself, since my accident, I find I’m anxious after too long alone. Mostly because being alone with my thoughts only spurs worries that I might never be who I was.

  The knock on the door surprises me and I glance at the side table where Adam said he put the gun.

  “It’s us!” Cora screams from outside, as though she understands why I would be fearful.

  I open the door and find Cora, Nikki, Mandi, and Chevelle on the porch. They hold takeout bags and wine.

  “We come bearing gifts,” Mandi says.

  Cora walks in first and I can tell from how comfortable she is that she’s been here plenty.

  “You guys don’t have to,” I say, but one by one, they come in.

  I give Chevelle a hug, since this is our first time connecting since I’ve returned to Sunrise Bay.

  “Man, he did a number on this place, huh?” Cora looks around. “Talk about stripping it bare.” She sets the takeout on the counter.

  “Well,” Mandi says, “he’s renting it out.”

  “He took down every picture of you two.” Nikki shakes her head. “But Mandi has a point. Even short-term renters don’t want to see other people.”

  I keep telling myself the same thing.

  “Where do you think he put it all?” Cora asks, taking small foil-wrapped items out of the bag.

  “There’s a locked closet. I don’t have the key,” I say.

  Cora drops a foil-covered item on the counter and heads down the hall. We all file behind her as though she has the magic code to open the closet.

  She tries the knob like me and nothing. “I bet all your crap is in here.”

  I nod. “I can’t find a key.”

  Cora taps her finger to her lips. “Let’s eat first, then we’re going to outsmart that guy.”

  We all head back into the kitchen, and as they unwrap the foil packets, I see that they brought tacos.

  “You used to love only chicken, but we brought a variety just in case,” Mandi says as she grabs plates and Nikki gets the silverware.

  “Were you guys here a lot?” I ask, watching them move around the kitchen as though it’s theirs.

  They both stop and look at one another. Nikki says, “You and Adam always had the Super Bowl parties. A lot of Saturdays, it was like an open house here. Adam would always be smoking something.”

  I jolt in surprise. “Smoking something?”

  “In the smoker.” Mandi points out back toward the deck. “If you go down the stairs, you’ll find it.”

  Curious, I walk out to the deck and see the staircase that leads down to a path toward the firepit. I leave the girls in the house and head down the stairs. I find a big smoker that’s chained to the post of the deck with a sign that says it’s not for the use of renters. Farther out, there’s a firepit dug out with chairs around it to the left of the path. Someone did a lot of work here.

  “You okay?” Nikki comes out and puts her hand on my shoulder.

  I nod. “Yeah, I just wish I’d remember.”

  “I’m sorry,” she says.

  “Don’t be.”

  “I heard you can’t go anywhere without people blurting out stories.” She cringes.

  I laugh. “Yeah, but I know they’re just trying to help.”

  “Oh, phew. Back in the day…” She stops talking. “I’ll make amends on Monday.”

  She rests her head on my shoulder and I lean my head on hers. Just as I do with Adam, I feel a bond with all the Greenes, but I can hardly remember any moments with them. It’s a weird feeling.

  “Hey, what did you mean by ‘back in the day’?”

  She picks up her head. “Come on, we need to get back before your favorite tacos are gone.” She ventures up the path toward the house. “We should have a fire tonight. I’m sure Adam has firewood around here somewhere.” She looks under the deck where the smoker is. “There it is.”

  “Nikki,” I call.

  “You know he’s got, like, all five-star reviews on this place. Well, except for this one person.”

  “Nikki,” I repeat.

  “The woman was a real pain. She called Adam, like, twenty times while she was staying here, and she complained about everything. Three-star reviewed the place saying it was rustic. I mean, what did she expect?”

  “Nikki!” I yell and she stops talking. “Tell me what you were going to say.”

  “Nothing. I shouldn’t have said anything. Just forget it.”

  “Seriously, you’re going to just leave me hanging?”

  Her shoulders deflate like a teenager exhausted by her parents’ demands. “I can’t. It was nothing.”

  “Please? Everyone in this town knows me and who I was before the accident. What was I really like?”

  “Let me at least get the fire started. I’m the best at it and if the girls upstairs find out what I’m about to tell you, they’re going to send me rolling down the mountain.” She heads under the deck to get the firewood.

  “That’s scary.” I go over to help her carry all the wood we’ll need.

  “I’m making it sound bad. It’s not really, it’s just I swore I wasn’t going to say anything.”

  “Did you hate me?” I drop the wood by the firepit while Nikki carefully stacks hers into a pyramid.

  “No, God no. I loved you. Not only as my sister-in-law but as my friend. It was just that you could be…”

  I put my hands on my hips and look at her while she’s working. “Nikki, spit it out.”

  “Overbearing?” She sighs and looks away. “This is horrible.”

  I cover my heart. “Was I a bitch?”

  She laughs. “We can all be bitches. You just liked things a certain way and made sure everyone knew it. And all I meant is that before your accident, you would’ve stomped down to the radio station and more than likely told me off. Deservedly so.”

