Broken Faith

by James Green

  ‘Shit.’

  He ignored the pain, he wasn’t a child and there would be no treats, life had to go on. Somebody had set him up to be killed. Why? What did he know that made him so dangerous? He knew Henderson, Mercer, and Jarvis had to be connected, and he knew that it had to have something to do with the porn. It had to. But he couldn’t prove it. He looked across at the brandy and lemonade. For God’s sake, he wasn’t even interested in proving it. So why was he thinking about it? The little voice from deep inside his head, a voice that had niggled him all his life, niggled again – because Suarez was thinking about it. He was doing it for Suarez, because if he did it for Suarez then maybe …

  Shit.

  But this time it wasn’t the stitches. He looked at the brandy and lemonade again, then picked up his orange juice and finished it.

  He stared out at the other balconies and let his mind run. He was too tired to fight it. Did he care for Suarez and, more importantly, could she ever care about him in the same way? He’d never even looked at another woman while Bernie was alive. But Bernie was dead … Well, whatever happened, or didn’t happen, he wasn’t going anywhere and he had to think about something so why not the case? At least it took his mind off other things, almost.

  Like Suarez said, Henderson, Harry, and Jarvis had been careful at this end, so why take any chances now? Why set up a killing? There was already one murder investigation going on, why bring in a hired killer and set another investigation going, a related investigation? Another killing had to turn up the heat on Harry and Henderson. So what did he know that made him dangerous? He knew Harry and all about his past. But Harry’s past wasn’t any kind of secret. He broadcast it, for God’s sake: ex-London villain turns writer. It was his fucking trad mark, not a secret. What else? Henderson met up with Mercer and they both lied about it. Of course they fucking lied about it, and the lie would work fine for them as long as they both stuck to it. No, he couldn’t see it. Why bring in a killer? That was heavy stuff, importing someone. Why? But nothing clicked into place, nothing stacked up next to anything else. It made no sense, no more sense than any of the rest of this bloody farce. But someone wanted him dead. And that meant he needed to find out who and why or next time whoever they sent wouldn’t miss.

  He looked at the brandy and lemonade again and nearly reached across. But then an idea flickered onto the edge of his mind, an important idea …

  Before he could catch it Suarez came back and it was gone.

  ‘They’re onto it, they should …’

  ‘Fuck.’

  Suarez sat down. The look was back and there was almost a smile.

  ‘Is that a suggestion or a comment?’

  Jimmy felt confused and embarrassed. Was it an invitation, a joke, or was she just pissing him about?

  ‘It was something that came to me, an idea. It had to do with Jarvis, maybe something he said or something Perez said about him. But it’s gone, it just sort of went when you came out and started talking.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. Jarvis, Henderson and Mercer are none of your business. They’re police business, Spanish police business. Your business is persuading my chief that you really did kill that guy by accident, that you know nothing about why he broke in and tried to kill you and that you should be allowed to leave as soon as you’re fit enough. That’s enough business to be going on with.’ She picked up his glass. ‘And don’t think I didn’t see you drinking this. You’re off alcohol for a couple of days.’ She finished what was left in the glass. ‘Don’t make me have to lock up the bottles while you’re here.’

  But he wasn’t really listening.

  What was it? It had to be something to do with Jarvis. Was it about what Jarvis, Henderson and Mercer were up to? He concentrated, but the idea stayed hidden just beyond the horizon of his mind and Jimmy’s thoughts moved back onto the familiar rails. Jarvis was dead and Henderson was only ever an accountant. Jimmy was sure that Henderson had never been convicted of anything, let alone done time. Prison would have broken him. And Henderson couldn’t have killed Jarvis, he didn’t have the nerve. That left Harry. If Harry was still up to no good and had killed Jarvis then he could probably set up a professional kill. Jimmy’s thoughts ran on. And Harry would like to see me dead, just for old-time’s sake. But this wasn’t down to old-time’s sake. It had to be Harry who wanted him dead. Who else was there? He turned his head and looked at Suarez who was sitting back in her chair with her eyes closed. Maybe she was right after all and he should get out of Spain, but he wouldn’t go to Rome. He’d go to England. Whatever it was, that was where it must have started so that’s where he’d go. Suarez said it first and Suarez was right, maybe the break would come in the UK, maybe they hadn’t been so careful there. But first he had to persuade Suarez’s chief he’d snapped a total stranger’s neck by accident. A nice clean job. Maybe too clean to be an accident. Had he just got carried away and forgotten for a second that he didn’t hurt people any more, not even people who broke in and tried to stick knives in him? Maybe it was like riding a bike, something you never really forgot. He looked again at Suarez with her eyes closed. No, it really had been an accident, it really had. The problem was, there were still times when he had trouble believing himself, that he was telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

