Moment of Weakness
Page 23
On the front seat beside her were two parking tickets, accumulated while the vehicle sat abandoned at the boat launch in Button Bay State Park. Too bad it hadn’t been stolen.
Wearing jeans and a USMC sweatshirt, Zann greeted her from the front porch with a feeble wave of her left hand. The right was in a sling, immobilized by an inflatable splint until the swelling went down enough to wrap it in a cast. “That didn’t take long.”
“Because your father drives like a bat outta hell. At least now I know where you get it.”
At the top step they kissed, lingering warmly despite the freezing air that was turning the rain to sleet. The last two days had been filled with moments like this one, spontaneous bursts of love and comfort. Whatever problems lay ahead, Marleigh was every bit as determined as Zann to work through them. Being together was all that mattered.
“Cops just left,” Zann said. “Correction—it was the commander for the whole state of Vermont getting all his i’s dotted and t’s crossed. I could tell he was pissed that we didn’t call the cops as soon as we figured out where they were headed, but the bottom line is there won’t be any charges.”
“I can’t believe they’d even consider it. You guys practically did their jobs for them.”
“I didn’t say that but I wanted to. He admitted that we saved you and Bridget, that Ancil might have taken you if we hadn’t been there.”
In the living room, a fire crackled on the hearth, where a day’s supply of dry wood was stacked. It was inconceivable Zann could have managed the wheelbarrow by herself. She would have struggled mightily just to build the fire. “Okay, how’d you do that?”
“Magic?”
“I hope you’re telling the truth…because I have a list of things you can do next.”
Zann laughed and urged her to the couch. “Wes came by right after you left. I got him to do the breakfast dishes too. Oh, and your old pal Troop called about thirty minutes ago. Guess who got picked up in Stowe with a carload of China Girl?”
“I’ll be damned…does Bridget know?”
“I’m sure she does by now.”
Marleigh scooted close and lifted Zann’s left arm around her shoulder. It was amazing she’d never really noticed all the limitations the war injury had imposed, so much more obvious now that her other hand was out of commission. Zann had gotten around her deficiencies all these years by overcompensating with her good hand while making it appear she was using both.
“What did Wes come by for? Surely not just to do the dishes.”
“Funny you should ask.” Zann shifted her hip. “Check my back pocket.”
“If this is a trick to get me to feel your ass, it isn’t very subtle.” She took advantage of the opportunity, eliciting a playfully dreamy sigh. Then her fingers extracted a folded piece of paper. A check—for eight thousand dollars! “What the hell?”
“It’s a loan, which I’ll pay back with my Marine Corps pension, plus five percent. First thing tomorrow, we go down to the bank and catch up on our mortgage. And I promise you, we won’t ever miss another payment.” She painstakingly returned her arm to Marleigh’s shoulder. “Which reminds me—you should call Pete and tell him to come pick up his yard sign. It’s in the back behind the trash can. I plan on dying in this house and I expect you to be holding my hand.”
Marleigh had taken that as a given the moment they’d returned home together after Thursday’s harrowing events. You didn’t live through an experience like that without realizing what really mattered in life.
The unspoken pact had transformed Zann into a new person. Though her secret still lurked beneath the surface, it no longer seemed to hold her in its dismal throes. Her mojo was back. She was both optimistic and blissful, as if she knew nothing could take her down.
“Are you sure you’re ready to start back to work on Monday? You can’t drive with your arm in a sling.”
“I’ll let Malcolm worry about that. You think anybody at town hall is going to give me a hard time after Terry’s write-up in yesterday’s paper?” She pulled her arm out and examined her fingertips. The swelling already had subsided considerably. “Besides, my thumb still works. I can hitch a ride.”
A cluster of embers collapsed and fell into the grate, sending a flurry of sparks upward. Marleigh got up and added another log.
“It’s so good to hear you joking around again, Zann. I’ve missed that.”
“Yeah, me too. It finally feels like everything’s going to be okay.”
Settling back into Zann’s shoulder, she laid a hand in her lap and began a gentle massage of her thigh. “Whatever made us think it wouldn’t be?”