  I help her position the wood, and she slides the kindling between the gaps in the wood pyramid she’s built. “I sound like a bitch.”

  “You weren’t a bitch. Like, take this right now. The Lucy I knew wouldn’t have been helping me.”

  “What?” My eyebrows draw down.

  She nods. “You would’ve sat in the chair while I did it.”

  “Man.” I grab the lighter and flick it to start the fire. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. I’m making it sound worse than it was. It was just you. No one disliked you for it.”

  “Hey, you two! You’re missing out on some great tacos!” Cora yells over the deck, her mouth still full of food.

  “We started without you,” Mandi yells down from beside her as she refills Cora’s wine glass.

  “Come on, let’s go have fun and forget me ruining our night.” Satisfied that the fire is going enough, Nikki turns to go back up the stairs.

  “Nikki,” I say.

  She glances over her shoulder.

  “Do you think Adam loved me? Like, truly loved me?”

  “Oh.” She comes back and puts her arms around me. “That is one thing I’m certain about. That boy never stopped loving you. This is why I wish my big mouth would just stay shut.” She squeezes me. “We all loved you, Lucy. We loved you like you were one of us, and like any family member, we all have annoying tendencies. I hate the way Mandi acts so damn perfect all the time. Or the way Posey gossips at the hair salon and won’t share any of it with me. And Cade’s judgmental attitude toward my radio show makes me crazy, as does Jed flirting with every female in a ten-foot vicinity. W
e have our quirks. And you had yours. That’s all. It was neither good nor bad. It just was.”

  She squeezes me tightly again. She might be the best hugger I’ve come across. Although since the accident, I haven’t been hugged that much I guess.

  “Now, let’s go have tacos and a fun girls’ night, okay?” She smiles at me.

  “Can I ask one more question?”

  She sighs.

  “You’re the only one willing to be truthful with me.”

  Her head moves right and left. “Which is probably the quirk none of my family likes about me.” She laughs.

  “Was I happy? Like, truly happy with Adam?”

  Another sigh falls out of her. “I think so. You seemed really happy. But when you left so abruptly, we were all in the dark. Shocked, really.”

  “I feel like I was too. I want to be with him now, but did I find something out that changed how I felt? What if I was cheating on him?”

  She laughs. “In this town? Hmm… I doubt it, but I suppose anything is possible. If you were, where’s the guy?”

  I nod. “I didn’t return to Idaho right away. Maybe me and that guy broke up.”

  “Then why didn’t you come back here?”

  “Because I left Adam? I don’t know.” I shrug.

  She rubs her hands down my arms. “I don’t think you cheated on him, if that’s what you’re worried about. You two were always together. And when he was working, if you weren’t, you were usually hanging with Cora or one of us Greene girls. You didn’t enjoy being alone.”

  “Well, that hasn’t changed.”

  “Then it’s a good thing we bombarded you, huh? See? And they say I don’t have good ideas.” She laughs.

  “Could he have been cheating?” My chest tightens as I wait for her answer.

  She shakes her head. “No way. Hell, it took him so long to get over you. Alicia is his first girlfriend and I’m not even sure how long they’ve been dating. We were just meeting her the night you came back.”

  My eyes widen. “Really?”

  She grins like she’s happy to divulge this little piece of information. “My gut says you leaving had nothing to do with a third party, but I’ve been known to be wrong before. God knows my instincts haven’t led me to a good man.” She chuckles.

  “No boyfriend for you?”

  She shakes her head. “I’m going to be a spinster, I know it. Or the aunt who watches all her siblings have their happily ever afters.”

  “Who’s spoken for in the family?”

  “Well, Cade has Presley. You and Adam…”

  I open my mouth to argue with that.

  “Nope, you two will figure this out. I know it. And then Xavier and Clara?”

  “Clara Harrison?” I ask.

  “You remember?”

  I shuffle through some visuals in my mind. “Wait, I noticed that Presley and Clara look a lot alike.”

  Nikki’s eyes widen. “They’re long-lost sisters. Long story. I’ll fill you in later.” She waves it off as though it’s no big deal, but now my mind is racing. “So you remember Clara then?”

  I nod.

  “Well, I think she and Xavier are probably banging behind closed doors. In his off-season, they’re always together. So there’s them too. And then as much as I hate to say it, a woman will end up being Jed’s demise at some point.”

  “I guarantee you you’re going to find the one,” I say. “He’ll probably be someone you least expect.”

  She swings her arm around my shoulders. “You know what? I love this new Lucy. Maybe go to Posey for a new hairdo. A pink pixie cut for the new you.”

  “Was pink my favorite color?” I ask.

  She laughs and drops her arm from around me, shaking her head at me at the bottom of the stairs. “Stop asking what was and think about what is. Who cares what your favorite color was? What color is your favorite now? You always did put way too much pressure on yourself.”

  She climbs the stairs while I stand speechless at the bottom. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I need to stop trying so hard to get that Lucy back and just live my new reality—discover who I am now.

  “Trouble just walked in,” Cora screams out the patio door.

  Nikki looks at me from the top of the stairs.