  Chapter Sixteen

  ‘Why are you still here taking an interest? Why haven’t you gone back to Rome?’

  It was Saturday night and they were eating dinner in a little restaurant in one of the backstreets of the town not too far from the blocks of flats where Suarez lived. It was a place the locals used and it didn’t get tourists.

  Jimmy ate while he tried to think of an answer to her question. He didn’t want to say out loud that he was staying mainly because of her. So long as he didn’t say it out loud he could pretend it wasn’t really true, just a piece of make believe.

  The pause got too long, she was waiting for an answer.

  ‘Are you trying to get rid of me, get me out of your apartment? I’ll go to a hotel if you like.’

  ‘No, I don’t want you out, I just want to know why you’re hanging on. The day before yesterday my chief told you that officially it would go down as a break-in, a struggle, and an unfortunate accident. He also told you he wanted you gone, that if you stayed he might find evidence that changed his mind. And here you are looking like you’re thinking of becoming a long-term resident.’ She gave him the look. ‘It’s nothing to do with me, is it?’

  Jimmy nearly choked as he suddenly swallowed the food in his mouth. He reached out hurriedly for his wine and took a drink. When he put the glass down she was still giving him the look and waiting for an answer.

  ‘No, it’s nothing to do with you. Why would it be anything to do with you?’

  She sat back.

  ‘Well you certainly know how to pay a girl a compliment, Jimmy.’

  Jimmy felt at a loss. Everything he said came out wrong.

  ‘No, I didn’t mean it that way. All I meant was …’

  She leant forward, put her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her hands. Her blouse hung a bit further open. Jimmy could see the top of her black bra on either side of her cleavage. Was she doing it on purpose? She couldn’t be doing it on purpose. He was old enough … well never mind how old he was. She wasn’t doing it on purpose.

  ‘It may come as a surprise to you but there have been men who have found me attractive.’

  ‘I didn’t say you weren’t attractive.’ He took another drink of wine. He felt as if he was slipping out of his depth. He was no good at this sort of thing. ‘I didn’t mean …I think you’re very attractive. It’s just that …’

  ‘In fact one man thought me so attractive he asked me to marry him.’

  She sat back and her bra and cleavage retreated from view. Jimmy was sorry they had gone, he missed them both.

  ‘What was your answer?’

  He knew it sounded idiotic but it was all he could think of
, except her cleavage and bra and he couldn’t very well ask to have them put back on view.

  ‘I said yes.’

  That brought him down with a bump.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I married him.’

  There was a brief pause.

  ‘You’re married?’

  ‘I suppose so. I never bothered to get a divorce and he was a Catholic with a big C so no divorce court for Carlos. And even if he’d wanted one his mamá wouldn’t have permitted it.’

  ‘I didn’t realise you were married.’

  ‘As far as I’m concerned I’m not. I’m not a Catholic any more, not with a big C or a little c, not with any kind of c.’

  ‘What happened?’

  She sat forward again, pushed her empty plate to one side and put her elbows on the table. Jimmy looked, but somehow this time there was nothing to see. Maybe it was a knack she had. He carried on eating his fish.

  ‘I was eighteen, he was English, no, not exactly English. He had been born in England but his family were Spanish, they had a restaurant in London, Croydon. He was here on holiday, we met, fell in love and, bingo, he asked me to marry him and I said, yes. One of those whirlwind things.’