The subtext of her question was yet another probe at what Zann was hiding. Before the gunmen had taken over the office, she’d sworn she was ready to come clean. Two days later she was pretending it never happened.
That didn’t mean Marleigh wanted to risk another fight about it. She could learn to live with the silence as long as Zann wasn’t visibly suffering.
Zann kissed her temple and pulled her closer, nestling Marleigh’s head beneath her chin so they couldn’t see each other. As if reading her mind, she said, “You get the truth, honey. Right now.”
* * *
Zann hadn’t forgotten her promise. It struck her more than once that she’d even redeemed herself by shooting Ancil before he could hurt Marleigh, a fact that should have brought her a measure of satisfaction. But it made her no less a fraud, a soldier who’d been hailed as a war hero instead of the screw-up she was.
“Remember back when I told you I wasn’t who you thought I was?”
Marleigh nodded, a gesture so slight she barely noticed. “Yeah, but…”
“Turns out I wasn’t who I thought I was either. Last May—in fact, the same day I went out to the range and told Rocky to hit the road—I got a letter from a woman in Ohio. Vanessa Laird. Her sister was the soldier in my unit who was killed the day we went into that house and found the Taliban.”
“Your sergeant, Whitney?”
“That’s right, Whit. Vanessa put in a request for her records. In the autopsy, they found out the bullet that killed her came from my gun.” The truth felt like a rush of cold wind leaving her body. “I’m the one who shot her.”
“Oh Zann! That’s so… No wonder you were… Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”
She tightened her grip to prevent Marleigh from turning around to face her. “Turns out the Marine Corps knew all along…but they never told me. That’s why I went to DC that day. It had nothing to do with Bethesda. I needed to hear the truth from somebody in the Commandant’s Office. They’d hung a medal around my neck and told everybody how brave I was. But Whit…she was the first one through the door that day. Tip of the spear. That’s what real valor is.”
“So your medal, your Bronze Star. That’s why you took it out of the case.”
“I tried to give it to Vanessa but she wouldn’t take it. That’s where I went…that night I left. I drove all the way to Zanesville, Ohio and waited for her to come out of her house. Whit deserved it. I didn’t. But her family…they can’t forgive me. I don’t blame them.”
“Zann…”
“It’s been eating me up ever since I found out. I started going out to the gun range because I kept seeing it over and over in my head. I felt like I needed to fix it so I wouldn’t screw up again. I know that probably sounds stupid…”
Marleigh freed herself and turned to face her. Her expression was pained, a mix of hurt and heartbreak. “You could have told me! What did you think I’d do?”
“I knew exactly what you’d do. You’d tell me everything was fine, that you loved me anyway. But in the back of your mind, something would click. Whether you meant to or not, you wouldn’t be able to think of me the same way anymore. I’d never be your hero again.” Zann glanced up briefly but couldn’t bring herself to hold Marleigh’s fiery gaze. “I never realized how much of who I am was wrapped up in that one story.”
“Zann…” Marleigh
took her face in both hands and forced her to look at her. “I didn’t fall in love with you because they gave you a medal—and I don’t care whether you deserved it or not. What I fell for is the fact that you were brave enough to be there in the first place. That you were so disciplined, so sacrificing. You had one of the world’s most important jobs and you took it seriously. Do you have any idea how admirable that is?”
She hadn’t done those things to be admired. “It’s what I was trained to do.”
“And you don’t even realize what an extraordinary person that makes you.” Marleigh fell into her lap and squeezed her waist. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you had to be more than that. I love you so much, Zann. There isn’t one thing I’d change about you.”
She’d convinced herself long ago of what Marleigh would say, how she’d gloss over the worst of it only to see it settled under her skin. But her words carried far more passion than Zann had imagined, more conviction. “I really want to believe you.”
“Then do. It’s that easy.”
It wouldn’t end her nightmares, nor her guilt at making an irreconcilable mistake. That would take time and effort in her therapy sessions. But it was a gift, a chance to be free of her greatest fear—losing the love of the only person who mattered. Marleigh believed in her. How had she not known that all along?
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