  “What?”

  “The boys just invaded girls’ night,” she says.

  “Hey, mind eraser.” I look up and see Jed leaning over the railing, grinning at me. “Look, the girls can actually make fire.”

  “Did you use a starter log?” Cade hollers from somewhere on the deck.

  Nikki flips them off and heads inside.

  By the time I walk up the stairs, only Adam is on the deck. “I see you found everything.”

  “Except the key to the closet,” I say.

  He looks away.

  “Adam?”

  “Tomorrow. Can we please just do it tomorrow? I just want to relax tonight.”

  “Okay,” I agree, not wanting to put a damper on tonight either.

  “Really?”

  “Yes!” I throw my hands in the air, a little exasperated that no one expects me to give even an inch.

  “Did you get a chicken taco already? Because you know those guys will eat them all.”

  “I think I want a beef one.”

  A small smile creeps on his face. “Come on, I’ll wrestle one away from them for you.” He nods toward the house and I follow him.

  I still have so many questions I need answered, but for tonight, I’ll try to live in the moment.

  I watch from across the deck as Lucy eats steak tacos and drinks beer inside. She’s chatting with Jed and he’s making her laugh. Jed makes most people laugh. He’s got a personality that just wins people over. The pull of jealousy threatens to unleash.

  I’ve never felt insecure when it came to Lucy, but that was before she walked out on me. I have no idea how I forgot about that closet. Of course she’d want those journals she’d been writing in forever, though I don’t know if she knows that’s what’s in there.

  Even if she does get her memory back, what does that mean for us?

  “Come on, have some fun.” Cameron puts his arm around my neck and rocks me back and forth.

  “Leave him be,” Chevelle says as she drinks a glass of wine on her way to the firepit. Everyone is heading down now.

  Cameron rolls his eyes, then he leans over the ledge of the deck and watches my little sister make her way to the firepit. He pushes off the railing and is one stair down when I speak.

  “You know she’s your best friend’s little sister, right?”

  He gives me an ‘as if’ expression. “I just enjoy razzing her. Don’t read anything into it.”

  He jogs down the stairs while I shake my head at him. One of these days, Fisher is gonna punch him in the face for flirting with Chevelle.

  We all know that whoever ends up with Chevelle will have a lot of issues to deal with, and the worst possible person for that job would be Cameron. The guy’s had everything handed to him on a silver platter his whole life. But I can’t worry about them. I have enough of my own damn problems right now.

  “Marla made me clean the toilet,” Fisher tells Cade as they come out onto the deck, Presley snug under Cade’s arm.

  “Serves you right. I did it. I can’t imagine what it looks like without me there now.” Cade shivers.

  Presley leaves her fiancé’s side, walking toward me. As usual, she looks as if she stepped out of a glamour magazine. She has a face full of makeup and clothes that can’t be bought around here.

  “Did you know it’s a party?” she asks with a tentative smile.

  I lean against the railing in the corner. “I did.”

  “Then why are you over here?”

  I eye inside.

  “You know he flirts with everyone. He tried to pick me up when I first came to town. Women know he’s just a flirt.” She sips her wine.

  “Well, she’s not the Lucy I remember,” I say, though I’m not ups
et about the fact that she’s broadened her horizons on so many things.

  “I can’t imagine being her. I mean, when I came here, I didn’t know my family and I hate that I’ll never know what kind of people my parents were, but I can’t imagine actually not knowing anything about myself. Things we take for granted. You know?”

  “Yeah. I know. She’s different in a way but still the same.”

  She leans with me to look down over the firepit.

  “What do you think will be the end result of all this?” I ask. I trust Presley. She was the first one to help me sort through my grief from my failed marriage and a large reason why I came out of my depression.

  She holds her wine glass over the edge, clasping both sides, both of our gazes on the trees now. “I don’t know. You harbor feelings of abandonment that she doesn’t remember the cause of. She remembers she loves you, but not anything specific. What I do know is that love is powerful. It’s the one emotion that changes people. You know?”

  I chuckle. “No, I don’t know.”

  She laughs as though she’s winging this entire conversation. “What I mean is, love is strong enough to make people change.”

  “You said that,” I say, chuckling.

  Her shoulders sink. “If someone is happy, they’re content to stay that way. If someone is depressed, they might know something has to be done, but the emotion itself isn’t what spurs them to act to get out of it. Love for someone else is strong enough to force you to get over your problems, get over your hang-ups, get over the big brick wall that’s blocking you from having a future with that person. I’m probably talking nonsense since I’m getting married soon.”

  “No, I understand.”

  “The fact that she remembers she loves you, without remembering all the things that led to that feeling, that speaks to the power of the emotion.”

  “She doesn’t remember my proposal,” I admit.

  “Maybe because she already loved you by then.”

  I nod a few times. “What if the new Lucy doesn’t love the old Adam?” I ask the question that’s been keeping me up at night. The one I ask when I admit to myself that maybe I still want a happily ever after with Lucy.

  “I thought you were only in this to see why she left you?” She cocks a perfectly arched eyebrow at me.