  ‘He swept you off your feet.’

  Her face split in a smile.

  ‘You wouldn’t say that if you knew Carlos. No, if any sweeping got done it was by me. I was eighteen and a virgin and my hormones were ticking like a bomb. He was good-looking, had a good business, and I would get to live in London. At eighteen it seemed enough.’ Jimmy didn’t bother to point out that living in Croydon wasn’t exactly living in London. ‘Also I thought I’d get to learn the restaurant business.’

  ‘So what went wrong?’

  ‘Babies and motherhood.’

  Jimmy stopped eating. Apart from a husband did she also have kids somewhere?

  ‘Do you have kids?’

  That brought a loud laugh and the laugh caught the attention of a waiter and a few others. Jimmy felt embarrassed, put his fork down and pushed his plate aside as the waiter came. The waiter spoke to Suarez who nodded. The waiter took the plates and left.

  ‘No, Jimmy, don’t look so worried. I didn’t abandon any babies. Carlos didn’t want me to learn the restaurant business or any other business, he just wanted me to have babies and I didn’t want babies.’

  ‘So where did motherhood come in?’

  ‘We lived above the restaurant. So did his mother and his father, also his unmarried sister and his uncle Franco, they all worked in the restaurant. The whole lot were under Mamá’s thumb. When she said jump they said, how high? The men were all cardboard cut-outs, take the restaurant out of their lives and they disappeared. But I liked his sister. She was older than Carlos but Mamá had already squelched two men who had been interested in her so she had resigned herself to being cheap labour for the rest of her life or at least until Mamá died, which looked like being never.’

  ‘So what did you do?’

  ‘I walked. I went to the till one day after we finished doing lunches. It had been very busy so I took all the cash that was there and walked. It was enough to get me back here. I looked around for work and finally became a cop. There you are, Jimmy, you’ve wormed my life story out of me on our first date. You must be a real charmer, mustn’t you?’

  All of a sudden Jimmy felt relaxed. He didn’t know why, maybe it was because she had told him about herself. She hadn’t needed to do that. Now, whatever he felt about her didn’t matter because all he had to do was tell her about himself and let it go wherever it would go.

  ‘So, what about James Costello? What’s your life story?’

  ‘I thought this was our second date? Or is it our third? I lose count.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Our first date was the afternoon we met, remember?’

  ‘So it was.’

  There was a silence. She was waiting.

  ‘That fish was good. I like fish.’

  Suarez sat back.

  Was she disappointed? Did she look disappointed? Jimmy wasn’t sure.

  ‘Yeah, Jimmy, the fish is good here.’

  ‘I like fish.’

  She was looking at him. But this time it wasn’t a nice look.

  ‘So, we go back to the beginning. Why are you still here?’

  That’s right thought Jimmy, let’s get back to the beginning, why am I still here?

  ‘Because I’ve still got a hole in me that isn’t healed. I’ll go as soon as it’s healed enough to travel. Tell that to your chief if he asks. And I can still go to a hotel if you want me to. I can walk OK now. The stitches don’t pull.’

  ‘You know, I think that might be the best idea. You don’t need me for anything and I see now that you’re more of a private person than I thought you were. You aren’t comfortable with anyone too close and it’s not a big apartment. Maybe a hotel would be better for us both.’

  She summoned the waiter who brought the bill. She looked at it, took a wallet out of her handbag and dropped some notes onto the tray he held. He thanked her and left.

  ‘You OK to go now? We’re all finished here aren’t we?’

  Are we, thought Jimmy, are we finished?

  ‘You don’t know me, and if you got to know me I don’t think you’d like me. It would be nice to think that you liked me. If you do, I’d like to keep it that way.’ He forced out the words he’d promised himself he’d never say. ‘ Because I like you.’

  Suddenly her face changed and she gave him the look again. Then it changed again, her face seemed to soften.

  ‘Like you like fish?’

  ‘Fish?’

  ‘You like fish. You just told me.’

  Now it was Jimmy’s turn to smile.

  ‘It was just something to say. I needed something to say.’

  ‘What did you want to say? And if you mention fish I will kill you, you’re not the only one who knows how to break a neck.’

  She was back leaning on the table with her chin on her hands and her bra and cleavage were there again but more so. It has to be a knack, thought Jimmy, but how does she do it? He leant forward and put his elbows on the table. The view was even better.

  ‘Listen, I’m not anybody to get involved with. All those things that your lot found out about me, they’re true, the bodies in Lübeck, everything, and there’s more, plenty more, and none of it’s good. And if that’s not enough let’s just say that I’m bad luck. One way or another I’ve hurt everyone I’ve ever cared about so now I don’t want to care about anyone any more, there’s just too much pain.’

  It wasn’t coming out right. The words were right but it wasn’t sounding how he wanted it to sound.

  ‘Jimmy.’ Her voice was soft. ‘Are you trying to get into my pants? Because if you are, I can tell you you’re doing some terrific job. Jimmy Costello, man of mystery. Jimmy Costello, dangerous to know. Jimmy Costello hurt by life, handle with care, be gentle, damaged goods.’

  He knew it hadn’t come out right.

  ‘Am I still going to a hotel?’

  The cleavage and bra disappeared again as she sat back.

  ‘No, even if I have to tie you to the bed with ropes and stick a towel in your mouth so you can’t call for help.’

  Jimmy laughed but only a small one.

  ‘Look,’ he forced himself again, ‘Seraphina.’ Thank God he’d remembered it. ‘I like you and I want you to like me, but can we leave it at that for now?’

  ‘We can but we don’t have to.’

  ‘Yes we do.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  Jimmy nodded.

  ‘Because if I remember how it works I think it would pull my stitches something shocking.’

  Suarez rocked back into her chair laughing. Heads at other tables turned and looked but this time Jimmy didn’t care. He’d made her laugh.

  Suarez came back to the table still smiling.

  ‘Well, I don’t want you to suffer on my account, although I’m pretty sure we could
manage without you having to go through any pain barrier.’ They sat for a moment then Suarez spoke again, this time there was no smile nor even any look. ‘Why don’t we go back and open another bottle of wine and then, do you know what I’d really like?’ Jimmy shook his head. ‘I’d like you to tell me about your family, your wife and children. Nothing else. Would you do that, just tell me about them? Leave anything else for another time.’

  ‘Yeah, I’d like to tell you about Bernie and the kids. I haven’t talked about them, not properly talked about them, for a long time. Bernie would have liked you.’

  ‘Would I have liked her?’

  ‘Yes, I think so.’

  ‘Good, that’s good, Jimmy. Now let’s go and open that bottle.’

  They got up and left the restaurant. As they walked through the streets a thought came to him. He felt better because now he knew what it was he wanted. He wanted a journalist.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jimmy sat at the back of the church. His shirt and slacks were damp and his hair wet. There had been a sudden, heavy shower about five minutes after he had left Suarez’s apartment and he’d come out without a jacket because the morning was already warm. He hadn’t seen the threatening black cloud because it had cunningly hidden itself behind the other apartment blocks. Anyway, his mind had been elsewhere. The shower stopped before he reached the church, the sun had come out and he’d dried off a bit but inside the church it was cool and he felt cold and uncomfortable. Other people coming into church for the Mass glanced at him and he felt a bit foolish to have let himself get caught in the rain in just a short-sleeved shirt, but he’d left the apartment quietly and in a hurry because he wanted to get to Sunday Mass, it was important.

  They had passed the church on the way back to the apartment the previous evening and he’d remembered that tomorrow was Sunday. Suarez had read the times of Masses off the notice board for him. Eight was the first and he’d woken early enough to slip out of the apartment and get to the church with plenty of time to spare. He’d lit some candles, one for Bernie, one for Michael, one for Eileen and the kids, then sat down in one of the back benches and thought about him and Suarez.